The bad news is youāre always going to care what people think. The good news isĀ it doesnāt have to control your life. In this episode, I walk through 9 ways to rethink your relationship with external validation. If you want to be done letting other peopleās opinions steer your every move, this oneās for you.EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro05:28 1. Caring what people think is natural07:14 2. You canāt control how you feel, but you can control what you doĀ 16:07 3. You should care what some people thinkĀ 18:16 4. Not caring what people think ā not caring about people19:45 5. Chasing approval always backfires eventually26:21 6. You donāt know what people think30:29 7. Other people are not thinking about you as much as it feels like they are35:32 8. You care more about other peopleās opinions when you donāt have your own37:28 9. Itās okay to want to be with people who make you feel good39:27 Lightning round recap42:29 ChallengeEPISODE LINKSā¢ The Four Agreements by Don Miguel RuizĀ ā¢ Manās Search for Meaning by Viktor FranklĀ ā¢ The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Kogaā¢ The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoirā¢ The Art of Living by EpictetusĀ ā¢ Spotlight Effect StudyĀ ā¢ Social Rejection Triggers Physical Pain Brain CentersĀ ā¢ Surgeon General's Report on the Health Impact of LonelinessĀ MY LINKSā¢ ā MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere nowā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā¢ ā Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshopā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā¢ ā Join the waitlist for future retreats!Ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā¢ ā ā ā ā ā Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagramā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā¢ ā ā Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTokā ā ā ā ā ā Ā
-------- Ā
44:47
How to Find Your True Self According to Philosophy
Is the self something we findāor something we create? Weāre constantly told to ābe ourselves,ā but the world teaches us fast that we also need to be likable, marketable, and hot. No wonder weāre all confused. In this episode, we dive into how different philosophersāfrom Socrates to Simone de Beauvoir to Carl Jungāunderstood the search for the true self and how their insights can help us stop performing and start living more honestly. If youāve ever felt like youāre performing your personality instead of living it, this oneās for you.EPISODE OUTLINEĀ 00:00 Intro05:49 Sigmund Freud09:08 Attachment theory (Bowlby & Ainsworth)10:55 Carl Jungās theory on masks and shadows12:15 The chill girl mask (Gone Girl)13:34 Shapeshifter (MAKE BELIEVE)Ā 14:38 The masks vs. the Self15:04 Rousseauās natural vs. social man17:15 Using logic to hide from passionĀ 17:55 For the ones who left (MAKE BELIEVE)19:37 Freud, Jung & Rousseau reflection questionsĀ 21:48 Sartre: owning your agency as authenticity23:08 Sartreās concept of bad faithĀ 24:12 Simone de Beauvoir on social classĀ 26:41 The upper limit theory (Gay Hendricks)27:25 But also, the playing field isnāt level27:48 Sartre & de Beauvoir reflection questions29:27 Heidegger: inauthenticity due to death denialĀ 31:33 Authenticity vs. ethics and compassion33:23 Authenticity vs. self-protectionĀ 34:01 Kantās categorical imperative34:48 Socrates: dying on the hill of authenticity35:26 Socrates and Kant reflection questions36:46 Nietzsche on creation of the true selfĀ 37:17 Does everyone have a calling?38:19 Jealousy as a clue to your passions38:33 The ālove it for you, want it for meā folder39:53 Nothing grows if you donāt water it40:18 Nietzsche reflection questions Ā 41:50 Lightning round recapĀ EPISODE LINKSā¢ Carl Jung, The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious (1959) and Modern Man in Search of a Soul (1933)ā¢ Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness (1943)ā¢ Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949)ā¢ Authenticity episode of In Our Time: Philosophy MY LINKSā¢ ā MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere nowā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā¢ ā Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshopā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā¢ ā ā ā ā ā Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagramā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā¢ ā ā Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTokā ā ā ā ā ā Ā Ā
-------- Ā
49:06
A 3-Step Roadmap Out of Your Rut
In a flop era that feels like it will never end? I know that feeling. If youāre in a rutāwhether itās burnout, a creative freeze, or a āwhat nowā spiral after a big life changeāI made this episode for you. I share about my own recent rut, what helped me get through it, and a practical 3-step roadmap grounded in neuroscience, psychology, and philosophy. This oneās part pep talk, part game plan, part love letter to anyone feeling stuck.Ā EPISODE OUTLINEĀ 00:00 IntroĀ 02:00 My āwhat now?ā rut06:46 Roadmap out of your rutĀ 08:06 1. Get your story straight08:29 You havenāt ruined your lifeĀ 09:48 My bar exam story15:48 You are not alone16:26 Lifequakes17:55 You are not lazyĀ 18:54 Are you burnt out?20:44 The classic existential crash outĀ 22:14 Are you in functional freeze?23:42 Perfectionism-procrastination-paralysis cycle26:31 2. Make a planĀ 26:47 Friction audit (Adam Alter)30:01 Smallest possible actionsĀ 32:47 Lower the bar or you wonāt reach for it33:43 The photography class experimentĀ 38:13 3. Have grace for yourselfĀ 38:21 How dare you say youāre not trying?39:20 What you have to give right now is enough39:53 Lightning round recapĀ Ā MY LINKSā¢ ā MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere nowā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā¢ ā Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshopā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā¢ ā ā ā ā ā Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagramā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā¢ ā ā Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTokā ā ā ā ā ā Ā Ā
-------- Ā
44:14
The Psychological Formula for Attraction ft. Jemma Sbeg
What actually makes us feel drawn to someoneāand what makes us cling to situationships long after we can see the glaring red flags of emotional unavailability?In today's episode, Iām joined by my first-ever guest (!!) and one of my favorite podcasters of all time, Jemma Sbegāhost of the wildly popular Psychology of Your 20s podcast and the author of Person in Progress. If youāve ever screamed-cried in your car after someone you werenāt even officially dating ghosted you, this oneās for you.A few things we dive into:A research-backed formula for attraction (and how to use it without playing games)The role of the āsparkā in attractionThe psychology behind common dating pitfalls in your 20sThe stigma of being singleThe commitment-readiness scale (and why it can land you in situationship after situationship)Jemma also shares insights from PERSON IN PROGRESSāa roadmap for surviving the chaotic, confusing, deeply transitional decade that is your twentiesāand offers advice to her younger self that made me tear up a little. Whether youāre trying to understand your patterns, make sense of someone else's, or just feel a little less alone in the dating trenches, this one will stick with you. EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro02:51 The formula for attraction04:21 1. Proximity07:10 2. Similarity11:43 3. Familiarity14:03 The 3 month rule16:55 The curse of comfort19:31 The sunk cost fallacy21:06 The fear of starting over22:37 4. Reciprocity23:13 The harm of playing games26:36 5. A spark27:19 The psychology of common relationship pitfalls27:31 1. Repetition compulsion31:04 2. The stigma of being single36:45 3. Situationships38:23 The commitment-readiness scale40:21 Permission slip to grieve your situationship <342:09 Lightning round recap43:26 Last question: what would you tell past you? PERSON IN PROGRESSIf you liked this episode, you will love PERSON IN PROGRESS. Out now and available everywhere you buy books. Get your copy today!PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEGPERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEGPERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEGMY LINKSā¢ ā MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere nowā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā¢ ā Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshopā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā¢ ā ā ā ā ā Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagramā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā¢ ā ā Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTokā ā ā ā ā ā Ā Ā PS - This is the study I mentioned that found that single women are one of the happiest demographics on Earth. And an article about it here!
-------- Ā
48:43
10 Paradoxes That Will Alter Your Brain Chemistry
What if the things you believe about life, love, success, and happiness are backwards? In todayās episode, weāre diving into 10 paradoxes: the little plot twists, contradictions, and life surprises I wish someone had warned me about. Learning these the hard way cost me a lot of time and heartbreak, and my hope is that sharing them now saves you some of yours. Hit play for a big, juicy reality check. EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro01:23 1. The likability paradox 03:12 2. The paradox of choice06:09 3. The paradox of knowledge 06:52 The Dunning-Kruger Effect08:22 4. The paradox of failure 09:12 Not choosing is a choice (Jean-Paul Sartre)10:33 5. The paradox of tolerance (Karl Popper) 11:03 James Baldwin on agreeing to disagree 12:20 6. The paradox of moving on 12:46 Ironic process theory 14:19 7. The paradox of pleasure15:37 Aristotle's virtue-based happiness16:08 Viktor Frankl on happiness 17:07 The dopamine trap 18:03 8. The paradox of freedom18:33 Self-determination theory 20:02 The dizziness of freedom (Kierkegaard)20:52 9. The paradox of shadow sides (Carl Jung) 22:54 10. The paradox of the comfort zone 24:46 Lightning round recap MY LINKSā¢ ā MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere nowā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā¢ ā Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshopā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā¢ ā ā ā ā ā Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagramā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā¢ ā ā Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTokā ā ā ā ā ā Ā
A self-development podcast with philosophical, psychological and literary flair hosted by Victoria Hutchins, the creator of @thedailyvictorian. Giving your soul something to chew on every Sunday.
New Zealand