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Spoil Your Baby

Dr. Greer Kirshenbaum
Spoil Your Baby
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  • I'm Right, You're Stupid: Healing Adult Sibling Wounds feat. Jessica Marriot and Dr. Bluma Sapir | #44
    Why is healing the complex relationships between adult siblings a universally overlooked area in mental health?   Jessica Marriot and Dr. Bluma Sapir, who are sisters, were estranged and hated each other for their entire lives until the pandemic prompted a change. Their relationship healing began slowly on Zoom. This unusual process led to a realization: adult sibling healing is a universally overlooked population in the mental health field, with everything else seeming to exist except for it. This observation reinforced their decision to document their journey and write their book, I'm Right, You're Stupid: Growing up your sibling relationship. Dr. Bluma Sapir, a clinical psychologist, provided valuable background, enabling them to dive deep into existing research, reinforcing their path to help others. They discovered that their deep pain stemmed from origin stories where family legacy burdens, such as the generational pattern of one sibling being the "black sheep" and the other the "favorite," played a defining role. Both sisters came to understand that they had played dual roles, acting as both the victim and the abuser for each other. The healing process involved using neuroscientific tools, like deep breathing and grounding exercises derived in part from Polyvagal Theory, to co-regulate themselves. Through this hard work, they stress the importance of teaching repair and perspective-taking, emphasizing that true healing focuses on authenticity (what was felt) rather than accuracy (what was precisely remembered). Ultimately, this repair offered a "wider lens" on their purpose, provided clarity in other relationships, and helped rewire their nervous systems toward calm and security.   Key Takeaways ●     Adult sibling healing is recognized as a universally overlooked population in the mental health field. ●     The relationship with a sibling is often the first relationship where we learn how to get along or not get along with others. ●     The roots of sibling conflict often stem from family legacy burdens, where generational roles like "black sheep" or "favorite" are passed down. ●     When managing sibling conflict, parents should serve as regulators and co-regulators, avoiding the urge to choose sides or let children "figure it out". ●     Healing requires focusing on authenticity—hearing what the other person experienced—rather than arguing over the factual accuracy of past events.     Join The Nurture Neuroscience Practitioner Certification Join our February 2026 Program: https://nurture-neuroscience.com/professional-certification-sales-page   Resources ●     Book I'm Right, You're Stupid: Growing up your sibling relationship. ●     Websites Your Sib Hub: https://yoursibhub.com (for more information and their fun quiz). Guest Bios: Jessica Marriot is the founder of Forward Thinkers and innovative entrepreneur who partners with global brands to disrupt industries and drive revenue growth. Dr. Bluma Sapir is a distinguished clinical psychologist with over 20 years experience providing transformative psychotherapy to individuals and pairs.   Ready to Connect with Greer? "Nurture Neuroscience" Website: https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drgreerkirshenbaum/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/greerkirshenbaum/ FREE GUIDE, "Nurture Your Baby's Stress": https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/nurture-your-babys-stress FREE GUIDE, "Manage the Stressors & Triggers of Parenting": https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/manage-the-stressors-of-parenting Order "The Nurture Revolution" Book: https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/the-nurture-revolution
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  • Evolutionary Parenting: Beyond the Sleep Training Narrative feat. Tracy Cassels | #43
    Why does our society place more value on controlled baby sleep than on maternal support, proper feeding, or comfort?   Tracy Cassels began her influential work while pursuing her PhD in developmental psychology, coinciding with her pregnancy. She observed a profound contradiction between the widespread advice advocating for infant sleep training—even when pushed by some academics—and the robust findings found in developmental literature and her own research. This mismatch, which she initially felt was a foreign concept given her own background, became the critical momentum to start sharing her perspective publicly. This led to the launch of her extensive website, Evolutionary Parenting, roughly 15 years ago. This platform developed into an invaluable resource, providing detailed and thoroughly referenced information on nearly every topic related to infant brain development for parents. Tracy often interacts with families, some of whom bring along skeptical relatives or partners, seeking clarification on the evidence surrounding sleep practices. She approaches the topic by presenting an honest assessment of what the research confirms and what remains unknown, helping listeners discern the subtleties often missing from conventional advice. She argues that the findings against certain practices, such as sleep training, form an "incredibly strong circumstantial case" rather than a clear-cut legal link. Furthermore, Tracy contends that many sleep problems are misinterpreted as behavioral failures when they are actually symptoms of underlying issues like allergies, sleep apnea, or hormonal imbalances. Her most recent paper with Levita DeSousa advocates for researchers to adopt a much broader perspective, moving away from seeking a "one size fits all solution" and instead considering the full family dynamic, cultural influences, and health context when studying infant sleep.   Key Takeaways ●     Sleep problems are often symptoms of underlying physical or psychological issues, not always primary behavioral faults of the baby or parent. ●     The research focusing specifically on mothers and babies, particularly concerning clinical interventions and emotional connection, is significantly lacking. ●     An overemphasis on controlled sleep in modern society leads parents to prioritize it over other critical nurturing components like love, comfort, and proper feeding. ●     Some research proposes methods to help mothers suppress the natural anxiety they feel when hearing their distressed baby cry, counteracting an essential evolutionary response. ●     Infant sleep should be viewed as a family dynamic influenced by culture, general family preferences, health issues, and the need for connection.   Join The Nurture Neuroscience Practitioner Certification Join our February 2026 Program: https://nurture-neuroscience.com/professional-certification-sales-page   Resources ●     Tracy's Instagram: @tracycasselsphd https://www.instagram.com/tracycasselsphd ●     Books by Tracy Cassels: ○     Finding Daycare: Navigating the Murky World of Child Care in Today's Society ○     https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Daycare-Navigating-Todays-Society-ebook/dp/B07PGDR6TC ●     Evolutionary Parenting's website: https://evolutionaryparenting.com/ (Note: Some parts are currently missing due to a crash, but it will be restored soon). Guest Bio: Tracy Cassels holds a PhD in developmental psychology and is the founder of Evolutionary Parenting. She co-authored a paper with Levita DeSousa, an attachment theory specialist at Monash University in Australia, focusing on how sleep training ignores the larger family dynamic. She is also a contributor to an upcoming academic book on sleep, edited by Jenny (who Greer has also written with), which includes chapters from Darshan Arves and LaVita DeSousa.   Ready to Connect with Greer? "Nurture Neuroscience" Website: https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drgreerkirshenbaum/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/greerkirshenbaum/ FREE GUIDE, "Nurture Your Baby's Stress": https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/nurture-your-babys-stress FREE GUIDE, "Manage the Stressors & Triggers of Parenting": https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/manage-the-stressors-of-parenting Order "The Nurture Revolution" Book: https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/the-nurture-revolution
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  • Why Maternal Love is a Neurobiological Craving feat. Kelly McDaniel | #42
    What happens when we spend our adult lives searching for a quality of maternal love we never received as a child?   Kelly McDaniel, a licensed professional counselor and author, introduced the concept of "Mother Hunger" in her first book, Ready to Heal. She identified Mother Hunger as an attachment injury stemming from maternal deprivation, noting that millions of women suffer a lifelong emotional burden that adversely affects self-worth, eating habits, and relational wellness. This profound attachment trauma, Kelly explains, is a neurobiological craving for unmet needs: nurturing, protection, and guidance. This "hunger" is often misunderstood and sought inappropriately from romantic partners, friends, or authority figures. Kelly's work illuminates how cultural forces, especially patriarchy, compromise a mother's capacity to provide a consistent, safe caregiving environment, leading to generational trauma that impacts secure attachment. Kelly published her second book, Mother Hunger, in 2021, compiling research since 2008 to explore how adult daughters can understand and heal from these losses. She emphasizes that while we cannot go back in time, neuroscience shows that our brains can change throughout life, offering hope and opportunity for repair. Her clinical approach helps adult daughters identify this craving, understand the truth of their pain, and become "cycle breakers" in their own families.   Key Takeaways ●     Mother Hunger is a profound neurobiological craving for three essential elements of maternal care: nurturing, protection, and guidance. ●     Unmet needs often arise from ancestral inheritance, cultural environments, and unhealed trauma, not necessarily a lack of maternal love. ●     A mother can be physically present but emotionally absent due to unhealed trauma, leading to chronic, automatic dissociation. ●     Healing Mother Hunger enables adult daughters to break epigenetic cycles of trauma, improving their self-worth and relational wellness outcomes. ●     The spiritual component of mothering involves stretching our own capacity for love, loving unconditionally, and embracing personal growth.   Join The Nurture Neuroscience Practitioner Certification Join our February 2026 Program: https://nurture-neuroscience.com/professional-certification-sales-page   Resources ●     Kelly's website: https://kellymcdanieltherapy.com/ ●     Books by Kelly McDaniel: ○     Ready to Heal: Helping Women Heal from Addictive Relationships. ○     Mother Hunger: How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal from Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance (Hay House, 2021). ○     https://kellymcdanieltherapy.com/books/ ●     Contribution: Making Advances; A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts. https://www.amazon.com/Making-Advances-Comprehensive-Treating-Addicts/dp/098574720X ●     Mentioned in conversation: Mark Wolynn's book, It Didn't Start With You. https://a.co/d/3yJpvKw Guest Bio: Kelly McDaniel, LCMHC, is an author and licensed professional counselor who developed the term "Mother Hunger" to identify an attachment injury related to maternal deprivation. She specializes in nurturing insecure attachment and healing addictive relational patterns in adult women. She holds an MA in English Literature from Georgetown University (1991) and an MA in Counseling from St. Mary's University (2004). Kelly is also a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT). She has devoted herself to this work since naming Mother Hunger in 2008.   Ready to Connect with Greer? "Nurture Neuroscience" Website: https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drgreerkirshenbaum/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/greerkirshenbaum/ FREE GUIDE, "Nurture Your Baby's Stress": https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/nurture-your-babys-stress FREE GUIDE, "Manage the Stressors & Triggers of Parenting": https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/manage-the-stressors-of-parenting Order "The Nurture Revolution" Book: https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/the-nurture-revolution
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  • Self-Mothering: Your Most Important Parenting Job feat. Dr. Gertrude Lyons | #41
    What if the most crucial job we have in motherhood is learning to mother ourselves? Dr. Gertrude Lyons, a master coach and thought leader, developed the "Rewriting the Mother Code" framework after conducting an in-depth doctoral thesis. Her purpose is to help women rewrite outdated narratives surrounding motherhood, self-worth, and identity. Dr. Lyons was prompted to begin this work after realizing that even as an established coach, she had lost herself in motherhood, stopped mothering herself, and experienced deep regret and remorse. This experience motivated her to investigate what is possible when women put themselves in the picture. Her doctoral thesis centered on raising women's awareness of the possibility of personal growth and transformative experiences within motherhood. This included challenging personal norms. For example, when facing fertility issues, Dr. Lyons chose to listen to her intuition rather than immediately adopting the full medical model. By tuning in, she uncovered a deep, unconscious fear of being a mother and continuing generational trauma. Addressing this "unfinished business" proved to be a critical part of her healing journey. Dr. Lyons emphasizes that motherhood, despite being painful or chaotic—described as the "caterpillar to butterfly gelatinous mass period"—is the ripest time for transformation and rewiring. She champions the idea that we all mother (ideas, careers, relationships), and the most important person we need to mother is ourselves.   Key Takeaways ●     Recognize that the challenging, chaotic early phase of new motherhood is the ripest time for profound personal transformation and rewiring. ●     Challenge the traditional view of motherhood as pure sacrifice and duty, and instead embrace it as an opportunity for self-realization. ●     The deepest form of self-mothering is self-actualization and awareness, requiring ongoing internal work to truly know yourself. ●     We all express "mother energy" by nurturing careers, relationships, ideas, and dreams, not just children. ●     Approach pain as informative and a natural vehicle for wisdom and transformation, rather than something to numb or simply avoid.   Join The Nurture Neuroscience Practitioner Certification Join our February 2026 Program: https://nurture-neuroscience.com/professional-certification-sales-page   Resources Guest Bio: Dr. Gertrude Lyons is a master coach, podcast host, and thought leader who helps women rewrite outdated narratives around motherhood and identity. She developed the "Rewriting the Mother Code" framework after completing an in-depth doctoral thesis. She offers retreats in Mexico and Ireland, and one-on-one immersive coaching experiences. References and Resources: ●     Book: Rewrite the Mother Code: From Sacrifice to Stardust, a Cosmic Approach to Motherhood https://a.co/d/b4MU6hl ●     Website: https://www.drgertrudelyons.com (includes her TEDx talk) ●     Podcast: Rewrite the Mother Code with Dr. Gertrude Lyons https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rewrite-the-mother-code-with-dr-gertrude-lyons/id1534581166 ●     Instagram: @drgertrudelions https://www.instagram.com/drgertrudelyons/?hl=en   Ready to Connect with Greer? "Nurture Neuroscience" Website: https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drgreerkirshenbaum/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/greerkirshenbaum/ FREE GUIDE, "Nurture Your Baby's Stress": https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/nurture-your-babys-stress FREE GUIDE, "Manage the Stressors & Triggers of Parenting": https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/manage-the-stressors-of-parenting Order "The Nurture Revolution" Book: https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/the-nurture-revolution
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  • Beyond Perfection: Getting "Good Enough" Sleep feat. Talia Shapero | #40
    Is it possible to improve our sleep and reduce anxiety, even when navigating the exhaustion of new parenthood? Talia Shapero's journey to becoming an adult sleep coach began with her own years-long battle with insomnia. This sleep struggle became significantly worse after the birth of her son. Even when her baby started sleeping through the night, Talia found she was unable to. This chronic lack of quality sleep severely impacted her cognitive, physical, and emotional health, leading to intense anxiety and a dysregulated mood. Fortunately, her medical practitioners were insightful, suggesting that addressing her sleep issues might alleviate her anxiety, recognizing the crucial bi-directional relationship between mood and sleep. Talia was diagnosed with true insomnia and underwent Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I), which she describes as truly transformative. The treatment improved her overall well-being—she was feeling better, eating better, and became a more engaged partner and parent, gaining resilience, patience, and love to give to her family. Through this experience, she realized that many people lack knowledge about sleep and struggle silently. Motivated by her personal success and the universal need for solutions, Talia earned her certification to help others as an adult sleep coach.   Key Takeaways Focus on the quality of sleep as much as the quantity, and anchor your morning wake time for circadian rhythm consistency. When a full nap isn't possible, schedule "daily pauses" by lying down horizontally, screen-free, to refresh and restore your mind. Optimize your body's sleep-wake cycle by ensuring you receive bright light exposure in the morning and limit bright light in the evening. Develop a purposeful and relaxing wind-down routine before bed to signal to your brain and body that it is safe to relax and anticipate sleep. Aim for "good enough" sleep instead of seeking perfection every night, recognizing that sleep is not static and will fluctuate.   Join The Nurture Neuroscience Practitioner Certification ·         Join our February 2026 Program: https://nurture-neuroscience.com/professional-certification-sales-page Resources Talia Shapero is an Adult Sleep Coach. She can be found through her website, TaliaShapero.com, and on Instagram and Facebook at @TaliaShaperoSleep. Talia regularly posts tips and information, and she offers a free 20-minute, no-obligation call for those struggling with their sleep. ●     Website: https://www.taliashapero.com/ ●     Instagram: @taliashaperosleep https://www.instagram.com/taliashaperosleep/ ●     LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/talia-shapero-7a5688a1/ ●     Facebook: Talia Shapero Adult Sleep Coaching Services https://www.facebook.com/taliashaperosleep/   Ready to Connect with Greer?   "Nurture Neuroscience" Website: https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drgreerkirshenbaum/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/greerkirshenbaum/ FREE GUIDE - "Nurture Your Baby's Stress": https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/nurture-your-babys-stress FREE GUIDE - "Manage the Stressors & Triggers of Parenting": https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/manage-the-stressors-of-parenting Order "The Nurture Revolution" Book: https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/the-nurture-revolution
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About Spoil Your Baby

As a mom, neuroscientist, and a long time expert to parents, almost every expert has it wrong when they say 'don't spoil your baby.' Up until the age of 3, your only job is to spoil your baby with affection, attention, and protection. I promise you it's the best chance for the long term mental health and success of your child. On my podcast, I will interview the leading experts to explain why you need to SPOIL YOUR BABY as well as those that may disagree for a spirited debate. I will also give you the most up to date science-backed tools and tips that will help you to raise your baby for lifelong health and success.
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