Motherhood Uncut

The Lindsay Clancy case has brought postpartum psychosis and severe perinatal mental illness into public conversation in a very big way. These conversations matter. We need better recognition of serious maternal mental illness, better treatment, better education for families, and systems that know how to respond when a mother is becoming dangerously unwell.
But there is another part of the maternal mental health conversation that I don’t want us to lose.
The overwhelming majority of mothers who struggle with anxiety, intrusive thoughts, overwhelm, fear, or emotional distress after having a baby do not develop postpartum psychosis and do not harm their children. And when we focus only on the most catastrophic outcomes, we risk making mothers afraid of experiences that are far more common — and often deeply understandable.
In this episode of Motherhood Uncut, I talk about what I’ve learned from more than 20 years of working with mothers across the spectrum of maternal mental health, including something I believe we dramatically underestimate: what motherhood asks of the human nervous system.
Motherhood brings us face-to-face with uncertainty. You can’t guarantee your baby will sleep. You won’t always know why they’re crying. You can’t prevent your child from struggling, make them happy all the time, or know with absolute certainty that every parenting decision you make is the right one.
For highly capable women who have learned to create safety through preparation, competence, information, prediction, and problem-solving, that uncertainty can be incredibly activating. We start researching, monitoring, comparing, fixing, and second-guessing, often with one understandable hope underneath it all: If I can figure this out, then I can finally relax.
But what if the goal isn’t to eliminate uncertainty?
What if part of protecting maternal mental health is helping mothers build the capacity to live inside uncertainty without experiencing it as danger?
In this episode, I explore:
The difference between emotional discomfort and psychiatric crisis
Why frightening or intrusive thoughts don’t automatically mean you’re becoming dangerous or psychotic
How our nervous systems respond when we can’t control an outcome
Why uncertainty can feel especially difficult for highly capable women who are used to knowing what to do
Why learning to stay present with discomfort may be one of the most important capacities we can build in motherhood
We absolutely need to care for mothers when they are in crisis. And we need to get much, much better at caring for them long before they ever get there.
A note about this episode: This conversation is not intended to diagnose Lindsay Clancy or explain the circumstances of her case. It is also not a substitute for mental health or medical care. If you are concerned about your own mental health, or someone you love, please reach out to a qualified healthcare professional for assessment and support.
Resources
For perinatal mental health support and resources, visit Postpartum Support International
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need immediate emotional support in the United States, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

There is a huge space between never drinking and having the kind of alcohol problem we’ve traditionally been taught to recognize. And a lot of women are living somewhere inside that space.
In this episode of Motherhood Uncut, I’m joined by Casey Davidson, host of the Hello Someday Podcast for Sober Curious Women, to talk about her experience as a high-achieving working mother whose nightly wine became far more important to her than anyone around her realized.
Casey describes herself as a lifelong overachiever, people pleaser, peacekeeper, and “gold star girl.” Alcohol initially offered her something she desperately wanted: a way to stop thinking, loosen control, have fun, quiet anxiety, and escape the pressure of always holding everything together. Later, as work and motherhood became more demanding, wine became the easy button she could reach for whether she felt anxious, bored, resentful, lonely, overwhelmed, or simply exhausted.
Our conversation goes far beyond whether or not someone drinks “too much.” We explore what we may actually be asking alcohol to do for us, and what becomes possible when we learn to meet those needs differently.
In this episode, we talk about:
Why alcohol can become so appealing to high-achieving, anxious, people-pleasing women
The powerful connection between drinking and avoiding uncomfortable emotions
How “mommy wine culture” can normalize drinking as a way to cope with motherhood
Why Casey spent years trying to control or moderate her drinking
The subtle ways alcohol affected her presence and connection with her children
Why rushing through bedtime to get back to a glass of wine became an important clue
The resentment, loneliness, anxiety, and overwhelm that can sit underneath the desire to drink
What Casey learned about herself when she stopped drinking
Why our mistakes as mothers don’t have to define our relationships with our children
The role of honesty, responsibility, repair, and modeling in raising emotionally healthy kids
A different question for anyone who is sober curious: instead of asking, “Is my drinking bad enough that I need to stop?” what happens if you ask, “Is this good enough to keep going?”

Learn more about Casey Davidson
Listen to the Hello Someday Podcast for Sober Curious Women.
Visit Casey at hellosomedaycoaching.com.

What if being more present with your kids didn’t require meditating for 30 minutes a day, becoming calmer, or learning to enjoy every moment of motherhood?
In this episode of Motherhood Uncut, Kate sits down with psychotherapist and longtime mindfulness practitioner Dia Ralyea for a conversation about what mindfulness actually looks like in the middle of real life, especially when you’re raising kids, managing a career, carrying a thousand responsibilities, and your nervous system would really rather keep moving.
Dia offers a beautifully simple definition of mindfulness: connecting to yourself so you can connect to the world around you.
From there, Kate and Dia explore why that connection can be so difficult for mothers. We’re taught to anticipate, plan, solve, accomplish and care for everyone around us. We’re much less practiced at slowing down long enough to notice what is actually happening inside of us.
And sometimes, we don’t want to notice.
Because being present doesn’t mean feeling peaceful. It might mean noticing anxiety before bedtime, admitting that you’re disappointed by parts of motherhood, recognizing that you have needs you’ve been ignoring, or allowing your child to be sad or frustrated without immediately trying to make the feeling disappear.
Kate and Dia talk about why discomfort isn’t necessarily a sign that something has gone wrong, and why learning to stay with the full range of human emotion may actually give us greater access to joy, connection and trust.
They also challenge the familiar question, Can women do it all? Maybe the goal isn’t doing everything. Maybe it’s becoming more connected to yourself so you can recognize what matters most right now, let some other things go, and move through different seasons of your life with greater intention.
And if mindfulness has always sounded like one more thing you should be doing, Dia makes it wonderfully practical. You can start on the floor with your kids. You can notice the weight of your child on your lap. You can put a hand on your chest and take one full breath. Thirty seconds counts.

In this conversation, Kate and Dia explore:
* Why mindfulness is much bigger than meditation
* How presence helps us see what is actually happening instead of reacting to what we fear is happening
* Why uncomfortable emotions can feel threatening to the nervous system
* The hidden cost of trying to keep our children from feeling disappointment, sadness or pain
* Why being present does not mean enjoying every part of motherhood
* What happens when mothers believe they shouldn’t have needs
* The difference between doing everything and living according to what matters most
* How perfectionism and constant striving can pull us away from ourselves
* Three simple ways to begin practicing mindfulness without adding another big task to your life

Dia Ralyea, MA, LPC, is a psychotherapist, Certified Mindfulness Instructor, mother of five and longtime mindfulness and yoga practitioner. She works with clients using a mindfulness-based approach and teaches mindfulness practices designed to help people reconnect with their own inner wisdom.

Learn more about Dia:
Dia Ralyea at Naropa University
Dia and Humanity Shared
Connect with Dia on LinkedIn

What if becoming a mother doesn’t make you less ambitious? What if it changes your ambition, expands your capacity, and develops strengths that actually make you a better leader?
In this episode of Motherhood Uncut, I’m joined by Alexa Starks, founder of Mothered Media and Editor-in-Chief of Mothered Magazine, for a conversation about the systems that continue to make working motherhood unnecessarily hard and the identity shift that happens inside women when they become mothers.
After having two children close together and returning to a corporate environment with little support, Alexa began asking why so many mothers were quietly struggling inside systems that simply weren’t designed for the reality of their lives. That experience eventually led her to research working motherhood and advocate for larger changes in how organizations support, perceive, and value mothers.
We talk about findings from Alexa’s research, including the importance of flexible work, the enormous impact managers have on a mother’s return-to-work experience, and the disconnect between the leadership skills women gain through motherhood and the way mothers are often perceived in the workplace.
We also explore something that happens much closer to home: the belief that becoming a mother means choosing between being devoted to your children and continuing to pursue the work, ideas, and ambitions that matter to you.
In this episode, we talk about:
Why working mothers are often trying to survive inside systems that weren’t built to support them
What Alexa calls the “ambition gap” and why becoming a mother doesn’t necessarily make women less ambitious
Why ambition often changes direction after motherhood rather than disappearing
The identity shift that can feel so unsettling for highly driven women after having a baby
How the very qualities motherhood asks us to develop — resilience, adaptability, empathy, communication, trust-building, and navigating uncertainty — can make us stronger leaders
Why flexible work design matters so much for parents
The role compassionate managers can play in retaining and supporting working mothers
The difference between choosing to step away from work because you want to and believing you should because you’re a mother
Why pursuing meaningful work outside of motherhood can actually give some women more capacity to be the mothers they want to be
What it might look like to build workplaces and communities where women no longer have to choose between ambition and family
This conversation is ultimately about something bigger than work.
Women are complex, multidimensional people. We can deeply love our children and still want meaningful work. We can be changed by motherhood without losing ourselves. And we can allow motherhood to develop parts of us that make us stronger not only at home, but everywhere else we choose to show up.
Learn more about Alexa Starks and her work:
Mothered Media — motheredmedia.com
Mothered Magazine — motheredmagazine.com
Instagram — @mothered.magazine
Alexa on Instagram — @alexa.starks
Alexa on LinkedIn — Alexa Starks
The Future of Working Motherhood and Maternal Strengths research — Mothered Media Research & Reports

📌 Book a free Assessment Call to find out what your nervous system needs: https://www.calmconnectionsystem.com/call

That mom who makes you feel like you're failing? The one who looks like she has it all together? She is white knuckling just as hard as you are. The reason you can't stop comparing yourself to her is not a confidence problem. It is your own sharp mind turning against you, using the exact skills that made you successful at work against you at pickup, at bedtime, and in every unguarded moment you catch yourself measuring your worth against someone else's highlight reel.

In this episode, I'm going to show you why comparison hits high achieving moms so hard, and give you the exact steps to take its power away for good.

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS 
0:00 Always Comparing Yourself to Other Moms? #1 Best Habit to Reverse It FAST
0:54 The pickup that makes you feel like you're failing 
1:34 What I know after 20 years with women like her 
2:12 I was the mom who looked completely fine 
3:22 Why your brain won't stop ranking you 
3:57 The cruel part of comparison nobody talks about 
4:37 What actually helps when comparison hits 
5:12 Say the true thing to a friend 
5:45 The only scoreboard that was ever real

❓ QUESTIONS ANSWERED 

Why do I keep comparing myself to other moms? 
You are comparing your insides, everything you know about your own doubts and struggles, to another mom's outsides, the small curated moments she chooses to show. It is not a fair comparison because you are not seeing her whole reality, only a highlight, and that gap is exactly what keeps the ache alive.

Why is comparison so hard for high achieving moms specifically? 
Comparison is your achievement brain doing what built your career, measuring and ranking so you know where you stand. Motherhood has no leaderboard, so that same instinct leaves you feeling like you're constantly losing at something that was never a competition, which is why smart, capable women often feel the worst about themselves as mothers.

What actually helps stop mom comparison? 
Naming it in the moment, saying plainly that you are comparing your insides to her outsides, loosens its grip almost instantly. Real connection, like telling a friend the honest version of your day, breaks the spell far better than trying to compare yourself out of it, and it reminds you that she is probably comparing herself to you too.

📱 RESOURCES 
Free Assessment Call: https://www.calmconnectionsystem.com/call 
Free Webinar: https://calmconnectionsystem.com/register

🔔 Subscribe for weekly tools to help high-achieving moms move through postpartum anxiety and into calm, confidence, and deep connection with their kids.

💬 Tell me in the comments: what is one honest thing you would say to a friend this week instead of pretending you're fine? Let's normalize telling the truth.

ABOUT KATE KRIPKE: 
I'm a licensed clinical psychotherapist and maternal mental health specialist. For over 20 years, I've helped thousands of high-achieving, career-driven moms move through postpartum anxiety without years of therapy.

#PostpartumAnxiety #MaternalMentalHealth #MomComparison #HighAchievingMom #MotherhoodAnxiety