Coparenting Beyond Conflict: High-Conflict Divorce and Custody Strategies

Divorce is often framed as something you “win” or “lose”—but what if that mindset is exactly what keeps you stuck? In this episode, family law attorney and author Nicole Sodoma shares candid, hard-earned insights from both sides of the courtroom. After decades advising clients—and then going through her own divorce—Nicole reveals what actually matters when you’re navigating high-conflict co-parenting.
From why saying “I’m sorry” can be disempowering, to the realities of parallel parenting, to the small communication shifts that can completely change your dynamic, this conversation is grounded, practical, and refreshingly honest. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck in conflict, or unsure how to move forward, this episode offers a clearer path.
Learn more about Nicole Sodoma: https://nicolesodoma.com
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Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/y_uWkYGxTPI
Keywords
co-parenting, high conflict divorce, parallel parenting, family court reality, divorce attorney advice, co-parenting boundaries, communication strategies, conscious uncoupling, nesting after divorce, parenting plan challenges
Takeaways
You Don’t Win in Family Court: Even when you “win” an issue, it rarely feels like victory—and much is outside your control.
Stop Saying “I’m Sorry”: Well-meaning language can reinforce a victim mindset and undermine your sense of agency.
Parallel Parenting Is a Path, Not a Fix: It can reduce conflict, but it won’t eliminate disagreements—you still need systems for decision-making.
Communication Is Everything: The structure, timing, and tone of how you communicate can either escalate conflict or create stability.
Pick Your Priorities Early: Knowing what truly matters helps you avoid getting lost in battles driven by principle instead of purpose.
You Can’t Change Your Ex: The only leverage you have is how you show up, communicate, and respond.
Freedom and Grief Coexist: Emotional ups and downs are normal—and temporary—as you move through separation.
Chapters
00:01 – Meet Nicole Sodoma
02:25 – How Divorce Changed Her Perspective
04:07 – Why “I’m Sorry” Can Be Harmful
05:27 – Nesting: When It Doesn’t Work
07:26 – Conscious Uncoupling: Reality Check
10:04 – Parallel Parenting Explained
11:57 – Boundaries That Protect You
14:28 – Structuring Communication
17:49 – Handling Disagreements
18:47 – Picking Your Battles
21:21 – The Myth of “Winning”
24:52 – The Most Underrated Skill
26:54 – Final Advice
What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

Are you co-parenting with someone who seems to change the rules, twist reality, and keep you constantly on edge? Divorce is hard enough—but when you’re dealing with manipulation, control, and emotional chaos, it can feel impossible to find your footing. In this episode, Tracy Malone, author and renowned narcissistic abuse recovery coach, breaks down exactly how to protect your peace, support your kids, and reclaim your power in a system that often feels stacked against you.
Learn more about Tracy Malone at: https://tracyamalone.com/ and https://narcissistabusesupport.com
Get the BestInterest Coparenting App: https://bestinterest.app/
Other Resources Mentioned: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0345487427 
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Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/1Lm1hG5JQiY
Keywords
co-parenting with a narcissist, parallel parenting, high conflict divorce, narcissistic abuse recovery, co-parenting communication, parenting plan strategy, gaslighting and DARVO, emotional regulation for parents, supporting kids through divorce, family court strategies
Takeaways
The Teflon Strategy: How to stop absorbing emotional attacks so they don’t derail your day—or your parenting.
Parallel Parenting Reality Check: How to let go of control in the other household while staying grounded and consistent in your own.
The Documentation Filter: What actually matters to track (and what will just drain your energy).
The BIFF Response Method: How to reply to triggering messages without giving your ex ammunition.
The Parenting Plan Power Move: How to build in protections now that save you years of stress (and thousands in legal fees) later.
The Emotional Resilience Toolkit for Kids: How to help your children regulate, process, and stay grounded between two very different homes.

Chapters
01:22 – The Wake-Up Call: When “Normal” Isn’t Actually Normal
04:31 – Parallel Parenting: Acceptance or Giving Up Control?
07:13 – The Escalation Phase: What to Expect Before (and During) Divorce
09:06 – Documentation Without Losing Your Sanity
10:46 – The Biggest Early Mistake Most Parents Make
11:27 – Post-Divorce Power Struggles: Money & Control
12:43 – Communication Traps: How They Bait You Into Losing Control
15:05 – The BIFF Method: Responding Without Fueling the Fire
16:00 – Regulating Yourself Before You Respond
17:26 – DARVO, Gaslighting & The Mind Games Explained
19:07 – Supporting Kids in Two Opposite Worlds
20:16 – Why Co-Parenting Can Feel Like an 18-Year Sentence
23:39 – The Parenting Plan That Saves You Years of Court
26:55 – Setting Boundaries Around Communication
27:57 – When Your Ex Lies to Your Kids: What Actually Helps
29:34 – Helping Kids Build Emotional Resilience
33:20 – Signs Your Child Needs Extra Support
36:51 – Peace Starts Here: Letting Go of the Fight
37:13 – A Narcissist’s Favorite Tool
37:28 – What the Legal System Gets Wrong
39:45 – One Thing You Can Do Today to Feel More Empowered
43:22 – Where to Find Tracy Malone
What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

Think family court will give you closure, fairness, or emotional justice? Think again.
If you’re walking into divorce expecting the system to make things right, you may be setting yourself up for more frustration, confusion, and costly mistakes. Karen Covy—attorney, divorce coach, and founder of Divorce Road Map—pulls back the curtain on what the legal system actually does (and what it doesn’t), and why so many people feel blindsided by the process. This conversation will help you shift from overwhelmed and reactive to clear, strategic, and in control—so you can protect your peace, your kids, and your future.
Learn more about Karen Covy at: https://karencovy.com/
Get the BestInterest Coparenting App: https://bestinterest.app/
Subscribe to our newsletter to hear about new episodes and build community: https://bestinterest.app/subscribe-podcast/

Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/zN6CrfOnZ9k
Takeaways
The CEO Shift: How to take full ownership of your divorce by building a plan, setting priorities, and leading your own “team” instead of relying solely on a lawyer.
The 90% Blindspot: Why the legal system only handles a fraction of what matters—and how to proactively manage the emotional, financial, and parenting realities it ignores.
The Process-First Strategy: How choosing your divorce approach (mediation, litigation, collaborative) before hiring a lawyer can dramatically change your outcome.
The Board of Directors Model: How to assemble the right mix of professionals (coach, therapist, financial expert, etc.) to save money, reduce stress, and make better decisions.
The Boundary Blueprint: How to set and enforce clear, realistic boundaries with a high-conflict ex—without escalating the situation.
The Reality Reset: Why expecting fairness or emotional justice from court keeps you stuck—and what mindset actually leads to peace.
Chapters
00:00 The Moment Everything Clicks: Why the Legal System Isn’t Enough
03:34 The Bottom-Up Revolution: Why Change Won’t Come from the Courts
05:58 The Costly Mistake Most People Make Before Hiring a Lawyer
06:58 Stuck in Limbo: How to Decide Whether to Divorce or Stay
07:53 The CEO of Your Divorce: Why No One Else Will Run This for You
10:17 The High-Conflict Reality Check: Stop Expecting a Peaceful Divorce
11:31 Your Divorce “Board of Directors”: Who You Actually Need on Your Team
15:20 Why Divorce Feels So Inefficient (and How to Stay Sane Anyway)
15:32 Overwhelm & Paralysis: How to Start When You Don’t Know What to Do
17:20 The Hidden Cost of Avoiding Conflict
19:12 Boundaries 101: Simple, Not Easy—and Why They Matter Now
22:01 When Your Ex Manipulates the Kids: What Actually Helps
27:00 Boundaries with an Ex: What Works (and What Doesn’t)
29:14 Communication That Doesn’t Backfire with High-Conflict Exes
31:01 Parenting Plans That Actually Hold Up in Real Life
34:20 Reducing Conflict Through Structure and Specificity
36:05 Decision Deadlocks: Who Gets the Final Say?
39:11 The Biggest Lie About Family Court
40:00 Peace Starts When You Stop Trying to Win
41:25 The Word Everyone Misunderstands in Divorce
41:56 Why Court Can’t Give You Justice
42:10 Final Advice: How to Get Through This Without Losing Yourself

What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

Are you saying “yes” just to keep the peace—while quietly losing yourself in the process? If you feel trapped between avoiding conflict and honoring your own needs, you’re not alone. Amy Ballantyne, executive coach and host of Power to the People Pleasers, breaks down how people-pleasing patterns show up in co-parenting—and how to start setting boundaries without guilt, escalation, or self-abandonment.
Learn more about Amy Ballantyne at: https://www.amyballantyne.com/
Get the BestInterest Coparenting App: https://bestinterest.app/
Other Resources Mentioned:
• Celebrate Yourself by Amy Ballantyne
• Power to the People Pleasers Podcast
Subscribe to our newsletter to hear about new episodes and build community: https://bestinterest.app/subscribe-podcast/

Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/hV6YuttGURU
Keywords
people pleasing in relationships, co-parenting boundaries, high conflict co-parenting, setting boundaries with ex, self worth and boundaries, people pleaser recovery, communication skills co-parenting, conflict avoidance psychology, parenting after divorce, emotional intelligence parenting
Takeaways
The Approval Trap: How early conditioning drives people-pleasing—and shows up in co-parenting communication.
The Boundary Reset: Identify your non-negotiables before the conversation so you don’t default to “yes.”
The “No Without Drama” Method: Use simple, respectful language (even just “no”) without over-explaining.
The Win-Win Lens: Shift from control to collaboration by finding outcomes that work for both parents and kids.
The Self-Worth Link: Why stronger boundaries come from self-love—and how to start building it.
The Pattern Breaker: What your child learns from your boundaries—and how to model healthier dynamics.
Chapters
00:00 The People-Pleasing Trap
01:00 From Helper to Coach
02:00 The Approval Pattern in Co-Parenting
03:00 Where People Pleasing Begins
05:00 The Biggest Myth About People Pleasers
06:30 Why Saying No Feels So Hard
08:30 Boundaries vs. Self-Abandonment
10:00 Big Picture vs. Petty Fights
12:00 When Co-Parenting Feels Impossible
13:30 Setting Boundaries That Stick
15:00 How to Say No Without Escalating
17:00 What Kids Learn From Your Patterns
19:00 Teaching Boundaries to Your Child
22:00 The Link Between Self-Worth and Boundaries
23:30 A Simple Self-Love Practice
24:30 Handling Disrespect Without Losing Yourself
27:00 Lightning Round: Boundaries & Self-Respect
31:00 One Step to Start Changing Today
What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond

Why does your ex still live in your head—even after the relationship ends?
If you still feel triggered, controlled, or second-guessing yourself, you’re not alone—and you’re not stuck. Dr. Kerry McAvoy, psychologist and host of Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse, explains why toxic dynamics become an internal “echo”—and how to quiet it, reclaim your voice, and parent from a grounded, empowered place.
Learn more about Dr. Kerry McAvoy, PhD at: https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/
Get the BestInterest Coparenting App: https://bestinterest.app/
Other Resources Mentioned:
• The Empathy Gap: It’s Black and White by Tammy Triolo
• Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse Podcast
Subscribe to our newsletter to hear about new episodes and build community: https://bestinterest.app/subscribe-podcast/

Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/iJr0gvv_m-k
Keywords
co-parenting, trauma recovery, narcissistic abuse, emotional health, boundaries, healing, self-love, family dynamics
Takeaways
The “Internal Echo” Shift: How to recognize when your inner critic isn’t actually you—and the simple practice to start separating your voice from theirs.
The Self-Protection Reframe: Why that hypervigilant voice in your head exists (it’s not weakness)—and how to calm it instead of fighting it.
The Authentic Parent Reset: How to stop performing as the “perfect parent” and start showing up as your real, grounded self.
The Courtroom Clarity Strategy: Why family court isn’t about proving abuse—and how understanding this reduces fear and reactivity.
The Emotional Space Practice: How to support your child through a difficult co-parent without badmouthing—and actually build their resilience.
The Conflict Detox Method: How to disengage from toxic communication patterns (without escalating things) and protect your peace.
Chapters
00:00 The Hidden Aftermath: Why leaving the relationship doesn’t end the impact
01:00 When the Expert Becomes the Survivor: A psychologist’s personal story
03:30 The “Voice in Your Head” Explained: How toxic partners become internalized
07:30 Survival Mode vs. Empowerment: Why “victim” isn’t the full story
09:30 The Co-Parenting Trap: How fear keeps you stuck even after separation
11:30 The Courtroom Illusion: What family court actually cares about (and what it doesn’t)
13:00 From Reaction to Intention: How to parent from your values instead of fear
16:00 The “Where Are You in the Room?” Exercise (and what it reveals)
19:30 Why “Codependency” might be the wrong frame
22:00 Raising Resilient Kids Through Grief, Loss, and Emotional Truth
26:00 When Your Child Is Hurt by the Other Parent: What actually helps
30:00 The Communication Battlefield: Why toxic co-parents escalate conflict
32:00 How to Stop Feeding the Chaos (and take your power back)
35:00 Lightning Round: Boundaries, self-worth, and reclaiming your life
39:30 The One Question That Starts Your Healing
What if your co-parent’s toxic messages never even reached you? Thousands of parents are already finding peace with the BestInterest Coparenting App. As a listener, you can too. Claim 40% off an annual subscription here: https://bestinterest.app/beyond