On Attachment

Anxious–avoidant relationships are often described as doomed — intense, painful, and inherently incompatible. While these dynamics can certainly be challenging, they’re not automatically destined to fail.In this episode, I explore what it actually takes to make an anxious–avoidant relationship work — not through chemistry, hope, or sheer effort, but through three essential, non-negotiable ingredients.I share why these dynamics can become either deeply healing or deeply reinforcing of old wounds, and how safety, responsibility, and discernment determine which way it goes.In this episode, I cover:Why anxious–avoidant relationships can feel both magnetic and destabilisingThe difference between understanding attachment styles and doing the relational workWhy commitment is essential — and how “one foot out the door” undermines safetyThe role of humility in breaking defensive patterns and power strugglesWhy self-awareness isn’t enough without nervous system and relational capacityHow to discern whether a relationship can actually support mutual growth and securityThis episode is not about forcing a relationship to work at all costs. It’s about honestly assessing whether the conditions required for safety, repair, and growth are present — and whether both partners have the willingness and capacity to do the work.Explore my free resources here

In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question about infidelity and whether a fearful-avoidant partner can genuinely change.Rather than asking whether change is possible in theory, this episode focuses on a more important question: how likely is real change, and what should you actually be paying attention to after betrayal?In this episode, I explore:How someone takes responsibility for cheating, and whether their remorse goes beyond guilt or shame.Why understanding why the cheating happened matters more than promises alone.How fearful-avoidant patterns and unresolved shame can drive self-sabotage.What it takes to rebuild trust, including the capacity to stay present with your pain rather than rushing to move on.When repair after infidelity can lead to growth — and when the conditions for real repair may not be there.If you’re navigating betrayal, I’m really sorry you’re going through that. I hope this episode helps you clarify what to look for and whether meaningful repair is possible.

Letting go of someone you love can feel like the hardest thing you’ll ever do — especially if you have anxious attachment patterns. When your nervous system equates connection with safety, walking away can feel more intolerable than staying in pain.In this episode, I explore why letting go is so difficult, and what actually helps when love, attachment, and fear are all tangled together.I talk about:Why anxious attachment makes holding on feel safer than letting goHow we often confuse feelings with instructions for actionWhy waiting to “feel ready” or to stop loving someone keeps us stuckThe crucial distinction between love and compatibilityWhy letting go isn’t a feeling — it’s a choice you make again and againHow grief, discomfort, and longing are part of the process, not signs you’ve made a mistakeThis episode is both a pep talk and a reality check — an invitation to trust yourself enough to choose what’s right for you, even when it hurts, and even when you still love them.If you’re navigating a breakup or struggling to let go, be sure to check out my free breakup training: https://www.stephanierigg.com/break-up-webinar

As the year comes to a close, this episode offers a grounded reflection on what actually creates change — beyond resolutions or waiting to feel ready.This is an invitation to reflect on agency, integrity, and the quiet choices that shape your life over time.⁠⁠Register for the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge here

In this episode, we explore why rejection feels so big — not just in dating and relationships, but across friendships, family, work, and creative life. We look at the evolutionary and attachment roots of rejection sensitivity, and how it creates a confirmation bias that makes neutral situations feel personal.I talk about how the fear of rejection leads us to shrink, stay silent, or hold back from opportunities, creating a self-fulfilling cycle of loneliness and limitation. We also talk about what rejection resilience looks like in practice: separating facts from stories, reality-checking assumptions, taking small risks, and building an internal sense of worth that can withstand a “no.”This is a gentle, grounded invitation to stop rejecting yourself first — and to live more fully, even when rejection is a possibility.⁠Register for the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge hereDownload the Anxious Attachment Pep Talks here