Coparenting Beyond Conflict: High-Conflict Divorce and Custody Strategies

What happens when parents are able to move beyond the conflict of divorce and build a healthy co-parenting relationship? In this episode of Coparenting Beyond Conflict, Sol sits down with Jill Kaufman and Justin Milrad, co-authors of The Co-Parenting Playbook: Proven Strategies for Navigating Divorce, Conflict, and Raising Thriving Kids.
Jill is a licensed therapist, mediator, divorce coach, and longtime co-parenting expert. Justin is an entrepreneur and divorce coach whose own divorce escalated into an eight-day trial and seven figures in legal expenses before he and his former spouse found their way back to a healthy co-parenting relationship.
Jill and Justin discuss why unresolved conflict—not divorce itself—can have such a significant impact on children, how parents can recognize when their kids are struggling, and why doing the work on yourself is an essential part of becoming a better co-parent.
They also explore radical acceptance, letting go of the victim mindset, creating parenting plans that anticipate future challenges, managing finances, improving communication, and making decisions through a child-first lens. Ultimately, they share a hopeful message: even when divorce doesn’t turn out the way you imagined, you still have agency over how you move forward.
Links
Get The Co-Parenting Playbook by Jill Kaufman and Justin Milrad on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H385V7K4
Learn more about Jill Kaufman: https://DivorceCoachJill.com/
Learn more about Justin Milrad: https://ReclaimAndReboot.me/
Get the BestInterest Coparenting App: https://bestinterest.app/
Subscribe to our newsletter to hear about new episodes and build community: https://bestinterest.app/subscribe-podcast/
Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEeWUToi-R0
Keywords
co-parenting, co-parenting after divorce, divorce, high conflict co-parenting, divorce recovery, co-parenting communication, parenting plan, child-first parenting, children and divorce, divorce conflict, radical acceptance, victim mindset, emotional regulation, co-parenting relationship, divorce coaching, divorce therapy, mediation, co-parenting tools, parenting after divorce, financial planning after divorce, BestInterest, Jill Kaufman, Justin Milrad, The Co-Parenting Playbook
Key Takeaways
Unresolved parental conflict can be more damaging to children than divorce itself.
Parents can support their children by managing their own emotions rather than putting children in the middle.
Letting go of the need for an apology, justice, or fairness can help parents reclaim control over their own lives.
A child-first decision filter can help parents distinguish their children’s needs from their own emotional needs.
Parenting plans can benefit from anticipating future challenges rather than only addressing the immediate circumstances of divorce.
Good co-parenting requires systems for communication, information sharing, finances, and changing needs.
Even when a co-parent refuses to collaborate, you can still choose how you show up.
Divorce can create opportunities for personal growth, intentional parenting, and rebuilding your life.
Chapter Highlights
00:00 — Welcome & Meet Jill Kaufman and Justin Milrad
01:12 — Justin’s Journey Through a High-Conflict Divorce
03:18 — Jill’s Experience and Co-Parenting Work
04:07 — How The Co-Parenting Playbook Came Together
06:04 — Why Conflict, Not Divorce, Can Damage Kids
07:07 — Signs That Children Are Thriving—or Struggling
08:50 — The Child-First Decision Filter
11:19 — Doing the Work on Yourself
11:45 — How to Recognize a Victim Mindset
13:28 — Radical Acceptance and Taking Back Your Power
15:37 — Letting Go and Moving Forward
17:09 — The Unexpected Benefits of Co-Parenting
18:29 — Can You Still Love Your Ex?
20:46 — When the Other Parent Won’t Collaborate
21:48 — Building Systems for Future Conflict
24:45 — Creating Flexible Parenting Plans
25:14 — Choosing the Right People for Advice
26:16 — Writing the Co-Parenting Playbook
27:07 — Seeing Divorce Through Your Child’s Eyes
27:47 — Why Every Parent Can Benefit From Co-Parenting Education
29:08 — The Financial Side of Divorce
30:34 — Communication Tools That Keep Co-Parenting on Track
31:58 — Why Withholding Information Hurts Everyone
33:40 — Can the Other Parent Learn?
34:57 — Lightning Round
35:21 — The Most Important Thing Co-Parents Can Do for Their Kids
35:34 — What Parents Think Is Helpful but Can Be Harmful
35:53 — “I’m Doing It for the Kids”
36:26 — The Underrated Benefits of Divorce
37:19 — Getting Off the Hamster Wheel
38:05 — Making Space to Become a Better Parent
38:44 — Where to Find Jill and Justin
What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

What if co-parenting conflict didn’t have to be a debate about who is right and who is wrong? In this episode of Coparenting Beyond Conflict, Sol sits down with attorney, former judge, and mediator Sam Imperati to explore a different way of approaching conflict: moving from debate to exploration.
Sam shares what he learned from decades in litigation, on the bench, and in mediation—including why even the “winner” in a courtroom battle may walk away feeling depleted. He explains how conflict can become a self-perpetuating cycle of suspicion, documentation, and preparing for the next battle, with children caught in the middle.
The conversation centers on Sam’s “umbrella question,” a framework for identifying both parents’ needs while keeping their shared interests—and the best interests of their children—as the true north. Sol and Sam also discuss empathy, reasonableness, mediation, the “co-parent echo,” and how humor can sometimes help reset a tense interaction.
Links
Learn more about Sam Imperati and ICM Resolutions: https://www.icmresolutions.com/
Get the BestInterest Coparenting App: https://bestinterest.app/
Use code BEYOND10 for $10 off BestInterest.
Subscribe to our newsletter to hear about new episodes and build community: https://bestinterest.app/subscribe-podcast/
Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/G6pUyAKFtBk
Keywords
co-parenting conflict, high conflict co-parenting, conflict resolution, mediation, co-parenting communication, umbrella question, collaborative co-parenting, divorce mediation, family court, co-parenting disputes, parenting conflict, children and divorce, emotional reactivity, empathy, negotiation, conflict management, parallel parenting, BestInterest, Sam Imperati
Key Takeaways
Co-parenting conflict can become a cycle of suspicion, documentation, and preparing for the next battle.
Focusing on the best interests of the children can provide a shared “true north” during difficult disagreements.
The umbrella question shifts a conversation from debating positions to exploring both parents’ underlying needs and interests.
Empathy and acknowledging the other parent’s perspective don’t require you to abandon your own position.
Reasonableness, balance, and credibility can be powerful tools in conflict.
A neutral third party can help create space for productive dialogue when direct negotiation has become difficult.
Appropriate humor can sometimes reduce tension and help people reset during conflict.
The goal isn’t always to win the argument—it’s to find a solution that works for the people involved.
Chapter Highlights
00:00 — Welcome & Meet Sam Imperati
01:05 — Where Sam Finds Peace
01:39 — From “Pit Bull” Attorney to Mediator
02:40 — What Sam Learned From the Bench
04:10 — When Winning Doesn’t Feel Like Winning
05:45 — When Co-Parenting Becomes a Case File
06:41 — Finding Your True North
07:46 — What Are We Teaching Our Kids?
08:35 — The Umbrella Question
11:57 — Who Belongs Under the Umbrella?
12:32 — Does Collaboration Make You Look Weak?
15:10 — The Co-Parent Echo
15:52 — Turning the Echo Into Preparation
18:24 — Why Reasonableness Matters
20:30 — Sam’s Unexpected Career in Comedy
22:18 — Humor in the Courtroom
23:55 — Can Humor Help in Conflict?
24:46 — Using Self-Deprecating Humor
25:48 — Lightning Round
28:18 — When Is a Dispute Resolvable?
28:40 — When One Parent Won’t Collaborate
30:03 — The Value of Reality Therapy
32:04 — Finding a Better Way Forward
32:17 — Where to Find Sam
What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

What happens when divorce doesn’t actually end the conflict? For some families, the dynamics that made a relationship difficult continue long after separation—through communication, finances, the court system, parenting disagreements, and the children. In this episode of Coparenting Beyond Conflict, Sol sits down with high-conflict divorce coach Ksenia Muench to explore whether what we commonly call “high conflict divorce” is sometimes better understood as post-separation abuse.
Ksenia shares her own experience navigating a high-conflict divorce and explains how she learned to move from emotional reactivity toward clarity, discipline, and strategy. She and Sol discuss why traditional advice to “just get along for the kids” can sometimes make things worse, how parallel parenting and strong boundaries can reduce conflict, and why learning to disengage can be one of the most powerful things a parent can do.
The conversation also explores the practical realities of high-conflict family court cases, choosing an attorney, the Gray Rock method, and the ways AI can help parents communicate more neutrally—while also creating new risks when AI simply validates each parent’s version of events. Ultimately, Ksenia and Sol return to a powerful idea: you may not be able to change the other parent, but you can change your relationship to the conflict and reclaim your own power.
Links
Thrive Again Divorce Coaching: ThriveAgainDivorceCoaching.com
High Conflict Playbook: https://www.HighConflictPlaybook.com
Uncoupled and Unfiltered podcast
BestInterest — the co-parenting app: ⁠BestInterest
Get 10% off BestInterest: Use code Beyond10
Subscribe to our newsletter to hear about new episodes and build community: https://bestinterest.app/subscribe-podcast/
Keywords
high conflict divorce, post-separation abuse, high conflict co-parenting, parallel parenting, Gray Rock method, divorce, high conflict personality, narcissistic abuse, emotional reactivity, co-parenting communication, family court, divorce attorney, parenting plan, boundaries, financial abuse, child alienation, co-parenting apps, AI and co-parenting, BestInterest, divorce recovery, divorce coaching, Ksenia Muench
Key Takeaways
High-conflict dynamics don’t necessarily end when a divorce is finalized. Conflict can continue through communication, finances, parenting disputes, and the court system.
What is commonly called “high conflict divorce” can sometimes involve patterns of post-separation abuse and continued attempts to maintain control.
One of the most important shifts is moving from being reactive to being strategic.
Parallel parenting can sometimes be more appropriate than trying to force collaboration between parents who have a highly conflictual relationship.
The Gray Rock method can help reduce conflict by making your communication neutral, brief, and uninteresting to someone seeking an emotional reaction.
Strong boundaries and disciplined communication can help parents avoid unnecessarily escalating conflict.
Choosing the right attorney matters, particularly when a divorce involves significant conflict or safety concerns.
AI can help parents neutralize emotionally charged messages and think through difficult situations—but it can also reinforce a person’s existing perspective if used uncritically.
You don’t have to change the other parent to change your experience of high-conflict co-parenting.
Healing from a high-conflict relationship can ultimately become an opportunity for personal growth, greater self-awareness, and a different way of living.
Chapter Highlights
00:00 — Welcome & Meet Ksenia Muench
01:11 — Where Ksenia Finds Peace
04:06 — Ksenia’s Journey Through Divorce
06:22 — Would You Still Get Divorced If You Knew How Hard It Would Be?
07:51 — Why Parenting Plans Can Fail Over Time
08:44 — Should Parallel Parenting Come First?
10:28 — How Ksenia’s Background Helped Her Navigate Divorce
12:12 — What Is High-Conflict Divorce, Really?
14:15 — How to Become Less Reactive
15:58 — How Parents Sabotage Themselves in Court
17:26 — When the Mask Starts to Slip
19:28 — Choosing the Right Divorce Attorney
20:53 — How to Choose an Attorney for a High-Conflict Divorce
22:21 — The High Conflict Playbook
23:40 — Why the Conflict May Continue After Divorce
25:32 — Taking Back Your Power
26:46 — The Gray Rock Method
28:41 — What Happens When You Stop Reacting?
30:18 — Can AI Help With High-Conflict Co-Parenting?
32:32 — The Dark Side of AI Validation
34:22 — Using AI to See Another Perspective
36:45 — Is High-Conflict Divorce Really Abuse?
37:05 — What Divorce Changed About Sol
37:35 — From Survival to Awakening
38:40 — Finding Growth After High-Conflict Divorce
39:42 — You’re Not Alone
What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

What happens when you fall in love with someone who already has a family?
In this episode, Sol and Louise sit down with stepmom coach and Stepmom Side podcast host Alicia Krasko to explore the realities of blended family life—including the parts nobody prepares you for. Together, they talk about finding your role as a stepparent, navigating exes and in-laws, managing the emotional intensity of custody transitions, and building a strong partnership when conflict from the other household inevitably affects your family.
Alicia shares her own journey from feeling overwhelmed and unsure of her place in her stepfamily to finding confidence, setting boundaries, and learning what she could—and couldn’t—control. She explains why connection needs to come before correction, why stepparents don’t need to be best friends with the other parent, and why the strength of the couple relationship is one of the most important foundations of a peaceful blended family.
Whether you’re a stepparent, dating someone with children, or trying to understand how blended family dynamics affect your coparenting relationship, this conversation offers an honest look at the challenges—and the possibility of finding peace without needing everything around you to change.
Learn more about Alicia Krasko: https://AliciaKrasko.com
Listen to the Stepmom Side podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-stepmom-side-podcast/id1698216989
Get the BestInterest Coparenting App: https://bestinterest.app/
Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/NdWMUVAy3aI
Subscribe to our newsletter to hear about new episodes and build community: https://bestinterest.app/subscribe-podcast/

Keywords
Blended families, stepparenting, stepmom, high-conflict co-parenting, coparenting, stepparent boundaries, family systems, custody transitions, co-parent communication, parenting after divorce, stepmom burnout, in-law boundaries, parental alienation, emotional regulation, blended family dynamics, child wellbeing

Highlights
Why Alicia prefers “stepmom” over “bonus mom.”
 The unexpected challenges of entering a family in the middle of its story
Why stepparents can feel pressure to immediately love, parent, and fit into an established family system.
How insecurity can make ordinary blended-family conflicts feel like emergencies.
Why the couple relationship is the foundation of a peaceful blended family
How asking “How can I support you?” can change the way partners navigate conflict.
Why custody exchanges can be emotionally intense for both children and adults.
How children can seem like different people as they transition between households.
Why clear house expectations can actually help children feel more secure.
The difference between connection and correction—and why connection should come first.
Why stepparents shouldn’t take either affection or rejection from their stepchildren personally.
How to set boundaries with grandparents and in-laws who undermine parental authority
Why you don’t have to be friends with your partner’s ex to have a healthy coparenting relationship
How comparing your blended family to seemingly perfect families on social media can create shame.
Why trying to control everything can lead to stepmom burnout.
How to focus on what you can control when the other household is high conflict.
The five-day, five-week, five-year question that can help put conflict into perspective.

Chapters
00:00 Introduction
01:07 Meet Alicia Krasko
02:06 Why “Stepmom” Instead of “Bonus Mom”?
03:12 The Biggest Surprise About Becoming a Stepmom
05:08 Navigating the Ex and Finding Your Role
08:41 What Changes in a High-Conflict Situation?
09:01 Keeping the Couple Relationship Strong
11:14 How Partners Can Support Each Other
13:41 The Emotional Intensity of Custody Transitions
16:36 How Kids Adapt Between Two Households
18:23 House Rules, Structure, and Boundaries
20:26 When a New Stepparent Changes the Family Dynamic
24:29 BestInterest AI Coparenting App
25:11 Grandparents and In-Law Dynamics
29:24 Setting Boundaries With Extended Family
33:16 Alienation and Grandparents Choosing Sides
36:20 Stepmom Lightning Round
36:41 The Biggest Mistake Stepmoms Make
37:28 What to Do When a Stepchild Pushes Back
38:14 Does a Stepmom Need a Relationship With the Biomom?
40:55 How Stepparent Burnout Happens
41:16 Building Connection With a Stepchild 
43:08 Alicia’s Advice for Stepparents in the Thick of It
43:48 Where to Find Alicia Krasko
44:18 Closing
What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

What happens when the conflict between co-parents becomes the center of family life—and the kids get caught in the middle? In this episode, Sol sits down with Hallie Strauss and Kate Alcamo, co-founders of The Co-Parent Collective, to explore how parents can reduce conflict, protect their children’s emotional wellbeing, and build healthier post-divorce family dynamics.
Hallie brings the perspective of a psychologist, parenting coordinator, custody evaluator, and mediator who works with families navigating high-conflict dynamics. Kate is a licensed marriage and family therapist and child specialist who helps parents understand divorce from the child’s perspective. Together, they offer complementary insights into everything from parenting coordination and parallel parenting to communication, identity shifts, and the ways children experience parental conflict.
They discuss why “spouse mind” can keep parents stuck in old relationship dynamics, why parallel parenting can sometimes be a healthy stepping stone rather than a failure, and how one parent de-escalating can dramatically change the temperature of a co-parenting relationship. They also share practical communication strategies, including BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm), writing messages as though a judge—or your child—might read them, and using technology to create boundaries around difficult communication.
The conversation also explores AI and co-parenting, the growing role of parenting coordinators, when professional teams can help support families, and The Co-Parent Collective’s Child-Centered Divorce Playbook.
Links
Watch the full episode on YouTube
Learn more about the Co-Parent Collective: ⁠thecoparentcollective.com
Follow the Co-Parent Collective on Instagram: ⁠@TheCoparentCollective
BestInterest — the co-parenting app: ⁠BestInterest
Get 10% off BestInterest: Use code Beyond10
Coparenting Beyond Conflict: ⁠CoparentingBeyondConflict.com
Subscribe to our newsletter to hear about new episodes and build community: https://bestinterest.app/subscribe-podcast/
Keywords
co-parenting, high-conflict co-parenting, divorce, parenting coordination, parenting coordinator, parallel parenting, collaborative parenting, child-centered divorce, child specialist, custody evaluation, co-parenting communication, BIFF communication, spouse mind, parent mind, emotional regulation, divorce and children, co-parenting apps, AI and co-parenting, identity shifts after divorce, conflict de-escalation, parenting plans
Key Takeaways
Kids are affected more by how parents navigate divorce than by divorce itself. 
Shift from spouse mind to parent mind. 
Parallel parenting isn’t necessarily a failure. 
You don’t have to engage in every conflict. 
De-escalation can start with one parent. 
Write every message as if someone else will read it. 
BIFF can help keep communication focused: 
Regulate before you respond.
Children may know more than parents realize. 
Children have their own divorce timeline.
Parenting coordinators can provide structure and help keep professionals out of the conflict.
Acceptance can be empowering. 
When a child shares something alarming, start with validation. 
Self-regulation and connection are powerful first steps. 
Chapter Highlights
00:00 — Welcome to Coparenting Beyond Conflict
01:04 — Finding Moments of Peace
02:10 — How Hallie and Kate Found Their Way Into Divorce Work
05:28 — What Does a Parenting Coordinator Do?
07:46 — Building a Professional Team Around High-Conflict Families
08:17 — Managing Triangulation in High-Conflict Cases
10:04 — When Does a Parenting Coordinator Have Binding Authority?
11:15 — How High Conflict Impacts Children
13:04 — Does It Take Two to Tango?
14:37 — The Power of De-Escalation
15:30 — Separating the Court Battle From the Co-Parenting Relationship
17:33 — How Parental Conflict Affects Kids Over Time
18:53 — Parallel Parenting vs. Collaborative Parenting
21:21 — Rebuilding Trust After Divorce
21:37 — The Identity Shifts of Divorce
22:37 — When You’re Afraid Everything Will Be Used Against You
23:49 — How to Communicate Without Escalating Conflict
25:36 — Write It as If Your Child Will Read It
26:27 — AI and the Future of Co-Parenting Communication
28:03 — The Child-Centered Divorce Playbook
30:02 — Lightning Round: The Biggest Co-Parenting Lessons
31:36 — The Three H’s: Hugged, Heard, or Helped?
32:28 — When Co-Parenting With a High-Conflict Ex Gets Easier
33:28 — What You Can Do Today
34:20 — Connect With The Co-Parent Collective
What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond