Simon Mayo's Confessions

Step into the confessional with Father Simon and the Collective for soup-based horror, airborne football crimes, and one truly catastrophic “wind” in an operating theatre.

First, a classic from the crypt: Lorraine’s 80s tin-code mix-up leaves a brother eating chicken soup… plus a black, gelatinous blob of mould, followed by two days in hospital that nobody even notices.

Then Alf’s military hangover meets bright surgical lights — and a “silent but prolonged” moment that has a surgeon hauling out intestines in search of a hole that isn’t there.

Plus: Alistair secretly watches England v Tunisia during take-off and celebrates by waking a baby, and Penelope’s husband repeatedly breaks into the wrong Caribbean hotel room… straight into a naked German.

Got a confession? [email protected]

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for a vintage school-days reckoning, a Wembley fishbone emergency, lockdown jigsaw vengeance, and a fairground waterslide disaster.

Nigel relives the wild early-80s logic of collective punishment after a playground scuffle leaves a classmate dangling from a fence — and an innocent kid caught in the mix for reporting stolen trainers.

Then Helen’s 1987 FA Cup final is overshadowed by a bone stuck in her throat, a dad who won’t miss the match, and a lifesaving carton of Ribena.

Plus: Flora steals one crucial jigsaw piece from her cheating ex, and Rick’s Water Boggan sends a furious passenger out drenched… without the dinghy.

Got a confession? [email protected]

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for an episode full of sibling sabotage, supermarket shame, and the perils of damp underpants.

Tim admits to a targeted reign of terror on his little brother. John’s 1999 CFAX football obsession ends in disaster, Richard loses control of some “loose grapes” at Sutton Safeway, and Mike’s sixth-form skinny-dipping leaves a very suspicious puddle in maths.

Got a confession? [email protected]

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for another batch of confessions.

In a classic from the crypt, a lonely trucker accepts one Guinness too many… then points a hopeful Beryl to entirely the wrong big red lorry.

Then it’s Jan’s rabbit escape that ends in an axe, a fingertip flap, and a grandad who chooses bunny retrieval over first aid.

Plus: a prison officer’s catastrophic coat-sniffing moment, and a first job interview ruined by dog poo, a blocked loo, and Captain Red Braces.

Got a confession? [email protected]

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the collective for a week of blocked sinks, fake hospital letters, and staff training-day chaos.

First, Susie’s raspberry-peach smoothie turns into a fermented crime scene that takes out the call-centre kitchenette. Then Jeanette commits peak springtime mischief by forging a hospital letter recommending “Morris dancing therapy” for her grumpy husband’s dodgy knee. Plus, Maurice’s 1966 snow-sculpture disaster, and Stan’s drama-teacher mate who sleepwalks into an unwanted performance.

Got a confession? [email protected]