Coaching Culture

Most coaches think they're having conversations with their athletes. Marcia Reynolds says they're mostly just talking.
In this episode, JP Nerbun sits down with Marcia Reynolds — executive coach, neuroscience researcher, and author of Coach the Person, Not the Problem — to unpack the science of what makes a coaching conversation actually transformational. Marcia explains why telling athletes what to do almost never leads to lasting change, breaks down the critical difference between coaching and mentoring, and shares a three-step pre-conversation practice that changes how you show up before a single word is spoken.
If you coach athletes, lead a staff, or are navigating a difficult conversation at home — this one is for you.
Chapters
(02:11) Intro
(03:56) Marcia's journey to coaching
(06:26) Why telling people doesn't work
(09:41) Coaching vs. mentoring
(12:26) Coach the person, not the problem
(18:41) The worst assumption a coach can make
(21:11) Three steps before every conversation
(26:11) Building the daily practice
(29:11) Presence as the foundation
(35:41) Reflective inquiry over questions
(40:11) What coaching gives back to the coach

TOC 3-2-1
3 Quotes | 2 Questions | 1 Resource
Your fast-track to this episode's most actionable ideas.
"You have not lived their life. You can't stand in someone's shoes. That's not possible. Coach slowly. Try to see what they see through their eyes. Don't assume you know."
— Marcia Reynolds
"Information doesn't change behavior. When I work with the creative center of the brain, when I'm reflecting what they're saying, so they listen to themselves and go, I said that, I believe that... that's when insights emerge."
— Marcia Reynolds
"We make coaching way too hard. When all I'm doing is relaxing into this conversation — just having a conversation with you, listening to what you're saying, offering back what I think you said that seems most important."
— Marcia Reynolds

2 Questions for Your Team
Q1: Before your next coaching conversation with an athlete, write your true intention in one sentence. Are you going in to fix them or to genuinely understand them? What shifts when you lead with honest curiosity?
Q2: Think of a recent moment where you gave an athlete advice that didn't stick. What one question could have opened the door to their own insight instead?
1 Resource to Go Deeper
Coach the Person, Not the Problem by Marcia Reynolds
A practical guide to reflective inquiry — showing coaches how to activate real and lasting change by engaging the athlete's inner world rather than just the presenting behavior.
Visit covisioning.com to learn more
Key Takeaways
Information Alone Does Not Change Behavior
Coaching and Mentoring Are Not the Same Thing
Coach the Person, Not the Problem
Three Things to Set Before Any Coaching Conversation
Reflective Inquiry Beats Great Questions Every Time
Self-Awareness Is a Practice You Can Build
Get the notes and tools:
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Join TOC Coach — community, courses, and live coaching:
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Better Coaches. Better Leaders. Better Culture.

The Art of Communication: Finding Your Voice as a CoachJP Nerbun sits down with co-host Betsy Butterick to explore how intentional communication transforms athlete relationships, team culture, and coaching identity.
TOC 3-2-1: 3 Quotes, 2 Questions, 1 Resource3 Quotes Worth Writing Down"Anytime someone says 'that's just who I am,' what immediately comes up for me is — no, that's who you've been. You get to choose who you get to be in the next moment." — Betsy Butterick
"If we hope to teach them, we first need to reach them. It is arguably much easier for one person — the coach — to shift how they communicate than it is to try to change an entire generation." — Betsy Butterick
"When you speak quietly, people need to come closer, lean in. That was exactly the space I wanted to coach athletes in." — Betsy Butterick
2 Questions for Your TeamWhen you communicate with your athletes before a big moment, are you trying to inspire them — or genuinely educate and invite them into something? What's the difference for your team?
Are there phrases or habits in your coaching communication that fall under "that's just who I am"? What would it look like to ask instead: Is this who I want to be?
1 Resource to Go DeeperKids These Days by Betsy Butterick — the practical communication guide for coaches working with today's athletes. Packed with immediately usable frameworks, real-world stories, and a resource section built to last.
Visit: betsybutterick.com
Key TakeawaysCommunication is a craft, not a personality trait. Betsy's communication didn't come from natural talent — it came from decades of intentional reps: journaling, coaching thousands of young athletes, and a relentless curiosity about language. The implication for every coach: this is buildable.
Inspiring a room and inviting athletes in are not the same thing. Betsy's goal is never to inspire — it's to educate. But the best teaching carries emotional charge, and the question you ask after a lesson is what bridges information to behavior change. Don't just tell them. Ask them what they got from it.
Yelling is a tool — use it like one. In a decade of coaching, Betsy raised her voice about seven times — and believes every player could still tell you exactly why. Coaches who rarely yell make every raised voice meaningful. Coaches who yell constantly give athletes nothing to read.
"That's just who I am" is a pattern, not an identity. When coaches or athletes use that phrase, it closes the door on growth. The reframe Betsy offers: that's who you've been — not who you have to be. Adapting your communication style isn't lowering your standards; it's what makes holding high standards possible.
Accountability requires co-creation, not just enforcement. Most accountability conversations fail because expectations were never truly shared — they were just announced. When athletes help build the standard, they're far more likely to hold each other to it. Peer accountability only works after shared understanding exists.
Action Items for Leaders and CoachesAudit Your Volume: Track how often you raise your voice this week. Is it a tool — or a habit you haven't examined?
End With a Question: After your next team talk, close with one question that invites athletes to reflect on what they just heard.
Spot the Pattern: Notice when you or your athletes say "that's just who I am." Replace it with: "That's who I've been — is it who I want to be?"
Co-Create One Standard: Pick one expectation you've been enforcing alone. Build shared understanding around it with your athletes this week.
ConnectGet episode notes and team culture tools: tocculture.com
Join the TOC Coach community (free): tocculture.com
Betsy Butterick — blog, book, and resources: betsybutterick.com
If this episode was helpful, share it with a coach in your life who is working on their communication. And if you haven't already, subscribe so you never miss an episode of the Coaching Culture Podcast.

🏆 What does "buy-in" actually mean and how do you build it as a leader? Every coach talks about buy-in. But most coaches struggle to define it, measure it, or create it in a consistent, repeatable way. In this episode, JP Nerbun, Nate Sanderson, and Betsy Butterrick break down what athlete buy-in really is, what it's NOT, and give you a practical, systematic approach to building genuine investment and commitment on your team. Whether you're a head coach, assistant coach, athletic director, or team leader, this conversation will challenge how you think about team culture, player motivation, and leadership communication.📌 IN THIS EPISODE YOU'LL LEARN: ✅ Why "buy-in" is misunderstood and what coaches actually mean by it✅ The difference between compliance, commitment, belief, and trust✅ How to treat your athletes like shareholders (and why it works)✅ The Minimum Buy-In concept, what's the floor for your team?✅ How co-creation increases athlete investment and ownership✅ Brené Brown's 5 C's of communication for leaders and coaches✅ How your own stories and triggers are silently undermining your culture✅ The Culture System framework: Establish → Support → Enforce⏱️ CHAPTERS:0:00 – Introduction: Why "Buy-In" Is the Most Overused Word in Coaching1:45 – What Coaches Actually Mean When They Say "Buy-In"4:10 – Compliance vs. Commitment vs. Belief: Knowing the Difference6:50 – The Dangerous Stories Coaches Tell Themselves About Athletes8:02 – Treating Your Roster Like Shareholders: The Investment Framework8:56 – Transactional vs. Transformational Leadership (You Can Be Both)11:30 – Not Everyone Invests the Same — and That's Okay13:00 – The High-Stakes Poker Table: Defining Your Minimum Buy-In14:18 – Real-World Example: Coaching an Amateur Gaelic Football Team in Ireland15:30 – How Much Should the Coach Decide vs. Co-Create With Athletes?17:53 – When Past Success Becomes a Leadership Trap19:30 – Dusty May, Curiosity, and What Championship Coaches Do Differently20:32 – The Shark Tank Framework for Coach-Athlete Negotiation21:47 – Brené Brown's 5 C's: A Communication Blueprint for Leaders23:40 – It's Not About Motivation — It's About Clear Communication25:00 – Internal Reflection: Examining Your Own Triggers Around Buy-In28:02 – The Transfer Portal, Gen Z Athletes, and the Stories We Tell30:09 – The Culture System Framework: Establish, Support, Enforce31:00 – How to Access TOC Coach and The Culture System Book🔗 RESOURCES & LINKS MENTIONED: 📘 The Culture System (Book by JP Nerbun):https://a.co/d/04obWTJ6 🌐 TOC Coach — Online Coaching & Leadership Development Platform:https://www.skool.com/toccoach/about 📩 Subscribe to The Coaching Culture Newsletter:https://tocculture.com/culture-toolbox 🎙️ ABOUT THE COACHING CULTURE PODCAST The Coaching Culture Podcast is hosted by JP Nerbun alongside Nate Sanderson and Betsy Butterick. Our mission is to help coaches and leaders grow — not just in strategy and X's and O's, but in the human side of leadership: building trust, developing culture, and creating environments where athletes and teams can truly thrive. New episodes every week. Subscribe so you never miss one. #CoachingCulture #TeamCulture #LeadershipDevelopment #AthleteMotivation #CoachingTips #BuyIn #TeamBuilding #SportsLeadership #CultureCoach #CoachingPodcast #HighSchoolCoach #CollegeCoaching #AthleteEngagement #PlayerBuyIn #GenZAthletes #LeadershipCoaching #TeamCohesion #CoachingCommunity #SportsCoaching #CultureSystem #MindsetCoaching #JPNerbun #NateSanderson #BetsyButterick #CoachDevelopment #WinningCulture #AthleteLeadership #TeamMotivation #CoachingLife #SportsPsychology

What does transformational leadership actually look like in practice? Father Mike Schmitz, 15-year director of the Newman Center at UMD, sits down with coaches to share the leadership principles, culture-building strategies, and mentorship frameworks that have transformed thousands of lives on a secular college campus.
Whether you're a coach, team leader, manager, or anyone invested in building high-performance culture, this conversation is packed with actionable wisdom on setting priorities, establishing boundaries, leading with authenticity, and developing the next generation of leaders.

IN THIS EPISODE:
How to identify your one true priority (and stop pretending you have many)The "rock analogy" for protecting your closest relationships during demanding seasons
Why saying NO with conviction is an act of leadership — not selfishness
The 3 pillars Father Mike used to build a transformational culture from scratch
The FACT (and FACE) framework for identifying and developing emerging leaders
Small group leadership: how to structure teams within teams
How to lead authentically in a secular environment without compromising your values
Why Gen Z craves in-person connection more than any generation before them
The concept of "spiritual fatherhood" and what it means for coaches and mentors

⏱️ CHAPTERS:
00:00 — Introduction: Coaching through busy seasons of life
02:45 — The Rock Analogy: Protecting your family during demanding seasons
06:30 — Defining your TRUE priority (it's singular, not plural)
10:15 — How to say NO without guilt — and why conviction sets you free
15:40 — Knowing your limits: the wisdom of boundaries in leadership
19:00 — Building a transformational culture from scratch (the 3 pillars)
25:10 — Seen, Known, and Loved: the culture framework that changed everything
29:30 — Bottom-up leadership: creating a culture where people correct you
33:00 — Small group leadership: the FACT framework for identifying leaders
39:20 — The Jenna story: how one person's faithfulness sparked a movement
44:45 — Leading Gen Z: why in-person connection is the ultimate differentiator
49:10 — How to create psychological safety so people speak freely
53:00 — Spiritual fatherhood: reframing your role as a coach or mentor
58:30 — Leading with faith in a secular environment

🔗 RESOURCES & LINKS:
📖 The Bible in a Year with Father Mike Schmitz: https://www.youtube.com/@UCzUZD3iCxkHmwYkCqYn8fBw
🏛️ UMD Newman Center: https://bulldogcatholic.org/
📚 Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" (mentioned): https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful/dp/0743269519
🎓 FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students): https://focus.org/
🏆 Subscribe for more leadership and coaching conversations: https://www.youtube.com/@UC3vIljCBzwHcPyVIx9kiHvw

transformational leadership, coaching leadership, building team culture, mentorship, leadership development, how to build culture, high performance teams, athlete development, Gen Z leadership, setting boundaries as a leader, how to say no, priority setting, small group leadership, servant leadership, authentic leadership, coach mentorship, spiritual leadership, team building strategies, leadership in sports, culture building, how to develop leaders, Father Mike Schmitz, Newman Center, FOCUS ministry, college coaching

📌 If you found this valuable, share it with a coach, leader, or mentor in your life.🔔 Subscribe and hit the bell so you never miss an episode on leadership, culture, and coaching.

Every coach will face a culture killer on their team. Whether it's a star player with a toxic attitude, an athlete stirring drama behind the scenes, or a kid whose behavior is slowly poisoning team morale — knowing how to respond is one of the most critical leadership skills a coach can develop.In this episode of the Coaching Culture Podcast, JP Nerbun, Nate Sanderson, and Betsy Butterrick get practical on how to identify culture killers early, avoid common coaching mistakes, and take action — even when you feel handcuffed by administration, politics, or roster constraints.🔑 What you'll learn:How to recognize culture cancer before it metastasizesWhy ignoring toxic behavior is the worst thing you can do (and what to do instead)The difference between behavior that hurts the individual vs. behavior that hurts the whole teamHow progressive consequences and restorative accountability actually workWhy "choose your hard" is the mindset shift every coach needsHow to give athletes an "out" without it feeling like manipulationThe role of captains, assistant coaches, and administrators in managing culture killers🎙️ About the Coaching Culture PodcastWe help coaches grow as leaders and build stronger team cultures — beyond the X's and O's. New episodes every week for coaches at every level and sport.📚 Resources Mentioned in This Episode:The Culture System by JP Nerbun — the final chapter dives deep into culture killers: https://a.co/d/00ccdd4lTOC Coach — online community, courses & coaching platform: https://www.skool.com/toccoach/about🎧 Related Episode: Boomer Roberts at Purdue Northwest on radical accountability https://youtu.be/9dn51b3abe4?si=L_fePaO3VkvxB7ta🎧 Related Episode: Eric Lang at American International College on radical transparency https://youtu.be/QLoEshEfvpI?si=mRvYmiwD2WTs6vcj📌 CHAPTERS0:00 — Introduction: Every Coach Will Face a Culture Killer2:10 — What Is a Culture Killer? (And Why "Culture Cancer" Might Be More Accurate)4:00 — The Constraints Coaches Face: No-Cut Policies, Star Players & Administrative Pressure5:55 — Why Coaches Feel Powerless — And Why That's a Mistake7:47 — What Doesn't Work: The Most Common Coaching Mistakes With Toxic Athletes9:21 — "What We Permit, We Promote" — The Cost of Inaction11:03 — Ignoring Symptoms, Hoping Players Fix It & Addressing the Room Instead of the Individual13:00 — The Hero Complex in Transformational Coaching14:24 — Starting With Awareness: Having the Right Conversations16:57 — Trusting Your Intuition as a Coach (Even Without Cold Hard Facts)19:40 — In-Bounds vs. Out-of-Bounds: Behavior in the Team Space vs. Outside It21:30 — Radical Transparency: Lessons From a Division I Hockey Coach23:56 — When You Can't Remove Them: Giving Athletes an "Out"25:00 — Progressive Consequences in Action: Step-by-Step Accountability26:33 — Real Stories: When Athletes Opt Out — and When They Turn It Around28:00 — Setting Automatic "Trap Doors" for Behavior at the Start of the Season30:00 — "Choose Your Hard": The Toughest Truth in Coaching Culture31:36 — Culture Over Convenience: What You're Really Telling Your Team33:00 — Restorative Consequences and Navigating the Gray34:57 — Using Assistant Coaches, Captains & Parents to Share the Load34:57 — Wrap-Up + Resources: The Culture System & TOC CoachKeywords: coaching leadership, team culture, toxic team members, culture killers, transformational coaching, athlete accountability, team dynamics, coach development, sports leadership, building team culture, progressive discipline, restorative consequences, coaching podcast, locker room culture, leadership skills for coachesVisit us at: https://tocculture.comQuestions? Join the TOC Coach community and ask us directly!
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