A Different Perspective Official Podcast

Each of us has a destiny out there somewhere. But some people are too afraid to follow it because they compare themselves with other beautiful, talented people and come to the conclusion that they could never be as successful as them. Those people have, what I call, Ugly Duckling Syndrome.
Well here we are at the end of the week again and in fact at the end of a series of twenty programs over the last four weeks that together have made up the series that I've called Discover Your Destiny. I hope you've been able to join me on that journey over these last few weeks but if you missed any of the programs you can listen to them again online at our website www.christianityworks.com.
Now one of the reasons, one of the many reasons that people don't step out into their destiny, that yearning, that dream, that thing deep down that they know that they were made to be and to do, is that they compare themselves to other people.
Well we all do that, we all look at these talented and gifted people around us and somehow we convince ourselves that we could never be as good as them, we can never do what they can do, we can never live out our dream, our destiny. You know what I call that, I call it ugly duckling syndrome.
Hans Christian Anderson's powerful story 'The Ugly Duckling' is a literary classic. Not so much because of the way it was written, my hunch is that the piece loses some of its poetry and its lilt at having been translated into English. No the power of 'The Ugly Duckling', the thing that made it a classic is in the way that it resonates deeply with our souls.
A swan's egg by some strange set of circumstances finds itself in a ducks nest in the farmyard and so a swan is born into a family of ducks. No one really cares why or even realises that it's happened, everyone just assumed that he's meant to be a duck and all of his little life people reject him because for a duckling he is one ugly bird.
Everyone misunderstands him, everyone rejects him and it hurts, he's all alone but amidst the bleakness and the hopelessness of this world there is one thing, just one thing that makes his little spirit soar. Have a listen.
One evening just as the sun set amid radiant clouds there came a large flock of beautiful birds out of the bushes. The duckling had never seen any like them before. They were swans and they curved their graceful necks while their soft plumage shone with dazzling whiteness.
They uttered a singular cry as they spread their glorious wings and flew away from those cold regions to warmer countries across the sea. As they mounted higher and higher into the air the ugly duckling felt quite a strange sensation as he watched them. He whirled himself in the water like a wheel, he stretched out his neck towards them and uttered a cry so strange that it frightened him.
Could he ever forget those beautiful happy birds? And when at last they were out of his sight he dived under the water and rose again almost beside himself with excitement. He knew not the names of these birds nor where they had flown but he felt towards them as he never felt for any other bird in the world.
He wasn't envious of these beautiful creatures but wished to be as lovely as they were. Poor ugly creature, how gladly he would have lived even with the ducks had they only given him some encouragement.
At the moment he didn't yet know who he was, he just knew who he wanted to be but because he didn't know who he was, who God had made him to be he simply didn't have a license to go and be who he'd been made to be. And even when he finally encounters those birds again he thinks he's going to die, surely that can be the only outcome."
I will fly with those royal birds', he exclaimed, 'and they will kill me because I am so ugly and dare to approach them. But it does not matter, better to be killed by them than pecked by the ducks, beaten by the hens, pushed around by the maid who feeds the poultry or starved with hunger in the winter.
Then he flew to the water and swam towards the beautiful swans. The moment they espied the stranger they rushed to meet him with outstretched wings. 'Kill me' said the poor bird and he bent his head down to the surface of the water and awaited death.
But then something happened that changed everything in an instant.
What did he see in the clear stream below? His own image. No longer a dark grey bird, ugly and disagreeable to look at but a graceful and beautiful swan. To be born in a duck's nest in a farmyard is of no consequence to a bird if it is hatched from a swan's egg.
It's not until we really know who we are that we discover how inconsequential the distorted image that the worlds misunderstanding reflects back at us, in fact is. My friend as I meet people around the world and I've met so many, more and more as the years go by I'm so deeply impressed by the amazing abilities and talents, ideas, creativity, perspectives, motivations that are buried inside each person, each and every person who I meet.
As I have the opportunity these days to listen to what they say, read their blogs and tweets, I'm constantly amazed at the brilliance and creativity that people are capable of. That's not just other people, it's each one of us, it's you, it's me, each in our own uniquely different ways we have this capacity, this capability, this potential to do the most amazing things and to be the most amazing people.
I don't mean that we're all going to be super stars. I don't mean that we're all going to be on the world's stage or in the lime light. No, no. True greatness often lives in people whose names we'll never know, whose deeds most of us will never see but whose lives touched the hearts of others and leave a legacy of love and of service that will change another person's life forever.
Please don't fall for The Ugly Duckling thing. You are such a person, you have a future, you have a destiny, it's waiting to be lived and if you only look at yourself you'll discover abilities and talents and creativities and beauties that you never imagined possible. Just think of that little ugly duckling, he thought he was so ugly and finally when he looked in the mirror what he saw was a graceful beautiful swan.
And it's precisely this thing that God wants you to know when you set out on your journey of destiny. For as the Apostle Paul writes in the Book of Ephesians chapter 2, verse 10.
You are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do the good works which he prepared beforehand for you to walk into.
See He's already prepared the way. The good works already waiting for you on the road up ahead and He's created you as His piece of workmanship perfectly suited to the destiny to which you're called. It's about discovering that we are indeed Gods workmanship you and I.
It's about discovering who we are and what our purpose is so that we can go and walk into the good works that God prepared beforehand for us to walk into with a certainty and a quiet confidence in the knowledge that we're a perfect fit, that we're the right one for the job no matter how daunting that job may appear.
Father God
We've heard your Good News; we know we've made many mistakes. We stepped out of your plan, we went our own way, each one of us in our own way knows it didn't quite work and so we want to come back and we want to discover the me You always meant us to be.
Father
Thank you for Jesus. We just want to accept Him. I believe that He died for me and that He rose again. I believe that I'm forgiven because of Him and that I have eternal life because of Jesus and Father right this day, lock, stock and barrel, with everything that I am, with every hope and every dream, everything I have I step back into your plan. I give everything that I am and everything that I have to you for you to do with as you please.
Father God
Thank you that you have a plan, thank you that I can come back because of Jesus and thank you Father that in that plan I'll get to know you and as I get to know you more and more and more I'll discover the person you always meant me to be.
Father
We just pray all of this in the name of Jesus Christ.
Amen.

Becoming the "me" we were meant to be is – well – a life long journey. And sometimes, it's not until we stop to look back, that we can really see God's hand in all of that.
If I want to ask you, what's your destiny, what were you put on this earth to achieve to do, what impact are you meant to make on this planet of over seven billion people, what's the point of your life and is it heading in the right direction? I wonder how you'd answer those questions.
I ask those questions of people rather a lot and can I tell you the number of people who have a clear sense of their destiny and purpose and direction, well it's less than 5%, maybe one in twenty maybe. Now I'm not saying that we should each have our lives completely mapped out. Things happen along the way, there are twists and turns in life that are totally unexpected. The little things can change the whole course of a life.
I remember a long time ago now I was really sick one day with a high temperature. I was scheduled to speak at a function the following day but I was so sick. I should have rung up and cancelled. The next day came and I was still so sick and yet deep inside me I felt I should go. I did and that was the day I met my wife Jacqui. It turns out that that was the only day I would have ever have met her in the place. Going and speaking on that day despite my sickness completely changed my life. I wouldn't be married to her today had I stayed at home.
Just the other weekend a good friend of mine Paul, a magistrate, was swimming in the surf. It was a normal day, I'd chatted with him by sms an hour or two before to invite him over for dinner that night. A wave picked him up crashed him on his head in the sand, paralysed him and they found him floating face down in the water.
They only just got him in the nick of time. He survived, all's well, he can walk and everything but I'm sure that one experience has changed his perspective on a few things in life.
So we know things like that can happen. We can't map out our whole lives in the minutest detail and say, "yep that's what it's going to be", and yet deep down we need to have a sense of destiny. Another way of putting it would be a sense of the direction our life is meant to be headed and that destiny is invariably tied up with two things, our dreams and our abilities and skills.
If you're one of the majority – one of those people who hasn't yet cottoned on to the direction in which your life was always meant to be headed – then this is for you. Can you remember the dreams you used to have for your life when you were young? Can you? There are going to be some dreams that, well they were never going to fly.
If you're short and slightly dumpy and you were dreaming of becoming a famous basketball player, well that one was obviously never going to happen but so often there's a dream in people's hearts that's been there all along.
Here's a conversation that I've had so many times with people about this question of destiny. We get to talking about the direction which their life is heading and the person says to me something like this, "but you know I'm sure there's meant to be, I don't know, something else. Something that, I don't know, I'm meant to be doing but I don't know what it is."
Does that sound vaguely familiar? So I then ask them, 'well if you had no constraints, if money wasn't an issue, if you could be anything or do anything that you wanted what would that be?' And the answer invariably comes back along these lines. "Oh, oh, anything I want? Well you know, I've always dreamed of ... " And then they tell me the answer, they tell me about their destiny, it's already there, it's woven somehow into the fabric of their DNA.
Now of course there's a risk that this is a short dumpy basket-baller kind of dream and so then I follow up with my second question. What are the things you really enjoy doing? What are the things you're really good at?' Most people can tell you that and what I've found is that in more than 90% of cases their dream and their natural skills and giftings are an almost perfect fit.
You know something we've just discovered their destiny, we've just discovered what they're meant to be doing with their lives and the tragedy, I mean the absolute tragedy is that deep down they probably already knew that. So what held them back? The constraints we all put on our lives.
Do you remember my first question? If you had no constraints, if money wasn't an issue, if you could be anything or do anything that you wanted what would that be? See that question removes the constraints. Then all of a sudden people can look at things the way they're meant to look at them, through the eyes of freedom.
For almost twenty years I was a high priced IT consultant but there came a time of dissatisfaction, time where I really came to the conclusion that I wasn't fulfilling my destiny through making lots of money. Over a few years the opportunity emerged to do what I'm doing now, produce these radio programs and use one of the few natural talents and gifts that I've been given, to be a communicator, to bring hope and change and transformation to people's lives through these radio messages.
But that meant taking a risk. It meant confounding people's expectations of me. It meant leaving a big salary behind and going and working in a small, at the time, ailing not for profit organisation. It's a decision that both Jacqui, my wife, and I took together and those constraints and expectations and the money thing and the risk thing, all of those, I have to tell you, were difficult issues to navigate, it wasn't an easy decision to make.
It was at the time, for me, a huge leap of faith. You know I look back on it now and this is what I know, it's always like that when we have to make a decision as to whether or not we're going to go out there and fulfil our destiny because destiny requires courage, the two seem inextricably linked when we step on the destiny journey.
There's always a risk of failure and yet there's nothing as fulfilling and energising as living out your destiny. These last years doing what I'm doing now there have been some real challenges and real tough times but I tell you I wouldn't swap them for anything and in pursuing this destiny here's what I know.
The only person who can make it happen in our lives is Jesus. Now some may scoff at that, come on Berni, people have achieved great things without Jesus. Yeah okay, there's plenty of evidence of genius and achievement out there in the world, people are capable of some amazing things but here's what I'm absolutely certain of, here's what I know beyond any shadow of doubt.
Jesus, the Son of God, when He laid His glory aside, when He became one of us, He came into this world with a destiny. His destiny was two fold, it was to reveal God to us, to speak of God in a personal language of a man in a way that we could understand and secondly it was to die on that cross and rise again to give you and me the free gift of eternal life.
And without that Jesus who fulfilled His destiny for you and me, you and I well may well be able to achieve some amazing things but we will never achieve anything of eternal value or significance.
Because of my gift of communication I can hold people's attention. I can make them think, laugh and even cry but without Jesus, without His story, without His grace I have nothing of eternal value to impart because He's the one that saves, He's the one that transforms, He's the one that brings new life and my destiny lies in Him to be who He made me to be, to do the things He made me to do so that His purposes will be achieved.
And my friend your destiny, your true destiny lies in Jesus too. He has plans and purposes for your life that He came up with even before you were born and when we give our lives to Him, completely, wholly, fully, without constraint, without limit, without reservation, then we discover our destiny.
Let me tell you, it's a perfect fit your destiny with who He made you to be. How do I know that? Psalm 139. Go and read it – His Word, His truth, your destiny.

It turns out that our priorities have an enormous impact on how we feel about our lives.  So if we want to live an abundant, satisfying life we need to get our priorities sorted out; we need to put first things first. So – what should come first?
Most people these days live hectic lives, just making it through. I mean, for some people listening to this program it's a touch and go thing everyday just to find enough food. Others they're drowning in emails and more things on their list of things to do than they can possibly get done. Others are sinking in a sea of loneliness.
Whatever it is, whoever we are, wherever you're at in your life we can find so many things, really important things to clutter up our daily to do list. Personally my list of things to do is as long as my arm and then some. There are the personal things I have to do, things to do with writing and recording and producing this radio program, there's an organisation to run, people to meet, this project, that project, a new idea over here and a new idea over there.
And then I receive a few hundred emails pretty much every day, some of them are junk but many of them are people asking me to do this or get involved in that or can you answer this question for me please or can you help me with my new project, can you please write an endorsement for the book that I'm writing? Welcome to my world. Now don't get me wrong I'm not complaining and none of those things are terribly bad at all but the point is that with so many more things to do than I can possibly fit into my day, my week or even my year, my process for deciding what I do is absolutely critical.
One of the big mistakes I used to make was to answer my emails first thing each morning. I receive emails 24x7 from around the world so I used to sit down in the morning which given I'm a morning person is my most lucid and productive time and start answering emails. After a while I realised I wasn't getting anything else done because by putting emails first I was putting other people's priorities first, I was in fact dancing to their tune instead of sorting out for myself what was most important from my agenda, the things I needed to do first.
There's a well know principle of framework you read in a lot of management books that sets out the difference between what's urgent and what's important and what you discover is almost nothing that's urgent is important and almost nothing that's important is urgent.
And yet most of us are reactive, we react to the urgent things or at least to the things that other people say are urgent and so we spend most of our time doing urgent things instead of important things. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year and before you know it your life is slipping away doing a whole bunch of things which in the scheme of things may well be making you extremely busy but how important are they really?
What of lasting value do they produce? What of lasting value does your life produce? You see my point here, how are you spending your life and are the things you're spending your time on important and worthwhile? I guess I'm asking those questions for you to ask them of yourself and to answer them, come on be brutally honest.
For instance making sure I have some time for my beautiful wife Jacqui is important. Making sure I encourage her, give her a hug and a kiss, spend some unhurried time with her in the morning over breakfast is really important but it's not urgent. It's not as urgent as say an email that comes in from a radio station from somewhere around the world that says, "we weren't able to download tonight's radio program from your ftp server".
And yet what I used to do because remember mornings are my most productive time, is get up really early and spend no time with Jacqui over breakfast and just work furiously through that time and by the time she comes home from work and I come home from work in the evening we're both tired and there you go, we haven't spent any time together.
Do you see how easily this can happen in people's lives? The urgent trumps the important almost every time and before you know it your life's falling apart, things are in a mess, marriages are failing all because we allow the urgent to crowd out the important. Scary, isn't it?
So these days I make sure that almost every morning during the week I'm around to share a time with my wife for breakfast. Sometimes I'm away and sometimes I have to be on a call to Africa or somewhere else but most mornings I have breakfast with my wife. Why? Because it's important and as a result sometimes urgent things don't get done. Let me let you in on a secret, the sky has yet to fall in.
So what about you? What about your life? Are you letting the myriad of urgent things crowd out the important things, spending time with people, managing your personal finances, nurturing your children, developing relationships with your co workers. All of those things are incredibly important and in many a persons life they're being cast aside simply because people are too busy.
I don't have time to exercise. Well if you don't have time for exercise, which is important let me tell you, you'll certainly be making time for sickness which is going to become urgent and actually that's how it works. Doing the important things generally over time reduces the number of urgent things that you need to do because if the important things go undone they lead to crises and those crises increase the urgent things requiring an immediate response.
We've been talking these last few weeks about discovering your destiny. I don't know what your destiny is, I mean really I don't but this is what I do know, your destiny does not lie in the myriad of the things that other people tell you are urgent. Your destiny doesn't lie in answering hundreds of emails. Your destiny doesn't lie in reacting to other people's priorities.
Your destiny is somewhere; it's doing the really important things in your life. Building the relationships, having a great marriage, doing the important things to take a career forward that's going to impact other people's lives. My friend please don't make the mistake of letting the urgent crowd out the important because, I'll say it again, I'm absolutely certain of this, your destiny does not lie in the hundreds and thousands of urgent little tasks that other people think that you should do.
I mean if you or I went to God, this God who handcrafted us, who designed us in His heart, blue printed our DNA, if we went to Him and said, 'Lord what's the most important thing I have to do with my life?' What do you think He'd answer? What would He put at the very top of our to do list?
Well actually we already know. A clever young lawyer asked Him a very similar question. The lawyer sort of said and this is my paraphrase:
'Well Jesus you and I both know that the law that Moses handed down to us there are six hundred and thirteen commandments and prohibitions, it's kind of a lot, I mean day to day that's a lot of things to remember to do so how would you sum up this law, I mean if I'm trying to prioritise these things in my life which ones of all of those commandments are the most important ones?'
You can read his exact words in Matthews Gospel chapter 22 and in Mark chapter 12. And if I had to paraphrase Jesus reply in kind of here and now speak it would run something like this.
'Look I know you have a lot of things to do, there are lots of rules, do this, don't do that, they're all good things but you can sum up the whole law in just two commandments. To love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, all your strength. That's the most important one and the second one is just like it. To love the people around you as much as you love yourself. That's the whole law in a nutshell, that's it.
And you know something the most important thing I do almost every day, the thing I do before anything else is I spend an hour or so alone with Jesus praying, reading the Bible, asking Him questions and that's what sets the course for my whole day and day after day, month after month, year after year it actually sets the course for my whole life.
It is quite simply the single most important thing that I do and it's through that time with Him that I've discovered my destiny.

Winning is everything.  At least that's what everyone seems to think.  But sometimes, the more we win, the emptier it all feels.  Somehow, winning isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
One of the things we're all pretty much conditioned to do in life is to come first. Now we all can't come first at everything right but it's pretty natural to want to be first, to be the best looking, to be the brightest, to be the most articulate, the fastest runner, the best football player.
Even when we think we have things under control in our lives that competitive spirit thing inside each one of us just wants to win, an argument, a situation, a minor conflict at work or at home, we want to have the final say. We want to assert our view, our way, our need, our whatever it happens to be. To be blunt we just want to win.
But sometimes winning comes at a very high price, let's face it, if I'm going to live out my destiny, if I'm going to be the me I was meant to be and if I'm going to live the life I was meant to live then surely I have to win at things right? I mean it stands to reason doesn't it?
But there are just a few problems with this 'I have to be first' thing. I mean for starters you can't always be first. If everyone was always first by definition none of us would ever be first because winning, coming first means that others have to come second, third, fourth and last and it sets up this thing where we become our own little demi gods and the moment things don't work out, the moment we don't come first we throw a little tantrum or a big tantrum for that matter.
To tell you the truth that's how I used to live. I expected everybody else to bow down and scrape to me and if they didn't I'd get upset, I'd roll over the top of them, I'd get offended and annoyed and disappointed because from as early as I can remember I've been programmed to win, to get the recognition, to win the prize.
And it turned out that all that stuff was robbing me of my destiny, it was robbing me of being the me I was meant to be and living the life I was made to live. I was this little tin pot god on my own little tin pot throne and I discovered it wasn't much fun up there or down there, wherever it was, especially when you're surrounded by other people with exactly the same world view. The paradox is that being first doesn't work. We need to let that sink in for a moment, the view that you or I are always meant to come first simply doesn't work.
Jesus and His disciples were travelling and the disciples were having this argument behind His back about which one of them was the greatest, you know that Mohammad Ali syndrome 'I am the greatest'. And when they came to Capernaum they went inside the house and Jesus said to them, 'So what were you guys arguing about out there on the road?'
But they kept quiet because on the way they'd been arguing about who was the greatest, in effect who would come first.
See there's nothing new here under the sun, this nonsense of wanting to win is as old as the hills.
And sitting down Jesus called the twelve of them over and said, 'Look if any of you wants to be first you actually have to be the very last and the servant of all.'
And He took a little child and He had him stand among them and taking this kid in His arms He said to the disciples, 'it's all about welcoming one of these little children'.
Don't you love that? They have this argument about who's the greatest, now I don't think for one minute that Peter was saying, "you know I think John's the greatest".
No, no, Peter was probably thinking, 'I'm the greatest' and John was probably thinking, "no, no, I'm the greatest". And these guys were playing a power game. Which one of us is on the top of the heap? And when Jesus said, "what were you guys arguing about?" They kept quiet, they didn't want Him to know.
Why? Because they knew it was such a stupid argument. They knew it and we know it but it still doesn't seem to stop us playing the power game. At work, in our neighbourhood or a community group, in our families, amongst our so called friends.
This idea that 'if anyone wants to be first he must be the very last and the servant of all', it's a really profound notion. Just seventeen little words and everything we've learned and believed about winning gets turned completely on it's head. In that one statement Jesus puts His finger on one of the deepest maladies on this planet, it was way back two thousand years ago and it still is today.
Think about it, who are the people who come first in your estimation? Who are the people whom you treasure in your heart? I know who they are, they're the very ones who have sacrificed the most for you aren't they? Those people are the ones you and I hold dearest in our hearts, the ones who loved us when we were tough to love, the ones who put up with us when we were difficult to put up with, the ones who were there for us when we didn't deserve them.
And those people instead of wanting to be first, instead of insisting on their rights, instead of all that stuff, we think we're owed and we deserve, instead of all of that they humble themselves to serve us. Instead of putting themselves first they were in fact last for us. If anyone wants to be first he must be the very last and the servant of all.
Being first ultimately is about sowing a seed in someone else's life, a seed of gentleness and compassion and to be first we have to be last. If you want to be first you have to be the very last, the servant of all and leave a legacy of respect and gratitude and profound appreciation in other people's hearts.
Being first is the thing that happens in their hearts when we serve them instead of what happens in our hearts when they serve us, that's the paradox. It's pretty simple, it's not rocket science but it's one of those things we forget in our business to make sure we get everything we deserve and then some, the me, me, me, thing, we miss it.
I didn't start discovering my true destiny in life until I resigned from my own little tin pot despotic role as my own pathetic little god and started serving others. It's something I'm still learning and the amazing thing is, counter intuitive as it was when I started to serve other people instead of myself I actually started enjoying my life again.
Not having to win each argument, not having to come out on top, not having to be smarter or faster or better or brighter than the next person is a whole better way of living than always having to come first. Because all of a sudden I wasn't trying to live this impossible life anymore, life became a whole bunch simpler when I started to live the Jesus way.
This peace and this joy and this rest started showing up in my life, I don't have to get angry every time someone doesn't meet my expectations. You know something, if anyone wants to be first he must be the very last and the servant of all but more than that I discovered my destiny.
I discovered that when I stopped trying to be first and having everyone serve me, when I in fact started to say 'no I'll start serving them' I discovered I had gifts and abilities that God wanted to use in other people's lives. We talked about this the other week and it's so incredibly satisfying, this double sided transaction of giving and serving.
First resigning from being first, from me at the centre of the universe and to discover what it means to serve, the pleasure and fulfilment and then you know what happens, all of a sudden in a whole bunch of people's hearts we have a warm significance, we have a firstness if I can call it that, that only comes when we become their servant.
Jesus said it in a whole bunch of different ways and it's a profound truth. I mean He said it again in Luke chapter 9, verses 24 and 25 if you want to have a read.
Whoever wants to save their life will lose it but whoever loses their life for me will save it. Because what good is it for anyone to gain the whole world and yet to forfeit their very self.
You see what we're forfeiting when we try and win, when we try and gain our life, when we try and be first, we're forfeiting our very self. In other words this is such an important part of being the person we were meant to be and living out our destiny.
We weren't made by God to be some little tin pot despotic god on our own. We were made to be His children and to lose our lives and in losing our lives to discover who we actually are.

It turns out that the more we try to fill ourselves up with all the fun stuff this world has to offer, the emptier we feel.  When are we finally going to wake up to the fact that life's not just about "me"?
Life is full of paradoxes and contradictions and complexities. It's funny how we can see something one way, believe with all our heart that that's how it is and then in an instant you discover we had it all wrong. Like lemmings sometimes, we all rush in one direction and just in time someone says, "you realise that's a cliff".
People and societies chase after this idea or that belief; they believe it with all their hearts only to discover it doesn't work. Take just one thing, consumerism. The advertising industry has a single, very simple mantra that rings out through almost every advertisement and it's this, "if you buy me you'll be happy".
And to convince us of that each ad has glossy images of success plastered all over it, images of the things we aspire to: beauty, luxury, quality, comfort, happiness, a great marriage; a beautiful, happy, successful woman; a handsome, strong, driven man; delighted, well adjusted teenagers without acne.
In effect the ads tell us what to aspire to because they're defining success. Fine dining, business class travel, crystal clear wide screen televisions, big houses. Who doesn't want those things? But when we finally get there it's a case of, well so what? Great but now what's next?
Who doesn't want a good espresso coffee or sit in those wide comfortable seats at the front of the plane or to drive a nice car or to have a happy family? You know the ads that really, really get me, you see father's day and mothers day ads on television sometimes and they have images of happy well adjusted children, you know come in on mother's day or father's day morning and jump on mum and dads bed and they're all smiling, they're all happy.
What mother or father doesn't want that to be the story of their family? Or even the margarine advertisement, you know in the mornings and all these happy people, all well dressed and their hair groomed, having breakfast, drinking freshly squeezed orange juice, scraping margarine on perfectly cooked toast, just to sell margarine.
Or those watches that cost, you know up market, thousands of dollars type watches and you have images of multi million dollar racing yachts that appeal to the man inside the man. Or the four wheel drives. You notice they're always on beautiful wide country roads which lead towards freedom, never in the maddening peak hour traffic where most people drive them. Or the washing powder that will make your clothes whiter than white and brighter than bright. Or the showers that never need cleaning or the germ free sparkling toilets.
This incredible list, on and on and on, all with the same message, buy me and you'll be happy but the plain simple fact is, it's just not true. I mean most of the things they're good, there's nothing wrong with any of those things but they don't fulfil us, they don't fill us up. Our career, self actualising through our work and power and big salaries, whatever people want out of their careers. You see it doesn't matter what it is or how exciting or glamorous it appears ultimately all work becomes mundane and ho-hum.
You might be thinking, 'Berni what's the matter with you today? I mean why are you all down and pessimistic?' Well actually I'm not but I know a lot of people who are. They're living on this treadmill all their lives, round and round and round just to discover that it's hollow and it's empty. You know something, even the most wonderful marriage on the planet, if there's something not quite right inside one of those people there, it can end up being hollow.
The problem is we've been conned, this buy-me-and-you'll-be-happy thing we know it doesn't work but what's the alternative? I mean so often we don't know anything else so we just keep on going round and round on the same track again and again. You see people swilling around those glossy, ritzy shopping malls, what for? Are they looking for happiness there?
These last few weeks on the program and again this week we're looking at what it means to discover your destiny, to be the person you were made to be, to live the life you were made to live. And we've been unpacking this sort of emptiness that so many people feel, this nagging sense of dissatisfaction.
Can I ask you something? As you look forward to the rest of your life is how you're living it now the way you want to live it for the rest of your days on this earth? Are the things that you're aspiring to, the things you've been working so hard for, the things that you've been sacrificing your life for, are they really worth it? Is the story, the mantra, the perspective on life that society has somehow infused into you the story that you want for the rest of your life?
They might be unsettling questions, I hope actually that they are because this week I want to unpack this paradox, why is it that things don't seem to be working out in life sometimes? Why is it that somehow we try and live our lives kind of the way we're supposed to, the way that's supposed to make sense but it doesn't make sense? I don't feel fulfilled, I don't feel like I'm being the me I was meant to be, why is that?
To me this is the biggest paradox of all and it's one I had to discover and unlearn the hard way. The great British columnist Bernard Lennon once wrote this:
Countries like ours' he said, 'are full of people who have all they desire and yet they lead lives of quiet desperation, understanding nothing of the fact that there is a hole inside and no matter how much food and drink we pour into it, how many motor cars and TV's we stuff it with, how ever many well balanced children and loyal friends we parade around the edges of it, it aches.
See so many people relate to that, sad but true. Can I ask you today, do you relate to that? As we've been spending this short time together today are you one of those many people who, if you're really honest with yourself, would say, "you know, truly there is something missing in my life. The way I've been living my life, the way I'm living my life today is not the way I want to spend the rest of my life?" Because if you are the next question is, so what are you going to do about it, huh?
You may think that I'm railing against having money or having possessions, I'm actually not. There's nothing wrong with money, there's nothing wrong with having possessions, have a listen to what wise old King Solomon wrote in the Old Testament Book of Ecclesiastes chapter 5, verse 19:
Everyone also to whom God has given wealth and possessions and power to enjoy them and to accept his lot and to rejoice in his toil, this is the gift of God.
Maybe you have wealth, maybe you have possessions but do you have the power to enjoy them because that power is a gift from God. Accepting your lot, enjoying who you are, rejoicing in the work you do, all those things are a gift from God.
I like so many people of my generation made the mistake of believing the mantra of the advertising industry, "buy me and you'll be happy". It's not true, it never was true and it never will be true. Happiness and contentment are a gift from God.
Joy is something that comes only ever from an intimate close relationship with God, knowing that through Jesus Christ we've been forgiven, knowing that through Jesus we have a fresh start, a new life, the opportunity to fulfil our individual, custom made, handcrafted destiny that was written down in Gods book of life before any of our days ever existed.
The Apostle Paul hits the nail right on the head in the first chapter of the Book of Ephesians when he writes that God has already blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places and it's only when we lay hold of Gods blessing, real blessing, eternal blessing, blessing that lights up our hearts here and now, the very blessing of God Himself that all this stuff that we have, all the things that we do are enjoyable and make sense.
Does that sound like the sort of story you want to live out for the rest of your life? Yeah me too.