Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

• My Addict Partner Keeps saying “Sorry” & He’s “Trying,” but He’s NOT Meeting my Real Needs!

  In this episode (273) of the PBSE podcast, hosts Mark and Steve respond to a heartfelt message from a betrayed partner whose addict spouse keeps saying he’s “sorry” and that he’s “trying,” yet still fails to meet her emotional needs. The conversation highlights the profound frustration and exhaustion that many partners feel as they repeatedly express their pain and needs, only to be met with minimal awareness or inconsistent effort. The hosts emphasize that while an addict may be sincere in their apologies, sincerity without emotional capacity or real change isn’t enough to rebuild trust or connection.The article goes on to explore the concept of emotional “capacity,” explaining that in early recovery, addicts often lack the internal tools needed to hold space for their partner’s pain. This isn’t to excuse poor behavior, but to help partners understand why they may be feeling unseen or invalidated despite their partner’s promises. Mark and Steve caution against the common trap of overextending emotional energy in hopes of breakthrough and instead stress the need for healthy, clearly defined boundaries. These boundaries are framed not as threats or punishments but as vital self-protection—ways to maintain one’s authenticity, dignity, and well-being when the addict is not yet capable of genuine connection.Ultimately, the article challenges readers to reflect on compatibility, effort, and emotional sustainability within the relationship. It encourages betrayed partners to gain clarity around their own values, needs, and limits, while recognizing the difference between compliance and real change. Whether a partner is able to rise to the occasion or not, the message is clear: you are not alone, your needs are valid, and healing—whether together or apart—is possible with the right tools, support, and boundaries in place.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  My Addict Partner Keeps saying "Sorry" and He's "Trying," but He's NOT Meeting my Real Needs!Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

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• My Addict Partner has “Backed Off” from His Recovery. Why Can’t he See it’s About More Than Just Being “Sober”?

  In Episode 272, Mark & Steve focus in on how porn and sex addiction recovery goes beyond mere sobriety; it requires ongoing emotional growth, accountability, and engagement to rebuild trust in a relationship. Many betrayed partners of addicts feel heightened anxiety when their spouse steps back from recovery efforts, fearing a return to old behaviors or an emotional disconnect. True recovery is not just about avoiding addictive behaviors but about healing the underlying patterns that led to them, fostering emotional awareness, and strengthening the relationship through consistent effort and transparency.When a porn and sex addict becomes complacent, their betrayed partner often feels abandoned and overwhelmed by the responsibility of keeping the relationship intact. Healing from betrayal trauma is a long process, and a lack of continued commitment from the addict can be as triggering as a relapse. Without active engagement, old habits resurface, emotional intimacy deteriorates, and the relationship becomes strained. Recovery requires ongoing accountability, self-reflection, and a proactive approach to maintaining personal and relational growth.Moving forward, addicts must embrace a lifelong commitment to self-improvement, emotional intelligence, and relational healing. Transparency, consistency, and empathy are essential to rebuilding trust and ensuring that both partners feel secure in the relationship. Recovery is not a finish line but a continuous journey, requiring dedication from both individuals to foster a deeper, more fulfilling connection.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: "My Addict Partner Has "Backed Off " from His Recovery. Why Can't He See it's About More Than Just Being "Sober"?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

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• Recovery is My Choice, So I don’t Need Her Help Making Choices . . . Right?

  In this PBSE Episode 271, Mark & Steve discuss how recovery is not an individual journey—it affects relationships, families, and even future generations. While addicts may believe they can navigate healing alone, true recovery requires transparency, accountability, and a willingness to rebuild trust through consistent actions, not just words. When a partner has been betrayed, expecting them to trust blindly without verification is both unrealistic and dismissive of their pain. Recovery must involve measures that ensure honesty, such as full disclosure, accountability software, and open communication. A recovering addict who resists these steps often signals deeper issues, such as shame, denial, or a reluctance to fully commit to change.Additionally, addiction’s impact extends beyond the marriage. In homes where secrecy and avoidance dominate, children are more likely to mirror those behaviors, reinforcing cycles of addiction, dishonesty, and manipulation. Parents have a responsibility to create a safe environment, modeling integrity and setting boundaries to protect their children from destructive influences. Arguments that dismiss tools like porn blockers ignore the fact that true accountability isn't about restricting freedom, but about fostering an environment where trust can be restored and maintained. The choices made in recovery don’t just determine personal healing—they shape the household and future generations.Ultimately, recovery is about more than abstaining from harmful behaviors—it’s about transformation. An addict must decide whether to continue protecting their addiction or to prioritize their relationship. True healing requires humility, vulnerability, and an openness to change. A strong, healthy relationship cannot be built on secrecy and self-reliance alone; it thrives on honesty, connection, and mutual effort. The path forward isn’t just about fixing what was broken—it’s about creating something stronger than before.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: "Recovery is My Choice, so I Don't Need Her Help Making Choices . . . Right?"Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

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• My Partner FINALLY Admitted to His Porn Addiction, but He won’t do Recovery Work or Open Up. What Can I Do?!

  In Episode 270, Mark & Steve respond to a submission and questions by a betrayed Partner. When a partner admits to a porn or sex addiction but fails to take meaningful steps toward recovery, the betrayed partner is left in a painful cycle of hope and disappointment. While honesty is an essential first step, it is meaningless without action, and waiting for change that never comes can be emotionally exhausting. Many betrayed partners find themselves questioning whether they are expecting too much, but true recovery requires more than words—it demands consistent effort, emotional vulnerability, and a willingness to grow. Without this, the relationship remains stagnant, causing frustration and deep wounds of mistrust.A significant challenge in this situation is distinguishing between a lack of willingness and a lack of ability. If a partner wants to change but does not know how, they can be guided toward growth through therapy, support groups, and self-development. However, if they are simply unwilling, no amount of pressure or encouragement will create lasting change. Betrayed partners often wait in limbo, hoping for progress, only to find themselves stuck in a pattern of broken promises. This waiting can become an unbearable burden, leading to emotional detachment and self-doubt.Ultimately, each betrayed partner must decide how long they are willing to wait. Boundaries must be set, not as a means of controlling the addict, but to protect one’s own emotional well-being. If a partner refuses to take accountability and do the work, then it may be necessary to walk away in order to preserve self-worth and personal growth. Recovery and healing are possible, but they require mutual effort. By recognizing the difference between empty words and genuine change, betrayed partners can reclaim their agency and move forward toward a healthier, more fulfilling future.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  My Partner FINALLY Admitted His Porn Addiction, but He Won't Do Recovery Work or Open Up. What Can I Do?!Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

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• I know my partner is positively changing, BUT how can I stay with a man who did such horrible things in his addiction?

  This episode (#269) explores the profound challenges faced by partners who struggle to remain in relationships after uncovering their loved one's history of addiction and betrayal. Drawing from insights shared by Mark and Steve on the PBSE Podcast, it delves into the emotional aftermath of betrayal trauma, including feelings of disgust, mistrust, and identity crises. The episode highlights how such revelations can shatter the foundation of trust, leaving partners questioning their judgment and self-worth. It outlines how betrayal trauma extends beyond the relationship, affecting mental health, social interactions, and personal confidence. The role of societal pressures is also explored, revealing how external expectations can complicate the decision to stay or leave.The episode emphasizes that healing from betrayal is a gradual, non-linear process that demands time, consistency, and emotional insight. It stresses the importance of observing genuine behavioral changes in the recovering partner, such as ongoing transparency, accountability, and emotional awareness. The concept of the “pink cloud” phase in recovery is discussed, warning partners against being misled by temporary enthusiasm. Strategies for navigating emotional triggers are provided, including mindfulness, journaling, and setting healthy boundaries. The episode also introduces the concept of post-traumatic growth, encouraging partners to redefine their narratives, rediscover their sense of self, and find strength in their journey. Through self-reflection and personal development, partners can develop the resilience needed to make informed decisions about their future.Ultimately, the episode underscores that the decision to stay or leave a relationship after betrayal is deeply personal. It emphasizes that there is no right or wrong choice, only what aligns with the partner’s values, needs, and long-term vision for happiness. The process of rebuilding trust is described as a slow, deliberate journey, rooted in mutual respect, transparency, and emotional growth. Support systems such as counseling, support groups, and trusted friendships are highlighted as essential resources in this journey. The episode concludes by asserting that recovery and reconciliation are possible when both partners commit to authentic change. With transparency, patience, and self-awareness, a renewed relationship can emerge—one that may be even stronger and more resilient than before.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: I Know My Partner is Positively Changing, BUT How Can I Stay with a Man Who Did Such Horrible Things in His Addiction?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at: 

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