Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• #1273 - Do We Give In? What to Do When the Kids Push Too Hard

  When the kids are relentless, defiant, or just downright exhausting, do you give in? Do you clamp down? Or is there a better way? In this episode of the Happy Families Podcast, Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack the three most common parenting responses to challenging behaviour — and make the case for a third, more effective path. You'll laugh, reflect, and come away with a powerful tool to help you parent with confidence, clarity, and calm. KEY POINTS: The 3 common parenting responses to tough behaviour: Giving In (Permissiveness) – short-term peace, long-term chaos. The “Hell No” (Authoritarian) – may bring instant compliance but can damage connection and growth. Working With (Collaborative Discipline) – more effort upfront, but creates better long-term outcomes. Why permissiveness backfires: it invites boundary-testing and weakens trust and safety. How harsh, top-down discipline can rupture relationships and discourage self-regulation. Introducing the 3 E’s of Effective Discipline: Explore your child’s perspective. Explain your concerns. Empower your child to problem-solve with you. Real-life example: how Justin and Kylie worked with their daughter around a tricky social situation. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Fast is slow and slow is fast. When you take the time to work with your kids, you build trust, wisdom, and lasting outcomes.” — Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED: 📖 The Parenting Revolution – by Dr Justin Coulson ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Pause before you react. Ask: am I about to give in, come down hard, or work with? Use the 3 E’s next time your child makes a tough request or shows challenging behaviour. Revisit tricky issues over time — not every decision has to be made in the moment. Stay unified with your co-parent if possible — consistency and teamwork matter. Remember: boundaries show love. They help kids feel secure, even when they push against them.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• #1272 - Is The Mum I Hoped to Be Turning Up? With Victoria Vanstone

  She thought parenting would be homemade cookies, flouncy dresses, and humming while folding laundry… but instead, she’s throwing plastic cups at walls. In this hilarious, vulnerable, and unexpectedly heartwarming episode, Justin speaks with Victoria Vanstone—author, podcast host, and recovering party girl—about what happens when the perfect mum you imagined never actually shows up. From shouting matches and laptop guilt to near-death experiences and camping hacks, this conversation explores the wild reality of parenting and why just turning up—imperfectly—is more than enough. KEY POINTS Victoria’s journey from party girl to mum (and how giving up drinking gave her back her life) The power of writing to reflect on and process parenting Why self-awareness trumps perfection every time Near-death moments and learning to live with risk as a parent The guilt of being too attached to work—and what she did to fix it Why camping within 5 km of home (and sneaking home to sleep) might be the ultimate parenting hack What it really means to “mum” with heart, humour, and honesty QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "Having children means creating risk. Love means risking loss. And that’s parenting in a nutshell—heartwarming and heartbreaking, all in the same breath." — Victoria Vanstone RESOURCES MENTIONED Mumming: A Year of Trying and Failing to Be a Better Parent by Victoria Vanstone A Thousand Wasted Sundays by Victoria Vanstone Sober Awkward podcast What Your Child Needs From You by Dr Justin Coulson ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Embrace imperfection. Stop waiting for the “ideal” parent to show up—just keep showing up, messy and real. Reflect and write. Whether you blog, journal, or just jot notes, self-awareness begins with reflection. Seek help when needed. Whether it’s therapy, support groups, or just a trusted friend—reach out. Put down the laptop. Create tech-free time zones at home where your child has your full attention. Find your own hacks. Whether it’s camping close to home or hiring help, do what works for your family—without guilt.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• #1271 - The Power of Teaching Kids About Emotions

  I'll Do Better Tomorrow: The Power of Teaching Kids About EmotionsKids don’t magically learn emotional regulation—they need to be taught. In this special Friday episode of I’ll Do Better Tomorrow, Justin and Kylie reflect on a big week: a powerful email from the past, and a meaningful family conversation about emotions. They share how their weekly “teaching tradition” helps their kids understand, express, and manage big feelings—with practical ideas any parent can try at home. KEY POINTS Weekly family tradition:The Coulsons have moved from monthly “tricky topic” chats to weekly conversations—because consistency matters more than perfection. Understanding emotions visually:Emotions were mapped across two axes—energy (high/low) and pleasantness (pleasant/unpleasant)—to help kids name and normalise feelings. Teaching emotional regulation:Emotions aren’t who we are; they’re what we feel. Kids were taught to “move through” emotions rather than get stuck in them. Adaptive vs maladaptive coping:Adaptive strategies included movement, music, cold water, connection, and even cleaning. Maladaptive strategies included isolation, outbursts, or ruminating alone. Explicit teaching works:Kids responded well to a clear, hands-on conversation. And yes—one child acted it all out in real time. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Emotions are not who we are—they're something we move through.” RESOURCES MENTIONED The Parenting Revolution – Book by Dr Justin Coulson happyfamilies.com.au – resources for family connection Consent education: Consent Can't Wait campaign ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Start a Weekly Chat TraditionChoose a consistent time (e.g. Sunday evenings) to talk about a value, life skill, or tricky topic as a family. Teach Emotions in Two DimensionsUse energy (high/low) and pleasantness (pleasant/unpleasant) to help kids map their feelings more clearly. Help Kids Reframe Their LanguageInstead of “I am angry,” encourage “I have anger.” It promotes healthier emotional distance. Create an Adaptive Coping List TogetherBrainstorm ways to manage big feelings that work for your family: music, exercise, pets, hugs, laughter. Be Consistent, Not Perfect It’s not about grand lessons—it’s about regular, intentional connection that grows with your children. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• #1270 - Block the Internet, Boost Your Brain: The Research Parents Need to Know

  What happens when you strip your smartphone of its “smart”? In this Doctor’s Desk deep dive, Justin and Kylie unpack a groundbreaking new study showing what really happens when people block mobile internet on their smartphones. The results? Better focus. Improved wellbeing. Healthier screen habits. Drawing on the science, personal experience, and insights from Jonathan Haidt and game designers themselves, this episode offers a wake-up call—and a way forward—for families navigating digital overload. KEY POINTS First-of-its-kind research: A randomised controlled trial published in PNAS Nexus found that blocking mobile internet improved sustained attention, mental health, and subjective wellbeing. 91% improved: Nearly all participants in the study saw measurable gains by turning off mobile internet for just two weeks. How behaviour changes: People spent more time socialising, exercising, and being in nature—activities that are strongly linked to happiness and resilience. Jonathan Haidt’s insight: The greatest harm of screens isn’t just anxiety—it’s the destruction of attention and the erosion of childhood development. Addiction by design: Game developers and social media engineers want you and your kids to be addicted. Their business depends on it. Not all screen time is equal: Watching a movie with someone? Often fine. Scrolling alone on a touchscreen? Psychologically harmful. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “We are prisoners to our devices—and the smartest people on earth designed it that way.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Study: Blocking Mobile Internet on Smartphones Improves Sustained Attention, Mental Health, and Subjective Wellbeing (PNAS Nexus) The Anxious Generation – Jonathan Haidt The Parenting Revolution – Dr Justin Coulson happyfamilies.com.au The Light Phone 3 (Justin’s personal attempt at going “dumb”) ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Block Internet Access on Phones Use settings or third-party tools to disable mobile internet on smartphones, especially for kids. Switch to “Dumb Mode” Calls and texts only. Move social and entertainment use to desktop computers to limit impulsive use. Model Change Yourself Consider your own phone use. Try a one-week mobile internet detox and note how your mind and mood change. Prioritise Real-World Activity Encourage (and plan for) more time in nature, exercise, and in-person connection. Educate & Equip Talk to your kids about how screens are designed. Teach them to spot manipulation—and reclaim their attention. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• #1269 - Mumming: Why Trying (and Failing) Still Counts

  What if failing to be the perfect parent was the point all along? In this raw and deeply moving preview episode, Justin and Kylie unpack the heart, humour, and humanity behind Mumming—a memoir by Victoria Vanstone about a year of trying (and failing) to be a better parent. From shouty moments to terrifying near-loss, Victoria’s journey reminds us that imperfection is part of the gig. Because parenting isn’t about getting it right. It’s about showing up, loving fiercely, and doing the best we can. KEY POINTS Perfection is overrated: Victoria Vanstone's story is a refreshing reminder that parenting doesn’t require perfection—it just asks for presence and persistence. Imperfection can be a superpower: By owning her flaws, Victoria models growth and authenticity—for herself and her children. Love always involves risk: Whether it’s sending your teen to the plaza or surviving a choking emergency, parenting requires us to let go—and that’s terrifying and transformative. Identity as a parent takes time: Mumming is as much about self-discovery as it is about raising kids. Who we want to be isn’t always who we are—but we can still move in the right direction. Humour and honesty heal: Victoria’s writing blends wit, wisdom, and the kind of vulnerability that helps parents everywhere feel less alone. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “So long as you’re trying, you’re not actually failing.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Mumming by Victoria Vanstone (book) Full interview available on the Happy Families podcast (Saturday drop) happyfamilies.com.au – for more parenting resources ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Embrace your imperfections. Notice where you feel like you’re “failing” and reframe it—what effort or love lies beneath? Talk honestly with your kids. Share age-appropriate truths about your struggles or mistakes. It builds trust and models growth. Laugh at the mess. Use humour as a way to connect and ease the tension that comes with everyday parenting chaos. Let love stretch you. Whether it’s letting go of control or facing fear, love will always ask something big of you. Step into that stretch. Read something real. Pick up Mumming or another memoir that normalises the messy beauty of parenting. You’re not alone. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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