Simon Mayo's Confessions

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo, Sister Suzi, Sister Holly and Brother Matthew for another week of chaos.

First: a 1950s boarding school in Kenya where the boys welcome new UK teachers with the ultimate classroom icebreaker… bright green pet snakes, smuggled under shirts and released onto desks.

Then Bob’s Tenerife chip run goes catastrophically windy, ending with paper plates, ketchup, and an accidental Carry On-style moment by the pool.

Plus: Geoff “accidentally” cosplays as blind on the train thanks to reactive sunglasses, a Dayglo lead and a protruding white stick, and Chris launches a full police sting to recover his stolen bike… with questionable consequences.

Got a confession? Send it to [email protected].

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the crew for another week of sinful silliness, dubious logic, and a very firm reminder to… respect the cupboard.

First up, Luke fakes a twisted ankle at his twins’ birthday bash and “heads to A&E”… only to limp straight to The Force Awakens, then on to TGI Fridays for a full debrief with “Han”. Dark side behaviour?

Then Seaman Steve wages class war at Cowes Week with a stealthy nuts-and-bolts prank that sends Tarquins into a safety spiral.

Plus: Selhurst Park Pete’s mum accidentally unleashes a downhill “snake” of supermarket trolleys, and science teacher Steve cons schoolkids with fake fortune-telling that turns him into Mr G the Psychic.

Got a confession? Send it to [email protected].

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the crew for a week caught between Valentine’s Day love and Friday-the-13th superstition.

First up: Litmus relives the childhood horror of £40 Caterpillar boots that “mysteriously” shrank on a seaside stroll in Bray… until mum discovers the real culprit still stuffed inside.

Then Jane’s triumphant jeans-buying trip goes spectacularly wrong when a stubborn zip traps her lacy knickers — and she makes a panicked dash that leaves an unforgettable “freebie” on the shop floor.

Plus: Cliff’s smart-speaker chaos accidentally orders Blue’s greatest hits, and Rachel’s free Waitrose latte turns into a windy, foamy car-park crime.

Got a confession? Send it to [email protected].

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the crew for another week of confession chaos.
Sister Goldenhair attempts a 10-day silent meditation retreat in Thailand… only to be derailed by a tree frog, a “hot monk”, and an unsanctioned breakout into the countryside that ends with a full-blown Karma Chameleon singalong to some very understanding cows.
Then it’s building-surveyor bedlam as Mike accidentally lets a cat into a house with a “highly strung” parrot on the loose… and makes a bold feather-related decision under pressure.
Plus: Steve’s student-radio brush with The Smiths takes a citrusy turn, and the anonymous agent of East Anglia learns the hard way that mooning colleagues isn’t quite “drawing room manner”.
Got a confession? Send it to [email protected].

Enter the confessional with Simon Mayo for another laugh-out-loud episode of Confessions!
This week, hear Jo’s hilariously awkward tale of miscommunication involving "personal effects" that leads to a shocking discovery while cleaning a colleague’s home. With some very personal photographs inadvertently packaged for a hospital visit, the embarrassment is palpable!
Then, feel the heat as T-Bandit concocts a devious plan to rain on a pesky neighbour's parade, while Windy Miller shares a mortifying school assembly mishap that left everyone in stitches. And finally, don’t miss the chaotic escapade of Dean, whose light-hearted joke about a heart attack sends security into a frenzy!
Tune in for unforgettable stories, unexpected twists, and the collective wisdom that only Simon and the crew can offer! Don’t forget to share your own confessions at [email protected]!