Let’s talk about that weird emotional hangover you get after confronting your husband’s bad behavior. You know, the one where he hurts you, but somehow you end up feeling sorry for him? Yep. That old chestnut. In this episode, I get real about the trap so many of us Christian women fall into, the compassion boomerang that keeps us stuck in abusive marriages.I’ve lived this. I breathed this for 25 years. I know exactly what it feels like to see the abuse for what it is, feel a spark of righteous anger… only to have it snuffed out by a fake tear, a Bible verse, or a bouquet of “I didn’t mean it that way” flowers. Before you know it, you’re back to feeling like the monster for having feelings in the first place.So I’m calling it out. We’re unpacking why this happens, how it messes with your brain, and what you can do to flip the script and start feeling sorry for the person who truly deserves your compassion: you.What I Want You to Walk Away With: You’re not crazy. You’re chemically trauma bonded. And yes, that’s a thing.Your compassion is beautiful, but when it’s misdirected at your abuser, it becomes a prison.The church has taught us to tolerate abuse in the name of Jesus—and honestly, Jesus would’ve flipped a table over that.Grief isn’t the enemy. Denial is. Grief is the beginning of healing.You can feel sorry for yourself. You should. That’s what healing starts with.You don’t need to be brave enough for the whole mountain—just the next step.You are the one who’s going to rescue you. (No prince required.)Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereRelated Resources:Liked this episode? Then you’ll like two of my other Flying Free Podcast episodes, “How Can You Tell if Your Abusive Partner Has Changed?” and “Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Your Abuser - and When That Changes.”
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23:44
Is Complementarianism Damaging the Mental Health of Christian Women? [334]
Have you ever sat in a women’s Bible study, nodding politely while someone says “your husband is your spiritual covering,” and inside you’re thinking, I think I’m dying a little bit every time I say “yes, dear”?In this episode, I get real about complementarianism, the nice-sounding theology that quietly hijacked our self-worth, autonomy, and sanity. I share how I was the poster child for it once (hello, Created to Be His Help Meet), and how that life script nearly destroyed my soul.I’m unpacking the research, the psychology, the theology, and yes, the “are you kidding me right now?” stories from real women who’ve lived this. It's systemic. And it's deeply damaging.What You’ll Learn: How complementarianism teaches learned helplessness (like, literal textbook psychology)That a shocking number of women from these teachings suffer from anxiety, decision fatigue, and depression but think it’s a faith issue, not a mental health oneWhy your pastor’s advice to “submit harder” is about as helpful as telling someone with a broken leg to “walk it off with a godly attitude”That yes, the research confirms it: biblical womanhood theology messes with your brainHow to tell the difference between “conviction” and religious traumaRead the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereRelated Resources:Head to our website to find ALL the resources I packed into today’s episode.Check out some related Flying Free resources, including an article I wrote called “How Complementarianism Causes Abuse in Churches and Homes” and an episode called “Do Gender Roles Contribute to Emotional Abuse in the Home and Church?”
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31:42
Legal Separation Vs. Divorce [333]
In this episode, I’m diving into a question I get all the time: Is legal separation the better option for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages? Or is divorce actually the path to healing and wholeness?(Please note: this episode is for Christian women considering a more permanent end to their relationship. If that's not you, give this one a pass for today!)I know how hard it is to navigate these decisions, especially when your faith, your safety, and your identity are all tangled together. I’ve lived it. I’ve wrestled with it. And I’ve coached hundreds of women through it.So I’m walking you through the differences between legal separation and divorce from a biblical, emotional, financial, and psychological perspective without shame, fear tactics, or pressure. Just clarity, truth, and love.What You’ll Learn: What legal separation really involves (hint: it’s not just sleeping in separate rooms)The truth behind “God hates divorce” and what Scripture actually saysHow legal separation can keep you stuck emotionally and financiallyWhy divorce might be the healthiest choice for you and your childrenWhat your church may be getting wrong—and how to respond with courage and graceMy own story of choosing divorce and what changed in my life afterRead the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Get a free, practical guide to legal separation and divorce that will help you decide what is best for you.Some more Flying Free Podcast episodes on divorce and separation: “How Do I Know if Divorce Is the Right Choice for Me?” “Will God Punish Me if I Get a Divorce?” “During Separation, How Do I Deal With an Overwhelming Workload and No Support?”
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25:10
From Trapped to Free in 30 Days [332]
In this episode, Natalie shares the raw, unfiltered voices of Christian women who took a powerful step toward reclaiming their lives. What begins with deep confusion, spiritual exhaustion, and the belief that “I’m the problem” transforms into clarity, courage, and freedom. This episode is a love letter to every woman who feels stuck in a toxic relationship yet longs for something more.Through the annual Flying Free satisfaction survey, listeners hear dozens of honest, heart-wrenching, and ultimately hopeful testimonies of what healing looks like when women dare to believe they deserve better.Key Takeaways:You are not the problem. Many women enter Flying Free believing they’re broken. The truth? They’re trapped in harmful belief systems—not failures.Healing is possible. Even women who felt suicidal or hopeless now describe themselves as joyful, empowered, and free.You don’t have to do it alone. Community and coaching are a lifeline. The kaleidoscope of women in Flying Free offers safety, connection, and understanding.Transformation isn’t a miracle—it’s a process. One decision at a time, one new belief at a time, one boundary at a time. And it works.Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Want to learn more about a tool we use inside the program all the time that literally changes lives? Check out Episode 160 of the Flying Free Podcast.
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41:59
Escaping the Man Everyone Admired: Lisa's Story [331]
What happens when the man everyone admires is the one silently destroying your soul behind closed doors?In this gripping episode, I sit down with Lisa: a strong, truth-telling woman who walked through 40 years of emotional and spiritual abuse in her marriage. From the trauma of date rape on her first date, to the covert spiritual manipulation in a seemingly “perfect” Christian home, Lisa vulnerably shares how she survived, how she healed, and how she’s now helping other women rise.This episode is not just a story. It’s a reclamation.Key Takeaways: “You’re not crazy—he just told you that you were.” Lisa unpacks the slow unraveling of decades of covert abuse masked as devotion.How Christian culture kept her trapped in a narrative of self-blame, silence, and “submission.”The pivotal role of trauma-informed therapy, especially EMDR, in unlocking the truth and breaking the trauma bond.Lisa’s experience with betrayal by Christian counselors and the devastating weaponization of Scripture.Why she now calls it an escape—not a divorce.The healing power of boundaries, honest storytelling, and godly anger.What real love looks like after abuse—and yes, it can come at 66.Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:Want to listen to some more survivor stories? Check out Erin’s story and Marie’s story.
Flying Free is a support resource for women of faith who need hope and healing from hidden emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Because of misogynistic theology taught in controlling and spiritually abusive churches, many Christian women find themselves in destructive marriages where there is an uneven power dynamic. Male partners use their status as a husband to gain power and control over a woman’s mind, emotions, body, social life, finances, and more. When she tries to get help from her equally abusive church environment, she is betrayed and re-abused. Flying Free offers a Christ-centered, gospel-oriented perspective on domestic abuse that protects and honors the voices and autonomy of women. Tune in each week to hear conversations with emotional abuse advocates and fellow survivors who will walk with you on your journey up and out. We hear you. You are not alone. Learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
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