On Attachment

In this Ask Steph episode, I’m responding to a question I hear more often than you might expect. Someone has done a lot of work on their anxious attachment patterns, they feel more grounded and secure, and now they find themselves with very little interest in dating or relationships.
I talk about how this can sometimes be a natural pendulum swing. When you have spent a long time orienting around other people, trying to be chosen, accommodating, and overextending yourself, it makes sense that there would be a period of pulling back. For many people, that space allows for a real sense of peace, self-expression, and reconnection with who they are outside of a relationship.
At the same time, I explore how this experience can come from different places. For some, it reflects genuine contentment in their single life. For others, there may still be a protective element underneath it, particularly if being in a relationship has historically meant losing themselves.
This episode is about understanding what is actually driving that shift, so you can move forward in a way that is aligned with what you truly want, rather than simply reacting to your past patterns.

In this episode, I’m joined by therapist, bestselling author, and boundaries expert Nedra Glover Tawwab for a powerful conversation on what it really means to have healthy dependency in our relationships.
So many of us find ourselves swinging between two extremes — overgiving, people-pleasing, and losing ourselves in others… or shutting down, becoming hyper-independent, and struggling to let anyone in.
But what does the middle ground actually look like?
Together, we explore the spectrum between codependency and hyper-independence, and how both patterns — while protective — can ultimately leave us feeling disconnected and unfulfilled.
This conversation goes beyond romantic relationships. We talk about friendships, family, community, and the importance of having a diverse support system rather than expecting one person to meet all of our needs.
We also unpack:
Why “healthy dependency” isn’t a weakness, but a fundamental human need
How codependency and hyper-independence develop as adaptations
The role of boundaries in creating sustainable, respectful relationships
Why over-focusing on the why behind someone’s behaviour can keep us stuck
How to stop over-functioning in relationships and recalibrate your energy
The importance of having multiple sources of connection and support
Why doing the “uncomfortable thing” is often the path to secure relationships
Nedra shares practical, grounded insights on how to move away from extremes and towards more balanced, flexible, and connected ways of relating.
If you’ve ever struggled with asking for help, felt resentful in relationships, or found yourself stuck in the same relational patterns, this episode will give you a clear and compassionate framework for doing things differently.

Connect with Nedra Glover Tawwab:
Instagram
Website
Purchase her new book, The Balancing Act

In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question about the fine line between personal growth and the endless pursuit of self-improvement.
While healing, reflection, and growth are powerful tools, they can sometimes become another way we reinforce the belief that something about us is fundamentally wrong or needs fixing. When that happens, self-development can quietly turn into a hamster wheel driven by shame, perfectionism, or a sense of inadequacy.
In this episode, I explore how to recognise when the pursuit of growth is useful and worthwhile —and when it might actually be keeping you stuck.
I also share some reflections on why the deeper goal of healing work isn’t to endlessly optimise ourselves, but to become more grounded, peaceful, and at home within who we already are.

Links
stephanierigg.com
instagram.com/stephanie__rigg

Modern dating can be tough. Between apps, ghosting, and the uncertainty that often comes with meeting strangers outside our social circles, the whole process can be seriously activating — and all the more so for those with anxious attachment patterns.
In this episode, I share three key mindset shifts to help you approach dating from a place of self-worth rather than scarcity, pessimism, or the need to be chosen.
When you date from a grounded place, the focus shifts from seeking approval to assessing alignment—and that change alone can transform your experience of dating.
In this episode, I cover:
Why modern dating can be particularly challenging for people with anxious attachment
The importance of getting clear on your non-negotiables and deal breakers before you start dating
Why tolerating situationships and ambiguous connections keeps you stuck
The difference between scanning for red flags and looking for green flags
How fear-based dating advice can increase anxiety and erode self-trust
Why cultivating your own vitality and wellbeing changes the energy you bring to dating
How shifting from “please choose me” to “are we aligned?” creates healthier connections
Why it’s sometimes wise to take a break from dating apps if the process feels draining

Links
Free resources on my website here
Read my blog here
Follow me on Instagram here

In today’s Ask Steph episode, I’m answering the listener question: If you were only going to focus on one thing to start healing anxious attachment, what would it be?
While there are many layers to this work, the single place I’d start is building self-worth outside of a relationship.
For many anxiously attached people, relationships become the primary place where we seek security, validation, and a sense of worth. But when our wellbeing is tied so tightly to another person, it can leave us feeling anxious, reactive, and out of control.
In this episode, I talk about why shifting your focus back onto yourself — your growth, your agency, and your sense of self — can be one of the most powerful first steps in healing anxious attachment.
Join the waitlist for the Healing Anxious Attachment Birthday Sale here: https://stephanierigg.com/haa-anniversary-sale-waitlist