How to Trust Yourself: The Messy, Human Path to Becoming Who You Are

What if the reason you're feeling stuck isn't that you're not trying hard enough... but that you're trying too hard?
In this solo episode, Anna shares one of the most transformative lessons she learned during her own recovery from chronic migraine: "Don't try harder. Try softer."
Originally shared by mind-body physician Dr. John Stracks, this simple phrase didn't fully make sense to Anna until one unforgettable migraine attack revealed the surprising way her inner critic had hijacked her healing. She realized she was literally trying to force herself to relax—using pressure, perfectionism, and self-criticism in the hope of calming her nervous system.
The irony made her laugh.
And that moment of laughter became the beginning of a profound shift—not just in her physical healing, but in the way she relates to herself as a therapist, business owner, partner, and stepmom.
In this episode, Anna explores why lasting growth often begins when we stop trying to fix ourselves and start staying on our own side instead.
In this episode, you'll learn:
• Why trying harder can sometimes keep your nervous system stuck
• The surprising role self-compassion played in Anna's chronic migraine recovery
• How perfectionism and self-criticism often masquerade as motivation
• The difference between pursuing outcomes and changing your relationship with yourself
• A simple mindset shift you can practice in any area of life where you feel pressure to "get it right"
Whether you're navigating chronic symptoms, burnout, anxiety, relationship struggles, or simply feeling like you're never doing enough, this episode offers a gentler—and often more effective—way forward.

Connect with Anna
If this episode resonated with you, Anna would love to hear your thoughts.
📧 Email: anna@annaholtzman.com
Interested in working together?
Learn more about therapy, coaching, and Anna's Seen & Safe group at:
https://www.annaholtzman.com
If you enjoyed this episode, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who could use the reminder that sometimes the path forward isn't to try harder—it's to try softer.

In this episode, Anna sits down with Kati Morton, LMFT, bestselling author and one of the internet’s most trusted mental-health educators. Kati has spent more than a decade helping millions of people understand their emotions, navigate trauma, and break unhealthy patterns. Her latest book, Why Do I Keep Doing This?, unpacks the emotional habits we fall into — and what it actually takes to change them from the inside out.
In this episode, we explore:
• What inspired her new book
How Kati sees “doing this” — the patterns, habits, and emotional cycles we repeat — showing up in her own life and in her clients.
• The truth that even therapists get stuck
Why mental-health professionals aren’t immune to autopilot patterns… and the early signs Kati looks for in herself when she’s drifting away from alignment.
• Burnout cycles & nervous-system loops
Especially for sensitive creatives, caretakers, and over-functioners:
o why burnout often comes from emotional over-responsibility
o how chronic self-abandonment masquerades as “being capable”
o the biological and psychological loops that keep people stuck
o how to tell the difference between capacity and compulsion
• What it means to shift safely
Kati shares the gentlest places to begin — including micro-bids for rest, nervous-system resets, interrupting old narratives, and slowly rebuilding trust with yourself so change doesn’t feel threatening.
• Why shame blocks every kind of healing
And what happens when we bring curiosity instead of self-criticism to our patterns.
• Practical tools for coming back to yourself
From checking in with your body before your to-do list, to noticing emotional “flare alerts,” to using supportive structure without falling into perfectionism.
This conversation is validating, clarifying, honest, and deeply hopeful.
If you’re tired of your own loops, this one’s for you.

Connect with Kati
• Website: https://www.katimorton.com/
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/katimorton
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katimorton/
• Her books, including Why Do I Keep Doing This?, Are U OK?, and Traumatized

Connect with Anna
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman/
• Website: https://www.annaholtzman.com/
• Free workshop — Let Yourself Be Seen: https://www.annaholtzman.com/beseen

Many of us pride ourselves on being good people.
We strive to be helpful, responsible, accommodating, generous, and easy to love. On the surface, these qualities seem unquestionably positive. But what happens when being "good" becomes something we feel compelled to perform in order to earn love, approval, or belonging?
In this episode, therapist Anna Holtzman explores the concept of goodism—a term coined by mind-body physician Dr. John Sarno to describe the tendency to organize our identity around being good.
Drawing from both her personal life and her work with therapy clients, Anna explores how goodism can show up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, over-achieving, over-giving, and chronic self-monitoring. She also examines the hidden toll these patterns can take on our nervous systems, relationships, and physical health.
If you've ever found yourself wondering:
• Am I doing enough?
• What do other people need from me?
• Will I still be loved if I disappoint someone?
• Why do I feel so exhausted, resentful, or disconnected from myself?
...this episode is for you.
In this episode, you'll learn:
• What "goodism" is and how it differs from genuine kindness
• How people-pleasing and over-functioning can become stress responses
• Why chronic adaptation to others can keep your nervous system stuck in survival mode
• How goodism can contribute to burnout, chronic stress, and stress-related symptoms
• Why becoming the "supporting character" in your own life is so costly
• A simple practice to help you reconnect with yourself and begin stepping back into the role of main character in your own life
Reflection Questions:
• In what area of your life are you living as a supporting character rather than the main character?
• What would it look like to put yourself first today?
If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can reach me at anna@annaholtzman.com.
Connect with me:
Website: www.annaholtzmantherapy.com
Instagram: @anna_holtzman
If you're enjoying the podcast, please consider following, rating, or leaving a review. It helps more listeners discover the show.

In this episode, Anna sits down with Naomi Vladeck, founder of Creativity Matters Coaching and author of Braving Creativity. Naomi brings over two decades of experience working with creative professionals in the nonprofit arts world, combined with her own background as a performer, writer, and solo parent. Her work helps artists navigate the emotional terrain of change, uncertainty, and reinvention with compassion and courage.
In this episode, we explore:
• The meaning behind her book, Braving Creativity
What it means to “brave” creativity, why the creative path is inherently scary and thrilling, and what inspired Naomi to collect the stories of artists navigating profound life change.
• Why creativity is not optional — and never has been
How Naomi reframes creativity as a life force, a coping mechanism, a spiritual path, and a way of making sense of being human.
• The fears and barriers creatives face, including:
o perfectionism
o comparison
o identity transitions
o burnout
o grief
o fear of beginning again
o fear of wanting something different
• How she helps clients move through fear
Naomi shares her approach to coaching: slowing down, returning to presence, finding safety in the body, interrupting old narratives, and practicing “micro-bravery” — small acts of courage that unlock momentum.
• What happens inside the “messy middle”
How to stay with yourself through ambiguity, doubt, and the long arc of becoming.
• Creativity as companionship
Naomi’s perspective on creative practice as something that can hold you, grow with you, and become a stabilizing force during major life transitions.
This is a conversation about resilience, reinvention, and the quiet, courageous choices that shape our creative lives.

Connect with Naomi
• Website: https://www.creativitymatter scoaching.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/creativitymatterscoaching/
• Naomi’s book Braving Creativity: https://www.creativitymatterscoaching.com/braving-creativity

Connect with Anna
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman/
• Website: https://www.annaholtzman.com/
• Free workshop — Let Yourself Be Seen: https://www.annaholtzman.com/beseen

Why can opening up feel so hard, even when connection is exactly what we want?
In this solo episode, Anna reflects on a recent experience that unexpectedly cracked something open in her: an intimate dinner conversation with a cousin that led to a moment of tenderness, vulnerability, and surprising emotional healing.
Although Anna has done years of therapy and personal growth work around painful experiences from her past, she found herself unexpectedly caught off guard by something deeper: how difficult it still felt to receive empathy.
This episode explores the subtle ways we learn to protect ourselves after heartbreak, rejection, misunderstanding, or emotional pain — and how those protective patterns, while understandable, can quietly keep us from the belonging we most long for.
Drawing from both personal experience and the novel Carrie Soto Is Back by Taylor Jenkins Reid, Anna explores:
• Why vulnerability can feel emotionally risky
• How painful past experiences shape our nervous system and expectations of others
• The hidden ways self-protection can keep us disconnected
• Why receiving empathy can sometimes feel just as vulnerable as sharing pain
• The difference between overwhelming vulnerability and thoughtful, nervous-system-safe openness
• How to begin taking small risks toward deeper connection and belonging
If you've ever found yourself longing for closeness while also keeping your guard up, this episode is for you.
Reflection Questions from This Episode:
• What am I actually trying to protect myself from?
• Are my present circumstances truly evidence that the past will repeat itself?
• What might it feel like to receive empathy, understanding, or care?
• Who is one thoughtfully chosen person I might take a small risk to open up to?
Want support in building greater self-trust, connection, and emotional safety?
Anna offers private therapy for women in New York and therapeutic coaching outside New York. Learn more at https://linktr.ee/annaholtzman
Interested in practicing vulnerability and visibility in community?
Learn more about Anna’s group, Seen & Safe, at:
www.annaholtzman.com/seen-and-safe