Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

• Ep 337: Coaching Youth Sports with Character

  Mike Matheny, author of The Dad Coach, reveals how parents and coaches can teach character through youth sports, handle competitive pressures, and create a positive athletic environment.Full Show NotesYouth sports can be a minefield for parents and kids alike. With intense competition and mounting pressure to excel, it's easy to lose sight of what truly matters—the development of character traits that will set our teens up for lifelong success. So how do parents, coaches, and mentors ensure their teen athletes reap the full benefits of sports without becoming overwhelmed?This week, Mike Matheny joins us to share clear, impactful wisdom on harnessing youth sports as a tool for shaping teens into better people. Mike is a former MLB catcher, a four-time MLB gold glove winner, and has managed both the St. Louis Cardinals and Kansas City Royals. Mike is also a New York Times bestselling author known for his acclaimed book The Matheny Manifesto and now returns with his latest work, The Dad Coach, a practical guide for parents and coaches of young athletes.In this episode, we're exploring Mike's powerful insights on cultivating character through sports, adopting the right competitive mindset, and creating practices that engage and inspire young athletes. Mike reveals how sports, approached thoughtfully, can significantly improve teens' confidence, resilience, work ethic, and interpersonal skills.Competitive Edges: Building Inner StrengthMike views sports as a rich training ground for building crucial character traits, which he identifies as "Competitive Edges." These include grit, discipline, growth mindset, optimism, selflessness, and composure under pressure. He explains these edges not only help kids become better athletes but prepare them to thrive in academics, careers, and relationships. Mike emphasizes that these traits are controllable factors anyone can develop, regardless of natural talent.We discuss how parents and coaches can intentionally incorporate these Competitive Edges into daily interactions with teens. Mike outlines how to talk with teens about handling setbacks, sustaining focus, and showing up consistently with a positive, selfless attitude. He argues the most transformative sports experiences aren't defined by trophies or titles, but by the internal growth that sustained effort naturally creates.Planning Impactful Youth PracticesMike deeply believes every practice should empower kids and reinforce positive values—not just drill technical skills. He shares practical tips for planning engaging practices, including how to structure sessions to maximize learning, fuel enthusiasm, and build fundamental skills. Mike argues youth practices should prioritize constant involvement, curiosity, and teamwork to keep players invested and excited about the game.He explains the importance of explicitly incorporating character lessons into each practice. By setting aside a small amount of time to discuss values like humility, perseverance, or empathy, coaches can drive home powerful lessons that resonate throughout players' lives. Mike strongly advocates for a clear, shared culture within every youth team, shaped by coaches, parents, and player input.Navigating Pressure from ParentsMany coaches and parent-volunteers face the tricky issue of intense parental pressure. Mike provides guidance on handling rising expectations, parental demands, and the so-called "hovering" parents whose behaviors can discourage athletes or affect team dynamics. He emphasizes open but upfront communication about roles and expectations to set healthy boundaries. Mike also talks us through practical strategies parents can use at home—like regular backyard games, casual conversations, and unconditional support—which make a huge, positive difference.Mike's thoughtful, practical advice will empower anyone involved in youth sports to make athletics a more rewarding, character-building experience for teens—and themselves!In the Episode:Mike offers invaluable guidance on transforming sports into a platform for growth and character development. We also discuss:How to help teens develop true passions, not just follow trendsThe balance between multi-sport play and focusing on a single sportKeys to handling internal team conflict and fostering cooperationA fresh approach to pre-game motivation that builds lasting confidenceMike’s inspiration behind donating all proceeds from The Dad Coach to a unique sporting initiative in the Dominican RepublicTo learn more about Mike Matheny’s inspiring coaching approach, pick up a copy of The Dad Coach wherever books are sold. Thanks for listening! Don't forget to share and subscribe, and we'll see you next week.

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• Ep 336: The Teen Brain on Kindness

  Nicole Karlis, author of Your Brain on Altruism, discusses the neuroscience behind altruism, revealing how acts of kindness impact teen brains, mental health, resilience, and lasting happiness.Full Show NotesAs parents, we hope our teenagers grow up to be kind, caring, and community-oriented adults. We encourage them to volunteer, assist neighbors, or participate in community service projects, hoping it'll build character and strengthen empathy. But did you know there's actual science linking altruism to improved well-being, reduced stress, and even better health? What if building compassion wasn't just a nice extra—but a powerful tool for coping with stress, fostering mental health, and developing meaningful relationships?Many teens face abundant pressures: academic expectations, college applications, social anxieties, and now the unprecedented rise of loneliness and technology overload. With these challenges mounting, could altruism offer a unique and surprisingly effective antidote—not just helping teens survive but thrive in today's world?In this week's insightful conversation, we're joined by Nicole Karlis, health and science journalist and author of Your Brain on Altruism: The Power of Connection and Community During Times of Crisis. Nicole spent nearly a decade exploring the science behind altruism, kindness, and community connection. She specializes in translating compelling neuroscience into practical lessons we can apply right at home with our teens.Nicole reveals the neuroscience underpinning the benefits of altruism, describing how selfless actions activate brain regions responsible for stress relief, emotional regulation, and meaningful fulfillment. By cultivating altruistic behaviors, Nicole argues, teens can overcome feelings of isolation and connect meaningfully with their communities—even during a loneliness epidemic.In our conversation, Nicole sheds light on why altruism is so powerful and how parents can harness and revive this instinct in their teens to create their own "culture of caring."The Neuroscience of AltruismIt turns out our brains are wired to benefit from kindness. Nicole outlines research showing that acts of generosity, kindness, and compassion trigger neural pathways linked to reward and decreased stress. Teens who practice altruism report feeling more deeply connected to others and their community, experiencing higher executive functioning, and enjoying mental health benefits.Creating regular acts of kindness, Nicole explains, can physically change the structure of teen brains due to neuroplasticity—the brain's ability to reorganize and strengthen beneficial pathways. Over time, practicing altruism can become habitual—ultimately shaping teens into compassionate adults who experience less stress and improved overall health.This powerful link raises the important question: how can parents best encourage altruism, especially today when teens are so busy and pressure-laden?Cultivating Kindness Without CrisisEver notice how, after a crisis, communities come together in uniquely powerful ways? Nicole describes this phenomenon—called bounded solidarity—in regions recovering from natural disasters where neighbors join forces to help one another through difficult times. But eventually the solidarity fades. Nicole wondered if communities could maintain this spirit without needing a tragic catalyst.In the episode, Nicole shares inspiring stories from teens who joined together after devastating wildfires. Remarkably, their initial impulse turned into a long-term community service nonprofit that raised spirits and built lasting bonds for everyone involved. She reveals that challenges and crises aren't necessary prerequisites. Families and communities can foster sustained altruism—cultivating solidarity simply through commitment and deliberate intention.Nicole offers practical methods families can use to cultivate caring cultures, from volunteering vacations to meaningful weekend rituals. She explains why clustering multiple kindness actions on special days—rather than making kindness a daily chore—helps compassion become a joyful, healthy habit.Why Intent Matters MostTeenagers often feel pressure to volunteer to pad college applications—checking off boxes without truly feeling connected to their service activities. But Nicole emphasizes the critical role intention plays: altruism is dramatically more beneficial if teens authentically embrace their volunteering choices.When teens genuinely want to make a difference, altruism deepens their empathy, nurtures authentic relationships, and provides real mental health benefits. Finding activities that align with your teen's natural interests enables them to genuinely experience joy and authentic connection while doing good. Nicole highlights examples, from playing bingo at senior homes to fun volunteer projects during family trips, that deeply resonate with teenagers and leave lifelong positive impacts.In the Episode…Nicole shares eye-opening insights about kindness, altruism, and their remarkable effects on teenagers. On top of the above, we discuss:How kindness helps teens counter lonelinessTechniques for fostering kindness in kids and teensDecoding the bodily impacts of isolation and lonelinessThe power of awe when witnessing acts of altruismHow volunteering boosts teens’ confidence, connections, and resumesThis meaningful conversation with Nicole Karlis will forever shift how you view compassion—revealing how cultivating altruism in teenagers profoundly strengthens their brains, supports emotional resilience, and helps them thrive throughout adolescence and beyond.If you enjoyed this episode, you can find more from Nicole at Salon.com or connect with her on Instagram @NicoleKarlis. Thanks for listening! Don't forget to share, subscribe, and tune in next week for more critical teen parenting insights.

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• Ep 335: What Disabled Parents Can Teach Everyone

  Jessica Slice, author of Unfit Parent, shares her profound insights and experiences on disability and parenting, breaking down stereotypes, addressing ableism, and showing what disabled parents can teach us all about resilience, adaptability, and embracing life's challenges.Full Show NotesIn our conversations around parenting, we often have a narrow definition of what abilities and physical capacities are required to be a “good” parent. From movies and advertisements portraying mothers and fathers effortlessly multitasking and holding toddlers on their hip, to parenting talks describing the chaos of carpool lines and daily errands, the portrait of parenting we encounter every day seems to leave out those with disabilities or physical limitations. As a parent, what do you do when your experiences don’t match up with these cultural representations? How can each of us benefit from broadening our understanding of what it truly means to be an effective caregiver?In today’s insightful episode, we're joined by writer and disability advocate Jessica Slice, author of Unfit Parent: A Disabled Mother Challenges an Inaccessible World. Jessica became disabled at age 28 and has experienced firsthand how our cultural perceptions about motherhood often exclude people with disabilities. Through her writing and advocacy, she passionately argues that disabled parents have powerful insights to offer all parents, and she exposes the ableism and biases in parenting culture. Jessica’s eye-opening perspectives invite us to consider how embracing a broader definition of parenting can benefit everyone.What Disabled Parents Can Teach All of UsEarly in our conversation, Jessica describes how attending a typical parenting talk left her feeling like an imposter because none of the descriptions matched her own parenting reality. In writing openly about her experience, Jessica discovered a community of disabled parents who shared similar feelings. But what began as a revealing essay soon transformed into a broader mission: to show how disabled parents actually contribute unique abilities and insights to parenting.Jessica points out how disabled people grow adept at solving practical day-to-day problems surrounding movement, food, rest, and more. Such problem-solving skills translate directly into caring for a newborn, making disabled parents often surprisingly adept at navigating early parenthood. Moreover, disabled parents have already learned powerful lessons in letting go of expectations, embracing uncertainty, and adapting to changing circumstances—qualities that deeply serve all parents as they navigate the complexities of raising children.Ableism and Our Culture of Fear Around DisabilityJessica thoughtfully unpacks ableism: the deep-seated, often unconscious biases and fears that lead society to view disability through a lens of pity or disdain. She explores how ableism shapes everything from medical care to reproductive rights—and even the way parenting itself is structured and evaluated.One of the episode’s most fascinating discussions focuses on Jessica’s research around early transitions into parenthood for non-disabled families versus disabled families. Remarkably, Jessica discovered that disabled parents tend to adjust far more easily and report fewer incidences of postpartum depression—despite often facing greater physical health challenges. She explains how our cultural fear of disability makes this early period harder for non-disabled parents: society conditions us to dread having bodies that are weak, fragile, or dependent on others. Disabled parents, meanwhile, have already accepted and adapted to these realities, making the transition less shocking and chaotic.Overcoming Barriers in Parenting SystemsThroughout our interview, Jessica candidly describes how social systems and institutions—from reproductive health practices to the foster care system—are often ill-equipped for disabled people. She discusses the enormous challenges and fears disabled parents face when navigating the foster adoption process, including inaccessible mandatory classes and intense scrutiny about physical fitness to parent. Despite these obstacles, Jessica demonstrates the incredible resourcefulness and creativity that disabled parents show in developing customized solutions for caring for their families.Jessica’s story about becoming a parent through fostering and surrogacy illustrates poignantly both the systemic barriers disabled people face and their impressive capacity to advocate for themselves, adapt, and thrive. She insists that disabled parents' lives are not tragedies to be pitied; instead, they exemplify adaptability, patience, and the courage to embrace life’s unpredictability.In the Episode…Beyond these deeply insightful conversations, our discussion with Jessica covers much more, including:How Jessica's disability shifted her perspective from striving and achievement to genuine contentmentThe critical importance of accessible and inclusive sexual education for disabled teensThe ongoing practice of invention and creativity disabled parents rely on to accomplish everyday caregiving tasksThe connection between productivity, capitalism, and society’s attitudes toward disability and human worthJessica challenges and expands our cultural notion of what it truly means to be a capable, loving, and effective parent. Her journey offers invaluable lessons, not only for the disabled community, but for parents everywhere. Join us for an illuminating conversation you won’t want to miss—and don’t forget to subscribe to Talking to Teens!

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• Ep 334: How Music Shapes Teen Minds and Moods

  Sara and Morton Sherman, authors of Resonant Minds, reveal how parents can use music intentionally to build stronger connections with teens, navigate emotions, and support adolescent development.Full Show NotesIn a fast-paced world flooded by digital distractions, it's sometimes difficult for parents to understand how to connect more closely with their teens. We might even wonder: Is music helping or distracting teens? They have their headphones on non-stop, but what music are they listening to, and why does it mean so much to them? Music is consistently present throughout teen culture, providing emotional refuge, identity reinforcement, and sometimes, a channel to express thoughts that might otherwise remain unspoken. But as parents, educators, and caregivers, how can we intentionally use music as a communication tool to foster emotional growth, mindfulness, and stronger family connections?In this week's conversation, we explore how music isn't just entertainment or background noise—it's a powerful gateway to teen emotions and a key to deeper family relationships when used mindfully and intentionally.Our guests this week, Sara Leila Sherman and Morton Sherman, authors of the new book Resonant Minds: The Transformative Power of Music, One Note at a Time, help parents explore ways to better understand and support their teens through music. Sara is a classical musician, educator, and founder of the children's concert series Mozart for Munchkins and the Little Mozart Foundation, while Morton is an esteemed educational leader renowned for visionary contributions in teaching and leadership. They're here to offer insight into the rich possibilities music provides for building emotional awareness, mindfulness, and family connections.How Music Shapes Emotions and MindsetSara and Mort explain that teenagers spend up to four hours a day on average listening to music—but not always intentionally or thoughtfully. Music, they explain, is always working subtly to influence our emotions. Intentionally choosing music can help teens shift their emotional state, whether they want to reduce stress, lift their mood, or even find calm and concentration. Sara reveals how a simple piece of music can help teens reach a calmer mindset or even create safe emotional exploration.Sara shares practical tips on how parents can help teens become more purposeful listeners. Asking teens to select songs as a mood-boosting family activity, for example, can create an emotional dialogue and a stronger familial bond. But this practice takes patience and openness—forcing teens to turn off their music or forbidding certain genres won’t work and can backfire quickly. The real key, the Shermans explain, is to let music serve as a platform for conversations, connections, and ultimately self-discovery.Using Music for Mindfulness and Family HarmonySara highlights examples from her workshops, where music paired with mindful practices helps students handle anxiety or self-consciousness during challenging moments. Simple exercises, like breathing along with the rhythm of a carefully-selected piece of music, can significantly relieve tension. Additionally, choosing family music traditions or routines—like designating a specific artist or playlist to accompany certain tasks like homework, chores, or winding down—can set helpful rhythms for the entire family's daily routine.Mort emphasizes that music isn’t just about individual wellbeing, but also about building community and understanding. He suggests that instead of shutting down teens’ interests or dismissing music they appreciate but parents might find unsettling, we can choose to engage in it as an educational and bonding opportunity. Redirecting potentially negative influences requires a careful conversational approach, built on trust, respect, and dialogue. By showing respectful curiosity about their music choices, we not only acknowledge their emerging independence, we also reinforce healthy decision-making skills.Cultivating Positive Musical HabitsThe Shermans encourage parents and teens alike to develop “mindful musical habits” to promote emotional regulation and balance. Sara explains how picking anchoring pieces of music—those we connect strongly with and that reliably help us feel grounded—can become positive habits in both teens' and parents' daily landscapes. Mort adds the importance of experimenting and discovering what works best for each individual family member, reminding parents that music choice is deeply personal, and what works for one may not resonate for all. Mutual respect in listening develops lifelong learning, understanding, and family closeness.Mort also suggests playful, simple family activities, like guessing songs by tapping rhythms, sharing musical memories from each generation, or collectively creating family playlists, can extend bonding experiences. These intentional rituals turn fleeting family moments into treasured memories, layered with musical meaning that resonates far beyond adolescence.In the Episode…Whether your teen is an aspiring musician or just glued to their Spotify account, the Shermans provide practical, actionable ideas to make music a more intentional part of family life. Other topics covered include:How music can support teens who struggle socially or academicallyUsing musical earworms positively in your teen’s daily routineWhy parents shouldn't outright ban controversial music but engage through listening and dialogueEmerging technologies and AI-generated personalized music—and how it impacts teens' musical consumptionTo learn more about Resonant Minds and find the Sherman’s recommended playlist, visit resonantminds.com. You can also directly experience Sara's interactive musical sessions at Mozart for Munchkins events if you're located in New York City. Thanks so much for tuning in this week—share, subscribe, and stay tuned for more fascinating conversations next week!

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• Ep 333: Finding Joy and Humor in Parenting Teens

  William Stixrud and Ned Johnson, authors of The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-driven Child, share how parents can build connection, support autonomy, set healthy expectations, and create more joy and calm in family life.Full Show NotesAs our children grow into teenagers, parents often find themselves uncertain about how deeply to intervene. We know our kids need our involvement and guidance, but teenagers also crave autonomy and independence. Teens often appear distant and difficult, getting frustrated when we try to help solve their problems, yet feeling hurt when we don't show enough interest. Add stress about school, extracurriculars, and the future into the mix, and family life can quickly spiral into frequent conflict, anxiety, and disconnection.How can we give our teenagers the steady presence they need without micromanaging or inadvertently amplifying their stress? What does being a relaxed, positive, and supportive parent actually look like in daily practice? How can we inspire our teens to be driven, motivated, and self-directed without resorting to threats, bribes, or constant reminders?Today's guests, William Stixrud and Ned Johnson, offer compassionate, practical solutions from their new book, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-driven Child. Bill is a clinical neuropsychologist, and Ned is the founder of Prep Matters. After two bestselling books on parenting and educational motivation, their latest interactive workbook provides powerful exercises and reflective prompts to help parents foster resilience, autonomy, and joy in their families. Together, Bill and Ned show how parents can become calm, confident leaders who empower teens rather than push or control them.Building a Calm and Confident Parental PresenceBill and Ned share why being a calm, non-anxious presence is one of the most powerful ways to support our teens. Rather than reflecting back our children's stress or adding to it with our own worries, they recommend setting the goal of becoming less emotionally reactive. Bill and Ned offer practical strategies, including meditation and cognitive practices, to train ourselves out of fear-based interactions. This calm approach reinforces teens' belief that they can handle life's ups and downs without parents needing to intervene constantly.Healthy Expectations vs. Anxiety-Driven PressureHow high should parents set their expectations? Bill and Ned dive deep into how expectations can provide either healthy motivation or become harmful sources of anxiety. They remind parents that expressing gentle confidence—that our teens are capable if they work at something—is far healthier and more motivating than demanding perfect outcomes. Bill and Ned reveal thoughtful ways to assess and realign your family's expectations around what truly matters to you and your teen.Using Joy and Humor to ConnectIt's easy for family life with teens to center solely around problems to solve—grades, chores, social relationships—leaving everyone exhausted and joyless. In this episode, Ned and Bill emphasize why prioritizing joyful family rituals like Friday movie nights, outings, or humor-filled interactions are so essential. By carving out time simply to enjoy and laugh together, you communicate that your child's presence is valued and loved unconditionally, no matter the stressors you face.Helping Teens Discover Their Own PathMany teens feel overwhelmed by other people's expectations—parents, teachers, coaches—and lose sight of what they truly want or care about. Bill and Ned offer profound insights into how to ask non-threatening, reflective questions about what teens genuinely love and value. Learning to help your teens identify their intrinsic motivators rather than external pressures is vital to building lifelong skills and confidence.In this Episode, we also discussTalking to teens about their core valuesThe surprising importance of "passionate pastimes"Addressing perfectionism and self-criticismStrategies to parent anxiety-prone or avoidant teensIf you're looking for proven approaches to calm anxiety around parenting teens and foster self-driven motivation, you won't want to miss Bill and Ned's tested wisdom. Their thoughtful, compassionate insights help every parent gracefully navigate the teenage years. Listen now, and make sure to subscribe and share!

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