Teaching Humanity Remotely with Dr. Mindy Shaw

In this brief but impactful episode, Dr. Shaw tackles the subject of what to do when someone disappoints you.  She is not referring to someone who falls short results-wise perhaps at work or while playing a sport... she's talking about when you are in close contact with someone who may not be the kind of person you want to have in your life.  These are people who might be unkind or manipulative or gossipy, and they can be challenging when you choose to life your own with integrity.  She discusses how to treat that person with respect, but to also be observant and to keep your distance.  The fact is that a person who challenges us in this way also provides learning lessons for us.  You must remember to know your own aim, to avoid negative behavior and to have someone you trust to be your buddy when you might be in a hostile environment.  Be engaged without lowering yourself, and of course, be present.

 

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In this brief but insightful episode, Dr. Shaw presents one of her most common themes in her own study of human behavior, and that premise is that behavior equals need.   When you see certain behaviors from people, and in her educational experience that means children, those behaviors stem from a need that is unfulfilled.  She discuss how a child that is throwing a tantrum is learning the exact wrong lesson if that tantrum is silenced or satisfied by giving the child what they want in that moment.  At the same time, no two people or two children are the same or come from the same experience, so there can be differentiation between how you respond to a child expressing a need via misbehaving.  If behavior equals need ... Dr. Shaw says "let's own it and get our needs fulfilled so we can behave appropriately."

In this brief but powerful episode, Dr. Shaw begins (and ends) by urging the listener to take responsibility for the choices that we make in our lives.  Sometimes it will take someone else to open our eyes to a bad situation... sometimes, and hopefully more often, we can see the road map that we've laid out for ourselves and take control of where we are in life.  When it's someone else guiding us, it might be because we have a blind spot about a certain person or situation.  Her advice is to pay attention to that other pair of eyes.  The other option is to observe ourselves over and over and over because our awareness and the learning gained from observation can steer us to the best possible choice.  Your choices are up to you... your children's choices are up to them... sometimes it may not feel that way, but that's the reality.  Be motived to make the right choices.

In this brief but insightful episode, Dr. Shaw talks about the concept of how we label ourselves and how it impacts our life.  A "label" could be that you say you have anxiety or that you're phobic about something or any number of things.  When we label ourselves we can often limit our options and limit our growth in life.  Dr. Shaw talks here using illustrative examples and she discusses how to move past the limits that our own self-labels might create for ourselves.

In this brief but fascinating episode, Dr. Shaw connects the dots between the way we all suffer as human beings and the way that we all have preferences.  Some of our preferences get satisfied and others don't, and when we suffer disappointment we suffer in life.  Her suggestion here, using some illustrative examples, is to be more neutral about our preferences... not to the point of living a boring life, but in a way that neutralizes our suffering.  It's a lesson for adults and for our children, and it will take some practice, but it's an approach that can truly eliminate much of our emotional pain.