Coaching Culture

Are your three closest teammates a friend group, or a clique the rest of the roster feels shut out of?
JP Nerbun, Betsy Butterick, and Nate Sanderson dig into Level 4 leadership this week: the real difference between a clique and a close friend group, why almost no team builds a genuine culture of honest feedback, and Betsy's own story as a Division I captain who left a program midseason.
Whether you are trying to break up an unhealthy clique or support a player through a transfer decision, this conversation will change how you think about what it takes to lead a team.
Chapters(00:00) Intro
(06:10) Cliques vs close friend groups
(09:40) Coaching moves that break up cliques
(13:13) Creating spaces everyone is invited to
(15:11) Why so few players call teammates out
(19:23) The volleyball team feedback workshop
(23:46) Coaching courage into hard talks
(27:44) How to repair after conflict
(31:02) Why players tear themselves down first
(32:40) Learning to give feedback, not reaction
(34:30) Does transferring make you disloyal
(36:00) Betsy's story of quitting a D1 team
(39:55) Why quitting takes more courage to do
(42:35) We judge quitting but not the cost
TOC 3-2-13 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas.
"We make it out to be this perseverance: drive hard, sit at the end of the bench, put up with a tough coach, and get through it all. We glorify that to an extent that's probably not healthy."
- J.P. Nerbun
"We're really good at judging on the back end, and we're really bad at counting the cost on the front end."
- Nate Sanderson
"The quitting part was about being a good teammate to myself. That was the first time in my life I can remember putting myself before the team."
- Betsy Butterick
2 Questions for Your TeamQ1: When was the last time you gave a teammate honest feedback even though it felt uncomfortable? What stopped you the times you didn't?
Q2: If you're in a tight group of friends on this team, are you making sure everyone else always has an open door in, too?
1 Resource to Go DeeperThe Culture Captain by JP Nerbun
This episode draws on the book's final chapter, leading from the bench, and the stories of athletes like Abby Wambach and Tom Brady who led without always starting. Comes with a free field guide.
Visit culturecaptain.net here
Key TakeawaysA tight friend group isn't automatically a toxic clique
Every athlete doesn't need to feel close to every teammate, just to someone
Most teams don't have a culture of feedback, they have one or two truth-tellers
Give players a script for feedback and it's still excruciating, and that's normal
We're good at judging quitting after the fact and bad at examining the cost before it
Quitting can be the most self-respecting decision a captain ever makes
Get the notes and tools:
tocculture.com
Join TOC Coach, community, courses, and live coaching:
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Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

Most coaches have someone they pour into. Almost none of them have someone who pours back.
In part two with Zach Brandon, JP and Zach go deeper into what it actually takes to develop coaches — not players, coaches — and why that investment may be the most overlooked lever in any program. Zach shares the story that reoriented his entire career: a coach who could not remember his own family moments and discovered he was missing from most of the photos on the wall. The conversation builds into his core coaching framework — Impact = Individual Capabilities x Environment, minus Interference — and why the internal interference is almost always the harder, more important work.
This one is for any coach who suspects they might be their own biggest obstacle, or who has never stopped long enough to ask: who is developing me?
Chapters
(00:00) Intro
(05:06) Best Coach Dev at the Diamondbacks
(08:42) Daily Leadership Shares
(10:32) The Catalyst Story
(13:43) The Hardest Conversation
(14:43) Who Pours Into the Coach?
(16:05) Coach Wellbeing and Player Culture
(19:21) What's Wrong in Today's Landscape
(20:07) The Coaching Impact Equation
(26:47) Internal vs. External Interference
(28:04) Can't Read Label from Inside the Jar
(30:15) Connecting with Zach Brandon
TOC 3-2-1
3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to this episode's most actionable ideas.
"Expectations are oftentimes funneled one directionally. Agreements are shared — it's like, hey, we're on the same page and we're both giving the green light to what this looks like in action."
— Zach Brandon
"Who pours into you? You're the person that pours into everybody else as a coach or as a leader. And yet, do you have anyone for yourself?"
— Zach Brandon
"You can't read the label from inside the jar."
— Zach Brandon
2 Questions for Your Team
Q1: Think about one standard you currently enforce with your team. Did your athletes or staff help create it? If not, what would it look like to move from expectation to shared agreement this week?
Q2: Who pours into you? Name one person in your life who serves as a genuine thought partner for your own growth. If you can't name one, what would it take to find one?
1 Resource to Go Deeper
Winning with Words — newsletter by Zach Brandon
Principles, stories, and mindset shifts to help coaches and leaders win more while living better. Zach also offers a free initial coaching call for anyone exploring what is getting in their way.
Visit zachbrandoncoaching.com
Key Takeaways
Shared agreements beat handed-down expectations
The best coach development happens inside time you already have
Who pours into the coach?
Coach wellbeing is a player development strategy
Your impact has an equation: capabilities x environment, minus interference
You cannot read the label from inside the jar
Get the notes and tools:
tocculture.com
Join TOC Coach — community, courses, and live coaching:
tocculture.com
Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

Zach Brandon spent years inside one of the most pressure-filled environments in professional sports. The biggest thing he took away was not about performance. It was about connection.
In this first conversation with Zach, JP sits down with the former Head of Mental Performance and Coach Development for the Arizona Diamondbacks, on staff during their 2023 World Series run, to explore what he learned about servant leadership, building genuine relationships across a roster, and the principle most leaders quietly overlook: go see the work. Zach and JP also get honest about the cost of diluted focus and why an overused strength can quietly become your biggest limitation.
This one is for any coach who has felt spread too thin, wondered whether athletes really trust them, or needed a reminder that the most powerful question you can ask is: what do you need from me today?
Chapters(00:00) Intro
(03:20) Fatherhood and New Direction
(05:37) World Series and Arrival Fallacy
(08:34) What Great Leadership Looks Like
(11:28) Values: Connect, Impact, Grow
(15:42) Permission to Slow Down
(18:56) Building Trust Across Generations
(20:55) The Pat Riley Connection Story
(22:53) Mapping Relationships
(24:38) Asking Veterans for Advice
(28:47) Player-Led Meetings
(30:42) Diluted Focus, Diluted Results
(35:45) Go See the Work
TOC 3-2-13 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to this episode's most actionable ideas.
"I got a lot better as a leader when I showed up every day from a space of like, hey, how can I serve you?"
— Zach Brandon
"Diluted focus produces diluted results."
— Zach Brandon
"Letting each person you come into contact with be the expert on themselves — and allowing them to share their expertise."
— Zach Brandon
2 Questions for Your TeamQ1: If you rated your relationship with every athlete on your roster from 1 to 5, where are the gaps — and what is one move you could make this week to close the most important one?
Q2: When is the last time you asked one of your athletes for advice? How might doing that more intentionally change the dynamic in your program?
1 Resource to Go DeeperWin More, Live Better — podcast by Zach Brandon
One of JP's handful of go-to podcast subscriptions. The episode featuring former Washington football coach Chris Peterson is the one that first caught JP's attention. Find it and all of Zach's work at zachbrandoncoaching.com.
Visit zachbrandoncoaching.com
Key TakeawaysServant leadership is a daily choice, not a personality trait
You cannot build deep connection without a system
Asking for advice builds more trust than giving it
Diluted focus produces diluted results
Go see the work
An overused strength becomes a limitation
Get the notes and tools:
tocculture.com
Join TOC Coach — community, courses, and live coaching:
tocculture.com
Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

Every coach says they want more leaders. But most are picturing the wrong level entirely.
JP Nerbun, Betsy Butterick, and Nate Sanderson unpack Level 3 leadership, the one-to-one relational work that has to exist before Level 4 (leading the whole team) ever works, including the Joey Votto story of a star player who took up Spanish and improv classes just to become a better teammate.
Whether you've got a team full of quiet glue players or you're still waiting for someone to step up, this conversation will change how you look for leadership on your roster.
Chapters(00:00) Intro
(02:35) Level 3 vs Level 4, defined
(08:33) Leading a team vs leading people
(10:42) The glue player nobody calls a leader
(15:19) When leadership feels inauthentic
(20:15) The soup metaphor
(23:26) Skip the template, find the belief
(32:18) What coaches get wrong on calling out
(36:49) Walk your own talk first
(39:58) The six parts of Level 3
(42:29) Reframing fear before hard talks
(45:54) Four beliefs that block feedback
TOC 3-2-1
3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas.
"The problem with hard conversations isn't not knowing the template. The problem is the belief system that gets in the way of actually changing the behavior."
- J.P. Nerbun
"One group calls it 'called out.' The other group calls the exact same thing, a coach stopping practice to single out an athlete, 'called up.' It depends on the relationship."
- Betsy Butterick
"Rizzo said he got called out by Ross more than a few times, and every single time he walked away feeling like the guy loved him."
- Nate Sanderson
2 Questions for Your Team
Q1: On a scale of 1 to 10, how comfortable are you calling out a teammate when they're below the standard? What belief is keeping you from a 10?
Q2: Think of one teammate you'd call out without hesitation, and one you wouldn't. What's actually different about those two relationships?
1 Resource to Go Deeper
The Culture Captain by JP Nerbun
The book behind this episode's framework, breaking down the four levels of leadership from knowing yourself to leading the whole team.
Visit tocculture.com here
Key Takeaways
Level three is the leadership skill coaches actually need, not level four
Being a great teammate makes you a better performer, not a distraction from it
Don't let "that's just who I am" become the end of the conversation
Calling out and calling up are often the exact same behavior
Most athletes aren't missing a script, they're stuck on a belief
The best challengers spend the other fifty-one weeks building connections
Get the notes and tools:
tocculture.com
Join TOC Coach, community, courses, and live coaching:
tocculture.com
Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

Dr. Jody Carrington says the most vulnerable emotion on the planet is not fear or grief. It is joy.
In part two of her conversation with JP, Dr. Jody Carrington gets specific about what it means to regulate yourself before you can lead anyone else, why joy requires every defense to be down, and why she collects information before she directs a hard conversation.
This one is for any coach who has ever felt calm on paper but tight in the jaw, and who wants tools that work in the middle of practice, not just in theory.
Chapters(00:00) Intro & Welcome Back
(02:04) Fragmented Attention, Real Hacks
(05:46) Go In, Go Out, Repeat
(09:38) Ask What Happened, Not Whats Wrong
(11:11) Who You Really Work For
(12:26) Why Joy Is the Most Vulnerable Emotion
(14:24) Waving at Everyone on Main Street
(20:57) Collect Then Direct
(26:14) The Kid Nobody Wanted to Coach
(28:29) Investing in the Hardest Parents
TOC 3-2-13 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to the episode's most actionable ideas.
"The most important people you work for are the ones you go home to."
- Dr. Jody Carrington
"The most vulnerable emotion on the planet is joy."
- Dr. Jody Carrington
"Collect and then direct. It's not if I'm going to give that feedback, it's when."
- Dr. Jody Carrington
2 Questions for Your TeamQ1: Where in your day is your jaw locked and your shoulders up before you ever set foot in front of your team, and what would it look like to drop them on purpose before you walk in?
Q2: Which two players are you not building a real relationship with right now, and what is one specific thing you could learn about them this week?
1 Resource to Go DeeperDr. Jody Carrington
Free videos, articles, and tools built around the same ideas she unpacked in this episode: regulation, connection, and showing up as your best self before you lead anyone else.
Visit drjodycarrington.com here
Key TakeawaysRegulate Yourself Before You Coach Anyone Else
The People You Work For Are the Ones You Go Home To
Ask What Happened, Not What's Wrong
Joy Is the Most Vulnerable Emotion on a Team
Collect Before You Direct
Relationships With Parents Cut the Battle in Half
Get the notes and tools:
tocculture.com
Join TOC Coach - community, courses, and live coaching:
tocculture.com
Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.