Coaching Culture

The Art of Communication: Finding Your Voice as a CoachJP Nerbun sits down with co-host Betsy Butterick to explore how intentional communication transforms athlete relationships, team culture, and coaching identity.
TOC 3-2-1: 3 Quotes, 2 Questions, 1 Resource3 Quotes Worth Writing Down"Anytime someone says 'that's just who I am,' what immediately comes up for me is — no, that's who you've been. You get to choose who you get to be in the next moment." — Betsy Butterick
"If we hope to teach them, we first need to reach them. It is arguably much easier for one person — the coach — to shift how they communicate than it is to try to change an entire generation." — Betsy Butterick
"When you speak quietly, people need to come closer, lean in. That was exactly the space I wanted to coach athletes in." — Betsy Butterick
2 Questions for Your TeamWhen you communicate with your athletes before a big moment, are you trying to inspire them — or genuinely educate and invite them into something? What's the difference for your team?
Are there phrases or habits in your coaching communication that fall under "that's just who I am"? What would it look like to ask instead: Is this who I want to be?
1 Resource to Go DeeperKids These Days by Betsy Butterick — the practical communication guide for coaches working with today's athletes. Packed with immediately usable frameworks, real-world stories, and a resource section built to last.
Visit: betsybutterick.com
Key TakeawaysCommunication is a craft, not a personality trait. Betsy's communication didn't come from natural talent — it came from decades of intentional reps: journaling, coaching thousands of young athletes, and a relentless curiosity about language. The implication for every coach: this is buildable.
Inspiring a room and inviting athletes in are not the same thing. Betsy's goal is never to inspire — it's to educate. But the best teaching carries emotional charge, and the question you ask after a lesson is what bridges information to behavior change. Don't just tell them. Ask them what they got from it.
Yelling is a tool — use it like one. In a decade of coaching, Betsy raised her voice about seven times — and believes every player could still tell you exactly why. Coaches who rarely yell make every raised voice meaningful. Coaches who yell constantly give athletes nothing to read.
"That's just who I am" is a pattern, not an identity. When coaches or athletes use that phrase, it closes the door on growth. The reframe Betsy offers: that's who you've been — not who you have to be. Adapting your communication style isn't lowering your standards; it's what makes holding high standards possible.
Accountability requires co-creation, not just enforcement. Most accountability conversations fail because expectations were never truly shared — they were just announced. When athletes help build the standard, they're far more likely to hold each other to it. Peer accountability only works after shared understanding exists.
Action Items for Leaders and CoachesAudit Your Volume: Track how often you raise your voice this week. Is it a tool — or a habit you haven't examined?
End With a Question: After your next team talk, close with one question that invites athletes to reflect on what they just heard.
Spot the Pattern: Notice when you or your athletes say "that's just who I am." Replace it with: "That's who I've been — is it who I want to be?"
Co-Create One Standard: Pick one expectation you've been enforcing alone. Build shared understanding around it with your athletes this week.
ConnectGet episode notes and team culture tools: tocculture.com
Join the TOC Coach community (free): tocculture.com
Betsy Butterick — blog, book, and resources: betsybutterick.com
If this episode was helpful, share it with a coach in your life who is working on their communication. And if you haven't already, subscribe so you never miss an episode of the Coaching Culture Podcast.

🏆 What does "buy-in" actually mean and how do you build it as a leader? Every coach talks about buy-in. But most coaches struggle to define it, measure it, or create it in a consistent, repeatable way. In this episode, JP Nerbun, Nate Sanderson, and Betsy Butterrick break down what athlete buy-in really is, what it's NOT, and give you a practical, systematic approach to building genuine investment and commitment on your team. Whether you're a head coach, assistant coach, athletic director, or team leader, this conversation will challenge how you think about team culture, player motivation, and leadership communication.📌 IN THIS EPISODE YOU'LL LEARN: ✅ Why "buy-in" is misunderstood and what coaches actually mean by it✅ The difference between compliance, commitment, belief, and trust✅ How to treat your athletes like shareholders (and why it works)✅ The Minimum Buy-In concept, what's the floor for your team?✅ How co-creation increases athlete investment and ownership✅ Brené Brown's 5 C's of communication for leaders and coaches✅ How your own stories and triggers are silently undermining your culture✅ The Culture System framework: Establish → Support → Enforce⏱️ CHAPTERS:0:00 – Introduction: Why "Buy-In" Is the Most Overused Word in Coaching1:45 – What Coaches Actually Mean When They Say "Buy-In"4:10 – Compliance vs. Commitment vs. Belief: Knowing the Difference6:50 – The Dangerous Stories Coaches Tell Themselves About Athletes8:02 – Treating Your Roster Like Shareholders: The Investment Framework8:56 – Transactional vs. Transformational Leadership (You Can Be Both)11:30 – Not Everyone Invests the Same — and That's Okay13:00 – The High-Stakes Poker Table: Defining Your Minimum Buy-In14:18 – Real-World Example: Coaching an Amateur Gaelic Football Team in Ireland15:30 – How Much Should the Coach Decide vs. Co-Create With Athletes?17:53 – When Past Success Becomes a Leadership Trap19:30 – Dusty May, Curiosity, and What Championship Coaches Do Differently20:32 – The Shark Tank Framework for Coach-Athlete Negotiation21:47 – Brené Brown's 5 C's: A Communication Blueprint for Leaders23:40 – It's Not About Motivation — It's About Clear Communication25:00 – Internal Reflection: Examining Your Own Triggers Around Buy-In28:02 – The Transfer Portal, Gen Z Athletes, and the Stories We Tell30:09 – The Culture System Framework: Establish, Support, Enforce31:00 – How to Access TOC Coach and The Culture System Book🔗 RESOURCES & LINKS MENTIONED: 📘 The Culture System (Book by JP Nerbun):https://a.co/d/04obWTJ6 🌐 TOC Coach — Online Coaching & Leadership Development Platform:https://www.skool.com/toccoach/about 📩 Subscribe to The Coaching Culture Newsletter:https://tocculture.com/culture-toolbox 🎙️ ABOUT THE COACHING CULTURE PODCAST The Coaching Culture Podcast is hosted by JP Nerbun alongside Nate Sanderson and Betsy Butterick. Our mission is to help coaches and leaders grow — not just in strategy and X's and O's, but in the human side of leadership: building trust, developing culture, and creating environments where athletes and teams can truly thrive. New episodes every week. Subscribe so you never miss one. #CoachingCulture #TeamCulture #LeadershipDevelopment #AthleteMotivation #CoachingTips #BuyIn #TeamBuilding #SportsLeadership #CultureCoach #CoachingPodcast #HighSchoolCoach #CollegeCoaching #AthleteEngagement #PlayerBuyIn #GenZAthletes #LeadershipCoaching #TeamCohesion #CoachingCommunity #SportsCoaching #CultureSystem #MindsetCoaching #JPNerbun #NateSanderson #BetsyButterick #CoachDevelopment #WinningCulture #AthleteLeadership #TeamMotivation #CoachingLife #SportsPsychology

What does transformational leadership actually look like in practice? Father Mike Schmitz, 15-year director of the Newman Center at UMD, sits down with coaches to share the leadership principles, culture-building strategies, and mentorship frameworks that have transformed thousands of lives on a secular college campus.
Whether you're a coach, team leader, manager, or anyone invested in building high-performance culture, this conversation is packed with actionable wisdom on setting priorities, establishing boundaries, leading with authenticity, and developing the next generation of leaders.

IN THIS EPISODE:
How to identify your one true priority (and stop pretending you have many)The "rock analogy" for protecting your closest relationships during demanding seasons
Why saying NO with conviction is an act of leadership — not selfishness
The 3 pillars Father Mike used to build a transformational culture from scratch
The FACT (and FACE) framework for identifying and developing emerging leaders
Small group leadership: how to structure teams within teams
How to lead authentically in a secular environment without compromising your values
Why Gen Z craves in-person connection more than any generation before them
The concept of "spiritual fatherhood" and what it means for coaches and mentors

⏱️ CHAPTERS:
00:00 — Introduction: Coaching through busy seasons of life
02:45 — The Rock Analogy: Protecting your family during demanding seasons
06:30 — Defining your TRUE priority (it's singular, not plural)
10:15 — How to say NO without guilt — and why conviction sets you free
15:40 — Knowing your limits: the wisdom of boundaries in leadership
19:00 — Building a transformational culture from scratch (the 3 pillars)
25:10 — Seen, Known, and Loved: the culture framework that changed everything
29:30 — Bottom-up leadership: creating a culture where people correct you
33:00 — Small group leadership: the FACT framework for identifying leaders
39:20 — The Jenna story: how one person's faithfulness sparked a movement
44:45 — Leading Gen Z: why in-person connection is the ultimate differentiator
49:10 — How to create psychological safety so people speak freely
53:00 — Spiritual fatherhood: reframing your role as a coach or mentor
58:30 — Leading with faith in a secular environment

🔗 RESOURCES & LINKS:
📖 The Bible in a Year with Father Mike Schmitz: https://www.youtube.com/@UCzUZD3iCxkHmwYkCqYn8fBw
🏛️ UMD Newman Center: https://bulldogcatholic.org/
📚 Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" (mentioned): https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful/dp/0743269519
🎓 FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students): https://focus.org/
🏆 Subscribe for more leadership and coaching conversations: https://www.youtube.com/@UC3vIljCBzwHcPyVIx9kiHvw

transformational leadership, coaching leadership, building team culture, mentorship, leadership development, how to build culture, high performance teams, athlete development, Gen Z leadership, setting boundaries as a leader, how to say no, priority setting, small group leadership, servant leadership, authentic leadership, coach mentorship, spiritual leadership, team building strategies, leadership in sports, culture building, how to develop leaders, Father Mike Schmitz, Newman Center, FOCUS ministry, college coaching

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Every coach will face a culture killer on their team. Whether it's a star player with a toxic attitude, an athlete stirring drama behind the scenes, or a kid whose behavior is slowly poisoning team morale — knowing how to respond is one of the most critical leadership skills a coach can develop.In this episode of the Coaching Culture Podcast, JP Nerbun, Nate Sanderson, and Betsy Butterrick get practical on how to identify culture killers early, avoid common coaching mistakes, and take action — even when you feel handcuffed by administration, politics, or roster constraints.🔑 What you'll learn:How to recognize culture cancer before it metastasizesWhy ignoring toxic behavior is the worst thing you can do (and what to do instead)The difference between behavior that hurts the individual vs. behavior that hurts the whole teamHow progressive consequences and restorative accountability actually workWhy "choose your hard" is the mindset shift every coach needsHow to give athletes an "out" without it feeling like manipulationThe role of captains, assistant coaches, and administrators in managing culture killers🎙️ About the Coaching Culture PodcastWe help coaches grow as leaders and build stronger team cultures — beyond the X's and O's. New episodes every week for coaches at every level and sport.📚 Resources Mentioned in This Episode:The Culture System by JP Nerbun — the final chapter dives deep into culture killers: https://a.co/d/00ccdd4lTOC Coach — online community, courses & coaching platform: https://www.skool.com/toccoach/about🎧 Related Episode: Boomer Roberts at Purdue Northwest on radical accountability https://youtu.be/9dn51b3abe4?si=L_fePaO3VkvxB7ta🎧 Related Episode: Eric Lang at American International College on radical transparency https://youtu.be/QLoEshEfvpI?si=mRvYmiwD2WTs6vcj📌 CHAPTERS0:00 — Introduction: Every Coach Will Face a Culture Killer2:10 — What Is a Culture Killer? (And Why "Culture Cancer" Might Be More Accurate)4:00 — The Constraints Coaches Face: No-Cut Policies, Star Players & Administrative Pressure5:55 — Why Coaches Feel Powerless — And Why That's a Mistake7:47 — What Doesn't Work: The Most Common Coaching Mistakes With Toxic Athletes9:21 — "What We Permit, We Promote" — The Cost of Inaction11:03 — Ignoring Symptoms, Hoping Players Fix It & Addressing the Room Instead of the Individual13:00 — The Hero Complex in Transformational Coaching14:24 — Starting With Awareness: Having the Right Conversations16:57 — Trusting Your Intuition as a Coach (Even Without Cold Hard Facts)19:40 — In-Bounds vs. Out-of-Bounds: Behavior in the Team Space vs. Outside It21:30 — Radical Transparency: Lessons From a Division I Hockey Coach23:56 — When You Can't Remove Them: Giving Athletes an "Out"25:00 — Progressive Consequences in Action: Step-by-Step Accountability26:33 — Real Stories: When Athletes Opt Out — and When They Turn It Around28:00 — Setting Automatic "Trap Doors" for Behavior at the Start of the Season30:00 — "Choose Your Hard": The Toughest Truth in Coaching Culture31:36 — Culture Over Convenience: What You're Really Telling Your Team33:00 — Restorative Consequences and Navigating the Gray34:57 — Using Assistant Coaches, Captains & Parents to Share the Load34:57 — Wrap-Up + Resources: The Culture System & TOC CoachKeywords: coaching leadership, team culture, toxic team members, culture killers, transformational coaching, athlete accountability, team dynamics, coach development, sports leadership, building team culture, progressive discipline, restorative consequences, coaching podcast, locker room culture, leadership skills for coachesVisit us at: https://tocculture.comQuestions? Join the TOC Coach community and ask us directly!
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Taking hard feedback is one of the most underrated leadership skills — and most of us are doing it wrong.
In this episode, JP, Betsy, and Nate get real about the emotional side of criticism: why feedback feels so personal for coaches and leaders, how to regulate before you respond, and the mindset shift that turns brutal feedback into your greatest tool for growth.
Whether you're a coach, athletic director, team leader, or anyone who's ever been stung by a harsh comment — this conversation is for you.

🎙️ In this episode, we cover:
→ Why feedback hits differently when your work is your identity
→ How to regulate your emotional response before reacting
→ The difference between feedback as a verdict vs. feedback as information
→ Practical tools: exit interviews, anonymous polling, and mid-season check-ins
→ When to stand firm — and when to own it and grow→ How small language shifts completely change how feedback lands

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💬 Join the TOC Coach Community → https://www.skool.com/toccoach/about

⏱️ CHAPTERS
0:00 Cold open & welcome
2:36 What makes feedback so hard to take?
3:03 Betsy: when feedback feels personal
4:55 Nate: the paranoia about not knowing what's coming
5:48 JP: proximity, relationship & the 2015 turning point
7:33 Positive feedback experiences — what actually worked
9:08 How your response to feedback shapes future feedback
10:20 Betsy's coaching program breakthrough moment
12:48 What to do when feedback feels like an attack
14:30 Real coaching example: helping a coach put it down
16:41 First steps when you're triggered — regulate first
19:00 Own the hard feedback before it owns you
21:04 The complexity of coaching decisions: playing time & perspective
23:38 Is it true? Learning from feedback regardless of the answer
25:01 Feedback as information, not a verdict
26:37 The language shift that changes everything
28:13 Rewriting harsh feedback so you can actually hear it
30:51 How to ask for better feedback from your team
33:07 Setting expectations early & capturing in-season intelligence
35:45 Normalizing feedback & modeling how to receive it
37:44 The Man in the Arena — and what Teddy got right (and wrong)
40:17 When to stand firm vs. when to fold
43:08 How going through hard feedback builds conviction🔍

KEYWORDS
leadership development | coaching culture | how to take feedback | receiving criticism | coach mindset | athletic leadership | team culture | growth mindset for coaches | sports leadership podcast | feedback in the workplace | leadership skills | handling negative feedback | transformational coaching | emotional intelligence for leaders | coaching podcast

#CoachingCulture #LeadershipDevelopment #CoachMindset #HardFeedback #AthleticLeadership #GrowthMindset #SportsLeadership #TeamCulture #TransformationalCoaching #CoachingPodcast