Who We Are & What We Need

In this conversation, Katherine Spearing discusses her new book, 'A Thousand Tiny Papercuts,' which explores the complexities of spiritual abuse and the journey to reclaim autonomy after leaving high-control religious environments. The discussion delves into the insidious nature of spiritual abuse, the confusion experienced by individuals trying to navigate their faith, and the emotional turmoil that often follows leaving such systems. The conversation also highlights the importance of understanding the BITE model of control and the potential for thriving after leaving these environments, emphasizing the need for healing and self-acceptance.

Join Catherine Quiring in conversation with Megan Griffith, autistic and ADHD life coach, content creator, and author of Welcome to AuDHD: How to Survive and Thrive as an Adult with Autism and ADHD. This wide-ranging discussion explores what it means to live at the intersection of autism and ADHD, from communication differences and alexithymia to masking, self-trust, and disability identity.
Megan shares her diagnostic journey through misdiagnosis, the research behind her book (including lived experience from her community), and practical tools like EFT tapping for emotional processing. Catherine and Megan discuss monotropic vs. polytropic thinking, the building blocks metaphor for masking, and how childhood emotional neglect affects neurodivergent people—even in loving homes where authentic selves weren't fully mirrored.
This episode offers validation, clarity, and hope for anyone navigating neurodivergence, whether self-diagnosed or formally assessed.

Resources:
Neuroclastic Directory
EFT (Emotion Freedom Technique) Tapping (with Sophia Graniela, another podcast guest)
“HSP or Autism?”
Neurodivergence Lived Experience Summit: 1/23-25/2026

Connect with Megan Website - Book
Connect with Catherine: Website - Substack - YouTube - Neurodivergent Self-Diagnosis Consultation

Key Topics:
The History of AuDHD: Why autism and ADHD couldn't be diagnosed together until 2013 (DSM-5)

Alexithymia Explained: Difficulty identifying emotions in the moment, but processing them later through "back doors" like journaling or intellectual processing

EFT Tapping: A practical tool for accessing difficult emotions through meridian points and parasympathetic nervous system activation

Communication Differences: How neurotypical people give 70% of information expecting you to fill in gaps, while autistic people typically give 100%

Monotropic vs. Polytropic Thinking: Flashlight (deep focus) vs. lantern (broad attention) approaches to thinking and work

Masking as Building Blocks: A trauma response metaphor—not a removable mask, but borrowed blocks that became part of your tower

Self-Trust and Validation: How diagnosis (formal or self) can affirm "I was right about me all along"

Disability Identity: Community perspectives on whether AuDHD is a disability, difference, or "it's complicated"

Childhood Emotional Neglect: How unmirrored enthusiasm and unmet attachment needs affect neurodivergent children

Intersectionality: Research findings on disability, police violence, and the "ugly laws" that prohibited visible disability in public until the 1970s

Practical Tools:
EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Techniques)
Three-step process: Acknowledgment → Validation → Gentle Reframe

Taps meridian points while processing difficult emotions

Helps access emotions through the "back door" for those with alexithymia

The 24-Hour Rule for Self-Trust
When trusted people disagree with your reality perception

Put a pin in it for 24 hours

Revisit to see if your perspective has shifted or held steady

Neither perspective is necessarily "wrong"

Meta Conversations
Pausing during disagreements to discuss how the conversation is happening

Addressing tone, communication style, and assumptions

Creating clarity about different communication preferences

Hi,⁠ I’m Catherine⁠. I’m grateful to share this time and space with you.
I’m a counselor living on the Emerald Coast of Florida, on the unceded land of the Muscogee. I am a creative, mystic, and neurodiverse adventurer. I love writing, creating, and connecting.
I love helping folx⁠ Befriend Your Inner Critic⁠,⁠ Become Your Own Best Friend⁠, and ⁠reclaim your untamed soul⁠.
Thank you for being here in this sacred space we get to co-create, as we come home to ourselves and enjoy the fruit of that self-belonging. I love hearing from you and⁠ walking alongside you⁠ on your journey.
My free gift to you: ⁠⁠3 steps to trust yourself⁠⁠.
With a full heart,
Catherine

Have you ever caught yourself in cycles of self-sabotage, then felt like this proved you were fundamentally flawed? For years, many of us were told this was evidence of our “sinful nature.” But what if that explanation isn’t just wrong—what if it’s creating the very problems it claims to solve?
This episode explores religious trauma through Internal Family Systems therapy, revealing how “dying to self” theology creates internal oppression, and offering a revolutionary alternative based on self-compassion rather than self-control.
What you’ll learn:
✓ How religious environments create the “Inner Controller”—an internal slave master
✓ Why “dying to self” doctrine is psychologically harmful, especially for sensitive minds
✓ The neuroscience showing self-compassion works better than self-control for growth
✓ Internal Family Systems alternative: parts with good intentions vs “sinful nature”
✓ Why your “self-sabotage” might actually be self-protection needing updates
✓ How to rebuild spirituality from wholeness rather than brokenness

Perfect for:
Religious trauma survivors questioning harmful theology

People deconstructing faith while wanting to maintain spiritual connection

Anyone taught their emotions, body, or instincts can’t be trusted

Those struggling with shame-based identity from religious conditioning

Individuals healing from spiritual abuse or authoritarian religious environments

Key theological reframes:
Human behavior stems from need-meeting, not cosmic battle between good/evil

Your core Self already embodies “fruits of the spirit”—they’re not borrowed from outside

Parts of you labeled “sinful” may actually be authentic aspects needing integration

Self-compassion isn’t self-indulgence—it’s neurologically necessary for growth

Important notes:
This episode respects diverse spiritual beliefs while addressing harmful applications

Focuses on psychological healing, not theological debate

Includes resources for religious trauma recovery

Content may be triggering for those with severe religious trauma

If you’re struggling with:
Depression or anxiety related to religious experiences

Thoughts of self-harm connected to religious shame

Severe religious trauma symptoms

Please reach out to mental health professionals trained in religious trauma recovery.

Part of the Befriending Your Inner Critics series: This penultimate episode addresses the Inner Controller—the critic formed in religious environments that taught you to distrust your own heart, mind, and instincts. Recovery involves updating these parts with compassionate truth.
Next steps: Befriend Your Inner Critic Course
Your worth is not contingent on your performance. You are loved exactly as you are.

Connect with Catherine: Website - Substack - Pinterest - YouTube

Hi, I’m Catherine. I’m grateful to share this time and space with you.
I’m a counselor living on the Emerald Coast of Florida, on the unceded land of the Muscogee. I am a creative, mystic, and neurodiverse adventurer. I love writing, creating, and connecting.
I love helping folx Befriend Your Inner Critic, Become Your Own Best Friend, and reclaim your untamed soul.
Thank you for being here in this sacred space we get to co-create, as we come home to ourselves and enjoy the fruit of that self-belonging. I love hearing from you and walking alongside you on your journey.
My free gift to you: ⁠3 steps to trust yourself⁠.
With a full heart,
Catherine

Description: ⚠️ Content Warning: This episode discusses psychological abuse and trauma. Please prioritize your safety. Crisis resources in description.
If you’ve escaped a narcissistic or abusive relationship but still hear your abuser’s voice saying “you’re worthless,” “you’re stupid,” or “you’ll never amount to anything”—you’re not going crazy. That voice has a name: the Inner Destroyer. Understanding why this happens is the first step to reclaiming your worth.
This episode provides trauma-informed approaches to healing from internalized abuse, breaking trauma bonds with your own self-attack patterns, and developing the tools to finally silence the voice that followed you home.
What you’ll learn: ✓ How the Inner Destroyer differs from regular self-criticism (it attacks core worth, not behavior) ✓ Why you may have developed a trauma bond with your own self-attack patterns ✓ The exact tactics abusers use that become internalized (gaslighting, character attacks, future threats) ✓ How to develop “observer consciousness” to separate from destructive thoughts ✓ 6 practical steps for dismantling the Inner Destroyer’s power ✓ Specialized healing approaches for narcissistic abuse recovery
This episode is essential for:
Survivors of narcissistic, emotional, or psychological abuse

Anyone whose inner critic sounds exactly like their abuser

People who’ve left toxic relationships but the abuse continues internally

Those struggling with self-worth after gaslighting and manipulation

Anyone experiencing the “trauma bond” with their own self-criticism

Key insights:
The Inner Destroyer uses your abuser’s exact voice, words, and timing

Self-criticism can feel “safer” than self-compassion for abuse survivors

Your adult self has resources your traumatized younger self didn’t have

Recovery means learning to handle difficult thoughts without being controlled by them

Specialized trauma therapy is often necessary for narcissistic abuse recovery

CRISIS RESOURCES:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

Crisis Text Line: HOME to 741741

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988

Additional resources for narcissistic abuse recovery linked below

Important note: This episode is educational and not a substitute for professional help. If you’re struggling with trauma from abuse, please consider working with a therapist trained in narcissistic abuse and trauma recovery.
Part of the Befriending Your Inner Critics series: This episode addresses trauma-specific inner critics that develop from external abuse. Unlike other critics that developed as protection, the Inner Destroyer requires specialized trauma-informed approaches.
Next week: From Religious Control to Self-Compassion - healing the Inner Controller when spiritual environments taught you not to trust your own heart, mind, and instincts.
Next steps: Befriend Your Inner Critic Course
Your worth was never up for debate. The voice telling you otherwise was wrong then and is wrong now. Recovery is possible, and thousands have walked this path to reclaim their lives.

Connect with Catherine: Website - Substack - YouTube

Hi, I’m Catherine. I’m grateful to share this time and space with you.
I’m a counselor living on the Emerald Coast of Florida, on the unceded land of the Muscogee. I am a creative, mystic, and neurodiverse adventurer. I love writing, creating, and connecting.
I love helping folx Befriend Your Inner Critic, Become Your Own Best Friend, and reclaim your untamed soul.
Thank you for being here in this sacred space we get to co-create, as we come home to ourselves and enjoy the fruit of that self-belonging. I love hearing from you and walking alongside you on your journey.
My free gift to you: ⁠3 steps to trust yourself⁠.
With a full heart,
Catherine

If you’re neurodivergent, highly sensitive, or creative, your inner critic probably attacks who you are, not just what you do. It whispers “you’re too much,” “you’re too weird,” or “you’ll never fit in.” This isn’t random self-doubt—it’s the Inner Underminer, carrying years of messages about being “different.”
This episode explores why sensitive, creative, and neurodivergent individuals develop particularly harsh internal voices, how masking trauma creates identity attacks, and practical steps to reclaim your authentic self-expression.
What you’ll learn: ✓ Why the Inner Underminer targets identity, not just behavior ✓ How “masking trauma” creates systematic self-attack patterns ✓ The 4 faces of the Underminer: Masking Perfectionist, Sensitivity Shamer, Creativity Crusher, Neurodivergent Comparer ✓ Why your “weaknesses” in traditional environments become strengths in the right contexts ✓ 5 practical steps for neurodivergent-affirming self-acceptance ✓ How to create environments that support rather than suppress your authentic traits
Perfect for:
Neurodivergent individuals tired of hiding their natural traits

Highly sensitive people told they’re “too emotional” or “too much”

Creative minds whose ideas are dismissed as “weird” or “impractical”

Anyone whose inner critic specifically attacks their identity and way of being

People recovering from a lifetime of masking and conformity pressure

Key insights:
Your Inner Underminer developed to protect you from rejection for being different

Masking trauma is real psychological damage from suppressing authentic self-expression

Your adult self has resources your criticized inner child never had

Authenticity attracts authentic connection—the right people celebrate your differences

Your sensitivity, creativity, and different processing are features, not bugs

Addresses different neurotypes:
ADHD: Transforming “distractible” into “notice what others miss”

Autism: Honoring attention to detail while managing perfectionist anxiety

High Sensitivity: Using emotional intensity as strength for deep connection

Creative minds: Celebrating unconventional thinking and multipassionate interests

This episode is part of our Befriending Your Inner Critics series: Episodes 1-2 covered foundational concepts and common critics Episode 4 focuses specifically on critics that develop around neurodivergent/sensitive identity Episodes 5-6 will cover trauma-based critics (abuse recovery, religious trauma)
Resources mentioned:
Masking trauma research and recovery approaches

Neurodivergent-affirming therapy resources

Online communities for authentic neurodivergent expression

Next week: The Inner Destroyer - healing from internalized abuse when you’ve escaped toxic relationships but the abuser’s voice followed you home.
Next steps: Befriend Your Inner Critic Course
Remember: Your sensitivity, creativity, and different way of processing the world aren’t problems to fix—they’re gifts that make you uniquely valuable. Authenticity is a practice, not a destination.

Connect with Catherine: Website - Substack - YouTube

Hi, I’m Catherine. I’m grateful to share this time and space with you.
I’m a counselor living on the Emerald Coast of Florida, on the unceded land of the Muscogee. I am a creative, mystic, and neurodiverse adventurer. I love writing, creating, and connecting.
I love helping folx Befriend Your Inner Critic, Become Your Own Best Friend, and reclaim your untamed soul.
Thank you for being here in this sacred space we get to co-create, as we come home to ourselves and enjoy the fruit of that self-belonging. I love hearing from you and walking alongside you on your journey.
My free gift to you: ⁠3 steps to trust yourself⁠.
With a full heart,
Catherine