Complicated Kids

A child can be brilliant and struggling at the exact same time.
In this conversation, I talk with Julie Skolnick about what it really means to be twice exceptional, or as she so beautifully puts it, gifted and distractible. Julie explains why giftedness is often the misunderstood part of the profile, not the diagnosable challenges beside it. We unpack her three-layer cake of giftedness: asynchronous development, perfectionism, and overexcitabilities, and talk about how those traits can live right alongside ADHD, autism, dyslexia, anxiety, slow processing speed, and other learning or emotional differences. If you have ever looked at a child and thought, "But they're so smart, so why is this so hard?" this episode is for you.
Julie and I also talk about what support actually looks like when we stop seeing only the gifted side or only the struggle side and start looking at the whole child. We get into personal connection, reframing behavior, collaborative advocacy, and why the child who looks oppositional or disengaged may actually be overwhelmed, perfectionistic, dysregulated, or trying very hard to protect a fragile sense of self. This is a rich, practical conversation for parents, educators, and anyone trying to understand a child who does not fit inside standard expectations.
Key Takeaways
Giftedness is often the misunderstood part of 2e. Many people understand the diagnosis more easily than they understand what giftedness actually looks like in daily life.
Twice exceptional does not mean "smart plus one challenge." These kids often have multiple co-occurring traits, diagnoses, learning differences, and emotional needs at the same time.
Asynchronous development is a core part of the profile. A child may be far ahead in one area and significantly younger in another, which creates confusion for adults and anxiety for the child.
Perfectionism can look like underachievement. Sometimes not trying feels safer than trying and risking visible failure.
Overexcitabilities matter. Intellectual, emotional, imaginative, psychomotor, and sensory intensity can all shape how a child learns, reacts, connects, and copes.
Looking at only one side of the Venn diagram leads to bad support. If we focus only on giftedness, we may shame the child. If we focus only on the struggle, we may underestimate them.
Personal connection is the flagship strategy. Before most interventions work, the child needs to feel seen, understood, and safe with the adult in front of them.
Reframing behavior changes everything. What looks like avoidance, disrespect, or laziness may actually be overwhelm, perfectionism, dysregulation, or a mismatch between the task and the child's profile.
Strengths can help shore up struggles. Interests, passions, and areas of giftedness are often the best bridge into confidence, engagement, and learning.
Adults need a pause button too. Supporting 2e kids asks a lot of the grownups around them, and self-regulation is part of effective parenting, teaching, and advocacy.
About Julie Skolnick
Julie F. Rosenbaum Skolnick, M.A., J.D., is the founder of With Understanding Comes Calm, LLC, the author of Gifted and Distractible, and a passionate keynote speaker who works directly with parents of gifted and distractible children, mentors twice exceptional adults, trains educators, and advises professionals on how to bring out the best in their 2e students and clients. Julie's work is known for helping people feel deeply seen while also giving them practical language, strategies, and support. She offers courses, memberships, and book studies for parents, educators, and 2e adults, and publishes the free weekly Gifted and Distractible Newsletter. Julie and her husband are raising three twice exceptional kids who keep them on their toes and laughing hard.
About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet
I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.
Complicated Kids Resources and Links
🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book here
📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Watch here
👾 Grab Tell the Story: Get it here
➡️ Instagram: Follow
➡️ Facebook: Follow
➡️ LinkedIn: Connect
🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download here
Enjoying the show?
If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot.
If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.
Thank you for being here. 💛

When one child needs the most, another child often learns to disappear.
In this conversation, I talk with licensed clinical social worker Bari Turkheimer about the siblings we don't talk about enough: non-autistic kids growing up alongside an autistic sibling. Bari explains why siblings can feel isolated, why the "easy kid" label can be misleading, and how autism psychoeducation can give siblings language for what they're living. We unpack the big emotions that show up in siblings, including embarrassment, jealousy, anger, and grief for the relationship they assumed they'd have—and why those feelings deserve honesty instead of quick fixes.
We also explore what happens inside the family system when life has to revolve around one child's needs, and why "fair" can look different when executive functioning and regulation needs are not equal. You'll hear practical ways to support siblings without turning them into helpers, how to validate without problem-solving too fast, and how one-on-one time and peer connection can help siblings feel grounded, understood, and emotionally safer in their own home.
Key Takeaways
The "easy kid" is often carrying invisible weight. Many siblings cope by over-functioning, staying quiet, and trying not to add stress to the family system.
Psychoeducation reduces isolation. When siblings understand autism and neurodivergence, it helps them make sense of behaviors that otherwise feel confusing, personal, or unfair.
Give siblings language, not responsibility. Teaching a sibling how to explain stimming or sensory needs is empowering, as long as they are not put in charge of managing the autistic child.
Big feelings are part of the job description. Embarrassment, jealousy, anger, shame, and grief can all exist alongside love and protectiveness. None of it makes a sibling "bad."
Validate before you fix. When parents rush into solutions, siblings can feel dismissed. First response is empathy: "That makes sense. That was hard."
Birth order can scramble expectations. When the older sibling is autistic and the younger sibling is not, the younger child can feel confused and resentful as they outpace their sibling developmentally.
Executive functioning differences create "unfair" moments. A younger sibling may appear more capable and independent, while an older autistic sibling receives more hands-on support, which can feel like unequal attention.
Siblings can slide into helper roles without being asked. Many non-autistic siblings take on responsibilities during dysregulation moments because they feel they "should," not because a parent assigned it.
One-on-one time matters, and it can come from other adults too. A trusted adult can help provide experiences and attention when parents are stretched thin, so the sibling is not always waiting their turn.
Flexibility helps families function. Letting go of rigid "should" narratives about what families must do together can unlock creative solutions that support everyone's needs.
About Bari Turkheimer
Bari Turkheimer is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who provides mental health services to neurodivergent individuals, particularly autistic people, and also supports individuals with anxiety, depression, and ADHD. She takes a strengths-based, relationship-centered approach and uses cognitive behavioral therapy techniques through a neurodiversity-affirming lens. Bari earned her BA in Psychology from the University of Maryland, College Park and her MSW from the University of Maryland at Baltimore with a specialization in families and children. She works at the Ivymount School as a Mental Health Provider and serves as the Mental Health Specialist in the Aspire School Program, supporting elementary, middle, and high school students. At Starobin Counseling, Bari facilitates Siblings Together, a group that supports children and adolescents who have autistic siblings by providing connection, language, and shared understanding.
About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet
I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.
Complicated Kids Resources and Links
🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book here
📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube
👾 Grab Tell the Story: Get the tool
➡️ Instagram: @gabriele_nicolet
➡️ Facebook: Facebook page
➡️ LinkedIn: LinkedIn profile
🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download here
Enjoying the show?
If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot.
If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.
Thank you for being here. 💛

Hard conversations do not have to fry your child's nervous system or yours.
In this episode, I sit down with psychologist and clinical director Dr. Jaclyn Halpern from Playful Therapy Connections to talk about how to support sensitive and neurodivergent kids when hard things are happening at home or in the world. We walk through what to do when your child brings you a big, scary question, why you do not have to answer right away, and how to be honest without dumping adult sized fear onto kid sized nervous systems. Jaclyn shares concrete ways to ground yourself, listen first, and give just enough information in bite sized pieces.
We also explore why many neurodivergent kids feel the world's pain so intensely, how justice sensitivity and black and white thinking show up, and what to do when everyone's nervous system is already on edge. You will hear us talk about yellow light moments, all or nothing thinking as a clue that you are flipped, how to limit news in a way that protects everyone, and why joy is not denial but fuel. This is a practical, compassionate conversation for grown ups who want to tell the truth, protect their kids, and stay "okay enough" to make a difference.
Key Takeaways
You can slow down before you answer. When your child drops a hard question in your lap, your first job is not to get the words perfect. Your first job is to check in with your own body, ground yourself, and listen. You are allowed to say, "Thank you for telling me. I need a little time to think about this and then we can talk again."
Listening comes before explaining. Starting with "What have you heard?" or "What do you know about this?" helps you hear their version of the story before you jump in. This shows respect, reduces the urge to lecture, and lets you gently correct misinformation instead of flooding them with extra details.
Neurodivergent kids often feel things more intensely. Many complicated kids have nervous systems that are already turned up and a strong sense of justice. Hard news can hit them harder. Knowing this helps you understand why they may seem "extra" worried, angry, or activated and reminds you to keep your language clear, concrete, and contained.
You do not have to fake being fine. Kids are very good at knowing when we are pretending. It is more regulating for them if you can say some version of "I am having a hard time, and I am getting support. This is not about you and it is not your job to fix it" than to paste on a smile and pretend nothing is wrong.
Honesty should be bite sized and age appropriate. Share the basics of what is happening in simple language, then pause and see what they ask. You can put the situation in a bigger frame by talking about history, science, illness, migration, or government without turning it into a scary deep dive.
All or nothing thinking is a nervous system clue. When you or your child are stuck in "there are only two options" or "nothing we do matters," that is a sign of a flipped nervous system. That is your reminder to slow down, regulate, and widen the lens before you try to problem solve or offer solutions.
Action helps with helplessness, even if it is small. You and your child cannot fix the world, but you can do something. That might look like learning more, writing a letter, donating, attending a peaceful event, or being extra kind in your own community. Small, values based actions help sensitive kids feel less stuck.
Limit news exposure for you and your child. Constant breaking news and scrolling keep nervous systems on high alert. Be intentional about when and how you take in information, turn off background news, use parental controls, and decide what sources feel trustworthy and manageable.
Joy is not denial, it is fuel. Finding small moments of joy is not disrespectful to suffering. It is how we remember what we are protecting. For you and your child, joy might be a favorite snack, a silly song, time with a pet, movement, or a moment outside. Those tiny joys refill the spoons you need to keep going.
Repair is always on the table. You will not get every hard conversation "right." When you look back and wish you had done it differently, you can go back and say so. Naming your own fumbles and showing your child how you course correct is part of the support, not a failure of it.
About Dr. Jaclyn Halpern
Dr. Jaclyn Halpern is a licensed psychologist and former elementary education teacher who has worked in private practice since 2010. She has extensive experience as a clinical director, evaluator, therapist, parent coach, and supervisor. As Partner and Clinical Director of Psychology at Playful Therapy Connections, she supports clinical staff to provide empathic, strengths based, neurodiversity affirming care that is culturally competent, trauma informed, and grounded in current neuroscience and psychological research. Her primary focus is helping clients and supervisees navigate neurodiversity in affirming, practical ways across the lifespan.
About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet
I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.
Complicated Kids Resources and Links
🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
📅 Schedule a free intro call
📺 Subscribe on YouTube
👾 Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool)
➡️ Instagram
➡️ Facebook
➡️ LinkedIn
🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist
Enjoying the show?
If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot.
If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.
Thank you for being here. 💛

A nervous-system-level reframe on raising neurodivergent teens without burning yourself out.
When you're parenting a neurodivergent teen, it can feel like everyone is looking at your child and nobody is looking at what is happening to you. Your nervous system is on high alert, school feels confusing, and the stakes feel sky high. In this conversation, I'm talking with former special education teacher and teen coach Emily Griswold about why the path forward starts with taking care of yourself and widening the circle of support around your teen.
Emily shares what she learned from years in DC public schools, a nervous-system crash of her own, and now working directly with neurodivergent teens and the adults who love them. We talk about how teenage brains are wired for both risk and retreat, why behavior is often more about fear of failure than defiance, and how community care, clear boundaries, and shared problem-solving can shift the whole dynamic at home and at school.
Key Takeaways
Teenage brains are remodeling, not misbehaving. Teens are wired to push away, experiment, and figure out who they are separate from caregivers, which can look like risk seeking or total shutdown depending on the kid.
Neurodivergent teens carry extra "failure history." Many have already bumped into more criticism, misunderstanding, and systems that don't fit them, so the cost of trying something new feels higher and the fear of failing again is real.
Your nervous system is part of the environment. If you're always in crisis mode, your teen feels that too. Looking at your own regulation, support, and capacity is not selfish; it is part of their support plan.
Community care is not optional. As Emily puts it, shouting "self-care" at people who really need community care misses the point. Parents and educators need other adults, not just better bubble baths.
Teens learn more from what you model than what you say. When you show them your calendar, your goals, your limits, and how you get help, you are quietly teaching them how to build a life that works for their brain too.
Letting teens be the expert builds connection. Inviting their ideas, letting them teach you a strategy, or asking for their help with something you're working on gives them agency and softens power struggles.
"Black beans in brownies" is a useful metaphor. Real growth often happens inside everyday life: screen-time experiments you do together, shared boundary-setting, and small shifts that feel doable instead of dramatic.
Most behavior is not about you. When you can remember that 90% of behavior is about what is happening in your child's body and brain, it gets a little easier to pause, take things less personally, and choose a different response.
Boundaries keep everyone safer. Saying "Nope, I have book group tonight" with clarity and warmth teaches your teen that you're a whole person, not an on-demand service. That's good for them and for you.
If your brain insists there are only two options, something's up. All-or-nothing thinking is a sign your own nervous system is flipped. That is your cue to pause, breathe, move, or reach out so you can get back to flexible problem-solving.
About Emily Griswold
Emily Griswold is a former special education teacher who spent a decade in DC public schools before founding two businesses: Left of Center Coaching, where she supports neurodivergent teens and their families through success coaching and confidence-building, and 1111 Wellness, which focuses on teacher well-being and retention. Her work sits at the intersection of nervous-system support, practical strategy, and community care so that teens and the adults around them can thrive.
About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet
I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.
Resources & Links
🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
📅 Schedule a free intro call
📺 YouTube Channel
👾 Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool)
➡️ Instagram
➡️ Facebook
➡️ LinkedIn
🌺 Orchid Kid Checklist
Enjoying the show?
If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot.
If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.
Thank you for being here. 💛

Regulation starts with you, not your child.
In this conversation, I talk with Lisa Candera, single mom of a now-adult son with autism, profound OCD, and anxiety, about what it actually means to "regulate yourself first." Lisa shares how a long stretch of crisis during the pandemic pushed her to the edge and forced her to find ways to stay grounded in the middle of 911 calls, hospitalizations, and daily meltdowns.
We unpack what regulation looks like in real life—pausing instead of rushing in, counting a three-out-of-ten success rate as a huge win, and getting honest about the stories that drive our reactions, especially the "I am failing my child" soundtrack. Lisa talks about turning her parked car into a "car office" for safety and space, setting clear boundaries around aggression, and shifting from lecturing in the moment to making a plan when everyone is calmer.
We also talk about raising teens with big emotions and neurodivergent brains. Lisa names the pressure parents feel to foster independence, the fear of "enabling," and the reality that a fifteen-year-old with autism may not be developmentally fifteen. Together we explore scaffolding, praising effort and emerging skills, and holding a both-and: your child is struggling, and you deserve support and compassion too.
Key Takeaways
Regulation starts with you, not your child.
Lisa describes regulation as moving from constantly losing your temper to feeling more grounded and able to respond. You don't have to be calm all the time—small shifts in your reactions can dramatically change the dynamic.
A three-out-of-ten success rate is already a big deal.
Instead of expecting yourself to get it right every time, Lisa suggests aiming for three regulated responses out of ten. Those moments might happen within minutes, and they still count.
Pausing interrupts the automatic pattern.
The urge to fix or lecture right away is strong. Even a brief pause can interrupt the usual pattern between you and your child and give you space to choose something different.
Your triggers are about you, not just your child's behavior.
Lisa discovered that many of her reactions were driven by fear and the belief that she was failing her son. Naming those stories helped her respond with more flexibility and compassion.
You can change the dance by changing your part.
Parents and kids often fall into predictable interaction patterns. When Lisa shifted how she responded—sometimes leaving the apartment instead of engaging—the pattern changed.
Boundaries can include creative safety plans.
During COVID, Lisa's plan sometimes involved leaving the apartment and sitting in her car when her son became aggressive. She reframed it as a temporary strategy rather than a failure.
Thoughts like "this is an emergency" can escalate things.
Parents' nervous systems often interpret big emotions as danger. Expanding your tolerance for discomfort can help you respond to what's actually happening.
Scaffolding is not the same as enabling.
Developmental level and anxiety matter. Sometimes making a task easier is what allows progress in other areas.
Notice and name what your child does well.
Highlighting everyday successes helps children internalize the belief that they can do hard things.
You are not the baseline for how everyone else should be.
Letting go of "I am the standard" creates more room for difference and helps you relate to your child as the person they are.
About Lisa Candera
Lisa Candera is a single mom of a teen with severe autism and OCD, an attorney, ADHD-er, and the autism mom coach behind The Autism Mom Coach. She helps parents of autistic children learn to regulate themselves first so they can show up for their kids with more calm, compassion, and confidence. Lisa hosts The Autism Mom Podcast, contributes to Autism Parenting Magazine, and presents on parental self-care, emotional regulation, and meltdown de-escalation strategies.
About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet
I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.
Complicated Kids Resources and Links
🌎 gabrielenicolet.com
📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book here
📺 Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube Channel
👾 Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): Learn more
➡️ Instagram: instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet
➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet
➡️ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet
🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download here
Enjoying the show?
If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot.
If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.
Thank you for being here. 💛