"If You Cared, You Would…”: The ADHD Relationship Lie That’s Breaking Us
In this no-BS solo episode, I dive headfirst into the relationship narrative that’s wrecking ADHD partnerships... the idea that "if you cared, you'd just show it."
You probably do care. Your executive function is just struggling with the neurotypical expectations attached.
I break down why ADHD brains struggle with “prioritizing” in the ways neurotypical society expects by explaining the real role of executive function barriers, environmental cues, and those WTF moments.
This episode is packed with:
Real talk about working memory, task initiation, and time blindness
ADHD-friendly ways to actually show up for your partner (without shame)
Why forgetting isn’t failing—and planning your love is still love
A solid reminder that intention does not equal execution, but both deserve compassion
Whether you’re the ADHD partner feeling like you're constantly falling short, or the one wondering why your person never “just remembers,” this episode is a must-listen.
Because your love is real.
You just need a roadmap—and maybe a few post-it notes.
👉 Share this with your partner (or therapist). Let’s rewrite what prioritizing love actually looks like for ADHD brains.
Follow me on IG: @bornemanpscyhotherapy
Interested in working with me? Check out my Website
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Diagnosis Isn’t Destiny: ADHD, Reality Checks, and Radical Accountability
In this episode of ADHD Realities, Dr. Borneman sits down with Dr. Jessica McCarthy a licensed neuropsychologist and clinical psychologist, for a no-BS, deeply validating conversation about what it really means to live with ADHD in a world not designed for our brains.
Together, they unpack the messy middle between medical models and neurodiversity movements, and explore the danger of relying too heavily on diagnosis as identity. This isn’t just another “what is ADHD?” episode, it’s a raw, unscripted look at self-compassion, environmental disconnects, grief, and the hard truth that sometimes… effort alone isn’t enough.
Expect laughs, F-bombs, and real talk about:
Why the pendulum swing from pathology to “ADHD is a superpower” leaves people unsupported
The social media myths that do more harm than help
Diagnosing vs. functioning and what schools actually get right
The difference between support and avoidance
And how both professionals are navigating this in their personal lives too
Whether you’re newly diagnosed, long time late diagnosed, or just trying to figure out why nothing seems to “work”, this episode is your reminder that you’re not lazy, but there is work to be done in ways that work with our brains and the realities, not against them.
🎧 Grab your coffee, put your phone on do not disturb, and let’s get radically honest.
Who is Dr. McCarthy?
Dr. McCarthy is a licensed clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist, specializing in neuropsychological and psychoeducational assessments and cognitive-behavioral therapy for children through adults. She focuses on neurodivergent populations, including ADHD, autism, and learning differences, and conducts medically-driven assessments for conditions like TBI, stroke, and dementia. Dr. McCarthy uses evidence-based behavior therapies such as ACT and CBT, and enjoys working with young adults and women of all ages navigating life transitions. Her approach emphasizes understanding the brain-behavior relationship and providing actionable recommendations for patients and families. She has worked in schools, medical settings, and private practice, offering a wide range of specialty care. Dr. McCarthy is also a recognized speaker and media contributor on topics related to neuropsychology and mental health.
How to find Dr. McCarthy?
Website
IG: @elements_psych @dr.jessica.mccarthy
Check out the new office location in Chatham, NJ
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Redesigning the Rules: ADHD, Disclosure, and the Future of Inclusive Workspaces
What if the systems we move through every day like school, work, life, were actually built to support the way our brains work, instead of working against us?
In this episode, I sit down with my longtime friend and neurodiversity advocate Dave Thompson to unpack what real inclusion looks like in the workplace. From childhood diagnosis to system level change, Dave shares how his personal and professional experiences collided into a career focused on redesigning the workforce for neurodivergent success.
We talk about:
The emotional complexity of disclosure at work
Why accommodations aren't just for some people—they benefit everyone
How AI tools like ChatGPT can be liberating or limiting depending on who's steering the ship
And how Gen Z is forcing workplaces to finally catch up
This conversation isn’t just about jobs, it’s about dignity, autonomy, and building environments that actually work. Whether you're an ADHDer navigating the 9 to 5, a manager wanting to do better, or someone just tired of masking, this one’s for you.
Website
Rebranding The Brain: Neurodiversity at Work | Dave Thompson | TEDxDanville
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Clean, Tired, and Touched Out: ADHD, Sensory Shutdown, and the Sex You Can’t Access
Ever felt totally in the mood... until your clean skin, mental fatigue, or the idea of grabbing the lube made your brain shut down? In this intimate solo episode, Dr. Leann Borneman dives deep into the real life overlap of ADHD, executive function shutdown, sensory overload, and the confusing disconnect between wanting sex and being able to access it.
This isn’t about low libido, it’s about bandwidth, task sequencing, overstimulation, and the environmental mismatch so many ADHDers face in the bedroom. With raw honesty, relatable humor, and practical strategies, this episode validates the “WTF is happening to me” moments and helps you reframe them with compassion, clarity, and collaboration.
Whether you're a therapist, a partner, or someone with ADHD trying to make sense of your own intimacy patterns, this one is for you.
ADHD Informed Bedroom Check In
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Rethinking Desire, Orgasms & the ADHD Brain
If sex has ever felt like a confusing chore, a pressure-filled performance, or just… not designed with your brain in mind, you are not alone. In this episode, Dr. Leann Borneman sits down with bestselling author and sex therapist Dr. Laurie Mintz (📚 Becoming Cliterate, A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex) for a raw, hilarious, and deeply validating convo about orgasms, desire, and a little on how ADHD + sensory differences can shape our sexual experiences.
We tackle:
The orgasm gap and why it’s not your fault
The myth of "foreplay" and why it’s time to rewrite the script
Vibrators, high-vibration receptors, and the neuroscience of pleasure
ADHD overstimulation, sex paralysis, and the magic of planning without pressure
Responsive vs. spontaneous desire—and how most of us were never taught the difference
Whether you’ve faked it, avoided it, or felt broken for not wanting it—this episode flips the script and reminds you: pleasure should work for your brain, not against it.
👉 Listen in and give yourself permission to reimagine sex on your terms.
More information on Dr. Laurie Mintz:
Dr. Laurie Mintz is an Emeritus Professor at the University of Florida teaching Human Sexuality to hundreds of undergraduates yearly. She has published over 60 scholarly works and authored two popular press books: Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It and A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex. Mintz is a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist in private practice. She is a Fellow of the American Psychological Association, indicating her work has had a positive national influence on the field of psychology. In 2023, she was named one of Forbes “50 over 50” women innovators.
Dr. Laurie Mintz Contact:
Instagram
Website
Welcome to ADHD Realities , the podcast where ADHD and sexuality collide in the most empowering, brain friendly way possible. Hosted by Clinical Sexologist, Certified Sex Therapist, and Psychotherapist Dr. Leann Borneman, this space is all about unmasking, unlearning, and unleashing your full neurodivergent self, in and out of the bedroom.
We live in a world built for neurotypicals, and that narrative has been bringing you down for way too long. Here, we challenge those norms, call out the shame they create, and replace them with tools and truths that actually work for your beautifully wired brain.
If you’ve ever felt like your ADHD made intimacy, communication, or self-worth harder, you’re not alone, and you’re definitely not broken. This podcast gives you the full lens, psychological, relational, and sexual, to finally understand your experiences through the ADHD perspective you should’ve had all along.
It’s time to stop people pleasing, start permission giving, and take up space, authentically, awkwardly, and unapologetically..
DISCLAIMER:
This podcast is for educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for therapy or professional support.
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