Untitled Beatles Podcast

“Oklahoma was never like this?” Really, Sir Paul? AGAIN with the complaining about the 1999, Hugh Jackman-led revival of Rodgers & Hammerstein’s first banger? Oh sure, Paul - go ahead and be all Tipper Gore-y about that opening scene where Aunt Eller is churning butter like some barnyard horndog, milking every delicate inch of that up and down churn work. And don’t get me started on how Paul handled the edits to the “Farmer & The Cowman” dance break! He (allegedly) threw the London Cast Recording CD at Heather Mills!! That's a $17.99 CD, my guy!

 

Who the hell knows what Macca was talking about in his 1986 semi-hit, “Press”. But we’ll be damned if it isn’t one of the best pure pop songs of the mid 80’s. Much like the album from which it came, it’s never gotten the love it’s so obviously due. Until now, as Tony & T.J. freshly (?) assess side two of “Press To Play” with open arms (#Journey) and open eyes (#Incubus). Along the way, they ask (rather intuitively, if we do say so ourselves):

 

🧵 Is Press To Play the “Designing Women” of McCartney’s catalog, and does that make Eddie Rayner Meshach Taylor?

 

🚢 Has anyone checked on El Debarge (“The Debarge”, en ingles)? Like, will he short circuit if he doesn’t finally figure out who’s holding Donna, now?

 

🥔 Angry Chicago Guy (He’s bleeding, but in a good way): HOW COME THEY NAMED A STREET AFTER POTATO ICON ORE IDA B. WELLS BUT YOU CAN’T FIND TATER SKINS AT DOMINICKS NO MORE?
 
 

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Forgive us, dear reader, for sounding Jaded. But most real McCartney fans will admit that Aerosmith’s 2001 LP “Just Push Play” is better than literally any solo Macca; and perhaps even better than most Beatles albums. (*Does not include “Live At The Star Club Vol. 2”)

But, in turn, would there even be an Aerosmith without Macca’s 1986 offering, “Press To Play”? We’ll leave that to the rock scholars to decide. But one thing is for sure: “Press To Play” is now officially 40 years old, or, in U.S. presidential terms, at least three decades older than the girls a certain orange baboon used to regularly party with. (In fairness, it’s tough for real patriots to get too worked up about that, especially when Obama once wore a tan suit.)

T.J.’s been in love with this cassette since its release the summer of 1986. Tony’s had the opposite reaction since he was contractually obligated to listen to the album twice, in 2020 and 2026; in brave service of arguably America’s Favorite Podcast (TM).

This week, the Gab Two discuss whether “Press To Play” has aged well and warrants more respect in Macca's catalog. Does it deserve an Archive Collection reissue before or after “Ocean’s Kingdom”? Are there more remixes of “Press” than there are takes of “Not Guilty”? And what about the other pertinent Beatles questions you won’t hear on woke Newsmax, like:

👋💨 Is Phil Collins’ best release, “Hello…I Must Be Going [And He Never Returned]”? And for the answer, should somebody bring Phil Collins in?

💔🕺 Can Tony retire from his collection of mint, K-Tel Breakdancing LP’s? And is the greatest song about breakdancing Irene Cara’s “Breakdancing”?

💀🚫 Did the sad origins of the “MAHA” movement emanate directly from Mac & Jack’s Wonder Potion? #SaySaySay

 

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Listen.
Do you hear that?
Those are crickets.
Crickets at the Marriott Suites O’Hare, abandoned site of Chicago’s Fest for Beatles Fans. Unfortunately, there are no humans at this year’s festival as it has been postponed to retool. #KitO’ReToole

Some of the crickets are in ill-fitting Sgt Pepper costumes, others don obscure Beatles ephemera while wacking tambos to off-key “Yellow Submarine” singalongs, and a small number of lonely small-minded crickets are still wearing their pit-stained anti-Yoko t-shirts, repping for the original incels.

Oh and look!
There’s even an aphid who’s a Pete Best Look-A-Like and a corn weevil that’s dressed up like Freddy Krueger for reasons unknown.

As all the bugs scramble for crumbs of pre-packaged microwaveable hoagies while waiting for “Termites from Midge Ure’s Tour Bus” to perform a medley of deep cuts from Press To Play, the Goys of Dum Dum Lame, joined by Producer Casey, are here to gab sad about this year’s absence of fab community celebration. Let’s take a few questions from the crickets:

🎤 Why does Mike Love lip sync live in concert to RFK’s rendition of “Kokomo”?

🥽 With regards to the future of the festival, will there be a VR helmet to unsee “Give My Regards To Broad Street”?

🎵 Angry Drunk Chicago Cricket: HOW KUM DA KAREEOKE KARENS WON’T LET ME SING “GIVE ANT FARMS BACK TO THE ANTISH"?? WHADDOO DEY GOT AGAINST ANTS?  MY GREAT GRAMPA WUZ HALF ANT!!

Plus Producer Casey has the boys play a game and T.J. reveals how many BeatleFests he has attended in his half-century on earth. Wait. He doesn’t reveal this. Well, okay. The answer is also a number associated with a Ringo Starr #1 from “simpler times.”

 

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Beatle Bangers? I barely even Beatle knew’ers! Is this thing on? No, for real, is this thing on? The microphone in my hand, I mean. Is it on? Can people hear these bits or is the silence merely judgement? What if the XLR is broken? Or the DI? Maybe the audio fella’s on coke? Surely that’s possible, but what if the silence is because these “jokes” are terrible? And maybe they’re not even jokes at all, but more of a psychological crisis, thinly masquerading as “comedy”? If so, would there be more questions like:

🥩 Is Tony proud of his time as script supervisor of “The Bear”, or does he wish he was old enough to have been around professionally for a more classic show, like “One Day At A Time”? Or the reboot of “One Day At At Time”?

👆 Were The Pointer Sisters so excited to sing on Sesame Street that they did an Automatic Fire Slowhand Neutron Dance? And should the sisters be institutionalized, perhaps at the Pointer institute?

🚨 Is the discovery of R. Stevie Moore’s performance of “Pink Litmus Paper Shirt” at the 1999 Beatlefest more or less exciting than the Star Club tapes in ’77; or at least more than the Horst & Fred Fascher tunes?

 

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The great Todd Rundgren once sang, "I don't wanna work, I wanna Beatle Banger, all day!"

Well, Mr. Motor City (sorry Jack White! Not sorry, Kid C&ck!), the UBP is back with yet another powerful/perhaps controversial edition of UBP Beatle-esque Bangers! These are, well, bangers that the UBP-3 believe share lysergic properties with songs written by the Fab 5, and perhaps, one or three of Tony Sheridan's #BeatBros. Do you like these bangers? Do you prefer post-bangers, e.g. Bangers and AfterMASH? Do you want more questions, like:

💣 Angry Chicago Guy: "How come Harry Schmerler don't sing no Rockabye My Baby when I told him that Diane's '84 Ford Taurus exploded and that's why I ain't seen her no more?"

🧐 Which one's the musical jerk-off: those who insist it's 1 measure in 7/8, or 2 measures in 3/4 then 4/4?

💩 Does anyone still confuse Seals & Crofts with Deals & Craps, the ill-fated, early 90's warehouse store exclusively stocked with like-new, deeply discounted items because they're soiled in stranger poo?

 

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