The Recovering Radical

“I will never find it. It’s not here” 

When you grow up in high-control charismatic churches, one thing becomes clear: you are now under their control, and it often shows up in the most subtle of ways. Late-night prayers, after-school service, lock-ins, weird emotional youth groups, and touchy, intense worship services. 

Suddenly your body is bombarded with so much toxic teaching, and you may not know it, but it shows up in ways that you might not have guessed. In this episode, we sit down with Sarah Paige, a pastor's daughter, exvangelical, and content creator who shares her story about the abuse and misuse of the charismatic church. 

Here we discuss everything from body response, to spiritual abuse, to cult tactics, and more. If you’re looking for healing after religious abuse, this episode is for you. 

Topics discussed: 
Growing up “nondenominational” fundamentalist
The pastors kid eldest daughter arc
The evangelical “fire” and need to save
Mental health and spiritual warfare
Letting your mental health live in your body
The lack of practical care/service from church 
Deconstructing the Bible
Joining a cult cult
Finding people who really have your back
Everything being “done in love”
Why pastors kids often leave
Looking for all the “right” routes to healing
Narcissistic church men
Churches preying on physcial weakness, and causing it
The gratitude that comes after leaving

Follow Paige and her work!
Everywhere- @sarahpaige.rising
Substack- substack.com/@sarahpaige1a

Follow more of Allison!
Instagram- @real_allison_rose
TikTok- @real_allison_rose
YouTube- @real_allison_rose

#ReligiousTrauma #Deconstruction #PurityCulture #ChurchTrauma #SomaticHealing #Exvangelical #FeministTheology #SpiritualAbuse #TraumaHealing #RecoveringRadical #Embodiment #HealingJourney #ReligiousDeconstruction #WomenHealing #TraumaRecovery #Cult #MentalHealth

Just because you’re out of church doesn’t mean church is out of you. 

Growing up in a fear-based, high-control religion leaves scars on the body, mind, and heart. In a world where holiness means losing yourself and community means isolation, coming out the other side is a frightening and disorienting experience. For many of us deconstructing, we know these feelings all too well. The fear when you try something “impure”. Or the trigger when you hear spiritual lingo. The body knows, and remembers. 

Caleb Tipple is a therapist and counselor, a survivor of fear based Chrisitanity. From being “on fire for God” to deconstructing and becoming a therapist in college, Caleb knows what it means for the body to leave such a restrictive worldview. In this episode, we dive from topic to topic, whether it’s how personality can affect your religious experience or how psychedelics can help in your deconstruction journey. Forgiveness, curiosity, agency, and freedom are the heart and soul of this conversation. 

If you’re on your deconstruction path, feeling lost, anxious, or just curious, this episode is for you. We hope you enjoy. 

Topics discussed:
Caleb’s path to becoming a therapist after deconstructing 
Exploring trauma with cannabis and psychedelics
The importance of talking about trauma
Growing up scared, fear-based teachings
How personality affects your experience with religion
Giving ourselves grace for being part of systems that harmed us
Developing a sense of self after leaving
What it means to hold space for yourself and the things that matter to you
Realizing why indoctrination and sheltering were so needed to stay trapped
Reimagining Christianity in new frames
The Psychedelic Gospels
Creating meaning for ourselves
How psychedelics can help a deconstruction journey
The trauma that comes from deconstruction, and finding an anchor in the body
The importance of connection with other humans, and how Christianity can block us from that

Follow Caleb!
Instagram- @somatictherapy.with.c
Website- calebtipple.com

Follow more of Allison!
Instagram- @real_allison_rose
TikTok- @real_allison_rose
YouTube- @real_allison_rose

#deconstruction #somatictherapy #mentalhealth #healing #exvangelical

What happens when purity culture doesn't just shame women—but also teaches men they're inherently dangerous?

In this live episode recording, we explore the hidden ways purity culture wounds everyone. Joined by Jacob Goodin of The Ex-Homeschoolers Club and Kate Johnson of Quips and Confessionals, we unpack the messages many of us grew up hearing: men can't control themselves, women are responsible for men's thoughts, and sexuality is something to fear rather than understand.

Together, we discuss the emotional consequences of growing up in evangelical culture—from shame, secrecy, and "accountability groups" to the impossible switch from "sex is sinful" to "sex is holy" after marriage. We examine how these teachings distort masculinity, create unhealthy relationship dynamics, fuel entitlement and shame, and leave many people disconnected from themselves and their partners.
Rather than comparing who suffered more, this conversation asks a different question: What if purity culture dehumanized all of us in different ways?

If you're untangling religious conditioning, recovering from sexual shame, redefining masculinity or femininity, or simply trying to build healthier relationships after faith, this episode offers an honest, compassionate conversation about what healing can actually look like.

How purity culture uniquely impacts men
The "apple pie" analogy and other damaging purity lessons
Why shame is mistaken for sexual addiction
The emotional cost of accountability culture
Deconstructing harmful ideas about masculinity
How purity culture dehumanizes both men and women
The impossible transition from "sex is bad" to "sex is good" after marriage
Sexual shame, pornography, and secrecy
Why curiosity and sexual development are normal
The connection between purity culture and unhealthy marriages
Emotional vulnerability as a healthier model of masculinity
Breaking the shame cycle through connection
Healthy sexuality versus entitlement
Reclaiming identity beyond sexuality
Resources that helped deconstruct purity culture

If you've asked yourself,
Why do so many men experience shame around sexuality?
Why is it so difficult to enjoy sex after growing up in purity culture?
How does purity culture enable entitlement and abuse?
How can men develop a healthier understanding of masculinity?
What does healthy sexuality actually look like after deconstruction?

...this episode might just be for you

Follow more of Allison!
Instagram- @real_allison_rose
TikTok- @real_allison_rose
YouTube- @real_allison_rose

Follow Kate and Jacob!
Instagram
@katejohnsonwrites
@thejacobgooden

“Women can be the most competent person in the room and still get told they’re not good enough to speak.”

Church trauma is real. The wounds left from abuse stay with us in our bodies, minds, and spirits. From purity culture to patriarchy, from burnout to backlash, there are endless reasons why so many of us take a step back from those environments. 

But the abuse doesn’t have to define our story. 

Kate Johnson is a writer, advocate, and survivor who is using her voice and creativity to bring light to the deconstruction community. She knows what it was like to experience trauma and come out on the other side. She knows what it means for the body to hold on to pain, and to learn how to find her voice again. 

In this episode, we dive deep into the struggles, triumphs, and messiness of deconstructing and finding yourself again. We talk about the systems that harmed us, the moments of quiet transformation, and how to find your own inner intuition and creativity. If you’re a survivor looking for support, if you love God but hate the corruption of the church, or if you’re simply in for a good story, this episode is for you. 

Content warning timestamps:
Corporal punishment: 16:05-17:43
Child SA and sex offender registry discussion: 20:43-34:36

 Topics covered- 
Misogynistic hate on social media
Communal societies vs individualist ones
Why women’s voices matter
Trusting your intuition
Shame from corporal punishment 
Finding God in the moments of peace
Living in an isolated and ostracized family
The flaws of the current sex offender registry 
The importance of social safety nets for victims
How the body holds on to grief and shame
Practices to reconnect to yourself 
Using creativity to move through shame

Follow Kate and her work!
Everywhere- @katejohnsonwrites 
Substack- katejohnsonwrites.substack.com

Follow more of Allison!
Instagram- @real_allison_rose
TikTok- @real_allison_rose
YouTube- @real_allison_rose

#ReligiousTrauma #Deconstruction #PurityCulture #ChurchTrauma #SomaticHealing #Exvangelical #FeministTheology #SpiritualAbuse #TraumaHealing #RecoveringRadical #Embodiment #HealingJourney #ReligiousDeconstruction #WomenHealing #TraumaRecovery

What happens after you leave church? How do you rebuild community after deconstruction without falling into another unhealthy system?

In this episode, I sit down with Kate Johnson for an honest conversation about deconstruction, religious trauma, church hurt, and rebuilding community after leaving high-control Christianity.

For many exvangelicals, church wasn't just a place to worship—it was your friendships, your identity, your purpose, your support system, and your sense of belonging. So when you leave, you're not just grieving your faith. You're grieving an entire way of life.

Together, we explore why loneliness is such a common part of deconstruction, how high-control churches become our "one-stop shop" for community, and what it actually looks like to build authentic, life-giving relationships rooted in freedom instead of obligation.

Whether you're navigating religious trauma recovery, healing from church hurt, or simply trying to figure out who you are after leaving evangelicalism, this conversation offers validation, practical ideas, and hope for creating a life that feels genuinely aligned.

In this episode, we discuss:

Why leaving church can feel so lonely
The connection between religious trauma and isolation
How high-control churches shape our understanding of community
Why making friends after deconstruction can feel so difficult
Practical ways to build authentic community after leaving church
Creating belonging without sacrificing your individuality
Healing from people-pleasing and finding relationships built on mutual respect

If you've ever searched for:

How do I make friends after leaving church?
How do I heal from religious trauma?
Why do I feel lonely after deconstruction?
How do I find community after leaving evangelicalism?

…this episode is for you.

Come say hi to Allison Rose on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook.
And check out Kate Johnson's work at Instagram and Substack.

Keywords: deconstruction, religious trauma, exvangelical, church hurt, leaving church, high-control religion, spiritual abuse, purity culture, healing after church, rebuilding community, self-trust, authenticity, former Christian, evangelical deconstruction, religious trauma recovery.