Ask Christopher West

• Getting married with same-sex attraction, His sexual past hurts me, and Am I a failure without a big Catholic family?| ACW363

  –This episode is sponsored by Truthly–Questions answered this episode:There are many stories of Catholic men who experience same-sex attraction and go on to marry and have families, even though their predominant attraction remains toward men. Many encourage others not to dismiss marriage before exploring whether God could be calling them to it. I’m honestly confused. Would it be right for me to pursue a relationship with a woman without being attracted to her, without longing to share in the marital embrace? Some say attraction to their wives arose later in dating, but it doesn’t seem right to start a romantic relationship without attraction.I’ve been struggling for many months with the sexual past of my boyfriend. It’s been really difficult not to take it personally—feeling deeply hurt and offended that he didn’t wait for me, even though we didn’t know one another when those things occurred. He is now committed to living chastely after realizing that fornication was unfulfilling and a lie, thanks be to God. How can I place the proper weight on his past without taking it personally in a way that sabotages the beautiful relationship we’ve built?I converted to the Catholic faith 7 years ago from an atheistic background. From my parents I have a strong inclination to be a perfectionist, even during the marital embrace. I’m anxious not to fail, and I often think I will be a failure if we don’t get 3 children. We have 2 on earth and 1 in heaven. I feel unworthy compared with traditional huge Catholic families. How can I get rid of this anxiety and be free?Resources:Colorado Ski Retreat with ChristopherSexual Integration & Redemption CourseAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

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• When the marriage bed becomes a burden, When preventing cancer raises moral questions, When miscarriage shakes your faith in God’s power | ACW362

  Questions answered this episode:I love marriage and my wife, but we’re facing our biggest challenge: understanding sex and its rightful place. We stayed chaste before marriage; I was a virgin and she’d been abstinent for years. I desire union daily, and while she enjoys our intimacy, she doesn’t need it as often, though she still wants affection. We’re trying to discern how often sex should happen within God’s plan. She fears being used because of past wounds, and I fear rejection when she’s not ready. I worry her “no” means I’ve failed her. Since marrying, sex dominates my thoughts, and it’s becoming a burden.About ten years ago, at 45, I learned I carry a genetic marker for several cancers. Two of my sisters with the same marker developed endometrial and ovarian cancer. I later became a breast cancer survivor, another cancer on the list. My doctor told me there’s no good screening for ovarian cancer and strongly urged a hysterectomy, since pregnancy was unlikely and ovarian cancer is often detected too late. I chose the hysterectomy to prevent cancer, not pregnancy. But after studying Theology of the Body, I’m questioning that decision. What does the Church teach in a case like mine?My wife and I had two miscarriages this year, and the pain has been deep. She is angry with God, and I realized I repressed my own grief until recently. Now I often fight back tears and long for our two children. We keep asking God why. I can’t imagine how this suffering could be glorified here. Are some sufferings only understood in heaven? I also wonder whether physical imperfections like illness or miscarriage are God’s doing or simply consequences of human freedom. I doubt whether prayer can change anything, yet I still love God even as I struggle with doubts about His omnipotence.Resources:JPII Legacy Foundation WebsiteDonate to the JPII Legacy FoundationCourse ScheduleAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

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• Can perverted songs be redeemed?, Can an engagement survive frustrated desire?, and Can unrequited love still be God’s will? | ACW361

  Questions answered this episode:I’d like your opinion on popular songs that celebrate the pleasures of sexual union, like that Marvin Gaye song. Can their meaning—or the passions they stir—be redeemed within marriage? It seems many of these songs aren’t good in most contexts, especially those that objectify people. But are some of them acceptable for married couples to listen to privately, if the lyrics don’t violate the personalistic norm and actually draw one’s mind to the joy of union with one’s spouse? I’d love to hear your thoughts.I’m engaged, and after 1.5 years together we’ve had ongoing difficulties. My fiancé has a very strong desire for union with me—not just sexually, but in living together and loving without limits. His desire is so strong that he becomes deeply frustrated by the limits of a premarital relationship, and he grows distant when that frustration hits. He even says it pains him to be with me. His distance makes me hesitant to marry him. It feels unnatural that Eros could be so strong it can’t endure normal premarital boundaries, and it scares me. Is this normal?I’m a young Catholic woman still in love with a man I met in high school. Back then I felt something spiritual between us—a quiet sense of God saying, “Behold your husband.” He was the first person I ever saw receive the Eucharist kneeling and on the tongue, and it struck me deeply. Though we never acted on anything, seven years later my feelings remain, even though he’s dating someone else and has made choices against his faith. I pray for him daily, but I’m torn: do these prayers honor God, or keep me stuck? Should I keep praying for him or prepare my heart for the husband God intends?Resources:JPII Legacy Foundation WebsiteDonate to the JPII Legacy FoundationEvent ScheduleAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

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• Foolish for not chasing marriage?, Is our intimacy a sin, Are my natural arousals sinful? | ACW360

  Questions answered this episode:I’m a 24-year-old single woman who has never dated. I want to be married, but it’s a passive desire—I’m content and open if something comes my way. I don’t ache for marriage the way others do, and I don’t feel called to chase it. People tell me I’m wasting my twenties and question if I even want a family. I do want marriage, just no one has interested me yet. I don’t think God is asking me to hunt for a spouse. Does that make sense, or am I being foolish?My husband and I have used NFP for 20 years, but during my fertile times he tempts me daily for intimacy. I resist for a few days but usually cave once a month, leading to intercourse where only I climax. It’s very hard to stop, and I’m always the one trying, which leaves me feeling guilty. I love our intimacy but resent his lack of restraint. A priest once told me confessing this monthly means it’s mortal sin, but I can’t find why. Can you shed light on this?I struggle with unwanted arousal around my fiancée—holding hands, hugging, sitting close, even certain voice inflections. Sometimes there’s slight discharge without erection or intent. I feel terrible afterward and replay everything to see if I consented. A priest and therapist have both told me it’s natural and I lack culpability, but I still worry because I’ve read that near-complete pleasure can be gravely sinful. I’m trying to understand if these involuntary reactions are sinful. Please help a confused brother in Christ.Resources:⁠⁠Course ScheduleJPII Legacy Foundation WebsiteGood News About Sex & MarriageLove & Responsibility YouTube Series---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

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• Male fertility & TOB, Should I read things that trigger my sexual wounds?, and Exposure therapy for modesty? | ACW359

  Questions answered this episode: Right now, I'm learning about cycles and fertility using the Creighton method. One main point is that the man is always fertile while the woman is infertile most of the time. I’m wondering if there’s a theology behind that—especially since the man typically initiates and is constantly fertile. What do you think is the significance of this?I'm dating and love your podcast. I'm in a serious relationship but still in college, so marriage is likely two years away. When do you recommend reading Good News About Sex and Marriage? I viewed pornography in early high school but, with God’s grace, have been free for years. Still, twisted ideas about sexuality linger. I long for God’s truth—could reading these sources bring healing and help untwist what remains twisted in me?I feel like modesty conversations are objectifying. Why talk about me as if I’m just pieces to cover? Secular friends see me as a whole person, but religious people seem to see only skin. You say there are no abstract breasts, yet I’m told to cover mine because they “distract” from me—even though they are me. If the body isn’t bad, why hide it? If others can look purely, why must I be my brother’s keeper? Can’t we stop sexualizing everything instead of keeping it taboo?Resources:Course ScheduleJPII Legacy Foundation WebsiteGood News About Sex & MarriageAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

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