Parenting Autism and ADHD

Today, I sit down with learning disabilities dementia nurse and trainer Niall Arraglen, who shares what he’s learned from life inside a neurodiverse civil partnership with his AuDHD partner, Julia. From late ADHD diagnosis and the impact perimenopause/menopause has on ADHD and Autism to time blindness, noise, tidiness, and emotional bandwidth, Niall opens up about the real, everyday relationship dynamics behind the labels.

Together, we explore how partners can move from frustration to understanding and patience using self-reflection, and practical tweaks. If you love, live with, or support someone who’s neurodivergent, or you are yourself neurodivergent, this honest conversation will provide insights that help you to feel seen, less alone, and empowered.

EPISODE REVEALS

In mixed neurodiverse, neurotypical relationships both partners need to be aware of their behaviour patterns and why they act the way they do and to be willing to work at changing what they can.

Understand and accept that there are some things your neurodiverse partner cannot change. Find gentle ways to adapt to and accommodate those things.

Tailor the way the family works to play to each other’s strengths. For example, if one of you is obsessively tidy but doesn’t see dirt, they keep the home tidy, while you clean.

Don’t be resentful about the accommodations you make for your partner’s neurodivergence or the adaptations you make or your neurotypical partner. Instead, see learning to be patient, adaptable and accepting as an opportunity to grow personally.

ADHD and Autism symptoms and your ability to adapt and cope with them can evolve. In particular, during menopause or perimenopause or with HRT treatment. Be aware of this, so you can recognise big changes and adapt quickly.

BEST MOMENTS

"Just because I can't explain how Julia's brain works doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with it."

"Our partners with ADHD might not always have the energy or the attention to show up in the relationship like we expect them to."

"There are times where we need to care for ourselves so that we can care better for each other down the line."

"Labelling is really useful because once you know what you can then figure out how why and come up with different ways of connecting with your partner and understanding."

ABOUT THE GUEST

https://www.arraglen.com/

RESOURCES

Famisafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD

What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you:

https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR



CLIFF´S SERVICES

Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister

CONTACT ME

Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08

Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister

X - @KilmisterCliff

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD

HOST BIO

Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!

This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/

In this episode I sit down with Christina Forster, a nurse, mum of five including two with autism and one with a fitting condition. She is the co‑creator of the ADHDump app which was born the day her husband realised he could no longer cope with driving to work with his head full of tasks he hadn´t done and knew he would never remember to do.

For neurodivergent adults who feel like life is one long string of “I’ll do it later”, ADHDump turns car-thoughts, passing worries and random to-dos into one spoken brain dump that resurfaces twice a day in calm 8am / 8pm check-ins you can actually act on.

For partners who’ve quietly become the executive function for every member of the family, shifting tasks into the app – scanning letters, breaking rooms into tiny steps, pushing deadlines into calendars – means you no longer have to think for everyone just to keep the wheels on.

EPISODE REVEALS

In ADHD households, one partner can end up carrying the executive function for everyone - appointments, finding things and keeping the family on track. Over time, that load often becomes too much.

ADHD overwhelm snowballs quickly. Losing your keys can mean being late, forgetting everything else, doom scrolling, snapping and ending the day with guilt.

Just trying harder does not work with ADHD. Using tools to get things out of your head, stored safely with a summary reminder of your tasks delivered only twice a day, does work. No more notes you forget to look at.

Saying things out loud for the app to capture enables you to catch thoughts before they disappear.

Big jobs feel easier when broken into steps e.g. make the bed, pick up the clothes, tick it off, move on. Show the app the job and let it give you the steps and checklist.

Brain-dumping as things happen improves therapy outcomes. You share your real examples and patterns with your therapist instead of your highly flawed recollection of what happens to you.

BEST MOMENTS

"Without the app, other people might struggle … that could lead to, and probably has, divorce separations. Because the partner just can't continue to be the executive function, because of the load."

"Take some time before rushing in."

"Maybe today it seems hard, but you'll get through. Tomorrow's coming. Tomorrow's another day."

"Don't try to think you have to do everything. Everybody has a strength."

ABOUT THE GUEST

https://adhdump.com.au/

https://apps.apple.com/au/app/adhdump/id6760986953

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=au.com.adhdump&pcampaignid=web_share

RESOURCES

Famisafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD

What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you:

https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR



CLIFF´S SERVICES

Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister

CONTACT ME

Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08

https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister

X - @KilmisterCliff

https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD

HOST BIO

Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!

This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/

Neurodiversity doesn’t just show up in diagnoses - it shows up in “wrong” spoons, cupboards you can’t keep tidy, shouting “will you shut up” in class when the noise is too much, and sitting on your phone at parties because you can’t face small talk.

In this episode, Eva and I share how ADHD and autism really feel in day‑to‑day life: popcorn reading that feels like torture, rereading the same line over and over, forgetting to turn the oven off for hours, racing through shops to escape the crowds, and struggling with interviews and eye contact even when you’re more than capable.

If you’ve ever come home completely wiped out from normal social stuff or wondered why your child can talk nonstop about their special interests but forgets everything else, this episode will help you feel seen and understood.

EPISODE REVEALS

Neurodiversity often shows up in tiny details that look silly to others. For example, a spoon that is too heavy, the wrong shape or sounds wrong if it touches your teeth. Those micro‑sensory experiences can shape your whole day.

Forgetting to turn the oven off, leaving doors open for now reason and struggling to keep cupboards organised aren’t laziness. They are examples of how ADHD/autistic brains juggle (and drop) multiple tasks at once.

Popcorn reading, noisy classrooms and group support sessions can be genuinely distressing for someone who is neurodiverse even for chatty or confident kids who seem fine on the outside.

Parties, shops, and boot fairs can swing from fun to unbearable in seconds.

Hiding behind your phone or snapping “shut up!” are often signs of overload, rather than bad behaviour.

Writing things down, moving your body e.g. stimming and leaning into special interests can all help soothe looping thoughts and social anxiety.

BEST MOMENTS

"You're neurodiverse, and you can turn anything into a stimming tool."

"Make notes…. park it on that page and get it out of your brain."

"If I'm overstimulated, it's not just my problem. It's now everyone's."

"My brain has auditory processing issues. I only hear bits of a sentence sometimes"

RESOURCES

Evas channel: https://youtube.com/shorts/vX4xOtMG95w?si=uqWJ-TF8zzWrRMIS

Famisafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD

My new sci fi book:

https://amzn.eu/d/03OVCuJN

Multiverse Vortex: The Mandela Effect Book 2 – Sci-Fi Thriller of Time Travel and Survival in Parallel Worlds (The Mandela Effect Series)

What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you:

https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR



CLIFF´S SERVICES

Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister

CONTACT ME

Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08

Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister

X - @KilmisterCliff

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD

HOST BIO

Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!

This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/

In this episode, I unpack why I chose not to watch Channel 4’s The Great ADHD Myth - and why sometimes protecting your peace is more important than having an opinion on everything. I explore the power of attention, anxiety, boundaries, and the reminder from Nikki Masterman that one television programme doesn’t change who we are, what we experience, or the support and protections available to us.

This episode is also about why you don’t have to watch something that triggers you, argue with everyone online, or prove that your experience is real. Sometimes the most powerful choice is simply not to give something your attention.

Your energy really does go where your attention flows.

EPISODE REVEALS

ADHD is not a social construct; it’s a daily lived reality that has a massive impact on all aspects of your life. You and the people who know you and your family fully understand that.

“The Great ADHD Myth” documentary doesn’t change the reality of ADHD or autism. Nor does it change your legal right to support at work and school.

What you watch and share feeds the very narratives you’re resisting. The most powerful response to those that doubt that ADHD exists or constantly criticise how you deal with being neurodiverse and the way society supports you, is to give them nothing- No views, clicks or outrage.

You’re allowed to protect your energy; you don’t have to watch programmes that you know will trigger anxiety or shame.

Choose to spend your time in higher‑vibration spaces: podcasts, communities and with professionals who validate your experience and help you feel safe, heard, seen and supported.

Creating boundaries around media, work and systems are acts of self‑kindness that protect both you and your neurodivergent children.

BEST MOMENTS

"ADHD is not a social construct. It is a real challenge for individuals in life, and I see it daily with clients, my family, and even within myself.” – Nikki Masterman

"Nothing has changed. My ADHD didn't change because of Channel Four releasing a broadcast television programme. You're safe. I'm safe."

"Energy flows where attention goes."

RESOURCES

Niki Masterman´s review of The Great ADHD Myth - https://www.linkedin.com/posts/nikkimasterman_adhd-neurodiversity-inspiredhr-activity-7496197221898457088-WjVf

Famisafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD

What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you:

https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR



CLIFF´S SERVICES

Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister

CONTACT ME

Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08

Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister

X - @KilmisterCliff

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD

HOST BIO

Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!

This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/

For neurodivergent families sleep problems are common, but most traditional sleep strategies simply don't work. Today, a paediatric sleep specialist, Michelle Cyril joins me, to explore why sleep can be particularly challenging for autistic and ADHD children, who become adults that struggle with it too. Michelle shares how her own experience led her to combine evidence-based sleep practice with a neuro affirming approach.

We explore calming busy brains at bedtime, meeting nighttime sensory needs, demand stacking, bedtime routines, screens, nutrition, and body clocks. Most importantly, we look at ways to make bedtime more predictable, less pressured, and more suited to the individual child.

EPISODE REVEALS

Identifying a sleep window that works for your child is more useful than following a fixed number, e.g. 8 hours.

Compressing your sleep block, so you stay asleep for longer, then, gradually stretching that block out is effective.

Bringing joy, laughter, sensory support, and connection into bedtime can help both parent and child become more regulated.

Laughter disengages the fight or flight response.

Complicated nighttime sleep routines create a sensory nightmare. Simplifying things e.g. showering in the morning, cleaning teeth after eating tea instead of just before bed reduces that burden.

Processing the day and planning for tomorrow before bedtime helps to switch the brain off.

Screen time is not necessarily a bad thing. But keep screens out of the bedroom.

Sleep becomes easier when children learn to recognise tiredness.

Consistent wake times and exposure to daylight in the morning helps support the body clock.

BEST MOMENTS

“Why do so many neurodivergent brains seem to treat bedtime as merely a suggestion, I go to bed and my head hits the pillow, and I'm awake.”

“It's about getting into a rhythm rather than a routine.”

“Sleep deprivation just ripples and affects so many other things,”

“Sometimes just trusting your own instincts as a parent isn't such a bad thing after all.”

ABOUT THE GUEST

https://familysleepspecialist.co.uk

Book a FREE call - https://bit.ly/FREE-Call-MichelleCyril

FREE Facebook group - https://bit.ly/NeurodivergentSleepHelp

FREE Guide - HELP your autistic and ADHD child switch off their busy brain at bedtime - https://welcome.familysleepspecialist.co.uk/busy-brains-guide

RESOURCES

Famisafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD

What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you:

https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR



CLIFF´S SERVICES

Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister

CONTACT ME

Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08

⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister

X - @KilmisterCliff

https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD

HOST BIO

Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!

This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/