Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

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A birthday, a bit of simple maths, and an idea borrowed from Gregg Krech of Vermont's ToDo Institute, whose own birthday falls the same week as Carly's. What happens when you put an actual number on the days you've got left.
Carly is a counsellor and coach who specialises in building psychological hardiness, which is the ability to navigate challenge, stay engaged, and take meaningful action under pressure. Her work integrates modern psychology with Eastern and Stoic approaches, helping people build resilience, live with purpose, and respond to life’s challenges with greater clarity, courage and steadiness.

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Most addiction advice is built for rock bottom. Tara Hurster says that misses the vast majority of people - the high-functioning drinkers, gamblers, and users who still have jobs, houses, and families, but know something is off. If you’ve ever wondered where “just a bit too much” becomes a real problem, this conversation gives you a clearer answer than shame ever could. Paul speaks with Tara Hurster, psychologist and founder of The TARA Clinic, about the low-to-high risk continuum of addiction, the 12 DSM criteria, and why “stopping” is not the same as changing. . Her approach is practical, non-judgmental, and built around helping people make real choices with real tools - not just white-knuckle their way through. Tara breaks down how tolerance, repeated failed attempts to cut down, negative consequences, and defensiveness can all signal a deeper issue, even when life still looks functional from the outside.
You’ll discover:
Why addiction can be invisible in high performers and professionals
How the stages of change model explains denial, preparation, action, and maintenance
The “stop you swap” trap and why focusing only on abstinence creates a void
Why relapse is better understood as recycling, and relapse as a lesson
How identity, values, and stress management drive the behaviours people keep repeating

Time Stamps
01:15 - Risk continuum and the question of where addiction begins
02:12 - The clearest signs: tolerance, failed attempts, and consequences
03:28 - Why questioning a behavior is already a signal worth taking seriously
04:23 - Stages of change and why defensiveness matters
05:34 - Why stopping is not the same as changing
06:32 - “If you stop, you swap” and finding the driver behind the behavior
08:34 - The myth that addiction only looks like rock bottom
09:49 - Only two DSM criteria are needed over 12 months
10:54 - Tara reads the DSM style addiction criteria in plain English
13:25 - Why The Tara Clinic uses the criteria as education, not self diagnosis
14:07 - Why Tara does not align with the 12 step model
15:29 - Tara’s personal story: bullying, tallness, and smoking in year six
17:02 - Why stopping smoking can coincide with a change stage, not just willpower
18:02 - Recovery as a long term redefinition of stress and distress
19:19 - How addiction looks from the outside versus the inside
20:56 - Minimizing the problem and the brain’s self protection mechanisms
21:27 - The brain’s threat response and why stress drives habitual behavior
24:41 - Being the expert in your own life and using lifestyle as a mirror
25:33 - Hello Sunday Morning and the power of noticing hangover regret
26:25 - Tara’s non prescriptive approach: helping clients see their own choices
27:06 - Why smart people often struggle more with change
28:22 - How education works in pre-contemplation without shame
29:25 - Why shame and guilt can push people backwards
30:21 - The survival wiring behind addictive behavior
31:50 - Early stage support and why community matters
32:35 - Preparation stage and why The Tara Clinic starts there
33:22 - The danger of stopping before change has actually happened
34:16 - Dry drunk thinking and the limits of willpower
35:47 - Real change means new routines, people, and environments
36:11 - Why lapse and relapse are reframed as lesson and recycling
37:35 - Can moderation work after addiction? Tara’s non absolute answer
38:14 - Choice, agency, and not becoming another external force
39:23 - Different substances and how the method of use changes the effect
42:22 - Why ice is the hardest substance to manage socially
43:26 - Ice detox, brain recovery, and the physical versus neurological timeline
45:23 - The recurring “wobbles” in recovery from ice use
47:32 - Why early recovery for ice effectively starts after a much longer practice period
48:43 - Common drivers: pressure, stress, identity, and relief
50:16 - Why Tara avoids labels and focuses on language, thought, and identity
53:57 - Values work and why goals and values are not the same thing
55:25 - Tara’s core values: justice, nonconformity, and safety
56:26 - Why value incongruence creates major stress in work and life
57:52 - Questions to ask yourself: have I questioned this, and what happens if I pause it?
59:37 - Reality pants, judgment pants, and honest behavior tracking
60:04 - How to track patterns in drinking and spot triggers
61:37 - Using patterns to find gaps in knowledge, skills, and awareness
62:32 - Where to go next: The Tara Clinic, Smart Recovery, and the ADIS phone line
Resources
Website - https://www.thetaraclinic.com/
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/tarahurster/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thetaraclinic/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/thetaraclinic
SMART Recovery – https://smartrecoveryaustralia.com.au/
ADIS phone line: 1800 250 015 available 24/7
The National Alcohol & Other Drug Hotline is a free and confidential phone service that provides counselling, advice, and information for those struggling with addiction. Call 1800 250 015.

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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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This week Carly turns to something we all wrestle with, accepting our own human nature. She shares a personal example of what she's been struggling with lately, and the small shift in thinking that took the sting out of it.
Carly is a counsellor and coach who specialises in building psychological hardiness, which is the ability to navigate challenge, stay engaged, and take meaningful action under pressure. Her work integrates modern psychology with Eastern and Stoic approaches, helping people build resilience, live with purpose, and respond to life’s challenges with greater clarity, courage and steadiness.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.