Parents of the Year

Working from home with kids in the mix can feel like you’re failing at two jobs at once. 
Andrew and Caroline get real about why “balance” is a trap, and why clear boundaries work better—at home and at work. They share what actually helped in their house (the red/green door system, kid-friendly “emergency rules,” and setting kids up with non-screen activities—yes, including the legendary cardboard pirate ship that took over an entire archway). 
You’ll also hear how Caroline plans work in 90-minute focus blocks, why email can wait, and why everyone needs pockets of nothing during the day—no phone, no noise, just a reset. If your calendar is packed, your attention is shredded, and you’re trying to parent without snapping, this episode gives you language, scripts, and practical setups you can try this week.
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Phones aren’t optional anymore—and that’s exactly why families feel stuck. In this Parents of the Year episode, Andrew and Caroline sit down with MJ Murray Vachon, a licensed clinical social worker with 40 years of practice to talk about what screen overuse is doing to stress, sleep, mood, and family connection. 
MJ shares a practical way to reset family phone habits that starts with adult leadership, not kid willpower. 
You’ll hear why “phone-free time” must be truly phone-free (not just “in the backpack”), how to set boundaries that don’t turn every night into a negotiation, and how to talk with kids about the science behind dopamine, cravings, and withdrawal-like irritability. 
They also cover what to do when a child pushes back hard, why checking a child’s phone should be treated like checking the family car, and how parents can team up with other families so you’re not the only one holding the line.
If you’re looking for realistic strategies around screen time, phones, social media, and stress, this episode gives you language you can use today.
Homework Ideas
“Deepest desire” check-in (10 minutes, solo)
Write one sentence: “My deepest desire with my child is…” (not about rules—about the relationship). Keep it visible. You’ll need it when pushback hits.

Phone as supervised access (not ownership)
If your child has a phone, set the expectation: it’s a family device with supervision.
Create a predictable check-in rhythm (brief, calm, consistent) so it doesn’t feel like a “gotcha.”

Phone Use Awareness (for parents first)
Check your screen time report for a full week. Note:
Total daily hours
Top 3 apps
 Times of day you reach for it most
Journal one line a day: “What was I avoiding or soothing when I reached for my phone?”

Create Phone-Free Blocks (ACT – C)
Choose 1–2 daily blocks where all phones are away and out of reach (e.g., 5–7 pm, mealtimes, bedtime routine)
Physically store them in another room or lockbox. During those blocks, invite, don’t force:
Walks
Baking or cooking
Board game
 “Nothing time” where people can be bored and see what happens
Take Phones Out of the Bedroom (ACT – T)
Parents go first. Replace your phone with a basic alarm clock or a speaker for music/meditation if needed
Once you’ve done it for 2–4 weeks, have a family meeting: Explain the sleep and brain science (keep it simple: “Brains need dark, quiet, and no pings to reset properly.”)
Agree as a family: phones docked in a shared space overnight and/or in a lockbox.

Curate the Feed – “You Are What You Scroll”
Together, pick 3–5 things you want more of in life (e.g., art, sport, nature, comedy).
Follow accounts that actually match those values.
Unfollow / mute accounts that leave you anxious, angry, or “less than.”
Watch The Social Dilemma as a family and discuss: What surprised you? What do you want to change about how you use your phone?

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Stealing from a popular replay of Parents of the Year, Andrew and Caroline discuss goal setting with kids. Rather than assigning goals or correcting what isn’t working, this episode focuses on working with children to help them identify goals that actually feel meaningful to them. When kids have a say, they are far more likely to stay engaged and follow through.
The discussion covers how parents can use what they already know about their children — their temperament, strengths, and challenges — to guide goal setting in a way that feels achievable, relevant, and motivating.
Setting SMART Goals With Kids (Without Turning It Into a Battle)
Step 1: Start With Reflection  Before setting any new goals, take a few minutes to reflect together. Ask:
What felt easier this year than it used to?
What was hard, but you stuck with it anyway?
What are you proud of yourself for?
Step 2: Choose One Area to Focus On Start with a conversation. Ask what they want to get better at this year. Brainstorm ideas, keeping it open and pressure-free. Keep this small. One area is enough. 
Step 3: Turn It Into a SMART Goal
S – Specific What exactly are we working on? “What does that look like when it’s happening?”
M – Measurable  How will we know it’s happening? “What would we see or hear if this was going well?”
A – Achievable Is this realistic right now?“Does this feel doable, even on a tough day?”
R – Relevant Why does this matter to you? “How will this help you at school or with friends?”
T – Time-Bound What’s the time frame? “Should we try this for the next two weeks or for this month?”
Example :  “I will practice staying calm during homework by taking one break when I feel overwhelmed, at least three times a week for the next month.”
Step 4: Create One Tiny Action Step
Big goals fail when there’s no plan. Ask:
What’s one small thing you can do when this gets hard?
What’s your first move?
Step 5: Decide How You’ll Support Them
This is where adults shift into the consultant role. Ask:
What might make this hard?
How can I help when if this gets tricky?
Let your child lead this decision. 
Step 6: Track Effort, Not Perfection
Check in once a week (with curiosity rather than reminders or lectures). Focus on:
What worked
What felt hard
What you’d tweak
Celebrate effort, even when the outcome isn’t perfect.
Write the SMART goal on a card or sticky note and keep it visible!
Resources:
Goal setting blog: https://korupsychology.ca/setting-goals/
Overpowering Emotions Podcast (Episode 99 – goal setting)
Problem-solving skills: https://korupsychology.ca/develop-problem-solving-skills/
Making informed decisions:
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Should parents “tell the truth” about Santa… or keep the story going? 
In this Parents of the Year holiday episode, Andrew and Caroline unpack what kids actually need when they start questioning Santa, how to respond without shame or panic, and how to turn the moment into something that builds kindness, generosity, and family connection. 
They talk about following your child’s lead, keeping your tone warm and honest, and shifting the story from “Is Santa real?” to “What does Santa stand for—and how do we carry that forward?” 

Homework Ideas
Prep your “Santa questions” script  
Be prepared so you don’t freeze:
“What do you think?”
“What makes you wonder that?”
“What does Santa mean to you?”
“In our family, Santa is a story about generosity and giving.”

Plan the “invite them in” transition (kids who are figuring it out)
If your child is questioning or knows:
“You’re old enough to be in on it now.”
“We keep Santa going to make it special for little kids.”
“Want to help us do one small ‘Santa job’ this year?”
Santa job ideas: choose a toy donation, deliver treats to helpers, set out a surprise note, wrap one gift.

Pick one “Santa = generosity” tradition
donate a toy together
write a thank-you card to a community helper
do a “secret kind act” day
make a small treat drop-off
Goal: keep the meaning, not just the myth.

If your kid asks directly: don’t over-talk
Try:
“That’s a smart question.”
“What do you already believe?”
“In our family, Santa is part story, part tradition—and the giving is real.”
Keep it short. Let them lead the pace.
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The holidays are supposed to be joyful—but for many families, they quietly amplify stress, overwhelm, and emotional reactivity.
In this special crossover episode with Parents of the Year podcast, Dr. Caroline and her husband Andrew step away from “perfect holiday” pressure and take a psychologically grounded look at why emotions run hotter during the holidays, for both kids and adults.
They explore how disrupted routines, sensory overload, social comparison, family dynamics, and unrealistic expectations tax the nervous system—and why emotional meltdowns, irritability, withdrawal, or disappointment are not signs of failure, but signals of dysregulation.This episode bridges emotion regulation science with real-life parenting moments.
Rather than trying to make emotions disappear, this conversation focuses on helping families anticipate emotional needs, regulate proactively, and respond with intention instead of reactivity.
Want to learn more about boosting resilience during the holidays? Check out these episodes:
Holiday Stress? Here's How to Build Real Resilience (https://youtu.be/jXgq7dn-hR4)
How can we nurture kids' emotional resilience during the holidays? (https://youtu.be/jXgq7dn-hR4)
Homework Ideas
Choose 2 Non-Negotiables + 2 Flexibles
Do:
Non-negotiables (examples): “We don’t do three houses in one day,” “We eat before we go,” “We leave by 7:30.”
Flexibles: “Which movie?” “Which dessert?” “When we open gifts (within a window).”
Share it with your child/teen (and any other adults involved) before the big day.
Build a Regulation Plan: Before / During / After
Do: Create a 3-part plan:
Before: sleep, food, hydration, quiet time, predict the tough moments
During: micro-breaks, movement, sensory supports, time limits
After: decompression time, low-demand evening, early bedtime when possible
Replacement Behaviours for Screen/Scroll Traps
Do: Choose a replacement behaviour you’ll do instead of scrolling when stressed:
5-minute walk
short stretch
text one friend directly (real connection)
 Set a phone boundary: “No social media before noon” or “10 minutes max, with a timer.”
Set Expectations Explicitly 
Do: Ask:
“What are you most excited about—specifically?”
“What would make the day feel like a win?”
Then set realistic anchors:one meaningful moment
one active thing
one connection point

Use “Let It Go vs. Address It” Sorting 
Do: Before gatherings, decide:
2 things you’ll let go (minor irritations)
1 thing you’ll address if needed (a true boundary)
Use a short phrase to hold it:“Not today.”
“That’s not up for discussion.”
“We’re keeping it simple this year.”

End-of-Day Debrief: 3–2–1 Reset
Do (at bedtime or next morning): 3 things that went okay, 1 tweak f
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