Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer your deep and burning dilemmas!
Do you think 1 year olds should be having Easter hat parades? Do you think WE should have an Easter hat parade? (Only yes answers will be accepted).
Vibes for the week:
Britt: App Shortcuts -> Daily Declutter
Keeshia: Dynasty: The Murdochs on Netflix
Laura: Colour Me Kids
Then we jump into your questions!
MY COWORKER CRIES EVERY TIME SHE GETS FEEDBACK AND I'M LOSING MY MIND
I manage a small team and one of my staff members cries every single time I give her any feedback; even positive feedback with a small suggestion attached. The crying means I end up comforting her instead of actually finishing the conversation, and now I've started avoiding giving her feedback at all which I know is making things worse. She's actually good at her job and I like her as a person. But I am a manager, not a therapist, and I genuinely don't know how to do my job without it turning into an emotional crisis every time. What should I do?
HOW DO I TELL MY FRIEND SHES NOT INVITED ON OUR HOLIDAY?
Help! How do my best friend and I tell our other good mutual friend she’s not invited on our holiday? Hey girls! Love the pod and are in need of some big sister advice. My best friend and I are planning a 2-week international holiday. We’ve travelled together many times and are super excited. However, last time we went away we brought a third friend with us. We had a good time, however upon reflection we’ve both separately come to the conclusion that she doesn’t match our travel vibe and we’re generally not travel compatible.
My bestie and I have been friends for 10yrs now, but we fear our newer friend will be really hurt when she hears we’ve planned a trip just the two of us again. What is the best way to go about telling her? She can at times be quite sensitive (which we love and adore about her) and has had toxic friendships in the past which has left her being a bit insecure (she says this, it’s not us overanalysing her). The simple solution is just to invite her, but deep down we know we won’t enjoy our time and be able to relax if she comes. We don’t want to be bitches, but every way we look at it we just are the worst
I FEEL INADEQUATE AROUND MY PARTNERS SMART/RICH FRIEND GROUP
I am 30 years old, I work as a casual in 3 jobs. My partner is 32 and a doctor and business owner. We have been together for 3 years. His friends are lovely people and have always made an effort to make me feel welcome. However, every time I leave a gathering I feel less than. They all make at least 5x my income, all own properties (some quite lavish). When we go out to dinner it is often fine dining and we all split the bill. They think twice about booking business class flights, I think twice about purchasing coffee. They spent their youth in selective schools. I spent mine in intensive sports programs. They spent their 20s working hard for money, while I spent mine working hard on creative projects. They are all incredibly intelligent and witty. I find myself going quiet in the group, and blanking when I am addressed directly out of the anxiety of saying something stupid, which ironically makes me appear stupid.
I love my partner. He is a wonderful person. I just can’t help the intrusive thoughts that if I don’t fit in with his friend group, how is it that we fit together? I do sometimes worry that in an attempt to create a yin yang relationship, I am forcing myself into a box that I don’t fit into. And is that creating an unnecessary feeling of inadequacy. Is it putting too much external pressure to change my true core values of creativity and adventure? So my question is, have you ever experienced very real feelings of financial inadequacy in a relationship and how did you combat it? Secondly, when I raise concerns around these feelings to my partner, should he be doing more to placate me, or are my insecurities ultimately my problem?
FRIEND BEHAVED BADLY AND MAD I DIDN'T SIDE WITH HER
My best friend behaved badly and was mad at me because I didn’t side with her. My best friend of 20 years, let’s call her Sam, recently had a huge fight with her other friendship group. Long story short, there was alcohol involved and Sam said some rather horrible things to her friends including patronising comments about the unfortunate financial position of one, and mocking another’s recent breakup. I was not there for the incident, but had other people who were at the bar reach out to me to come and pick up Sam, plus her behaviour was so ‘big’ and ‘screamy’ that the incident was filmed and shared around our town. Sam’s version of events is very different to that of her friends, but the videos don’t lie and to be honest, everything she said in the moment are things she’s told me before. I have tried to raise it with Sam that she was unkind and needs to be accountable for her actions, but now she is mad at me for not siding with her.
A few years ago Sam helped me through a very rough patch and she’s brought this up, stating that I owe her for the help and support she once gave me. I don’t believe that her behaviour should be excused, and Sam should be held accountable for her nasty comments. I also don’t want to lose a friend of 20 years by not supporting her through this incident. What do you think I should do?
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