JaackMaate’s Happy Hour

We’re rolling Indra deep end of main shows lately but we’re not complaining! Well, we might be after this episode. Alfie has planned this entire episode in about 3 and a half minutes, so let’s see how this goes… 

Whenever Alfie has a deep thought - usually while doing a sit down wee - he makes a note of it so he can bring it to the pod for all you philosophers out there. And with a very limited amount of Googling allowed during this episode, we have to philosophise by ourselves using our existing (and again, very limited) knowledge. 

Why do we need to measure our age? What would happen if everyone stopped paying their mortgage? Why do all humans not like the same foods? What is the point in having a name? What gender are shoes? 
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We’re well into January AKA Fat Month now but we’re doing a main show all about new year’s resolutions. Jack’s kicked 2026 off by being a very bad boy and getting himself nicked by police at a Tommy Robinson march, before going on to massively embarrass himself on a Zoom call. Speaking of embarrassing yourself, Robbie has unveiled a brand new challenge for the pod that the entire internet deserves to witness. 

 

After breaking down our own resolutions, we’re  reacting to our listener’s own niche and deeply unhinged goals. From judging people harder, to losing their virginity, to hated housemates, to pub crawls, to masturbation. 
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The tinsel has been torched, the turkey has been tarnished, and the tree has been trashed. We are fully into the swing of 2026 with the first main show of the year, and the boys have a lot to catch up on from the Christmas period. 

Jaack received some questionable gifts from Fiona, one of which he’s desperately trying to get changed. It was his first time hosting Christmas at his house but there was one thing he did that horrified people online… 

Robbie has been skiing but ran into a major problem at passport control due to his kids. He also tells us what went down at his legendary Christmas party, where there was a massive Happy Hour crossover with some of the questionable people he invited. 

Stevie spent Christmas day abroad but it didn’t go to plan as he accidentally ends up somewhere he really shouldn’t have been, plus his son had a terrifying run-in at a water park. 
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Only a few thousand people have ever had the chance to lace up their boots and play in a Champions League final… but less than 50 have ever refereed it. And of those 50, only 2 have been English. Today… we speak to one of those men. Mark Clattenburg. 

From refereeing the 2016 Champions League final between Real Madrid and Atletico Madrid, to also refereeing the iconic France vs Portugal Euros final in the same year - Mark has been the man-in-the-middle for some of the most iconic football matches in recent history. 

What is it like to not only share the field with the likes of Messi and Ronaldo, but to referee them? Who is harder to control? Who’s the best up close? Just how difficult is it to referee maniacs such as Luis Suarez? Who is the worst footballer to share a pitch with? 

Mark Clattenburg was an elite referee who operated at the top level for 13 years, and today on Happy Hour he shares some exclusive behind the scenes stories that are guaranteed to make you see referees in a different light. Is it ever truly possible for a referee to be unbiased? Mark’s answer might shock you! 

What’s the biggest on field mistake Mark ever made? How about his greatest call of all time? Just how did Mark play a part in the recent Lucas Paqueta betting court case? Do refs ever get a kick out of sending somebody off? Now that Mark is fully retired, he has no problem sharing the ugliest parts of the beautiful game. 

Mark’s podcast Whistleblowers is available on all podcast platforms now!
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/whistleblowers/id1763839656
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