Coaching Culture

JP Nerbun's 10-year-old daughter said something on the walk to the bus that stopped him cold: "She's climbing the mountain of achievement without any purpose." That one line is the heart of this entire conversation.
This special episode drops on the launch day of JP's new book The Culture Captain — a field guide for athletes learning to lead from the inside out. JP sits down with longtime friend John O'Sullivan, founder of the Changing the Game Project and co-author of Captain: The Athlete's Guide to Being an Exceptional Team Leader (with Jerry Lynch). Two books. Same subject. Written simultaneously, on opposite sides of the Atlantic. They go deep on self-awareness as the foundation of leadership, why modeling behaviors beats locker room speeches, how to have a difficult conversation before you feel ready, and what it means to lead from the bench when things aren't going your way.
Whether you coach athletes, lead a team, or are still figuring out who you are as a leader — this one is for you.
Chapters
(00:00) Intro — JP's Daughter & Book Launch(02:30) Why John Wrote Captain(05:52) Why JP Wrote The Culture Captain(15:54) The Fable Format — Why JP Chose Lily(19:00) The Four Levels of Leadership(25:13) Surprises from Writing(31:15) The Hardest Lesson to Put Into Words(34:05) Hard Conversations as Life Skills(39:15) From Sports to the Workplace(43:48) What Had to Be Left Out(47:08) Approaching a Difficult Teammate(53:05) Coaching the Reluctant Leader(59:43) Tom Brady on Playing Where You Love People(1:01:26) Success vs. Fulfillment(1:04:00) Lead From the Bench(1:09:02) How Will You Know the Book Succeeded?(1:12:43) Why This Book Mattered MostTOC 3-2-1
3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas.
"She's climbing the mountain of achievement without any purpose."
— JP Nerbun's daughter, age 10
"Success is the goal, but it's not the purpose. Fulfillment should be the purpose. This is what coaches need to provide."
— John O'Sullivan
"You pick up the cones and balls, you serve others. You do that and people go, man, if that's the captain doing it, I better do it too."
— John O'Sullivan
2 Questions for Your Team
Q1: Think of an athlete who is putting in the work but seems to have lost their joy. What would it look like to help them reconnect with purpose rather than achievement?
Q2: What is it currently costing your team — in trust, momentum, or culture — to avoid a hard conversation that needs to happen?
1 Resource to Go Deeper
The Culture Captain by JP Nerbun
A field guide for athletes learning to lead with purpose, values, and selflessness — told through a fable and backed by real stories from Tim Duncan, Tom Brady, Abby Wambach, and more.
Get The Culture Captain at culturecaptain.net
Captain: The Athlete's Guide to Being an Exceptional Team Leader by John O'Sullivan & Jerry Lynch
Qualities, responsibilities, and challenges for every team captain — grounded in research and real stories from high school to the pros.
Visit changingthegameproject.com
Key Takeaways
Know Yourself Before You Lead Anyone
Selflessness Is the Hallmark of Great Captains
Modeling Behaviors Beats Locker Room Speeches
Reluctant Leaders Are Still Leaders
Fulfillment, Not Success, Is the Real Purpose
The Difficult Conversation IS the Leadership
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tocculture.com
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Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

What does it mean to truly know yourself — not perform yourself, not brand yourself for public approval, but honestly know who you are at your core?
JP Nerbun, Betsy Butterick, and Nate Sanderson explore that question in this roundtable, the first in a four-part series on JP's new book, The Culture Captain. Betsy shares the story of an athlete and what she filled in her personal definition led to an eye-opening statement about being "enough". This quiet act of self-definition opens a deeper conversation about identity, enoughness, and what it costs to resist the pressure to brand yourself for the world's approval. Nate brings a hard-won insight from a facilitation with student-athletes that challenges a core assumption most coaches hold about leadership readiness. JP is honest about the gap between success and fulfillment — and about the dark side of purpose itself, how even meaningful work can become obligation when fulfillment is measured in external terms. Betsy's Championship Soup exercise from a workshop at Stanford with Tara Vanderbeer gives every coach a practical way in. This is the beginning of a longer conversation — one level at a time.
If the question "who are you?" has ever felt harder to answer than it should, this one is for you.
Chapters
(00:00) Intro(01:35) The Culture Captain Series Format(03:12) When Were You Invited to Know Yourself?(09:09) The "Child of God" Athlete and Enoughness(11:26) Do Athletes Know What Leadership Is?(12:27) Nate's Facilitation: What Athletes Revealed(16:06) Defining Leadership — No Clean Answer(20:01) Leadership as Wielded Influence(22:08) The Magnetic Personality Story(28:53) Leadership Is a Boat Anyone Can Board(30:58) Core Values — How Did You Find Yours?(35:23) The Soup Supper Exercise(37:15) Championship Soup at Stanford(40:43) Success Without Fulfillment(41:51) Division I Basketball vs. 200km Ultra(45:30) Identity Prison vs. Identity House(46:18) JP's Vulnerable Moment on Fulfillment
TOC 3-2-1
3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas.
"Fulfillment has to be defined by you, and the meaning has to be made intentionally rather than just by what we see and what we hear."
— Nate Sanderson
"When I'm at my best, when I feel most at peace, when I feel most content, when I feel most truly myself — look back at those moments. And then ask: how do I bring that forward and offer it as a gift to my team, to the world?"
— JP Nerbun
"I believe leadership is a boat that anyone can board — if you have the desire to develop that awareness, to know yourself, to use your influence on purpose."
— Betsy Butterick
2 Questions for Your Team
Q1: When was the first time someone truly invited you to define who you are — not describe yourself to others, but honestly articulate who you are at your core? How has that shaped the way you invite athletes into self-discovery?
Q2: Think of a recent coaching achievement. On a scale of 1–10, how fulfilled did it make you feel? What does that number tell you about whether you are living in your values?
1 Resource to Go Deeper
The Culture Captain by JP Nerbun
This episode explores Level 1 of JP's new book — Know Yourself. It's the foundation on which every leadership conversation is built. Get the book and episode tools at tocculture.com.

Visit tocculture.com
Key Takeaways
You Can't Lead Others If You Don't Know Yourself
Leadership Is Wielded Influence — Use It on Purpose
Young Athletes Often Need a "Level Zero" Before Level One
Self-Definition Is an Act of Resistance
Values Are Unearthed, Not Invented
Success Without Fulfillment Is the Warning Sign — and Success Is Often Defined for Us
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tocculture.com
Join TOC Coach — community, courses, and live coaching:
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Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

Most coaches think they're having conversations with their athletes. Marcia Reynolds says they're mostly just talking.
In this episode, JP Nerbun sits down with Marcia Reynolds — executive coach, neuroscience researcher, and author of Coach the Person, Not the Problem — to unpack the science of what makes a coaching conversation actually transformational. Marcia explains why telling athletes what to do almost never leads to lasting change, breaks down the critical difference between coaching and mentoring, and shares a three-step pre-conversation practice that changes how you show up before a single word is spoken.
If you coach athletes, lead a staff, or are navigating a difficult conversation at home — this one is for you.
Chapters
(02:11) Intro
(03:56) Marcia's journey to coaching
(06:26) Why telling people doesn't work
(09:41) Coaching vs. mentoring
(12:26) Coach the person, not the problem
(18:41) The worst assumption a coach can make
(21:11) Three steps before every conversation
(26:11) Building the daily practice
(29:11) Presence as the foundation
(35:41) Reflective inquiry over questions
(40:11) What coaching gives back to the coach

TOC 3-2-1
3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to this episode's most actionable ideas.
"You have not lived their life. You can't stand in someone's shoes. That's not possible. Coach slowly. Try to see what they see through their eyes. Don't assume you know."
— Marcia Reynolds
"Information doesn't change behavior. When I work with the creative center of the brain, when I'm reflecting what they're saying, so they listen to themselves and go, I said that, I believe that... that's when insights emerge."
— Marcia Reynolds
"We make coaching way too hard. When all I'm doing is relaxing into this conversation — just having a conversation with you, listening to what you're saying, offering back what I think you said that seems most important."
— Marcia Reynolds

2 Questions for Your Team
Q1: Before your next coaching conversation with an athlete, write your true intention in one sentence. Are you going in to fix them or to genuinely understand them? What shifts when you lead with honest curiosity?
Q2: Think of a recent moment where you gave an athlete advice that didn't stick. What one question could have opened the door to their own insight instead?
1 Resource to Go Deeper
Coach the Person, Not the Problem by Marcia Reynolds
A practical guide to reflective inquiry — showing coaches how to activate real and lasting change by engaging the athlete's inner world rather than just the presenting behavior.
Visit covisioning.com to learn more
Key Takeaways
Information Alone Does Not Change Behavior
Coaching and Mentoring Are Not the Same Thing
Coach the Person, Not the Problem
Three Things to Set Before Any Coaching Conversation
Reflective Inquiry Beats Great Questions Every Time
Self-Awareness Is a Practice You Can Build
Get the notes and tools:
tocculture.com
Join TOC Coach — community, courses, and live coaching:
tocculture.com
Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

The Art of Communication: Finding Your Voice as a CoachJP Nerbun sits down with co-host Betsy Butterick to explore how intentional communication transforms athlete relationships, team culture, and coaching identity.
TOC 3-2-1: 3 Quotes, 2 Questions, 1 Resource3 Quotes Worth Writing Down"Anytime someone says 'that's just who I am,' what immediately comes up for me is — no, that's who you've been. You get to choose who you get to be in the next moment." — Betsy Butterick
"If we hope to teach them, we first need to reach them. It is arguably much easier for one person — the coach — to shift how they communicate than it is to try to change an entire generation." — Betsy Butterick
"When you speak quietly, people need to come closer, lean in. That was exactly the space I wanted to coach athletes in." — Betsy Butterick
2 Questions for Your TeamWhen you communicate with your athletes before a big moment, are you trying to inspire them — or genuinely educate and invite them into something? What's the difference for your team?
Are there phrases or habits in your coaching communication that fall under "that's just who I am"? What would it look like to ask instead: Is this who I want to be?
1 Resource to Go DeeperKids These Days by Betsy Butterick — the practical communication guide for coaches working with today's athletes. Packed with immediately usable frameworks, real-world stories, and a resource section built to last.
Visit: betsybutterick.com
Key TakeawaysCommunication is a craft, not a personality trait. Betsy's communication didn't come from natural talent — it came from decades of intentional reps: journaling, coaching thousands of young athletes, and a relentless curiosity about language. The implication for every coach: this is buildable.
Inspiring a room and inviting athletes in are not the same thing. Betsy's goal is never to inspire — it's to educate. But the best teaching carries emotional charge, and the question you ask after a lesson is what bridges information to behavior change. Don't just tell them. Ask them what they got from it.
Yelling is a tool — use it like one. In a decade of coaching, Betsy raised her voice about seven times — and believes every player could still tell you exactly why. Coaches who rarely yell make every raised voice meaningful. Coaches who yell constantly give athletes nothing to read.
"That's just who I am" is a pattern, not an identity. When coaches or athletes use that phrase, it closes the door on growth. The reframe Betsy offers: that's who you've been — not who you have to be. Adapting your communication style isn't lowering your standards; it's what makes holding high standards possible.
Accountability requires co-creation, not just enforcement. Most accountability conversations fail because expectations were never truly shared — they were just announced. When athletes help build the standard, they're far more likely to hold each other to it. Peer accountability only works after shared understanding exists.
Action Items for Leaders and CoachesAudit Your Volume: Track how often you raise your voice this week. Is it a tool — or a habit you haven't examined?
End With a Question: After your next team talk, close with one question that invites athletes to reflect on what they just heard.
Spot the Pattern: Notice when you or your athletes say "that's just who I am." Replace it with: "That's who I've been — is it who I want to be?"
Co-Create One Standard: Pick one expectation you've been enforcing alone. Build shared understanding around it with your athletes this week.
ConnectGet episode notes and team culture tools: tocculture.com
Join the TOC Coach community (free): tocculture.com
Betsy Butterick — blog, book, and resources: betsybutterick.com
If this episode was helpful, share it with a coach in your life who is working on their communication. And if you haven't already, subscribe so you never miss an episode of the Coaching Culture Podcast.

🏆 What does "buy-in" actually mean and how do you build it as a leader? Every coach talks about buy-in. But most coaches struggle to define it, measure it, or create it in a consistent, repeatable way. In this episode, JP Nerbun, Nate Sanderson, and Betsy Butterrick break down what athlete buy-in really is, what it's NOT, and give you a practical, systematic approach to building genuine investment and commitment on your team. Whether you're a head coach, assistant coach, athletic director, or team leader, this conversation will challenge how you think about team culture, player motivation, and leadership communication.📌 IN THIS EPISODE YOU'LL LEARN: ✅ Why "buy-in" is misunderstood and what coaches actually mean by it✅ The difference between compliance, commitment, belief, and trust✅ How to treat your athletes like shareholders (and why it works)✅ The Minimum Buy-In concept, what's the floor for your team?✅ How co-creation increases athlete investment and ownership✅ Brené Brown's 5 C's of communication for leaders and coaches✅ How your own stories and triggers are silently undermining your culture✅ The Culture System framework: Establish → Support → Enforce⏱️ CHAPTERS:0:00 – Introduction: Why "Buy-In" Is the Most Overused Word in Coaching1:45 – What Coaches Actually Mean When They Say "Buy-In"4:10 – Compliance vs. Commitment vs. Belief: Knowing the Difference6:50 – The Dangerous Stories Coaches Tell Themselves About Athletes8:02 – Treating Your Roster Like Shareholders: The Investment Framework8:56 – Transactional vs. Transformational Leadership (You Can Be Both)11:30 – Not Everyone Invests the Same — and That's Okay13:00 – The High-Stakes Poker Table: Defining Your Minimum Buy-In14:18 – Real-World Example: Coaching an Amateur Gaelic Football Team in Ireland15:30 – How Much Should the Coach Decide vs. Co-Create With Athletes?17:53 – When Past Success Becomes a Leadership Trap19:30 – Dusty May, Curiosity, and What Championship Coaches Do Differently20:32 – The Shark Tank Framework for Coach-Athlete Negotiation21:47 – Brené Brown's 5 C's: A Communication Blueprint for Leaders23:40 – It's Not About Motivation — It's About Clear Communication25:00 – Internal Reflection: Examining Your Own Triggers Around Buy-In28:02 – The Transfer Portal, Gen Z Athletes, and the Stories We Tell30:09 – The Culture System Framework: Establish, Support, Enforce31:00 – How to Access TOC Coach and The Culture System Book🔗 RESOURCES & LINKS MENTIONED: 📘 The Culture System (Book by JP Nerbun):https://a.co/d/04obWTJ6 🌐 TOC Coach — Online Coaching & Leadership Development Platform:https://www.skool.com/toccoach/about 📩 Subscribe to The Coaching Culture Newsletter:https://tocculture.com/culture-toolbox 🎙️ ABOUT THE COACHING CULTURE PODCAST The Coaching Culture Podcast is hosted by JP Nerbun alongside Nate Sanderson and Betsy Butterick. Our mission is to help coaches and leaders grow — not just in strategy and X's and O's, but in the human side of leadership: building trust, developing culture, and creating environments where athletes and teams can truly thrive. New episodes every week. Subscribe so you never miss one. #CoachingCulture #TeamCulture #LeadershipDevelopment #AthleteMotivation #CoachingTips #BuyIn #TeamBuilding #SportsLeadership #CultureCoach #CoachingPodcast #HighSchoolCoach #CollegeCoaching #AthleteEngagement #PlayerBuyIn #GenZAthletes #LeadershipCoaching #TeamCohesion #CoachingCommunity #SportsCoaching #CultureSystem #MindsetCoaching #JPNerbun #NateSanderson #BetsyButterick #CoachDevelopment #WinningCulture #AthleteLeadership #TeamMotivation #CoachingLife #SportsPsychology