Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• #1278 - How Not to Be a Pushy Parent (With Professor Wendy Grolnick)

  “I just want what’s best for them.”That’s what every loving parent says. But sometimes, in our desperation to protect our kids from failure—or secure their success—we push too hard, and it backfires. In this conversation with psychologist and parenting expert Professor Wendy Grolnick, we explore the hidden costs of being a pushy parent and how to guide our children in healthier, more empowering ways. Drawing on decades of research and her landmark book The Psychology of Parental Control, Wendy shares practical, compassionate strategies that help parents avoid power struggles and build confident, capable kids. 🎯 KEY POINTS: Three essential elements of healthy parenting: Autonomy support – Helping kids feel in control of their choices by taking their perspective, offering meaningful input, and collaborating on problem-solving. Structure – Setting clear expectations, routines, and feedback to support competence and confidence. Involvement – Being emotionally available, engaged, and actively present in your child’s world. Why we get pushy: Even well-meaning parents can fall into control patterns driven by fear and overinvestment in their child’s success. What happens when we control too much: Studies show controlling parenting undermines children’s motivation, persistence, self-regulation, and even long-term resilience. Trust matters: Building your child’s autonomy means trusting their developmental process—even when it’s messy. You don’t have to fix everything: Setbacks are growth opportunities. Let your child struggle sometimes—with your support beside them, not ahead of them. 💬 QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:"Every setback your child faces is an opportunity to learn something. Growth happens in the strangest places." – Professor Wendy Grolnick 📚 RESOURCES MENTIONED: The Psychology of Parental Control by Wendy Grolnick happyfamilies.com.au for memberships and premium content Research on Self-Determination Theory and autonomy-supportive parenting ✅ ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Check your instincts – Pause when you feel the urge to push or control. Ask yourself, “Is this about me, or about them?” Explore their world – Start by understanding your child’s perspective, especially when things go sideways. Problem-solve together – Instead of imposing solutions, collaborate. Ask, “What do you think we could do here?” Build structure with input – Create routines and expectations with your child’s involvement. Celebrate autonomy wins – Notice and encourage moments when your child takes initiative or solves problems independently. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• #1277 - Ditching Screens is Bringing Joy Back to Our Home

  Things reached breaking point. And then… everything changed.This week on the Happy Families Podcast, Justin and Kylie share a raw and transformative parenting story from their own home—a story of tough love, compassion, and the unexpected joy that emerged when one of their children went screen-free. If you've ever wrestled with screen-time battles, wondered whether stepping in might do more harm than good, or felt at a loss watching your child withdraw behind a phone… this is the episode you need to hear. KEY POINTS: Not all kids respond to screens the same way—some are more deeply affected mentally, socially, and physically. Despite multiple conversations, one of Justin and Kylie’s children struggled to reduce screen use on her own. Justin made the tough call to temporarily remove the smartphone, despite knowing it would be met with resistance. The decision was supported with compassion, calm, and a consistent message of love and presence. Within days, they saw remarkable emotional and relational transformation. The child herself later initiated a conversation to renegotiate her phone use, ultimately choosing to remove social media apps and suggest her own boundaries. The family experienced a visible increase in connection, laughter, and joy—without screens. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:"With enough scaffolding, with enough support, with enough conversation around why sometimes we as parents are going to make decisions that the children may not agree with… the children are able to deal with and respond to these challenges in much more productive ways." – Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED: “The Doctor’s Desk” podcast episode #1270 mentioned a study on improved wellbeing after removing smartphone internet access. Study from 'Nature' happyfamilies.com.au for more resources on parenting and screen time. Parental Guidance Season 3 starts Monday June 30 on Channel 9 — new episodes discussed throughout the week on the podcast. ✅ ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Trust your instincts – If screen use is affecting your child’s wellbeing, don't ignore the signs. Lead with compassion – Any intervention should be anchored in calm, empathy, and connection. Scaffold the change – Offer alternatives, create structure, and maintain open communication. Invite their input – When emotions settle, include your child in designing new tech boundaries. Watch for the joy – Pay attention to the surprising upside: more laughter, connection, and peace. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• #1276 - Mum’s Screen Time: What It’s Really Doing to Your Child’s Development

  Are your phone habits impacting your child’s growth? We all know kids and screens don’t mix well—but what about parents and screens? A compelling new study has uncovered a strong link between a mother’s screen time and her child’s developmental outcomes. In this Doctor’s Desk episode, Dr Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack the latest research on "technoference" and what happens to our children when our eyes are glued to our devices. The results may just change the way you use your phone—especially around your kids. KEY POINTS: Study Summary: Japanese research of ~4,000 mother-child pairs found that more than one hour of screen use by mums in front of their children correlates with lower language and social development. Two Hours or More: Greater than two hours was associated with lower global development outcomes. Technoference: The distraction of devices interrupts “serve and return” interactions—vital for healthy child development. Modelling Matters: Kids mimic their parents—mums who use screens more are more likely to have kids who use them too. TV vs. Devices: Passive screen time (TV) is less harmful than interactive, overstimulating device use—but still not ideal. Screen Time ≠ Quality Learning: Despite nostalgic memories of “learning” from Sesame Street, research shows TV is a poor teacher compared to real-world engagement. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "Screens are a hollow imitation of real life... real development happens in person-to-person, face-to-face interactions." RESOURCES MENTIONED: The study published in Nature Scientific Reports (March 2025) Previous podcast episodes on child screen use and brain development Happy Families website: happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Be Present: Put down your phone when you're with your child—especially in those early years. Set Boundaries: Limit both your own and your child’s screen time with simple routines (e.g., no phones at the table or during playtime). Model Mindful Use: Show kids what healthy tech habits look like—because they’re watching. Prioritise Engagement: Make time for face-to-face chats, shared play, and reading together—real-life interactions build real brains. Use Screens Intentionally: If you need a break, opt for TV over devices, and choose age-appropriate, narrative-driven content.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• 1275 - How Tech Can Make Our Lives Better (Yes, Really!)

  We usually talk about tech as a problem — screens, addiction, distraction — but what if it could actually make family life better? In this episode, Dr Justin Coulson chats with two innovative parents, Matt and Brianna Donaldson, about how they're using smart technology to support routines, reduce stress, and create more quality time together. From bedtime battles to TV tantrums, discover how smart lights, switches, and routines can bring more peace and predictability to your home — no tech degree required! KEY POINTS: Around 80% of Millennial and Gen Z parents are now using smart home tech to manage home life. Smart devices (like lights, switches, and TVs) can automate routines to reduce friction — especially around bedtime. Tech can enhance a child’s autonomy and transitions (e.g. lights dimming, music playing) without constant parental prompting. Boundaries and structure are still essential — even in tech-forward homes. It’s not about more tech, but intentional tech that supports family connection and calm. You don’t have to spend thousands: starting with a $20 smart switch can begin transforming routines. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “It’s not Mum or Dad turning off the TV — it’s the house. The structure is doing the heavy lifting.” — Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED: Samsung SmartThings App Smart Switches (available from retailers like JB Hi-Fi or Kmart) Bluey and the Tony Box (a screen-free audio player for kids) The Parenting Revolution – by Dr Justin Coulson happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Start small. Try one smart light or switch in a high-impact area like the bedroom. Automate transitions. Use tech cues (e.g. dim lights + calming music) to support routines like bedtime. Keep boundaries clear. Set firm, predictable limits around tech use — especially screens. Use tech to reclaim time. Automate cleaning (like smart vacuums) or other routines to free up family time. Let the “house be the boss.” Reduce conflict by letting routines and automation do the talking. Prioritise presence. Tech should serve family life, not steal from it. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• #1274 - What Should You Do If You Think Your Child Has ADHD?

  Is it ADHD… or something else entirely? This episode dives into one of the most debated topics in parenting and child psychology. Dr Justin Coulson answers a heartfelt question from a concerned parent: Should I pursue a formal ADHD diagnosis for my child — or are there better first steps to take? If you're feeling overwhelmed by symptoms, advice, and conflicting opinions, this conversation will help you slow down, zoom out, and see your child through a compassionate, research-informed lens. KEY POINTS: ADHD diagnosis rates are rising — but is it always the right label? Some children may be diagnosed for what is actually normal developmental variation or environmental mismatch. ADHD-like symptoms may be a child’s way of trying to meet three unmet psychological needs: Connection (relatedness) Capability (competence) Control (autonomy) Neuroinflammation is an emerging and overlooked factor in ADHD symptoms. Developmental readiness matters — an 8-year-old’s brain is still undergoing major executive function development. Rather than trying to eliminate stress, parents can help children build capacity to handle challenge (a growth mindset). Medication might help some, but it’s not the first (or only) answer. Diagnosis should be thoughtful, multi-faceted, and whole-child focused. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "Difference doesn't mean disorder. Development is not a race." – Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED: The Parenting Revolution by Dr Justin Coulson Happy Families – for more articles, podcast episodes, and parenting resources Self-Determination Theory & Growth Mindset research Parenting ADHD [The Course] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Delay formal diagnosis (unless impairment is severe) and give time for development. Audit the environment for connection, competence, and autonomy — is it need-thwarting or need-supportive? Support physical health: Prioritise sleep, unprocessed foods, and movement. Explore reducing neuroinflammation through lifestyle. Teach a growth mindset: Use the word “yet”, encourage effort, and model learning through challenges. Reframe behaviours: Daydreaming may signal creativity, not dysfunction. Risk-taking may show courage and capability-seeking. Task resistance may be about autonomy, not defiance. If pursuing assessment, choose a clinician who understands development, context, and the whole child — not just a checklist. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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