407: The Joys of Living Alone —By Choice or Circumstance
“'I think that’s just how life panned out. I had children and it was difficult to have a relationship with a man who was not the father. And I started thinking, OK, I’ll take care of the children and then when they’re grown up, I’ll be available for a partner. But then I found, I have to say, the great serenity of being single.'” She pauses, as if to savour the words. “'And if I hadn’t, I don’t think I would have been able to do all that I’ve done. I have freedom of movement.'”—Isabella Rossellini When I recently read Isabella Rosselini's quote shared above about why she, initially unconsciously, and then consciously chosen to live alone, referring to not having a romantic partner, for over 30 years, I spontaneously found myself smiling in appreciation of her candor and openness to discovering the gifts that life wants to share with us if only we would let go of narrow constructs of how one's life must look. The value we give our lives when we understand how to find serenity for ourselves, is revolutionary because we give ourselves the reins, or should I say the recipe, for exactly what will bring us peace. The concept of serenity lies at the heart of what we feel when we are living a life of contentment. And as has been shared regularly here on TSLL, each of us will cultivate our life structure - relationships, responsibilities, rituals, routines, excursions, home life, etc. - differently to nurture ourselves well in order to be able to live, express and engage fully. Too often no variation is given to certain ingredients in one's life in order to find or be at peace. If we do find peace without these purported to be 'must-have's, as Rosselini has demonstrated, society can gang up on us to pressure us or make us doubt our own inner truth. But whether or not to live with another person, specifically a romantic partner, is indeed a variable, not a constant, in the many variations available to us as we cultivate our unique life to discover where contentment resides. Back in 2015, podcast episode #33 - How to Live Alone Well - was shared and included 16 approaches and benefits of doing so. While I won't repeat those benefits in this episode, and I encourage you to explore them, it is now ten years on, and as TSLL readers know, I continue to live alone by choice. A choice, a priority for living the life where and how I find true contentment. Of course, many listeners/readers who know me, know I am not really alone as I live with my pups and have done so for all but three years of my adult life. For me, this is also a choice because my dogs let me just be, and I have not yet found a human being who is comfortable with letting me just be. In other words, giving me freedom along with trust, so that the home that is a sanctuary is indeed that for all inhabitants. So today's episode will dive a bit deeper, sharing the joys of this way of living and savoring immensely everyday life - alone and delightfully so. Briefly just alluded to - what you will notice as an intentional undercurrent in all of these joys shared today is freedom. When we give ourself the freedom to choose what is most nourishing and nutritive for our well-being, we step closer to living a life of contentment, if we aren't already. Ultimately, as we talked about in episode #403 - 10 Ways Integrating Buddhist Psychology into Your Everyday Life Cultivates Contentment - the core purpose of Buddhism is to bring deep healing, well-being and inner freedom. So whether you are living alone by choice or by circumstance, the time you do live alone has the opportunity through this freedom to become intimately in tune with yourself so you can ascertain with clarity and self-trust how you want to live your life so that it is grounded in contentment. Let's take a look at this list of 8 Joys of living alone. Tune in to the episode and find the Show Notes here on TSLL blog - https://thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/podcast407
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