DadAwesome

This is a FROM THE VAULT episode, originally recorded almost three years ago, but the message hits just as hard today. In this conversation, Banning Liebscher opens up about the wrong definition of success that keeps dads stuck on autopilot, and why the goal was never to work harder but to abide more. If you've ever felt busy but not sure you're actually hitting the mark as a father, this replay is for you.
TAKEAWAYS
The danger for dads isn't a lack of activity, it's activity that isn't going anywhere because success was never clearly defined.
Becoming world class at fatherhood starts with being both self aware and others aware, so you understand how your presence impacts the people you love.
How you love your children is one of the clearest ways God's love gets revealed to them.
True success won't be measured in accomplishments or attention, it will be measured by the people you poured your life into.
The goal isn't to work harder as a dad, it's to abide more deeply in the Father's love, since everything sustainable flows from that place of intimacy.
GUEST
Banning Liebscher is a pastor, speaker, and author. Along with his wife, SeaJay, he founded Jesus Culture, a ministry of worship, conferences, and leadership development. Together they have three young adult children: Ellianna, Raya, and Lake.


 


Top 7 Quotes 
"Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage."
"The danger for dads is not a lack of activity, it's activity that's not going anywhere."
"The goal is not to work harder, it's to abide more."
"Being self aware and others aware" is what dads have to master.
"How you love your children will reveal God's love to them."
"We loved Him because He first loved us."
"Being a dad is hands down the biggest sacrifice I've ever had to make."
 
 
LINKS
Leave a VOICEMAIL: https://www.speakpipe.com/DadAwesome

Join Team Awesomeness (monthly support team) at any level from $7/month to $1000/month... We have 41 families committed to fueling the ministry DadAwesome as we head toward celebrating 9 years of AWESOMENESS this coming winter: https://www.dadawesome.org/give

Join the DadAwesome Prayer Team: Text "pray" to (651) 370-8618

Apply to join the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort

Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618

7-Day Video Series: dadawesome.org/book

Free Chapter + Intro Video Series: dadawesome.org/book

Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text "Dad" to (651) 370-8618

The DADAWESOME book

Learn about Jesus Culture

The Flip Side by Flip Flippen

Join the DadAwesome PRAYER TEAM: 
 
Recieve updates on the 20-minute DadAwesome prayer Zoom Calls on Mondays/Fridays: Text "pray" to (651) 370-8618
 
EPISODE SUMMARY:
Most men have never pictured David's mighty men as real flesh and blood warriors who bled, prayed, and screamed to God for covering before they ever swung a sword. In this episode, novelist and Army veteran Cliff Graham shares what twenty years inside the world of the Old Testament taught him about sacrifice, mentorship, and becoming the kind of father whose absence is felt when he's gone. You'll also hear why your kids see the things you thought you did in the dark, and why aimlessness in a dad leaves an entire family unmoored.
TAKEAWAYS:
Your kids are watching at all times. The thing you think you did in the dark and nobody noticed is the thing they saw.

The toughest men in scripture didn't charge in confident in their own abilities. They cried out for God's covering first, and so should you.

Sacrificial choices still count when your heart isn't in them. Decide through the paradigm of what's best for your family, however you're feeling, and God honors that choice.

Invite your kids into your work and into your worst days. Let them see how you respond when everything falls apart.

Male mentorship is disappearing. Find the man who is twenty years ahead of you, who will sit in your pain and call you out on your stuff.

BIO
Cliff Graham is an author and U.S. Army veteran best known for the Lion of War series, an epic retelling of the lives of David's mighty men that has been translated into seven languages and hit bestseller lists. He has spent extensive time in Israel researching the world of the Old Testament, and has also written Shadow of the Mountain (Caleb) and The Boundary of Blood (Shamgar). When he isn't writing, he works as a railroader in the western United States. He and his wife, Cassandra, have four children, three of them sons.
QUOTES
"It's not an awesome dad if you're aimless." (17:40)

"Every little thing that a guy does that he thinks, 'I did this in the dark and no one cares' — you'd be surprised what your kids are seeing all the time." (14:05)

"He didn't charge into the fight endlessly confident in his own abilities. He was screaming to God for covering." (11:00)

"Just to be a dad that the loss is felt when you go is so important." (19:50)

"There's nothing in this life that gives you anything near the joy and satisfaction of being a dad. There's just nothing." (22:47)

LINKS
Leave a VOICEMAIL: https://www.speakpipe.com/DadAwesome
Join Team Awesomeness (monthly support team) at any level from $7/month to $1000/month... We have 41 families committed to fueling the ministry DadAwesome as we head toward celebrating 9 years of AWESOMENESS this coming winter: https://www.dadawesome.org/give

Join the DadAwesome Prayer Team: 

Apply to join the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort

7-Day Video Series: dadawesome.org/book

Free Chapter + Intro Video Series: dadawesome.org/book

Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text "Dad" to (651) 370-8618

The DADAWESOME book

Day of War by Cliff Graham (Lion of War, Book 1)

The Lion of War series (Kavod Press):Day of War, Covenant of War, Song of War, Fires of War, and the fifth book releasing this year

The Boundary of Blood by Cliff Graham (Shamgar)

Shadow of the Mountain by Cliff Graham (Caleb)

Cliff Graham's newsletter: lionofwar.substack.com

Psalm 140:7 — "O Lord God of my salvation, you have covered my head in the day of battle"

2 Samuel 23 and 1 Chronicles 11 — the mighty men

Field of Dreams (film)

Cinderella Man (film)

Braveheart (film)

SUMMARY
Your words become your child's inner voice, for better or for worse. In this episode, Brent Silkey shares the practice he's kept without missing a single year — a handwritten letter to each of his four kids on every birthday, so that by graduation they'll hold an 18-year catalog of God's faithfulness over their life. Recorded in the pouring rain during Brent's 24-hour run for freedom, this conversation will challenge you to speak life over your family, stop settling for comfort, and take the next step you already know you need to take.
TAKEAWAYS
You can do hard things, or you can have hard things happen to you. Dads who train themselves — physically, spiritually, emotionally — build a reservoir their whole family draws from.
Your words are the foundation blocks of your family's culture. Brent has written and read a letter to each of his four kids on every birthday, so by graduation they'll hold an 18-year catalog of God's faithfulness over their life.
Big vision belongs to the whole family, not just to dad. Bike rides became park days, marathons became bake sales and jewelry stands, and the kids caught the heart without ever being told to.
Freedom from pornography is one of the greatest gifts a dad can give. Shame keeps men isolated; rootedness in a real community — not a la carte Christianity — is where the healing starts.
You'll never regret investing more in your family. You'll know your kids as adults far longer than you knew them as kids, so when they say "up," pick them up.
QUOTES
"By the time they graduate high school, they'll have a catalog of God's faithfulness over 18 years in these letters."
"You can either do hard things or you can have hard things happen to you."
"Do something you've never done to reach someone that's not yet been reached."
"This is a family thing, not a Brent thing."
"The most life-changing question outside of the gospel being shared was, What's my next obedience step?"
"We can be people who speak life over our families, life over our kids. It really goes a long way."
GUEST
Brent Silkey is the founder of 30 for Freedom, a ministry mobilizing runners to rescue girls out of trafficking. He's completed 71+ marathons and ultras — including seven marathons on seven continents in seven days — and has helped raise more than $4.3 million for freedom. Brent also directs Chi Alpha at the University of St. Thomas and runs with UNRL. Adopted from South Korea as a baby, he and his wife live in Minnesota with their four kids: two daughters, 14 and 11, and two sons, 8 and 5. This fall he's taking on 40 for Freedom — running 40 miles for his 40th birthday and inviting 40 leaders to multiply the vision toward $300,000 raised in a single day.
 
LINKS
Spartan Team DadAwesome, Dallas, Texas, October 17 https://givebutter.com/DallasSpartan

Leave a VOICEMAIL: https://www.speakpipe.com/DadAwesome

Join Team Awesomeness (monthly support team) at any level from $7/month to $1000/month... We have 41 families committed to fueling the ministry DadAwesome as we head toward celebrating 9 years of AWESOMENESS this coming winter: https://www.dadawesome.org/give

Join the DadAwesome Prayer Team: Text "pray" to (651) 370-8618

Apply to join the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort

Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618

7-Day Video Series: dadawesome.org/book

Free Chapter + Intro Video Series: dadawesome.org/book

Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text "Dad" to (651) 370-8618

The DadAwesome book (search "dadawesome" on Amazon)

30 for Freedom: https://www.instagram.com/30forfreedom/

Brent Silkey on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brentsilkey/

Brent Silkey's 40 for Freedom Challenge

Chi Alpha at University of St. Thomas: https://www.instagram.com/ust_xa/

UNRL: https://www.instagram.com/unrlco/

The Great World Race

Episode page will be: https://www.dadawesome.org/blog/450

SUMMARY
Most of us move through our days on autopilot, heads down, running our own agenda. The struggling dad at church, the neighbor whose marriage is barely holding on, the single mom wrestling groceries into her car — we walk right past. In Part 7 of the Multipliers series, Jeff reads Chapter 29 of the DadAwesome book and shares an archive clip with Danny Silk about the isolation trap, why control is the wrong tool for fathering, and what a home that resembles heaven actually feels like.
Key Takeaways
God doesn't watch from the bleachers. He jumps into the mess with us, and He often chooses to answer desperate prayers through ordinary people who are willing to notice and respond.
You already have what someone needs. Our Italian angel offered three things any of us can give: time, trust, and troubleshooting. Not more resources — just a willingness to make available what's already in your hands.
Interruptions are often God appointments. When someone opens up about their pain, that's not small talk. It's a door opening.
Isolation is the enemy's trap for men. Alone, you become master and ruler of your own reality, and that's the fast track to deception. Multiplication requires brotherhood.
You cannot control your children — so learn to control yourself. When intimidation or the threat of punishment is the most-used tool in your toolbox, you've built a culture in your home that doesn't resemble heaven.
A small yes can get multiplied by 100. A bold prayer for $10,000 became more than $1 million raised for the fatherless across 30 events and over 1,000 men.
Quotes
"God jumps into our mess with us. He's not watching from the bleachers." (05:35)
"Every day we walk past people having their own version of lost in Florence." (06:15)
"You don't need more to make a big difference. You've already got what someone desperately needs. You just need to be willing to share it." (11:15)
"I'm learning to see struggling people as potential God appointments instead of interruptions." (11:30)
"As fathers, we teach our children more through our responses to others' needs than through our lectures about compassion." (12:40)
"God takes our small yes and multiplies it into something far bigger than we imagined." (16:45)
"The trap of the enemy for men in particular is isolation. Because now you become master and ruler of reality, and that is the fast track to deception." (19:20) — Danny Silk
"When the most used tool in my toolbox as a parent is some form of intimidation or the threat of punishment, then I have created a culture in my home that does not resemble heaven." (20:45) — Danny Silk
"My Father is much more concerned about my heart connection to Him than He is controlling me." (21:40) — Danny Silk
"If you don't learn to control yourself, you are out of control." (22:20) — Danny Silk
Action Steps:
I. Reflection
Name your phase. Childish, young adult, young married, young dad, wise dad — where are you actually living right now?
Who have you walked past? Think back over the last month. Who could have used a pause in your care?
Take inventory. Time, trust, troubleshooting. Skills, margin, network, resources, lived experience. What do you have that someone else might be desperate for?
II. Multiplication
Where are you isolated? You will not see a multiplication miracle alone. Name the guys in your foxhole, or admit you need to build that crew.
Serve with someone. When a dad needs help with a yard project, bring another dad along. Friendship grows shoulder to shoulder.
Find the side door. Pick a date and a challenge rather than "let's just sit and talk." A race, a ride, a project — action is often the side door to a man's heart.
III. Activation
Pray for a God appointment this week. Stay alert for the person who needs time, generosity, care, or counsel.
Let your kids watch. Go out of your way to show compassion within sight of your children. Don't hustle on to the next thing.
Run the small yes. Is there something God put on your heart that you keep postponing? What if now is the time? Run it as an experiment — what could it hurt?

SUMMARY:
Most of us parent from what we already know and love. We steer our kids toward the sports we played and the interests we developed, and then we wait for them to get excited about our world. In Part 6 of the Multipliers series, Jeff reads Chapter 23 of the DadAwesome book and shares an archive clip with Alex Burton about a prayer, a purple carabiner, and a campfire question that changed everything.
TAKEAWAYS
Delight in what they delight in. Stop waiting for your kids to get excited about your world and step into theirs instead.
Our Heavenly Father does not just tolerate what we care about. He delights in it. He came down instead of making us climb up.
Ask the men who know you best: what do you see in my life that I am not seeing, and what am I missing? Then do not get defensive. Write down what they say.
Connection is worth the sacrifice. The cost is not always money. Sometimes it is time, and sometimes it is setting aside your preferences for theirs.
Pause and pray before you show up. Alex asked God what to bring before he ever left his house, and a child he had never met walked away knowing she was known.
Guest
Alex Burton is an outdoors enthusiast, a climber, and a father of three. He and his wife, Mel, have been married more than 26 years. Alex serves on the staff team at Wild at Heart. His full conversation with Jeff is Episode 297.
QUOTES
"I experienced something I can only describe as kind fathering from a complete stranger." (04:30)
"This wasn't just a piece of climbing equipment anymore. It was proof that someone saw her. Someone cared about what brought her joy. God knew her favorite color, and He used Alex to show her." (04:50)
"Alex, right now, if I could choose who'd be around this campfire with, I would choose my son. Can you say the same?" (06:30)
"You don't need to become an expert in what your kids love. You just need to show up and jump in. When you step into their world, you're reflecting how God treats us. He came down instead of making us climb up." (10:20)
"It wasn't even so much, it could have been anything, but it was purple." (13:20) Alex Burton
ACTION STEPS
I. Reflection
Name what each child delights in. Write down each kid's name, and next to it, what they are into right now. Legos, surfing, bike rides, theater, dance, soccer. If you are not sure, that is your invitation to get curious.
Find where you are resisting. Is there a passion of theirs that annoys you, crowds your calendar, or that you secretly hope they outgrow? Name it, then go a step deeper and ask why your heart is positioned that way.
Ask if your kids know they are delighted in. Do they know that your favorite role in life, outside of being married to their mom, is being their dad? Try asking them directly: do you have any idea how much I love you? Then watch their eyes.
II. Multiplication
Ask the campfire question. Take it to two or three friends: what do you see in my life that I am not seeing, and what am I missing? Do not defend yourself. Just write it down.
Be an Alex for another dad. Alex took a half day off work for a family he had never met. Could you take time off, help with a project, or create a moment for another dad and his kids?
Send a joy bomb. An unexpected gift at an unexpected time, to your wife, your kids, or a dad who is grinding. No occasion required.
III. Activation
Pray before you show up. Before the recital, the game, or youth group pickup, pause in the car and ask God if there is something He wants you to bring or say. The pause is huge.
Jump into their world this week. Research what they love. Show up with a surprising level of joyful curiosity and joyful participation.
Put something in their hand. Something small from the store or ordered online, given for no reason, with the words: I see you, I love you, I delight in you.
Pray Zephaniah 3:17 over each child by name, out loud, this week. Insert their name into the verse and let it reshape how you pray for them.
LINKS
Spartan Team DadAwesome, Dallas, Texas, October 17 https://givebutter.com/DallasSpartan

Leave a VOICEMAIL: https://www.speakpipe.com/DadAwesome

Join Team Awesomeness (monthly support team) at any level from $7/month to $1000/month... We have 41 families committed to fueling the ministry DadAwesome as we head toward celebrating 9 years of AWESOMENESS this coming winter: https://www.dadawesome.org/give

Join the DadAwesome Prayer Team: Text "pray" to (651) 370-8618

Apply to join the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort

Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618

7-Day Video Series: dadawesome.org/book

Free Chapter + Intro Video Series: dadawesome.org/book

Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text "Dad" to (651) 370-8618

297 | Cultivating a Prayer Life, Sharing Joy Bombs, and Delighting in What Your Kids Delight In (Alex Burton)
DadAwesome LABS from Chapter 23: The Purple Carabiner Principle
Zephaniah 3:17
Wild at Heart Ministry