Bad Movies Rule!

John Carpenter’s Vampires (1998) storms the Bad Movies Rule table after Dwayne from Tennessee cashed in his Full Dudikoff pick. James Woods leads a Vatican-backed slayer squad that hunts bloodsuckers the hard way: cable-gun, Jeep winch, and enough F-bombs to bless a whole motel. First-time guest Luke joins James, Clint, and Dave as they rip into dirt-nap masters, a 48-hour “romance” that starts with a punch, a priest who won’t stay in his lane, and a plot that keeps inventing new vampire rules just so it can break them. Crosses don’t work. Garlic gets you bent over. And somebody really wants to know who got a boner. Grab a stake and hit play.

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Voicemail: 262-757-8567

Mail: Bad Movies Rule, PO Box 383, Burlington, WI 53105

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Welcome to the Bad Movies Rule! Mailbag! James is joined by Ryan Mueller and Clint Busch for the day shift, then hands it off to Joe, Curt, and Bob for the night shift package opening.

We dig into emails and voicemails from Michael (catching up hard and recommending Double Trouble + Evolution), Johnny Golab (Alabama gator facts + the $2 Spear Hunting Museum), Phil/Barry (praising The Thing, requesting Vampires, and dropping the Paul Orndorff nearly-in-Rambo 2 story), Andrew from Canada (the ultimate “just send the damn email” PSA), Billy from St. Pete (new Discord energy), Jason from Ohio (owning the Toledo War manifesto and clearing the air), the Leeds, Alabama call, Joe’s “F*** Ohio” astronaut theory, Bill’s preview pet peeve (and James’s honest answer), Matt Mulholland’s PB&J alligator and Key West near-miss, Derek/Rick’s introduction + Bitch Slap recommendation, AA Ron’s Great Outdoors Intensity Award case and Weird Science connection, John from the UK’s Mean Guns pitch, DJ Campbell’s bat-in-the-bedroom story, and Matt’s nightmare Disney drive with an 18-month-old.

Then the physical mail hits: Mannequin 2, Class of 1984, Frankenhooker, Monty Python’s Flying Circus Series 1, Bad Channels, Cutthroat Island, Vision Quest, and more get added to the BMR Reacts pile.

As always, send us your stories, recommendations, and packages:
this show is trash at gmail.com
(262) 757-8567
P.O. Box 383, Burlington, WI 53105
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This week the crew packs up the station wagon and heads for the Northwoods—except it’s California playing Wisconsin, because of course it is. John Candy and Dan Aykroyd star in this John Hughes-scripted tale of two families, one cabin, and a vacation that goes exactly as well as you’d expect when the uninvited in-laws show up with demonic twins, lobster tails, and a speedboat named Suck My Wake.

Expect water-ski disasters, raccoon home invasions, a bear with a very personal grudge, the legendary Old 96er, and more passive-aggressive Midwestern hospitality than any human should endure. Plus the usual BMR awards, fantasy football consequences, and far too many stories about actual family road trips that make this movie look like a relaxing spa weekend.

Grab a six-pack of hot dogs and settle in. The critics hated it. The box office hated it. We’re about to find out if the rest of us are just built different.

Support Us: patreon.com/badmoviesrule

Email Us: ThisShowIsTrash@gmail.com

Voicemail: 262-757-8567

Mail: Bad Movies Rule, PO Box 383, Burlington, WI 53105

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Mailbag time, BMRmy. Full table for the first half, then the shift change. Packages get opened first: a handwritten letter and bottle opener from Joe, Highlander minis (Kurgan and Connor) all the way from England courtesy of Richard, and a massive restock of British sweets, mint balls, tea cakes, and more from Vicky in Leeds — plus a onesie and a very British sealed letter. James also has some big family news to share.

Emails and voicemails cover Bruce Campbell’s My Name Is Bruce, a whole batch of comedy and action suggestions, gator stories, the ongoing “should we do more comedies?” debate, Sam Neill recommendations, a Payback-inspired song from 25 years ago, Chuck Norris nostalgia, restaurant specials, and the usual unhinged fan energy. Ohio somehow becomes a whole thing. Keep sending stuff — thisshowistrash@gmail.com or (262) 757-8567.

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Something’s down in the sewers… and it’s not just the usual Chicago (or is it St. Louis?) nonsense.

This week James is joined by Mel and first-timer Rachel for a full scene-by-scene rampage through the 1980 animal-attack cult favorite Alligator. A little girl’s pet gator gets flushed, some extremely shady growth-hormone experiments go sideways, and suddenly you’ve got a 40-foot reptile treating the city’s underground like an all-you-can-eat buffet of discarded lab dogs, reporters, SWAT teams, and wedding guests.

Robert Forster is pure 1980 cool as the jinxed detective who keeps losing partners. Robin Riker shows up as the skeptical herpetologist (say that three times fast). Michael V. Gazzo’s eyebrows deserve their own credit. Henry Silva arrives ready to hunt. And the practical effects deliver exactly the kind of foam-brick, mannequin-leg, wedding-cake chaos we live for.

Plus the usual BMR mayhem: awards, Arnold recasts, personal alligator near-death stories from Hilton Head, and more sewer-level stupidity than any one movie should contain.

Patrons picked it. The Discord demanded it. We delivered.

Support Us: patreon.com/badmoviesrule

Email Us: ThisShowIsTrash@gmail.com

Voicemail: 262-757-8567

Mail: Bad Movies Rule, PO Box 383, Burlington, WI 53105

Gear Up: Grab tees at teepublic.com/user/bad-movies-rule

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