Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment

• 142. Feeling Used by Your Teen? How to Move Away from Transactional Parenting With Trevor Allen

  “I do so much for them, and they don’t even notice”. Sounds like a familiar thought? Many parents of struggling teens or young adults feel used, taken for granted, or stuck in a dynamic where love feels more like a series of trades than a relationship.In this episode, I’m joined again by therapist Trevor Allen to unpack the tricky dynamic of transactional parenting and behavior: what it is, how it shows up, and most importantly, how to shift out of it. From “I let you go out, so you should clean your room” to “I do everything for you, and you won’t even help me out,” we explore how as well-meaning parents we can end up in a tit-for-tat cycle that erodes trust and connection.It’s not only us as parents who can experience this and feel unseen. Believe it or not, our teens might be experiencing the same thing. Miscommunication, mismatched expectations, and unspoken needs can keep both parent and teen feeling unseen.This is a compassionate, eye-opening episode for any parent trying to find their way back to genuine connection, without keeping the score. Not everything has to feel like a negotiation. Let’s explore this topic more in today’s episode.In this episode on feeling used by your teen, we cover:What transactional parenting is and why it often shows up during tough seasons;How the “I give, you give” pattern damages trust and connection;What to say when you feel used or taken for granted by your teen;How to spot (and shift) transactional tendencies in your parenting;The importance of modeling healthy, reciprocal relationships;Why it’s compliance but connection that is at the foundation for long-term change;And more!Looking for support?🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected] can support the show by:Leaving a reviewSubscribing to the showAnd remember parents, the change begins with us.🌱 LIVE Online Workshop 'Resolve The Cycle of Conflict' 🌱May 2nd & 16th, 2025 Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/conflictworkshopI hope to see you there!

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• 141. What Are Your Expecting? - Navigating Expectations Before, During, and After Treatment

  It’s not your child’s job to live up to your expectations. That might sound harsh, but it’s one of the most important truths I’ve had to learn as a parent, especially during the transition home after treatment. If you’re anything like me, you might be thinking: ‘But I don’t even have that many expectations!’ I used to think that too… I wasn’t asking for straight A’s or a high-powered career path. But the truth is, I had all sorts of hidden expectations: to be respected, to be liked, to have my child appreciate my cooking, my values, and… for them not to use drugs. And when those expectations weren’t met, it hurt.In this episode, Seth and I unpack how easily our unconscious expectations can shape the energy of our home and our family dynamics. This is especially true when your kid is coming home from treatment and the goal is to build a new, different relationship with them. Even the expectations handed to us from treatment programs can give a false sense of security, making it feel like everything will go perfectly if the plan is followed. But real life doesn’t work like that.We explore what our hidden expectations look like, the emotional effect they can have on your teen or young adult, and how you can trade them for something far more meaningful: connection, curiosity, and a new kind of relationship with your teen or young adult.In this episode on navigating expectations, we cover:Why it's so hard to see your own expectations and how they show up when your kid doesn't meet them;The emotional impact expectations can have on your child’s sense of acceptance;Why bringing your kid home from treatment requires more flexibility and less pressure;The difference between boundaries and expectations, and why that distinction matters;What parents can do to foster trust and connection during the transition home from treatment;How letting go of control can create space for a more honest relationship with your child and healthier family dynamics;And more!Looking for support?🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected] can support the show by:Leaving a reviewSubscribing to the showAnd remember parents, the change begins with us.🌱 LIVE Online Workshop 'Resolve The Cycle of Conflict' 🌱May 2nd & 16th, 2025 Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/conflictworkshopI hope to see you there!

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• 140. Parenting a Teen vs a Young Adult: Nuanced Changes at Every Stage

  🌱 LIVE Online Workshop 'Resolve The Cycle of Conflict' 🌱May 2nd & 16th, 2025 Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/conflictworkshopI hope to see you there!There’s a distinct shift that happens when your teen becomes a young adult, and it’s not just about age. Whether your child is living at home, in college, or fresh out of treatment, the transition from parenting a teenager to parenting a young adult is one of the most nuanced and challenging shifts we make as parents.In this episode, Seth and I talk about what that transition looks like: what needs to change, what’s okay to hold onto, and how to release the parts of parenting that no longer serve our young adult children, or us as parents. When your child turns 18 and the training wheels come off, it’s no longer about controlling their choices, it’s about trusting them to learn from them. And that often means letting go of the urge to rescue, even when we’re terrified of what might happen if we don’t step in.“If your college kid is not doing well and we just cover it and protect them, … and we’re stepping in all the time, we’re not letting the brain learn.” - Beth HillmanWe explore what healthy boundaries look like at each stage: from high schoolers still living under your roof, to college students navigating their newfound independence, to young adults out in the world on their own. In this episode on parenting a teen vs a young adult, we cover:What shifts when your teen becomes a young adult, and what that means for your role as a parent;How to move from teaching values to trusting growth;What accountability looks like for teens vs. young adults;Why letting natural consequences play out is essential for development;How to recognize when you’re rescuing vs. supporting;The internal work required to stop overstepping and start letting go;How to raise a self-sufficient human being by leading with trust;And more.Looking for support?🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected] can support the show by:Leaving a reviewSubscribing to the showAnd remember, parents, the change begins with us.🌱 LIVE Online Workshop 'Resolve The Cycle of Conflict' 🌱May 2nd & 16th, 2025 Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/conflictworkshopI hope to see you there!

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• 139. How to Help Your Anxious Teen or Young Adult With Monica Crnogorac

  🌱 LIVE Online Workshop 'Resolve The Cycle of Conflict' 🌱May 2nd & 16th, 2025 Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/conflictworkshopI hope to see you there!If your teen seems anxious, unmotivated, or constantly overwhelmed, there's often more going on beneath the surface than meets the eye. Teen anxiety is more common and more complex than many parents realize. Life coach for teens Monica Crnogorac brings both personal and professional insight on how to help your anxious teen. Together, we explore how anxiety can show up for our teen or young adult kids, what it feels like from their perspective, and how you, as a parent, can better support your struggling teen through it all.Monica shares her own experience with anxiety, starting from when she was bullied in sixth grade, and showing up again in high school and university. Like so many teens, she didn’t know her symptoms were anxiety, only that she felt overwhelmed, emotionally and physically. Her story is a reminder that what looks like laziness, procrastination, or school refusal may actually be anxiety at work.We also talk about what to do when your teen does open up to you, from how to reflect their language with care, to helping them develop a healthier internal dialogue. As parents, it’s easy to unintentionally dismiss or invalidate our child’s experience, but when we approach with curiosity instead of control, we give our teens the space to feel heard and supported.If your teen is showing signs of anxiety, or if you’re unsure how to talk to them about it, this episode will offer you insight, empathy, and next steps you can take today to help your anxious teen.In this episode on how to help your anxious teen, we cover:What anxiety can look like in teens and young adults, and why it’s often misunderstood;The difference between normal stress and anxiety that needs attention;Internalizing vs. externalizing anxiety;What the cycle of anxiety looks like and how to help your teen break it;What to say when your teen opens up about their struggles;How to encourage emotional regulation without trying to “fix” the problem;And more!Looking for support?🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected] can support the show by:Leaving a reviewSubscribing to the showAnd remember parents, the change begins with us.🌱 LIVE Online Workshop 'Resolve The Cycle of Conflict' 🌱May 2nd & 16th, 2025 Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/conflictworkshopI hope to see you there!

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• 138. Life After Treatment: How Your Kid Can Find the Peer Support They Need

  One of the most overlooked challenges after treatment? The loss of community. Teens and young adults often return home (or head off to college) and suddenly find themselves without the peer support they had in treatment, even though that kind of support, being seen and understood by someone who’s been through it too, can be one of the most powerful parts of the healing process.“Especially for young people, the need to belong is so important” - Ciara FanloYour child may be craving a sense of normalcy, wanting to reconnect with friends and blend back in. But likely, they’ve changed and might not connect with their old friends as much anymore. Or they feel misunderstood because the people around them don’t understand what they’ve just been through. That longing for connection can be powerful, and without supportive peers who know what it’s like to be in treatment, your teen may feel isolated, or misunderstood.In this episode, Ciara Fanlo joins me to talk about what happens when that community disappears and how we can help our teens build it again. We explore how to support your child in finding a new kind of community, one that reflects who they are now, post-treatment. Because no matter how much love you offer as a parent, having peers who truly get it makes all the difference.In this episode on peer support after treatment, we cover:Why peer connection is crucial for teens after treatment;What your child may be feeling as they transition home or to a new environment;The disconnect teens often experience when trying to rejoin old friend groups;How to help your child find community without pushing or panicking;Why shared understanding and belonging are key to maintaining change;And more.Looking for support?🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected] about Ciara FanloCiara Fanlo is a former “troubled teen” who now supports struggling adolescents and their families. After recovering from her own challenging years, she founded Homing Instinct to share what she learned from her experiences. Ciara now provides personalized mentorship and coaching for teens as they navigate the transformative and tumultuous journey of becoming a young adult in today’s world. You can support the show by:Leaving a reviewSubscribing to the showAnd remember parents, the change begins with us.🌱 LIVE Online Workshop 'Resolve The Cycle of Conflict' 🌱May 2nd & 16th, 2025 Sign up or learn more over at www.bethhillmancoaching.com/conflictworkshopI hope to see you there!

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