PodcastsComedyThe Useless Hotline

The Useless Hotline

Max Balegde & George Clarke
The Useless Hotline
Latest episode

167 episodes

  • The Useless Hotline

    The Final Episode.

    03/05/2026 | 1h 58 mins.
    Join our Patreon!!! - https://www.patreon.com/TheUselessHotline

    Welcome to The Useless Hotline hosted by Max Balegde and George Clarke. A place to send your queries and dilemmas no matter how big, small, weird, or embarrassing. We can’t guarantee good advice or that you will leave a changed person, but we can guarantee that this is a useless hotline.

    Subscribe and join us every Sunday as we tackle your problems head on and on occasion will be helped by some faces you may recognise on a trial shift.

    Submit your queries/ dilemmas here:

    [email protected]

    OR

    Send a voice note to our Instagram:

    https://instagram.com/theuselesshotlinepod?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

    You can also listen here:

    Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-useless-hotline/id1656588234

    Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/5zHCHHfKk6b3m2VLJA0tIl

    Why not follow our socials so you don’t miss out on any of the latest news?

    Tiktok:
    https://www.tiktok.com/@theuselesshotlinepod?_t=8XhEHip5lET&_r=1

    Instagram:
    https://instagram.com/theuselesshotlinepod?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

    Hosts Socials:

    Max’s YouTube:
    https://youtube.com/@max_balegde
    George’s YouTube:
    https://youtube.com/@georgeclarke

    Max’s TikTok:
    https://www.tiktok.com/@max_balegde?_t=8XhDjkFsoX0&_r=1
    George’s TikTok:
    https://www.tiktok.com/@georgeclarkeey?_t=8XhDmpUzS21&_r=1

    Max’s Instagram:
    https://instagram.com/max_balegde?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
    George’s Instagram:
    https://www.instagram.com/georgeclarkeey/

    George’s Twitter:
    https://twitter.com/Clarke13George

    🎵 Copyrighted music licensed from Lickd. https://lickd.co

    The Scientist by Coldplay, https://t.lickd.co/l/VpYDOP33wJG
    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
  • The Useless Hotline

    How Would GEORGE CLARKE & MAX BALAGDE Spend £200M: Mukbangs, Moats and a 'Social Battery'

    24/04/2026 | 46 mins.
    Description: This week, we’re joined by TikTok & Youtube sensations - the hosts of The Useless Hotline podcast - George Clarke and Max Balegde!
    So listen in as the duo dives into all the wildly unhinged ways they’d spend a £200,000,000 EuroMillions jackpot. From a time-traveling mukbang to cancel Henry VIII, to a spiteful loft conversion built solely to annoy Max with loud Pasodoble dancing, to the ultimate morning routine on the 10-minute “cleaner coaster”

    Subscribe and follow for new episodes every Friday!!!

    Apple Podcasts: https://tinyurl.com/ycyfv2fc
    On Spotify: https://tinyurl.com/4ths7ned
    On TikTok: https://tinyurl.com/4d9k5457
    On Instagram: https://tinyurl.com/ykumd329
    On YouTube: https://tinyurl.com/yxyruujd

    Brought to you by EuroMillions from The National Lottery and Acast Creative ✨
    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
  • The Useless Hotline

    BONUS EPISODE! End Of Tour Wrap Up!!!

    19/04/2026 | 38 mins.
    Join our Patreon!!! - https://www.patreon.com/TheUselessHotline

    Welcome to The Useless Hotline hosted by Max Balegde and George Clarke. A place to send your queries and dilemmas no matter how big, small, weird, or embarrassing. We can’t guarantee good advice or that you will leave a changed person, but we can guarantee that this is a useless hotline.

    Subscribe and join us every Sunday as we tackle your problems head on and on occasion will be helped by some faces you may recognise on a trial shift.

    Submit your queries/ dilemmas here:

    [email protected]

    OR

    Send a voice note to our Instagram:

    https://instagram.com/theuselesshotlinepod?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

    You can also listen here:

    Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-useless-hotline/id1656588234

    Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/5zHCHHfKk6b3m2VLJA0tIl

    Why not follow our socials so you don’t miss out on any of the latest news?

    Tiktok:
    https://www.tiktok.com/@theuselesshotlinepod?_t=8XhEHip5lET&_r=1

    Instagram:
    https://instagram.com/theuselesshotlinepod?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

    Hosts Socials:

    Max’s YouTube:
    https://youtube.com/@max_balegde
    George’s YouTube:
    https://youtube.com/@georgeclarke

    Max’s TikTok:
    https://www.tiktok.com/@max_balegde?_t=8XhDjkFsoX0&_r=1
    George’s TikTok:
    https://www.tiktok.com/@georgeclarkeey?_t=8XhDmpUzS21&_r=1

    Max’s Instagram:
    https://instagram.com/max_balegde?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
    George’s Instagram:
    https://www.instagram.com/georgeclarkeey/

    George’s Twitter:
    https://twitter.com/Clarke13George

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
  • The Useless Hotline

    Tour Diary: Wild Stories from Australia and New Zealand

    12/04/2026 | 34 mins.
    Join our Patreon!!! - https://www.patreon.com/TheUselessHotline

    Welcome to The Useless Hotline hosted by Max Balegde and George Clarke. A place to send your queries and dilemmas no matter how big, small, weird, or embarrassing. We can’t guarantee good advice or that you will leave a changed person, but we can guarantee that this is a useless hotline.

    Subscribe and join us every Sunday as we tackle your problems head on and on occasion will be helped by some faces you may recognise on a trial shift.

    Submit your queries/ dilemmas here:

    [email protected]

    OR

    Send a voice note to our Instagram:

    https://instagram.com/theuselesshotlinepod?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

    You can also listen here:

    Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-useless-hotline/id1656588234

    Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/5zHCHHfKk6b3m2VLJA0tIl

    Why not follow our socials so you don’t miss out on any of the latest news?

    Tiktok:
    https://www.tiktok.com/@theuselesshotlinepod?_t=8XhEHip5lET&_r=1

    Instagram:
    https://instagram.com/theuselesshotlinepod?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

    Hosts Socials:

    Max’s YouTube:
    https://youtube.com/@max_balegde
    George’s YouTube:
    https://youtube.com/@georgeclarke

    Max’s TikTok:
    https://www.tiktok.com/@max_balegde?_t=8XhDjkFsoX0&_r=1
    George’s TikTok:
    https://www.tiktok.com/@georgeclarkeey?_t=8XhDmpUzS21&_r=1

    Max’s Instagram:
    https://instagram.com/max_balegde?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
    George’s Instagram:
    https://www.instagram.com/georgeclarkeey/

    George’s Twitter:
    https://twitter.com/Clarke13George

    00:00 - Feeling like a mushy yogurt: opening reflections
    00:12 - Tour update: halfway through Australia, Brisbane rooftop recording
    00:40 - Aussie sounds: sirens, busy streets, and Melbourne-Melbourne crossover
    01:30 - Youthful adventures: scooter rides in rain and birthdays in Auckland
    02:50 - Wild Auckland stories: street fights, blood pools, and chaotic brawls
    04:02 - New Zealand’s unique culture and stunning landscapes
    05:10 - Sydney arrival: heat, traffic, and city impressions
    06:45 - Australian food obsessions: yogurt, snacks, and food scene comparisons
    07:55 - Meeting Robert Irwin: zoo visits, celebrity stories, and family legacy
    09:20 - The passionate Irwin family and Steve Irwin’s legacy
    10:50 - Fans, meet and greets, and the magnetic energy of live shows
    12:30 - Funny stories of exotic encounters and local characters
    13:45 - Reflections on the journey and plans to return to these incredible countries
    15:00 - Wrapping up: gratitude for fans, upcoming shows, and future adventures
    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
  • The Useless Hotline

    The Boys Reflect On Final UK Tour Show, George Talks Japan Trip and Australia Tour NEWS!

    15/03/2026 | 49 mins.
    Join our Patreon!!! - https://www.patreon.com/TheUselessHotline

    Welcome to The Useless Hotline hosted by Max Balegde and George Clarke. A place to send your queries and dilemmas no matter how big, small, weird, or embarrassing. We can’t guarantee good advice or that you will leave a changed person, but we can guarantee that this is a useless hotline.

    Subscribe and join us every Sunday as we tackle your problems head on and on occasion will be helped by some faces you may recognise on a trial shift.

    Submit your queries/ dilemmas here:

    [email protected]

    OR

    Send a voice note to our Instagram:

    https://instagram.com/theuselesshotlinepod?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

    You can also listen here:

    Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-useless-hotline/id1656588234

    Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/5zHCHHfKk6b3m2VLJA0tIl

    Why not follow our socials so you don’t miss out on any of the latest news?

    Tiktok:
    https://www.tiktok.com/@theuselesshotlinepod?_t=8XhEHip5lET&_r=1

    Instagram:
    https://instagram.com/theuselesshotlinepod?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

    Hosts Socials:

    Max’s YouTube:
    https://youtube.com/@max_balegde
    George’s YouTube:
    https://youtube.com/@georgeclarke

    Max’s TikTok:
    https://www.tiktok.com/@max_balegde?_t=8XhDjkFsoX0&_r=1
    George’s TikTok:
    https://www.tiktok.com/@georgeclarkeey?_t=8XhDmpUzS21&_r=1

    Max’s Instagram:
    https://instagram.com/max_balegde?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
    George’s Instagram:
    https://www.instagram.com/georgeclarkeey/

    George’s Twitter:
    https://twitter.com/Clarke13George

    Timestamps
    00:00 - Introduction: Getting in the dark at Hobbiton and tour prep chaos
    06:09 - Hobbiton vs. the Hobbits: Clearing up the Lord of the Rings lore
    10:10 - Australia tour: Tickets, dates, and how to join the fun in Sydney, Melbourne, and more
    15:01 - The UK tour highlights: dance routines, technical challenges, and character costumes
    16:22 - Rehearsal stories: Spontaneous dance numbers, stage mishaps, and improvisation
    19:08 - The chaos of stage blackouts and find-my-microphone moments
    20:21 - Entertainment: Irish jigs, Miss Piggy costumes, and audience reactions
    24:52 - Funny on-stage confessions and risqué moments, including Andrew’s comedy bits
    26:20 - Travel tales from Japan and new adventures planned, including Disney and Pokémon
    34:26 - Marathon journey: training snippets, race stories, unexpected injuries
    40:10 - Theme parks: Queue horror stories, ride experiences, and comparisons across Japan and Florida
    45:54 - The magic of Disney: Hidden details, park secrets, and fan dedication
    50:00 - Final tour call-to-action: Tickets, gratitude, and upcoming shows
    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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About The Useless Hotline
Welcome to The Useless Hotline hosted by Max Balegde and George Clarke. A place to send your queries and dilemmas no matter how big, small, weird, or embarrassing. We can’t guarantee good advice or that you will leave a changed person, but we can guarantee that this is a useless hotline.Subscribe and join us every Sunday as we tackle your problems head on and on occasion will be helped by some faces you may recognise on a trial shift.Submit your queries/ dilemmas here:[email protected] Send a voice note to our Instagram:https://instagram.com/theuselesshotlinepod?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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