Welcome back to your ask uncut where we unpack your deep and burning questions!
Vibes for the week:
Laura - Claude
Britt - @rainbowdads
Keeshia - The Dinner Ladies
Then we jump into your questions!
6 YEARS AND HES NEVER POSTED A PIC OF ME
My boyfriend has never posted a photo of me, and we’ve been together for six years. He was previously married, and our relationship started as an affair. Up until last year, he still had photos of his ex-wife on his social media, and I eventually asked him to take them down because it really hurt me. He’s honestly a great partner in every other way — there aren’t any obvious red flags. But he has never posted me, not once, and it quietly bothers me more than I’d like to admit. I think part of me worries that he feels embarrassed about how our relationship began, or that he doesn’t want to publicly acknowledge it because of the history. I know it might sound trivial, but it doesn’t feel trivial to me.
IS CHEATING ACCEPTABLE IF ITS FOR SPIRITUAL AWAKENING?
I’ve been dating an amazing guy for 5 weeks (known him 8 months), early days but the most emotionally mature relationship I’ve ever experienced. He told me he had these spiritual growth weekend workshops coming up which involve sexual energy which he had booked months ago and didn’t want them to come between our connection. He is always honest and transparent about everything with me and invites any questions I might have. I just said I am supportive of his passion for this.
After the first workshop he reassured me there were no sexual interactions. However, the next workshop is the amalgamation of all learnings and the final part involves penetrative sex and that he is partnered up with his ex (it wasn’t possible for me to do it as I hadn’t done the prep work). He strongly reiterated that he doesn't have any feelings towards her and he wants to pursue things with me. I said I was uncomfortable and it triggered jealousy and low self-worth in me. I didn’t explicitly say “don’t do this because it will hurt me and I don’t know if I could stay with you” but I thought I made my emotions clear. I said “if you feel you need to do this, then do what feels right” (I regret this).
So it happened, he did it. He could completely compartmentalise this act within the workshop and feels nothing for his ex, and he was really looking forward to being with me. Intellectually, I can understand the delineation between this and cheating but my nervous system does not. I feel like I wasn’t chosen and that my feelings weren’t considered. I ended it and we’re both devastated. I’m having second thoughts, he was transparent and honest, I didn’t explicitly express my boundaries… is this something I can overcome?
WHICH TOILET TO USE WITH KIDS?
Curious to know where people are at with the following scenario: a parent on their own, taking their child/children of the opposite gender to the toilets (public toilets or at a venue etc) when there may not be a gender neutral option available (whether that be because there isn’t one, or it is occupied and child is absolutely desperate) Do they take them to the child’s “correct” toilet? Wait outside? Or take them to the adult’s “correct” toilet, and at what age would people consider this no longer appropriate? Different answers to these questions, based on if the adult is male or female?? As a second point, do people think using the disabled toilets (for the above reason) is okay? Obviously these are rightfully meant for those that require the extra accessibility, so unsure if it feels wrong to occupy it - even when the purpose is to keep children safe?
HAVE I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION?
Have I made the right decision? I recently ended my relationship, we were together for 8 months. We had so much fun in that time and we went overseas together. Things have been a bit rocky on and off but overall it was great; he was all the things I look for in a guy; he respected me, made me laugh plus so many other great qualities. I’m not sure if I was completely happy, but I’m aware that I have to create my own happiness. Have I just been jeopardising our relationship to prevent myself from being happy by not picking? I’m sad now every time I think of our time together and look back through photos. How do I know if I made the right decision? I would love your advice and opinions on this. It’s been a month and I’m still sad.
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