Snarky Faith

Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions of religious trauma, spiritual abuse, toxic shame, and sexual abuse.

In this episode of Snarky Faith, Stuart talks with Rev. Heather Foy about the hidden costs of shame-based religion and the long road toward healing.

Heather is a Reverend, writer, and podcast host who ministers to the unchurched, questioning, and deconstructing. Drawing from her own experiences and the stories shared by guests on her podcast, she explores how deeply religious messaging can shape a person's understanding of themselves, their worth, and their place in the world.

The conversation begins with Heather's own background in religious spaces and the experiences that eventually led her into therapy and deconstruction. She reflects on the impact of being taught that humans are inherently broken, how those messages became woven into her identity, and the difficult work of untangling faith from shame.

Stuart and Heather discuss the survival mechanisms many people develop in religious environments, the moment when questioning church culture becomes questioning theology itself, and the challenges of rebuilding a sense of self after leaving high-control belief systems behind.

They also explore common themes that emerge from conversations with survivors of religious trauma, including recurring doctrines, harmful teachings, and the lasting effects of spiritual conditioning. Heather shares what people outside these experiences often misunderstand and why so many individuals struggle to trust themselves after years of being taught to distrust their own thoughts, emotions, and instincts.

The conversation ultimately turns toward hope, healing, and recovery. What happens when people stop defining themselves as broken? How do they learn to reconnect with themselves? And what possibilities emerge when spirituality is no longer built on shame?

Topics include:

• Religious trauma and spiritual abuse

• Toxic shame and self-worth

• Deconstruction and reconstruction

• Therapy and healing from harmful belief systems

• Identity after religion

• The theology of human brokenness

• Reclaiming personal agency

• Trusting yourself after faith transitions

• Finding hope beyond shame

About Heather:

Heather Foy is a Reverend, writer, and podcast host who ministers to the unchurched, questioning, and deconstructing. After decades in religious spaces, she now walks alongside those finding their own way beyond dogma and institutional religion. She writes for The Quollective and co-hosts The Awakening Podcast. 

https://linktr.ee/Happyheathersmiles

Big thanks to these outlets that make the Christian Crazy possible:

• Right Wing Watch

• Christian Nightmares

• Friendly Atheist

For more Snarky Faith:

🎙️ Snarky Faith website

📸 Instagram: @stuartdelony

▶️ YouTube: @snarkyfaith

🩵 Bluesky: @snarkyfaith.bsky.social

📘 Facebook Group: facebook.com/snarkyfaith

☕ Snarky Faith shirts and mugs: https://snarkyfaith.dashery.com/

Read the apocalypse responsibly:

📕 The Tribulation Survival Guide: https://amzn.to/4vnDcMl

🖍️ The Tribulation Survival Guide Coloring Book: https://amzn.to/4ePAk60

Check out other fantastic Quoircast partners:

The Heretic Happy Hour Podcast • Wild Olive • Jonathan Foster • The Church Needs Therapy • Honoring the Journey Podcast • Spiritual Brewpub • Bros Bibles & Beer • Liminal Living • The Social Jesus Project • I Was a Teenage Fundamentalist • The God Squad Pod • Radical Love Live • Second Cup with Keith • Unbelief Podcast • High Minds Collective • Evangelicalish • Beyond the Torch with Todd & Leslie

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode of Snarky Faith, Stuart talks with author K.D. McCrite (https://amzn.to/4xuMgBe) about faith, creativity, fear, and the complicated process of finding your voice after growing up in a highly religious culture.

Raised in the Ozarks, K.D. spent much of her childhood immersed in a world where obedience, religious expectations, and fear of the End Times shaped daily life. While she always knew she wanted to be a writer, that path often collided with messages about what was acceptable, what was sinful, and what God supposedly wanted from her.

Together, Stuart and K.D. explore the difference between fearing God and fearing religious systems, the emotional impact of growing up under constant warnings about judgment and the Great Tribulation, and how those experiences can shape a person's creativity long into adulthood.

They also discuss the realities of Christian publishing, the challenges of writing authentic characters within highly curated religious markets, and what happens when readers become more concerned with being uncomfortable than with whether a story is honest.

Along the way, they talk about small-town church culture, family expectations, the freedom that comes from writing without permission, and why storytelling can become a powerful tool for reclaiming identity after years of living inside someone else's script.

It's a thoughtful conversation about faith, fear, creativity, and the courage it takes to tell the truth.

Big thanks to these outlets that make the Christian Crazy possible:

• Right Wing Watch

• Christian Nightmares

• Friendly Atheist

For more Snarky Faith:

🎙️ Snarky Faith website

📸 Instagram: @stuartdelony

▶️ YouTube: @snarkyfaith

🩵 Bluesky: @snarkyfaith.bsky.social

📘 Facebook Group: facebook.com/snarkyfaith

☕ Snarky Faith shirts and mugs: https://snarkyfaith.dashery.com/

Read the apocalypse responsibly:

📕 The Tribulation Survival Guide: https://amzn.to/4vnDcMl

🖍️ The Tribulation Survival Guide Coloring Book: https://amzn.to/4ePAk60

Check out other fantastic Quoircast partners:

The Heretic Happy Hour Podcast • Wild Olive • Jonathan Foster • The Church Needs Therapy • Honoring the Journey Podcast • Spiritual Brewpub • Bros Bibles & Beer • Liminal Living • The Social Jesus Project • I Was a Teenage Fundamentalist • The God Squad Pod • Radical Love Live • Second Cup with Keith • Unbelief Podcast • High Minds Collective • Evangelicalish • Beyond the Torch with Todd & Leslie

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Matthew J. Distefano joins me fresh off his debate with Andrew Wilson on LGBTQ inclusion in the church — a long, combative exchange that quickly became about much more than a handful of clobber passages.

We talk about what Matt expected going into the debate, what surprised him once it started, and what it feels like trying to have a nuanced theological conversation inside an online culture built around winning, domination, and rhetorical takedowns. Because at some point, a debate about LGBTQ people in the church becomes a debate about authority: Who gets to define Christianity? Who gets pushed outside the boundaries? And why are certain Christians so invested in making sure those boundaries stay heavily guarded?

Matt reflects on the role of compassion, the limits of debate as a path toward understanding, and the difference between defending a faith and defending a system. We also dig into scapegoating, mimetic theory, religious certainty, Christian gatekeeping, and the way LGBTQ people continue to be treated as theological problems instead of actual human beings.

Along the way, we wrestle with a larger question hanging over the entire exchange: what happens when Christianity becomes more concerned with power, purity, and winning than with grace, solidarity, and the life of Jesus?

And perhaps the most uncomfortable question of all: if the loudest version of Christianity is defined by exclusion, contempt, and domination, why are Christians still surprised when people walk away?

This is a conversation about debate culture, queer inclusion, power, theology, and the kind of faith we build when being right matters more than being human.

About Matthew: 

Matthew J. Distefano is an award-winning author, best known for The Wisdom of Hobbits and Mimetic Theory & Middle-earth. He is the co-host of the popular Heretic Happy Hour podcast, co-owner of Quoir Publishing, and owner of Happy Woods Farm—a small permaculture farm nestled in the Sierra Nevada foothills of California. Matthew's thought-provoking work explores spirituality, theology, philosophy, politics, and culture, and his writing has been featured in Sojourners, Patheos, and beyond. He is a graduate of Chico State University, and when he's not writing, farming, or playing The Last of Us, he enjoys spending time with his wife and daughter.

Big thanks to these outlets that make the Christian Crazy possible:

• Right Wing Watch

• Christian Nightmares

• Friendly Atheist

For more Snarky Faith:

🎙️ Snarky Faith website

📸 Instagram: @stuartdelony

▶️ YouTube: @snarkyfaith

🩵 Bluesky: @snarkyfaith.bsky.social

📘 Facebook Group: facebook.com/snarkyfaith

☕ Snarky Faith shirts and mugs: https://snarkyfaith.dashery.com/

Read the apocalypse responsibly:

📕 The Tribulation Survival Guide: https://amzn.to/4vnDcMl

🖍️ The Tribulation Survival Guide Coloring Book: https://amzn.to/4ePAk60

Check out other fantastic Quoircast partners:

The Heretic Happy Hour Podcast • Wild Olive • Jonathan Foster • The Church Needs Therapy • Honoring the Journey Podcast • Spiritual Brewpub • Bros Bibles & Beer • Liminal Living • The Social Jesus Project • I Was a Teenage Fundamentalist • The God Squad Pod • Radical Love Live • Second Cup with Keith • Unbelief Podcast • High Minds Collective • Evangelicalish • Beyond the Torch with Todd & Leslie

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode of Snarky Faith, Stuart talks with comedian, writer, and SiriusXM host John Fugelsang about his new book Separation of Church and Hate: A Sane Person's Guide to Taking Back the Bible from Fundamentalists, Fascists, and Flock-Fleecing Frauds. https://amzn.to/4b8yKKF

John grew up Catholic, spent years working in comedy and media, and has become one of the most recognizable voices calling out the way religion is used to justify cruelty, nationalism, and political power. In this conversation, he and Stuart dig into the strange marriage between faith and authoritarianism in America, the selective way the Bible gets used by modern fundamentalist movements, and why the loudest voices claiming persecution often hold the most influence.

They also explore the strange cultural divide between Catholic tradition and evangelical apocalypse obsession, why satire and humor can be powerful tools for exposing religious hypocrisy, and where people who genuinely take the teachings of Jesus seriously might still find space today.

It’s a sharp, funny, and thoughtful conversation about faith, power, scripture, and the ongoing fight to separate the teachings of Jesus from the machinery built around them.

Big thanks to these outlets that make the Christian Crazy possible:

• Right Wing Watch

• Christian Nightmares

• Friendly Atheist

For more Snarky Faith:

🎙️ Snarky Faith website

📸 Instagram: @stuartdelony

▶️ YouTube: @snarkyfaith

🩵 Bluesky: @snarkyfaith.bsky.social

📘 Facebook Group: facebook.com/snarkyfaith

☕ Snarky Faith shirts and mugs available here

Check out other fantastic Quoircast partners:

The Heretic Happy Hour Podcast • Wild Olive • Jonathan Foster • The Church Needs Therapy • Honoring the Journey Podcast • Spiritual Brewpub • Bros Bibles & Beer • Liminal Living • The Social Jesus Project • I Was a Teenage Fundamentalist • The God Squad Pod • Radical Love Live • Second Cup with Keith • Unbelief Podcast • High Minds Collective • Evangelicalish • Beyond the Torch with Todd & Leslie

 

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Most people who leave religion do not just leave behind doctrine. They leave behind ritual too.

The prayers. The candles. The songs. The moments that gave shape to grief, fear, celebration, guilt, forgiveness, and change.

In this episode, Stuart talks with Jeremy Steele about his new book, Rituals for Heretics and People Who Aren’t Sure About God (https://amzn.to/4mzdL7R), and why ritual still matters even when belief falls apart.

Jeremy argues that rituals are not just “church things.” They are human things. We already use them all the time, whether we realize it or not. We replay songs after breakups. We light candles when we lose someone. We revisit places that matter to us. We hold onto objects, routines, and small symbolic acts because they help us process what is happening beneath the surface.

The conversation explores what happens when people deconstruct harmful beliefs but never replace the rituals that once gave their lives structure and meaning. Stuart and Jeremy talk about why rituals can still be powerful outside of religion, how they help us process change, and whether modern people are quietly rebuilding new forms of spirituality after rejecting the old ones.

They also wrestle with bigger questions:

What do you do with ritual after you lose belief?

Is ritual still meaningful without God?

Are we replacing religion, or just translating it into therapy language?

What gets lost when we throw everything away?

Can people heal from religion without losing their connection to wonder, mystery, and meaning?

If you have ever left church but still felt like you lost something important along with it, this conversation is for you.

Big thanks to these outlets that make the Christian Crazy possible:

• Right Wing Watch

• Christian Nightmares

• Friendly Atheist

For more Snarky Faith:

🎙️ Snarky Faith website

📸 Instagram: @stuartdelony

▶️ YouTube: @snarkyfaith

🩵 Bluesky: @snarkyfaith.bsky.social

📘 Facebook Group: facebook.com/snarkyfaith

☕ Snarky Faith shirts and mugs available here

Check out other fantastic Quoircast partners:

The Heretic Happy Hour Podcast • Wild Olive • Jonathan Foster • The Church Needs Therapy • Honoring the Journey Podcast • Spiritual Brewpub • Bros Bibles & Beer • Liminal Living • The Social Jesus Project • I Was a Teenage Fundamentalist • The God Squad Pod • Radical Love Live • Second Cup with Keith • Unbelief Podcast • High Minds Collective • Evangelicalish • Beyond the Torch with Todd & Leslie

 

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.