Welcome back to ask uncut where we unpack your deep and burning questions.
Vibes for the week:
Laura - Habitual Beauty Hydrating Sleep Mask
Britt - Tell Me Lives on Disney
Keeshia - Trust Me: The False Prophet on Netflix
Then we jump into your questions!
SEXY STALEMATE
My partner and I have been together for nearly 4 years. We’ve always had a healthy and positive sexlife. Recently he expressed that he’d love me to wear sexy lingerie for him. We picked something out together (and shared the expense of it) and it started that I’d wear it for more ‘special’ occasions. But recently he’s been more insistent that I wear it every time we’re intimate or that I surprise him with it on when he gets home (which I have done a couple of times). He often asks me to change into a particular lingerie set even when we’re just kissing etc. and he is disappointed when I don’t want to wear it. It feels performative to me and I want to be enough as I am for him without wearing something ‘sexy’ every time. I’ve told him how I feel and he said ‘it’s what turns him on’. He says he understands why I’m upset but it’s caused a stalemate in our sex life as his insistence for the lingerie has given me the ick. Am I being unreasonable? I’d like to add, I enjoy dressing up occasionally and the lingerie makes me feel sexy but I don’t want it to be the condition as to whether we have sex or not.
HUSBAND CHEATED WITH MY SISTER, THEY’RE STILL TOGETHER 4 YEARS LATER I CAN’T MOVE ON
5 years ago I eloped with my boyfriend, 5 months after getting married we separated due to many issues. A couple of months later, I found out he was cheating on me with my sister. My sister is younger, and has been my best friend since she was born. Our relationship fell apart, but continued to talk on a family basis to keep the peace and half of our family doesn’t know, as she keeps him and family life very separate, they are still together now, 4 years later. It has been an exhausting and difficult time for me, having a massive impact on my mental health. I was hoping eventually their little game of sneaking around would become boring and they would move on, however, that is not the case and they have now brought a house together.
This has completely broken me and I don’t know what to do. I guess my question is, should I continue keeping the peace with my family and talking to her as she still keeps things separate? I don’t want to lose my family over this. Do I call a family meeting and try again on telling her how I feel even though I have tried many times, and she doesn’t care. Do I completely cut ties with her and distance myself? Which might be difficult at family events. I’m just so angry, and hurt, and don’t want to have to keep dealing with this anymore, I need to move on somehow!
IS “TAKING TIME APART AND FINDING OUR WAY BACK’ EVERY REALISTIC?
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years — he’s truly my person and has made me incredibly happy. We’ve lived together for 3 of those years, but recently moved apart so he can save money while studying and living with his grandma. I’m planning on moving away from the city also for a while (and he will also be going overseas next year). We have talked about possibly separating in a few months and maybe coming back together in the future after growing individually. As we truly see a future together. For context we are both in our late twenties. But recently, over the weekend he told me he was studying, but actually went out with our mutual friends and didn’t invite me. I felt a bit hurt, especially as my birthday had just passed, but I didn’t think too deeply into it at the time. A couple of days later, he told me he kissed one of the girls that night — a mutual new friend. He said it was just a small kiss and that he regretted it straight away, but also mentioned that he thinks sleeping with other people could be “fun.” Now I just feel really confused and hurt as we have always been truthful with each other. I’m trying to figure out if this is something we can work through, or if it’s a sign that we’re no longer on the same page. And is “taking time apart and maybe finding our way back” actually realistic — or just delaying the inevitable?
SHOULD THE WAITRESS HAVE TAKEN OUR FOOD?
Ok this is a bit of a lighthearted one but interested to see what you think is the right way to handle this. Went out for dinner just with my 2 kids and so I was solo parenting the night (6 and 4yo) kids ate free so wasn’t passing that up, plus $6 wine One kid had to go to the toilet so that meant taking both. I left all our stuff on the table to indicate we were still there. I covered my drink with a coaster, and I covered the kids with their kids pack hoping that all this would give the impression we weren’t done. Came back and they had taken the kids food The lady was there so I just mentioned “oh we weren’t done with those” she responded with “you left your table unattended” and I just gently said “yeah but with all our things still here”. She insisted there wasn’t much food left anyway and that we didn’t see the items (there was definitely a decent amount of food). We ended up getting an extra bowl of chips so all ok but she was rather rude about it all.
I have worked in hospitality previously, and for a long time, pubs, bars, restaurants etc and usually in those instances we would just leave the food and drinks until we definitely knew they had gone or checked with the customer. So what do you think? I left the table so basically free range? Or the servers should have just left it?
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