Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

• My Betrayed Partner regularly Screams & Lashes Out . . . How can I Help Her?

  This episode tackles the heartfelt question of a recovering porn addict whose wife frequently screams, lashes out, and accuses him of lying—despite his efforts at sobriety and support. We emphasize that these outbursts often stem from deep, layered trauma, especially when relapse reopens old wounds. Recovery is not just about avoiding porn; it's about understanding and owning the devastating emotional impact the betrayal has had, and proactively working to create safety and restore trust.We stress that individual recovery must come first. Addicts need to cultivate emotional stability, self-worth, and robust support systems. They must also proactively communicate their recovery journey—what they’re doing, learning, and becoming. Without this, partners will often default to fear and worst-case assumptions. Daily actions that rebuild trust, including follow-through on commitments and consistent emotional visibility, are essential. Rage, when seen through the right lens, is often a broken cry for connection that requires compassion, not defensiveness.Finally, we remind both partners that long-term healing requires balanced, respectful communication. Addicts are not exempt from respect simply because they caused harm, and partners must also work on managing trauma-based responses. Screaming and toxic communication may be understandable but aren’t effective. A relationship can only thrive when both parties are working toward mutual healing, equality, and emotional safety. With courage and consistent effort, real connection is possible.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  My Betrayed Partner regularly Screams & Lashes Out . . .  How can I Help Her?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

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• My Porn/Sex Addicted Partner tells me I just need to "Get over it" . . . So now what?!

  In this powerful episode, we address the heart-wrenching story of a betrayed partner whose marriage has been scarred by nearly two decades of emotional abuse, chronic dishonesty, and sexual betrayal. Despite having initiated divorce proceedings, she finds herself still seeking clarity and wondering if hope remains. Her husband, who continues to act out sexually while refusing meaningful recovery, tells her that she’s overreacting and simply needs to “get over it.” We unpack the damaging impact of that dismissive attitude and the emotional exhaustion that comes when a partner’s pain is ignored or minimized.We explore the reasons why sex and porn addicts often refuse to change—from deep-rooted denial and shame to emotional immaturity, fear, and pride. By understanding these psychological and relational patterns, partners can gain the clarity needed to make authentic, self-honoring decisions. At the same time, we emphasize that understanding the “why” does not mean excusing the behavior. The addict’s refusal to grow or take accountability places a ceiling on the relationship and prevents the kind of healing and intimacy that both partners deserve.Ultimately, the question becomes not whether a betrayed partner wants to stay, but whether she can stay without losing herself. We outline the crucial role of boundaries—not as threats, but as life-saving tools to protect dignity and self-worth—and the essential need to rebuild identity, self-trust, and personal sovereignty. Whether a partner stays or leaves, the message is clear: you do not have to settle for pain, silence, or stagnation. You have the right to be seen, heard, and whole—and no, you don’t need to “just get over it.” You deserve better.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  My Porn/Sex Addicted Partner tells me I just need to "Get over it" . . . So, now what?!Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

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• My Addict Partner Keeps going Through Cycles of Taking Me For Granted! What Do I Do?

  PBSE Podcast Episode 287 explores the recurring emotional turmoil experienced by a betrayed partner whose addict spouse continues to cycle through emotional relapses, despite seemingly engaging in recovery activities. Every six months, he emotionally regresses—questioning their relationship, doubting compatibility, and withdrawing connection—which destabilizes her sense of safety and triggers deep trauma. In her desperation for reassurance, she finds herself compulsively seeking emotional details, only to be retraumatized further. The article highlights that this dynamic, often driven by fear and confusion, creates a lopsided relationship where she becomes the emotional pursuer while he remains distant and inconsistent.The authors emphasize that this cycle cannot be broken by surface-level recovery or simply “doing the right things.” True healing requires the addict to engage in deeper emotional work, initiate vulnerability, express consistent gratitude, and offer proactive transparency. Simultaneously, the betrayed partner must establish clear boundaries, articulate her emotional needs, and begin shifting her support system to include emotionally safe, non-romantic relationships outside the marriage. These actions help her move from desperation to empowerment, offering both self-preservation and clarity around what kind of relationship she’s willing to invest in.Ultimately, the article calls for both partners to be fully engaged—not just during crises, but consistently. Emotional safety, mutual respect, and honest communication are the pillars of sustainable recovery and intimacy. While the current cycle may feel hopeless, with intentional effort and deep personal work on both sides, it is possible to rebuild a relationship that is emotionally grounded, safe, and truly connected.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: My Addict Partner Keeps Going Through Cycles of Taking Me for Granted. What do I do?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

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• I'm Staying Away from Porn, But I Want to FEEL Repulsed by it. How?

  PBSE Podcast Episode 286, follows the journey of a man in early recovery who is not content with simply staying away from pornography—he wants to feel a deep emotional aversion to it. The article explores this desire for integrity and congruence, addressing how many men feel torn between what they know is harmful and what they are still wired to find stimulating. It offers a compassionate view that acknowledges sexuality as a core part of being human, emphasizing that true recovery doesn't suppress desire but matures and redirects it toward healthy connection.Through sections on humanizing porn, defining the difference between lust and attraction, and learning to pause when urges arise, the article challenges cultural and internalized messages that shame desire. It teaches that feeling drawn to something doesn’t mean you're broken—it means you're human. The key is learning to observe, question, and understand those urges, transforming them into opportunities for insight and growth rather than reaction and shame.Ultimately, the article encourages men to pursue a deeper kind of freedom—one that goes beyond abstinence and seeks wholeness. It invites them to reclaim their desires for good, to see their sexuality as something sacred and powerful when channeled intentionally, and to build lives of authentic connection. It’s a call to courage, honesty, and hope—because the path to becoming a man of integrity isn’t just possible, it’s transformative.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: I'm Staying Away from Porn, But I Want to FEEL Repulsed by it. How?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

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• Performance Anxiety” is Creating a WALL Between Me & My Betrayed Partner! What Advice do you have?

  In relationships impacted by sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, performance anxiety often becomes more than a physical issue—it’s a symptom of deeper emotional disconnection, trauma, and mistrust. Drawing from a heartfelt message submitted to the PBSE Podcast, Episode 285 delves into how men in recovery may find themselves crippled by shame when they’re unable to sexually perform, especially when performance was once their only perceived value in the relationship. For betrayed partners, these failures often reignite fears of rejection, acting out, or hidden deception, leading to a volatile cycle of pain, blame, and miscommunication.The article explores how cultural messaging around masculinity and sex—especially the notion that a man's worth is tied to his ability to achieve an erection—intensifies this dynamic, adding unrealistic pressure and reinforcing shame. It highlights the need for couples to step back and rebuild trust by fostering open, vulnerable conversations and addressing trauma honestly. Rather than focusing solely on sexual fixes, it encourages couples to build emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy so that sexual connection becomes a natural, healthy expression of deeper relational safety.Ultimately, the article challenges the idea that sex should lead recovery. Instead, it proposes that sex should follow emotional reconnection, not precede it. By stepping away from cultural stereotypes and performance-based self-worth, and by prioritizing safety and mutual understanding, couples can begin to move from a place of wounding toward a foundation of healing and authentic connection—inside and outside the bedroom.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: "Performance Anxiety" is Creating a WALL Betwen Me & My Betrayed Partner! What Advice do you have?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

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