How to Trust Yourself: The Messy, Human Path to Becoming Who You Are

Many of us pride ourselves on being good people.
We strive to be helpful, responsible, accommodating, generous, and easy to love. On the surface, these qualities seem unquestionably positive. But what happens when being "good" becomes something we feel compelled to perform in order to earn love, approval, or belonging?
In this episode, therapist Anna Holtzman explores the concept of goodism—a term coined by mind-body physician Dr. John Sarno to describe the tendency to organize our identity around being good.
Drawing from both her personal life and her work with therapy clients, Anna explores how goodism can show up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, over-achieving, over-giving, and chronic self-monitoring. She also examines the hidden toll these patterns can take on our nervous systems, relationships, and physical health.
If you've ever found yourself wondering:
• Am I doing enough?
• What do other people need from me?
• Will I still be loved if I disappoint someone?
• Why do I feel so exhausted, resentful, or disconnected from myself?
...this episode is for you.
In this episode, you'll learn:
• What "goodism" is and how it differs from genuine kindness
• How people-pleasing and over-functioning can become stress responses
• Why chronic adaptation to others can keep your nervous system stuck in survival mode
• How goodism can contribute to burnout, chronic stress, and stress-related symptoms
• Why becoming the "supporting character" in your own life is so costly
• A simple practice to help you reconnect with yourself and begin stepping back into the role of main character in your own life
Reflection Questions:
• In what area of your life are you living as a supporting character rather than the main character?
• What would it look like to put yourself first today?
If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can reach me at anna@annaholtzman.com.
Connect with me:
Website: www.annaholtzmantherapy.com
Instagram: @anna_holtzman
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In this episode, Anna sits down with Naomi Vladeck, founder of Creativity Matters Coaching and author of Braving Creativity. Naomi brings over two decades of experience working with creative professionals in the nonprofit arts world, combined with her own background as a performer, writer, and solo parent. Her work helps artists navigate the emotional terrain of change, uncertainty, and reinvention with compassion and courage.
In this episode, we explore:
• The meaning behind her book, Braving Creativity
What it means to “brave” creativity, why the creative path is inherently scary and thrilling, and what inspired Naomi to collect the stories of artists navigating profound life change.
• Why creativity is not optional — and never has been
How Naomi reframes creativity as a life force, a coping mechanism, a spiritual path, and a way of making sense of being human.
• The fears and barriers creatives face, including:
o perfectionism
o comparison
o identity transitions
o burnout
o grief
o fear of beginning again
o fear of wanting something different
• How she helps clients move through fear
Naomi shares her approach to coaching: slowing down, returning to presence, finding safety in the body, interrupting old narratives, and practicing “micro-bravery” — small acts of courage that unlock momentum.
• What happens inside the “messy middle”
How to stay with yourself through ambiguity, doubt, and the long arc of becoming.
• Creativity as companionship
Naomi’s perspective on creative practice as something that can hold you, grow with you, and become a stabilizing force during major life transitions.
This is a conversation about resilience, reinvention, and the quiet, courageous choices that shape our creative lives.

Connect with Naomi
• Website: https://www.creativitymatter scoaching.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/creativitymatterscoaching/
• Naomi’s book Braving Creativity: https://www.creativitymatterscoaching.com/braving-creativity

Connect with Anna
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman/
• Website: https://www.annaholtzman.com/
• Free workshop — Let Yourself Be Seen: https://www.annaholtzman.com/beseen

Why can opening up feel so hard, even when connection is exactly what we want?
In this solo episode, Anna reflects on a recent experience that unexpectedly cracked something open in her: an intimate dinner conversation with a cousin that led to a moment of tenderness, vulnerability, and surprising emotional healing.
Although Anna has done years of therapy and personal growth work around painful experiences from her past, she found herself unexpectedly caught off guard by something deeper: how difficult it still felt to receive empathy.
This episode explores the subtle ways we learn to protect ourselves after heartbreak, rejection, misunderstanding, or emotional pain — and how those protective patterns, while understandable, can quietly keep us from the belonging we most long for.
Drawing from both personal experience and the novel Carrie Soto Is Back by Taylor Jenkins Reid, Anna explores:
• Why vulnerability can feel emotionally risky
• How painful past experiences shape our nervous system and expectations of others
• The hidden ways self-protection can keep us disconnected
• Why receiving empathy can sometimes feel just as vulnerable as sharing pain
• The difference between overwhelming vulnerability and thoughtful, nervous-system-safe openness
• How to begin taking small risks toward deeper connection and belonging
If you've ever found yourself longing for closeness while also keeping your guard up, this episode is for you.
Reflection Questions from This Episode:
• What am I actually trying to protect myself from?
• Are my present circumstances truly evidence that the past will repeat itself?
• What might it feel like to receive empathy, understanding, or care?
• Who is one thoughtfully chosen person I might take a small risk to open up to?
Want support in building greater self-trust, connection, and emotional safety?
Anna offers private therapy for women in New York and therapeutic coaching outside New York. Learn more at https://linktr.ee/annaholtzman
Interested in practicing vulnerability and visibility in community?
Learn more about Anna’s group, Seen & Safe, at:
www.annaholtzman.com/seen-and-safe

In this episode, Anna sits down with Stephanie Thoma, speaker coach, author of Confident Introvert and Not That Sweet, and founder of Connect With Confidence. Stephanie helps introverts and rising leaders craft keynote talks, strengthen their messaging, build speaking schedules, and — most importantly — connect with people in a way that feels meaningful rather than performative.
Stephanie is not in the business of polishing people into “perfect” speakers. She helps them root into who they already are, speak from truth, and create connection instead of performance.
In this episode, we talk about:
• Why the idea that “public speaking is for extroverts” is completely false
• What makes introverts powerful, resonant speakers — often more compelling than extroverts
• Why Stephanie cares so deeply about helping quieter voices step forward and be heard
• The fears clients come in with:
o fear of judgment
o fear of blanking out
o fear of “taking up space”
o fear of being boring or “too much”
o fear of being seen as an authority
• The nervous-system dynamics behind speaking anxiety
• How Stephanie helps people regulate, reframe, and root into safety before they ever get on stage
• The tools she uses with clients — including confidence mapping, energy calibration, embodied presence, intention-setting, and speaking from connection instead of perfection
• Why being a great speaker is about meaning not performance
• Stories of clients who went from terrified to empowered — including introverts who now lead teams, deliver keynotes, and speak with grounded confidence
• Why visibility is not a personality trait — it’s a practiced skill anyone can grow
This episode is an invitation to unmute yourself, meet your fear with compassion, and step into the kind of speaking that feels like you.

Connect with Stephanie
• Website: https://stephaniethoma.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stephaniemthoma/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephaniemthoma/
• Join her UnMute Yourself community: https://www.linkedin.com/groups/14699045/

Connect with Anna
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman/
• Website: https://www.annaholtzman.com/
• Free workshop — Let Yourself Be Seen: https://www.annaholtzman.com/beseen

What do you do when fear takes over?

How do you trust yourself when your nervous system is fully activated?

And how do you move through moments of fear without swinging to one of two extremes: reacting impulsively in an attempt to regain safety… or overriding your own experience and convincing yourself everything is fine?

In this deeply personal solo episode, Anna explores what happens internally when fear, self-doubt, attachment wounds, and conflicting inner parts all begin speaking at once.

Because often the hardest moments in life aren’t the external events themselves.

It’s the inner grappling that follows.

The part of you that wants reassurance.
The part that wants to protect.
The part that feels ashamed for having needs.
The part that questions your own perception.

Through the lens of a recent emotionally activating experience, Anna shares what it looked like to navigate fear in real time — not perfectly, but honestly — and what emerged about nervous system regulation, self-trust, emotional repair, and staying connected to yourself while messy and uncertain.

This episode is not about getting it “right.”

It’s about what it looks like to stay in relationship with yourself when you feel activated, conflicted, scared, and human.

In this episode, we explore:
• The difference between overreacting from fear and underreacting from fear — and how both can disconnect us from ourselves
• What happens in the nervous system when we feel emotionally threatened or unsafe
• How attachment stories and old fears quietly shape our reactions
• Why conflicting inner parts can make self-trust feel confusing in difficult moments
• Why emotional activation doesn’t mean something is wrong with you
• What emotional repair can actually look like after hard moments
• How to navigate inner conflict without abandoning yourself
• Why “good enough” emotional processing matters more than perfection

If you’ve ever spiraled, second-guessed yourself, struggled to know whether your feelings were valid, or felt caught between fear and self-abandonment, this episode is for you.

Connect with Anna:
📧 anna@annaholtzman.com
🌐 annaholtzman.com
📸 @anna_holtzman

If this episode resonated, Anna would love to hear what landed for you.