Parenting Autism and ADHD

When it comes to sex and porn, many of us feel it’s “wrong” to talk to our kids – especially if they’re autistic, ADHD or highly sensitive. But if we don’t talk, the internet will, and it won’t explain the difference between entertainment and reality, or help them process what they’ve seen.

Today I’m joined again by sex educator Cath Hakanson to explore how to have calm, age-appropriate conversations about porn, consent and online safety. We unpack why parental controls are only a first step, how porn shapes expectations of bodies and relationships, and how to support neurodivergent children who may be easily overwhelmed or confused by what they encounter online.

EPISODE REVEALS


Silence leaves the internet to do the educating about sex and porn - a very dangerous teacher, especially for sensitive, neurodivergent children.


Parental control tools can delay exposure, but kids easily bypass them – so, honest, ongoing conversations are still essential.


Neurodivergent children often need clear, concrete explanations, including what “counts” as porn, so they know when to tell you.


The biggest risk with porn is its messaging about bodies, consent, gender and what “normal” sex looks like.


Scare tactics can shut kids down, especially autistic and anxious teens; calm, shame-free dialogue keeps communication open.


It’s okay for kids, and parents, to make mistakes online - what matters is that they feel safe enough to come to you if something goes wrong.

BEST MOMENTS

"We can't expect kids to make safe decisions about porn when they're uninformed."

"It's not the porn that's the problem. It's the messaging that they get from porn." 

"Curiosity is a part of development." 

"You can't scare kids into safety, and you can't avoid your way into protection." 

Cath Hakanson

https://sexedrescue.com/

email at [email protected]

https://www.facebook.com/cathhakanson

Previous episode - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/raising-neurodivergent-teens-in-a-sexualised-world/id1810681675?i=1000754576822

RESOURCES

Famisafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD

What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you:

https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR

The Mandela effect sci-fi novel https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/2017413402

Eva – InspireWithUs- https://www.youtube.com/@InspireWithUsYT/

CLIFF´S SERVICES

Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister  

Are you feeling overwhelmed with EHCP paperwork or are you stuck? Cliff, who has personally been through the process offers body-doubling and step-by-step support. You can contact him here -  https://m.me/cliff.kilmister

CONTACT ME

Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08

https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister

X - @KilmisterCliff

https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD

HOST BIO

Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!

This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/

I’m celebrating the 50th episode with two very special guests – my daughter Eva and my wife. This is an honest, funny, and tender look inside our “neuro-spicy” family life. We talk about the everyday chaos of ADHD and autism (spills, mess, time blindness, zoning out), how we tag-team as parents when emotions run high, and how we turn things like bike crashes and Roblox scams into gentle safety lessons. 

We also explore the strengths that come with neurodivergence, including creativity, hyperfocus, and compassion. We share how we are building a family culture that aims for “working on it together” rather than perfection.

EPISODE REVEALS


Living with “neuro‑spicy” kids and adults is messy and loud and that’s not a failure.


Accepting things are not perfect and taking joy and laughter from situations really helps.


Tag‑teaming dysregulated moments lets one adult step away, reset and come back calm while the other holds space for their child.  


When things go wrong, look at them as powerful teaching moments.


Time blindness is real; externalising time with timers, shows, reminders, and ADHD‑friendly apps supports everyone more than nagging does.  


Neuro‑divergent minds have huge strengths. Including creativity, great spatial design and hyperfocus for tasks that are related to something that sparks genuine interest. 


Being honest about diagnoses, sharing information and doing your own research turns the whole family into a problem‑solving team instead of opponents.

BEST MOMENTS

"I don't know how you do it, but you meant to have a shower in the bath, not in the bathroom. It´s like a swimming pool after you."

"Sometimes it's funny - whizzy brained, constantly going, it's just chaos sometimes."

"Just go easy on your kids … if your child's got ADHD or autism, don't just shout at them.”

"We are still work in progress. That is my parting words for you guys. Don't be too hard on you."

RESOURCES

Famisafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD

What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you:

https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR

The Mandela effect sci-fi novel https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/2017413402

Eva – InspireWithUs- https://www.youtube.com/@InspireWithUsYT/

CLIFF´S SERVICES

Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister  

Are you feeling overwhelmed with EHCP paperwork or are you stuck? Cliff, who has personally been through the process offers body-doubling and step-by-step support. You can contact him here -  https://m.me/cliff.kilmister

CONTACT ME

Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08

Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister

X - @KilmisterCliff

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD

HOST BIO

Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!

This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/

Today's guest shouldn't be here - and that's exactly why this episode matters. He felt like an impostor talking about neurodiversity because this isn't his specialty. But this isn't about labels or limitations. It's about what we can become in spite of them.

Think about the last time you argued with yourself. That voice that says not good enough, don't mess this up. Today we're meeting it head on and learning how to answer it.

Tom Mitchell spent 14 years with the Golden State Warriors as team psychologist, co-authored a bestselling book with Joe Montana, and helped elite athletes compete under pressure. He believes you already have a coach inside you. The question is — which voice is winning?

EPISODE REVEALS

Even high achievers beat themselves up. 

When anxiety or the ‘mind bully’ takes over, don’t pretend it’s not there. Notice it, move your body, talk to yourself differently, and remember that the wiser, steadier part of you is bigger than your mind bully that has temporarily taken control. 

You can’t argue neurodivergent anxiety away, but you can honour the fear, while also bringing attention back to what’s working.  

Your inner coach needs to talk to you as if you were a beloved friend or child.  

Pressure and fear don’t have to crush you. When you befriend them, they become fuel to step up rather than spiral down.  

Feedback hurts more when you live with rejection sensitivity but treating it as data for growth rather than proof that you’re broken transforms everything.

Mistakes and missteps are not signs you’ve failed at life; they are simply a part of the dance in your parenting, performance, and neurodivergent journeys.  

BEST MOMENTS

"Train yourself to catch yourself."

"Sometimes the winning spirit isn't about talent. It's about refusing to let the wrong voice win."

Tom Mitchell, Ph.D. – resources:

Embrace Your Inner coach- https://www.amazon.co.uk/Embrace-Your-Inner-Coach-Strategies-ebook/dp/B0G362FDBD

Winning Spirit with Joe Montana https://www.amazon.co.uk/Winning-Spirit-Principles-Performance-Excellence-ebook/dp/B06Y3XR1SN

website: www.mvpperformance.com

RESOURCES

The Mandela Effect : https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mandela-Effect-Mind-Bending-Thriller-Multiverse-ebook/dp/B0DMPPDKV7

Famisafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD
What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you - https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR

CLIFF´S SERVICES

Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister  

CONTACT ME

Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08

⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister

X - @KilmisterCliff

https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD

HOST BIO

Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!

This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/

Does your child “just not get out of bed” for school? Maybe mornings dissolve into stand‑offs, shouting, threats of consequences… and yet nothing changes. You’re exhausted, they’re shut down, and everyone keeps telling you it’s “behaviour,” “laziness,” or “bad parenting.”

In this solo episode, Cliff gently pulls back the curtain on what’s really happening for many autistic, ADHD, and otherwise neurodivergent kids whose bodies simply can’t face the noise, crowds, and pressure of the school day. He explains why anxiety doesn’t always look like anxiety – it can look like refusal, silence, avoidance, or disappearing under the duvet – and why shouting only pushes them further into shutdown. Then, explains how his CALM approach breaks the negative cycle, helping your child and you.

EPISODE REVEALS

• What looks like won’t get up or lazy can actually be a child overwhelmed by sensory overload and anxiety.

• Shouting at a shut down child doesn´t work. It simply adds to the overload.

• What looks like refusal is quite possibly your child protecting themselves. Pausing and asking what they are protecting themselves from and using Cliff´s CALM method helps you to identify how to help your child.

• Calm yourself first, acknowledge what’s happening, lower the pressure and model safety, then later reset with reflection, empathy, and conversation when the child’s system is ready.

• Being empathetic and genuinely listening greatly improves communication, which is crucial.

• Being soft and persistent as a parent can be more powerful and transformative than force or harshness.

BEST MOMENTS

"To the parent that doesn't know about this stuff, it can look like behaviour."

"Is shouting actually helping, is it working?"

"Empathise – that means listening."

"Stay calm and be soft - It sounds like a weakness (but isn´t)."

RESOURCES

Famisafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD

What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you:

https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR

CALM reset episode - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/calm-first-reset-later-supporting-anxious-neurodivergent/id1810681675?i=1000762975674

The Tao Te Ching - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tao-Ching-Classics-Lao-Tzu/dp/014044131X

CLIFF´S SERVICES

Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister

Are you feeling overwhelmed with EHCP paperwork or are you stuck? Cliff, who has personally been through the process offers body doubling and step by step support. You can contact him here - https://m.me/cliff.kilmister

CONTACT ME

Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08

Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister

X - @KilmisterCliff

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD

HOST BIO

Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!

This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/

Does your child come home from school, barely say a word, and vanish into their room? Maybe you get a grunt, “What’s for dinner?” and suddenly the whole house flips - doors slam, voices rise, and you’re wondering, “How did we get here again?”

Most people will tell you it’s screen time, hormones, or “just teenagers.” But what if it’s not a behaviour problem at all—what if it’s anxiety and overload, especially for autistic, ADHD, and otherwise neurodivergent kids?

Cliff unpacks what’s really going on after a long day of masking, noise, and social pressure, and shares his simple but powerful Calm–Reset framework. You’ll learn how to stop chasing behaviour, reset the environment, and become the calm nervous system your child can borrow from ,so there’s less conflict, fewer shutdowns, and more genuine connection, when they walk through the door. 

EPISODE REVEALS


An after‑school “attitude problem” is often a nervous system at capacity from masking, noise, rules, and social pressure all day.


Regulation starts with the adult: CALM (Calm yourself, Acknowledge them, Lower pressure, Model safety) lets your child borrow your nervous system instead of your words. Cliff shares practical ways to do this.


RESET (Reflect, Exhale, Slow it down, Talk later) - Don’t try to teach in the heat of a meltdown -  strike when the iron is cold. Cliff explains how to do this.


Shifting from fixing your child to leading the environment reduces shutdowns and aggression and creates space for genuine connection.


Simple, consistent signals e.g. how they walk up the drive, whether they go straight to their room first can alert you to how they are feeling.

BEST MOMENTS

“You don't fix the child. You change the state around them.”

“Your child doesn't learn calm from what you say. They learn it from what they experience. They borrow your calm.”

“Don't chase the behaviours, calm first - you first, then reset them later.”

“We're not fixing, we're not correcting, we're resetting the moment, allowing them time and space, and letting them know that we understand.”

RESOURCES

What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you:

https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR

FamiSafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD

CLIFF´S SERVICES

Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister  

Are you feeling overwhelmed with EHCP paperwork or are you stuck? Cliff, who has personally been through the process offers body-doubling and step-by-step support. You can contact him here -  https://m.me/cliff.kilmister

CONTACT ME

Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08

Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister

X - @KilmisterCliff

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD

HOST BIO

Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!

This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/