Blended Families

• The Smart Stepdad: Are You Ready to Remarry? - Ron Deal

  FamilyLife Today® Radio TranscriptReferences to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Are You Ready to Remarry? Guest:                         Ron DealFrom the series:         The Smart Stepdad (day 1 of 3) Bob:  Ron Deal says he has talked with a lot of people who have been through a difficult first marriage that came to an end, and have been in too big a hurry to find someone else and marry again. Ron:  “You know, we met on eHarmony, and we‟ve met face-to-face once.  We live on opposite sides of the universe, but that‟s not going to be a problem for us.  We‟re in love!  eHarmony says we‟re a match.” Wait a minute, wait a minute.  Slow down.  That hurried, desperate need to be together with somebody is telling you something about yourself.  You need to come to terms with that, and get objective about it so that it‟s not driving you into a decision that wouldn‟t be a wise one. Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for W ednesday, June 1st.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I‟m Bob Lepine.  Marrying a second time, becoming a stepdad, is a huge challenge.  Today, Ron Deal helps you think through whether you‟re up to the challenge, or whether you need to press pause for a little bit. And welcome to FamilyLife Today.  Thanks for joining us. I‟m wondering why Ron Deal put Doc Martins on the front of his book?  A pair of loafers, but I think they‟re Doc Martins.  Isn‟t that yellow stitching around the top characteristic of the Doc Martins? Dennis:  Ron? Ron:  I don‟t have a clue! (laughter) Dennis:  You‟ve got to be careful around Bob.  I‟m telling you, he‟s tough on you. Bob:  Did you pick the shoes for the cover of the book? Ron:  I did not pick the shoes.  I influenced.  I know which ones I did not p ick.Dennis:  Every author knows about that!  All the covers you reject. Bob:  Is the idea here that if you‟re going to be a smart stepdad, you‟ve got some bigshoes to step into?  Is that the idea here? Ron:  That, yes.  And, in a way, you‟re also stepping into someone else‟s shoes, but that person‟s already in their shoes.  It gets a little confusing. Dennis:  You challenge a step-dad with “Steps to Help You Succeed.”  You really havea heart for stepdads. By the way, welcome to the broadcast. Ron:  Thank you.  It‟s great to be back. Dennis:  Sorry we critiqued your cover right off the start. Ron:  That‟s alright. Bob:  It wasn‟t a critique.  I was just curious. Dennis:  You were critiquing it, Bob. Bob:  The shoes do look a little scuffed up, too, I think. Dennis:  Ron Deal is the founder of Successful Stepparents.  He is an author and a speaker.  He and his wife Nan and their sons live in Amarillo, Texas.  He has written the book The Smart Stepdad.  I didn‟t realize this, Bob, but 16.5 million men are stepdads today. Bob:  That‟s a big chunk of the population. Dennis:  Sixteen percent of all men will bear this title. So you‟re talking to millions of men who step into these shoes.  They‟re going to find this much more difficult to do this thing of being a stepfather than they ever imagined. Ron:  Many of them have the biggest hearts in the world.  They come in and they want to be the hero, you know?  They want to do a good job.  God bless them for having the heart for that. Sometimes what they experience when they get there is like the first day on a new job, and people didn‟t know you were showing up.  They really would rather have the other guy there instead of you.  His name is still on the door, and you‟re moving into his office. You‟re really unclear what performing well on the job would look like.How do I hit the bull‟s-eye in my new job?  It‟s really unclear.  Some people are telling you it looks like this, and other people are telling you it looks like this, and you‟re thinking, “W ho‟s on my team and who‟s not on my team?”  All of that confusion hits stepdads pretty quickly. Bob:  And you add to that, maybe in your last job things didn‟t go so well and there were challenges, and there‟s still some anger and bitterness from the previous place you used to work, that left you feeling a little insecure about your role in the first place. Now, here you are stepping into the new assignment.  You‟ve got to acknowledge when you step into a role as either a stepmom or a stepdad that ther e‟s some stuff in this pot of stew that you‟ve been cooking up here that is going to have be dealt with. Ron:  Yes, and an application of what you just said about the former job:  many stepdads are biological dads.  They have their own children and they m ay live with them or they may not.  They may be with them on a part-time basis. So, really, you kind of have two jobs.  One of those jobs is very clear.  It‟s very clear what it is to be the dad.  But it‟s just not so clear what it is to be the stepdad.  That‟s what we want to do with this book is offer them direction. Dennis:  As human beings, we tend to be idealistic.  W e enter into this new relationship– there‟s a honeymoon.  Maybe we did go through something where we experienced divorce in the past and we‟ve got that set of bags that we bring into the marriage relationship like we‟re talking about here, but don‟t you find that as couples formblended families, that they have some unreal expectations about how it‟s going to work? Ron:  Absolutely!  Absolutely.  The expectations are built on the fantasy.  Really, we need the fantasy.  W e need the dream.  There are a lot of risks in life that we wouldn‟t take if we didn‟t have a dream wrapped around it.  I think that‟s often true about remarriage, about becoming a stepparent. The dream isn‟t necessarily bad or wrong.  I want stepdads and stepparents to holdonto that dream.  But, at the same time, it needs to be tempered with reality; it needs to be tempered with truth about ...

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• Your Stepfamily, Standing Strong (Part 1) - Ron Deal

  FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. The Myth of the Ideal Stepfamily Guest:                         Ron Deal                   From the series:       Your Stepfamily:  Standing Strong Bob:   Regardless of the circumstances, you may find yourself in a Brady Bunch of your own today, one that looks different than the TV family looked.  Here is Ron Deal. Ron:   "Blended family" is the most popular term, but the point we like to make about that is that most stepfamilies don't blend.  If they do, somebody usually gets creamed in the process.  It's really a misnomer to use the term "blended family".  To me, it doesn't matter so much what families call themselves.  What they need to do is recognize that they have a different kind of family.  Learning how it operates, and how it works, and how they can make their family successful—that's what's really important.Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, April 23rd.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.   If your special family is facing some special challenges, we’ve got some help for you today. Stay tuned. And welcome to FamilyLife Today.  Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition.  A few years ago, I took my three boys—Mary Ann and I—took the boys.  We went to LEGOLAND®.  Now, you haven't been to LEGOLAND—Dennis:  No, but I remember when you went.  You were really impressed.Bob:  We were excited to go to LEGOLAND because our boys really are into—they love Legos®.  Well, the most exciting ride at LEGOLAND, which, by the way, when we were there, it was all geared for kids 12 and under.  Dennis:  People are wondering where LEGOLAND is, Bob.Bob:  Oh, LEGOLAND is in—it’s just north of San Diego.  It's geared for kids who are 12 and under.  There aren't a whole lot of scary thrill rides.  There is one rollercoaster, and it's moderately exciting as rollercoasters go.  My son, John, wasn't sure he wanted to ride on the rollercoaster.  We coaxed him and said, "Come on!  You'll have fun.  You'll like it.  It's not that scary."  We all got on the rollercoaster.  We got all done; and Jimmy, who is a little older than John, said, "That was cool!  Let's do it again."  John said, "I am not doing that again."  He didn't ride the rollercoaster the rest of the day.Now, I tell that story because, for a lot of couples, Dennis, who have gone on a marriage rollercoaster and have wound up apart—there's been a divorce—they look at the marital rollercoaster a second time; and they go, "That's scary.  Can we really make this thing work better the second time than we did the first time?"  A lot of them aren't sure they want to head on that ride again.  Then, those who get on it wonder, "How are we going to fix the problems when they come up this time?"Dennis:  That's right.  Not everybody, Bob, who ends up on that stepfamily rollercoaster ends up there because of divorce.  Some end up there because of the death of a spouse.  They now find themselves strapped into a seat with all the turns, and ups, and downs, and they're wondering, "How do you build a successful stepfamily?"  I want you to know, as a listener, we listen to you, too.  We listen to you on the internet, when you go to FamilyLife.com, and you tell us what you'd like to hear us talk about, here on the broadcast.  We also listen to you when you call into our 800 number.  We take notes.  One of the areas you've been asking us to do some work in is in the area of stepfamilies.I want you to know that we have searched across the country; and in our own backyard in Jonesboro, Arkansas—which, yes, it is in the United States—but in Jonesboro, Arkansas, we uncovered a great resource that we want to share with you over the next few days, here on the broadcast.  His name is Ron Deal.  Ron, I want to welcome you to LEGOLAND and the rollercoaster ride of stepfamilies.  Welcome to FamilyLife Today.Ron:  Thank you.  It is a great honor to be here.Dennis:  He is on the Advisory Council of the Stepfamily Association of America, and he does seminars all across the country called "Building a Successful Stepfamily".  I've got to tell this story on Ron, as I introduce him.  I am in the Dallas-Fort Worth airport.  Ron comes up to me, and introduces himself, and gives me his card.  I ask him to send me some of his stuff because he told me he was working in the area of blended families or stepfamilies.  I said, "Man!  There is a tremendous need there.  Send it on."  He sent it.  We've been in dialog, over the past few years, talking about this material and how we can bring it to our listeners.  I'm excited to feature Ron this week and talk about how we can equip stepfamilies, not only in helping them make their marriage go the distance, but also be successful as parents.Now, when we come to the subject of stepfamilies, Ron, I think maybe the majority of us, who are married, underestimate the number of people who presently are in stepfamily relationships.  How prevalent is it?Ron:  The numbers are really pretty staggering, especially to people that are unfamiliar with how many stepfamilies are out there.  Currently, every day in America, there are 1,300 new stepfamilies.  By the way, these statistics that I'm about to give you are anywhere from five to ten years old.  We don't have any real recent statistics.  So, we've got to keep that in mind.  In other words, there are probably more than even what we're saying now.  One out of three Americans right now, in the United States, is either a stepparent, a stepchild, a step-sibling, or somehow related to a stepfamily—one out of three.  With the life projections as they seem to be, it looks like one out of two of us will have a step-relationship at some point in our lifetime.Dennis:  You know, we've done a good bit of research at our FamilyLife Marriage Conferences.  Bob, you know, you speak at the conferences.  Up to 30 percent of those who attend our conferences are in stepfamilies.  I think we assume that stepfamilies have the same life expectancy as a regular family.  That's not so; is it, Ron?Ron:  No, it's not.  In fact, the divorce rate for remarriage is 60 percent.  There are some numbers that indicate that it's more than that.  By the way, I need to kind of qualify that statistic.  We don't have a statistic that tells us what the divorce rate is for stepfamily couples.  We only have a rate for remarriage.  Now, some remarriages don't involve children.  Obviously, the bulk of remarriages do involve children and qual...

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• Your Stepfamily, Standing Strong (Part 2) - Ron Deal

  FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Finding Realistic ExpectationsGuest:                         Ron DealFrom the series:       Your Stepfamily:  Standing Strong (Day 2 of 5)  Bob:  One of the big issues for children in a stepfamily is trying to figure out where their loyalties lie.  Here’s Ron Deal.Ron:   The child, after remarriage, now says, "Okay, wait a minute. This guy, I guess, is now my dad; or he's my stepdad or something."  They almost feel some obligation to have a relationship with him; but, at the same time—in the back of his mind—his biological dad is in another home, saying, "Now, don't enjoy him too much." This 11-year-old is getting the idea that, “I can't be loyal to my stepdad because it would be disloyal to my biological dad.”Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, April 24th.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  There are a lot of tangled relationships that happen when families get blended.  It can be tough to try to untangle some of those.  We’ll talk more about that today.  Stay tuned.And welcome to FamilyLife Today.  Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.  We're going to do a little cooking today on the broadcast.  We've got a recipe we're going to bring out and just see what we can whip up, here in Mr. Rainey's kitchen.  (Laughter)  How's that?  Mr. Rainey's kitchen!Dennis:  We're going to talk about stepfamilies.Bob:  You're going to give that guy—what's his name on the Food Network™?—give him a run for his money.Dennis:  I have some recipes, Bob.  You underestimate me.Bob:  No, I have tasted your cooking.  It's very good.Dennis:  I like to cook.  Unfortunately, I like to eat, too.Bob:   That's right. (Laughter)Dennis:  We're not going to talk about cooking on the broadcast—except, in just a moment, we are going to give you a recipe for how to cook a stepfamily; alright?  We have with us the master chef, Ron Deal.  Ron, welcome to FamilyLife Today.Ron:   Thank you.  It's great to be back.Dennis:  Ron does seminars, all across the country, called "Building a Successful Stepfamily".  You've, I guess, talked to thousands of folks in churches, and small groups, and retreats, all across the country, over the past ten years?Ron:   Yes.Dennis:  Ron and his wife live in Jonesboro, Arkansas, with their three sons.  He's a minister.  He's a counselor—I think, has got a lot to say that's very, very helpful.  He has a recipe.  It's “How to Cook a Stepfamily”.  Now, did you come up with this recipe yourself, Ron?Ron:   Actually, I did.  You know, I was thinking, one day, about the blended family and that metaphor.  We said on yesterday’s program that most stepfamilies don't blend, and somebody usually gets creamed if they do.  I started thinking, “Well, if they don't blend, how do you cook a stepfamily?”  I mean, the notion of a blender is—you put a bunch of ingredients in something and, all of a sudden, they become one fluid mixture.  That's just not quite what stepfamilies end up to become.  So, “How do you do this?”  Well, I thought about the food processor.  That just chops somebody up, and somebody gets chopped up in the process.  For example, a parent who says to their child, "Okay, you need to call your stepfather, 'Daddy'.  We're not calling him 'Frank'.  We're not calling him 'Stepdad'.   You need to call him, 'Daddy.'"  In effect, Mom has just chopped up real dad.  He lives somewhere else, but he no longer exists.  We've chopped him up; now, “This is now your new real dad.”  That kind of pressure—that kind of message—really backfires within stepfamilies.  It doesn't work.  Food processor doesn't help.I began to think some about the microwave. These are families who want to be a nuke-lear family.  (Laughter)Dennis:  Did you catch that, Bob?Ron:  It took you a minute; didn't it?Dennis:  Oh, no, I read it first.  I'd already caught it!Bob:  Yes.Ron:   They're working really hard to not be any different than anybody else.  They refused—I had a guy call in to a radio program I was on one time and argue with me.  "We're not a stepfamily.  We're not a stepfamily.  We're just like everybody else."  Well, it's not a bad thing to be a stepfamily.  It's just a different kind of family; but, yes, you are one.  As long as you refuse to acknowledge that, you're not going to be able to find any creative solutions.Dennis:  I would think this would be more prevalent because of the fast-paced culture we live in and people going, “You know, we've made a new family.  We've got to make this happen quickly."Ron:  Yes, and microwave it.  “Let's just make it happen instantly.”Dennis:  Yes, push the button.Ron:   It doesn't work.  That's the same thing with a pressure cooker.  You know, “We're just going to add a lot of pressure.  We're going to force each other to love one another. If the kids don't do it, we're going to be really upset with them because they've been unwilling to do that.”  All of those things backfire.The one other approach that really doesn't work is called the tossed salad.  That's where we just kind of throw one another up in the air.  I think about the family—for example—that when one of their children, who has part-time residence in another home; but then, there are some children that remain in the home over the weekend.  “While you're gone, your possessions are ours.”You know, let's stop and think about that for a minute.  If my possessions, when I'm at dad's house—all of a sudden—anybody can play with my stuff, and mess up my room, and get into my drawers, or play with my toys—then, I don't have a place, really, in that home.  The tossed salad is, “We'll just toss you up in the air.  Wherever you come down, you're supposed to be okay with that.”It's really disrespectful for parents to do that.  You need to set up a rule that says, "Can we use your stuff?  Can Johnny ride your bike while you're over at your dad's house?"  "Oh, sure, that's fine."  Okay, well, now we've at least been respectful to this child and given him a place, even when he's not there.So how do you cook a stepfamily if all of those don't wo...

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• Your Stepfamily, Standing Strong (Part 3) - Ron Deal

  FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Co-Parenting:  Visitation Guest:                         Ron Deal                   From the series:       Your Stepfamily: Standing Strong  Bob:  One of the unique dynamics facing a stepfamily today is the ongoing conflict that can exist between former spouses and the impact that conflict can have on children.  Here is Ron Deal. Ron:   I think parents really underestimate the ability of their children to handle the truth; but we do need to be respectful as we present that truth.  The fine line is, “Will you turn to criticism when it becomes a personal attack?”  That’s when it really begins to weigh heavy on the kids.  You know, when I attack your father, living in another home—parents need to understand that kid carries that pain because, “I’m half of Dad.” Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, April 26th.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  What can a husband and wife do to help children in a stepfamily navigate turbulent emotional waters?   Stay tuned. And welcome to FamilyLife Today.  Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.  I have never forgotten a friend of mine.  I will call her "Beth".   She had been married, had a son—the marriage had not lasted.  She had been a single parent for a number of years.  Then, she met a guy.  This guy was—well, he was wonderful.  I was a little suspicious, frankly, of just how wonderful he was.  I thought, "She's been pretty lonely for a long time."  Not only that, but she wanted to have another baby; and she wasn't getting younger. Well, the two of them got married.  I'll never forget—it didn't take long for her to arrive at work one day, and Beth said to me—she didn't look good.  I said, "Are you okay?"  She said, "Well, we had a pretty serious disagreement this morning."  I said, "What was it about?"   She went on to explain that her new husband had tried to tell her son a few things that he needed to do and had started shouting at him.  She said, "I got in the middle, between the two of them.  I said, ‘You're not going to talk to my son this way.’"  The whole thing just kind of crumbled into everybody going in their own direction, and nobody feeling good about the situation.  I thought, "This couple needs someone who can sit down with them and say, 'You have got to start learning some new skills if you're going to make this thing work.'" Dennis:  At our FamilyLife marriage conference, we focus in on giving people biblical skills in knowing how to build a marriage and a family.  One of the fastest-growing segments that are attending our FamilyLife marriage conference are those who are stepfamilies—those who find themselves in remarriage situations.  I'll tell you—they're eager, Bob, for those skill sets because they've been in the real-life settings where they're afraid that they may again experience the heartache of divorce.  Not all, but many who are in stepfamilies, come about it through that route—some through the death of a spouse. All this week—we've uncovered a resource that we wanted to bring to our listeners.  We’re really thrilled to do so because of the specialized needs of stepfamilies.  Today, we want to focus on the subject that you brought up, Bob—the subject of step-parenting and how that works its way out in this new family formation.   Ron Deal joins us for a fourth day.  Ron, it's been a treat to have you on the broadcast this week and glad to have you on FamilyLife Today. Ron:  Thank you. Dennis:  Ron is a minister, a counselor, and a speaker on the subject of stepfamilies, all across the country—has a seminar that he does.  Ron, one of the areas that you find the most relevant, as you teach on this subject, is this one right here.  In fact, you break down parenting into three areas:  parenting, step-parenting, and co-parenting.  Now, you've got to help me, what's a co-parent? Ron:  It's complicated; isn't it? Dennis:  It is.  Ron:  Co-parents are ex-spouses or the biological parents of the children.  In other words, if there has been a divorce situation, the children are moving back and forth between two homes.  You are no longer married to your former spouse.  If you were never married, you're not in that situation with them; but you do have an ongoing parenting relationship with them.   The way we like to say it is there's no such thing as ex-parents.  There are only ex-spouses.  So, you're forever tied through the children.  You have to work together; otherwise, the children can divide and conquer as they move back and forth between homes—just like they could within your home. Bob:  Yes, and I don't know in what order we want to go through parenting—step-parenting or co-parenting—but as you've addressed the co-parenting issue right here—we get letters all the time, Dennis, from people who say, "Here is my situation.  I've come to Christ.  We're trying to raise our children in a godly, Christian environment.  We've got rules and things that our kids can't do; and then, they go visit Mom or Dad on the weekend." Dennis:  “He's living with a girlfriend”— Bob:  “They're watching R-rated movies”—  Dennis:  —“drinking, doing drugs”— Bob:  —“language”— Ron:  It's one of the most frustrating issues that I find, whether we're talking about people that are still in single-parent years or whether they're in stepfamilies.  The other household has a tremendous influence on the kids; and they ask the question, "What can we do about it?"   Here is my answer—first, and foremost, please accept and acknowledge that you do not control what goes on in that other home.  The reason I say that is because, under the guise of being concerned, there's a lot of ex-spouses that are still trying to control their ex-.  They're still trying to tell them what to do, and they've been divorced for years.  You've got to understand that divorce means you lose your right to influence the other person.  That's one of the unfortunate results of divorce. Dennis:  Yes; but I can hear a single-parent mom or a woman who is in a stepfamily, right now, going, "But you do not know what my son is walking off into with his stepdad.  You're not telling me to just let him go off into that situation.  God's given me responsibility to protect him from evil." Ron:  Well, ...

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• What Every Man Wishes His Father Had Told Him (Part 1) - Byron Yawn

  FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Finally, A Father Guest:                         Byron Yawn              From the series:       What Every Man Wishes His Father Had Told Him   Bob:  Every father leaves an indelible mark, an impression on the heart of his son, for good or for evil.  Here’s pastor and author Byron Yawn. Byron:  Whenever I ask some man “What was your relationship with your father like?” there’s always this moment where they’re trying to figure out how to say it without being critical or dishonoring their father.  I think there are some men who have suffered greatly at the hands of their fathers, so I don’t invalidate the concept that we’ve all made a victim of someone in our life.  We are wretched and sinful people, but the cross doesn’t allow us to remain victims.  The cross allows us to overcome. Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, May 29th.  Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  Byron Yawn joins us today to talk about some of the things that all of us wish we had heard from our fathers when we were growing up. And welcome to FamilyLife Today.  Thanks for joining us.   I was going to start today by asking you a question, and then I thought, “No, it’s probably not a good question to ask.” Dennis:  What was the question? Bob:  I was going to ask you, on a scale of 1 to 10, what kind of a score would you give your dad?  How did he do? – 10 being he was great, 1 he was lousy.  Then I thought, “It’s not a good question” because then you’d ask me, “Well, what score would you give your dad?” and I would go through that process of trying to evaluate the score.  Then I thought, “Do we really want people starting to score their parents?”  That’s probably not -- Dennis:  There’s a lot of that occurring today. Bob:  There is, and I – Dennis:  It’s on the low end of the scale, too. Bob:  And I don’t think it’s healthy for us to go there and dwell there, and muse about it and gripe about it. Dennis:  No, I don’t think it is.  I think what’s most important, and you’re already hinting at it – we need to be talking about what is a man, what is a dad, what does he do, and how does he function under the lordship of Jesus Christ in his life.  We have a guest with us here on FamilyLife Today, Byron Yawn, who has written a brand-new book called What Every Man Wishes His Father Had Told Him.  Byron, welcome to FamilyLife Today. Byron:  Thank you, Dennis.  It’s a privilege to be here. Dennis:  Byron is a writer, a speaker; he and his wife, Robin, live near my son in Nashville, Tennessee, and they live there along with their three children, and have years of ministry.  I’m just curious, why would you tackle this subject?  You have three children.  Has the learning curve for you been a steep one as a dad? Byron:  I think like every dad it has been steep.  The reason I tackled it on a personal level is that I was just compelled.  I’ve had many good examples in my life, and many bad examples in my life.  The truth is, I just love my sons desperately, and the world is a grinder and as a pastor I encounter a lot of failure on the male level, as husbands and young men. Dennis:  You see a lot of men who don’t know how to be a dad? Byron:  I do, and I see the consequence of it in young men’s lives.  So I didn’t want to be the cause of two more statistics, and I just sat down and started writing essays to my sons of things that I wanted to say to them.  So on the personal level it’s a father’s heart to his children.  Now I don’t know that I tackled it as much as it tackled me. Bob:  You said you’ve seen good and bad examples.  You had two very clear good and bad examples, because your dad, the man who gave you life, didn’t stick around very long. Byron:  He did not, and in no way was an example for me, nor had he had any major influence in my life.  As I look back on it now, as I’m 40, God spared me, but because of my adoptive father, Dr. Yawn, which is where I got the worst name any preacher could want – Dennis:  Let’s spell it, so our listeners know.  They may have missed it.  It’s Y-A-W-N. Byron:  Thanks for being explicit. (Laughter) Byron:  He so exemplified what it meant to be a servant, and he embodied the unconditional love of God as it is seen in the Gospel for me.  I was young enough that I didn’t have a real memory of my biological father, and I was young enough that I was forming my memories of who my father was based on the man that was in front of me.  Honestly, until the age of about 10, I didn’t really realize he wasn’t my own biological father, which I think is a testimony to his love. Dennis:  You know, your story is providing hope for some listeners right now, who are in a second marriage, a blended family, and they’re wondering “Can redemption occur in the midst of a broken family” -- that took what was an ideal, something they had hoped for that would go the distance, and whether it was desertion, divorce, or a child out of wedlock or whatever it way, it’s now a blended family.   Your stepfather – his first name was Victor, right? -- stepped into your life and provided a model and an influence and an impact that only God could use to imprint your life.  You had a conversation with him outside a courtroom that really impacted your life. Byron:  That’s right.  I was around five years old, and we were in a courtroom.  It was in Mississippi, and it was a hot summer day.  I was out in the little foyer of the courtroom on a bench that looked like a pew.  I can remember it like it was yesterday.  He knelt down in front of me and he said, “Would you like to be my son?” to which I said, “I didn’t know I wasn’t, but of course.”   And I think whether biological or adoptive, a lot of fathers fail to make that connection clear.  So it was an enormous blessing.  I mean I got it; it clicked, and I always valued that relationship as a result of it. Bob:  He went from that question into the courthouse and formalized the adoption. Byron:  That was it.  I mean, that was the moment, and there are so many doctrines that ...

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