Lights On with Carl Lentz

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]
In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura do something brand new: they open the inbox and answer real questions from real people navigating the hardest seasons of their marriages. No scripts. No filter. Just honest, experience-backed responses to the emails and DMs that have been flooding in for years.
Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey through betrayal, rebuilding, and recovery, Carl and Laura tackle four gut-wrenching listener questions—and don't hold back. From a wife whose husband is weaponizing scripture after years of infidelity, to a man whose wife refuses to cut off the affair partner, to a woman whose unfaithful husband expects love after doing the bare minimum—this episode exposes the patterns that keep broken marriages stuck and the truths that set people free.
Laura shares the exact daily check-in framework—physically, emotionally, spiritually, and sexually—that became a cornerstone of their rebuilding process, including the words that were completely off the table. Carl delivers the standard every betrayer needs to hear: not cheating anymore doesn't earn you credit. That's the minimum. The minimum is over and above.
From why "God hates divorce" is not a weapon, to the "two truths" tool that has carried Laura through five years of healing, to why consistency over years matters more than heroic effort over months—this episode delivers the kind of counsel most people can't find anywhere else.
This episode will challenge anyone who believes change is proven by words instead of time, fruit, and evidence.
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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
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Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

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Supported by Plana https://plana.org/
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Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

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CHAPTERS:
00:00 We're Doing Something New
02:17 What Are Daily Check-Ins After Betrayal?
05:58 The Words We Banned From Our Check-Ins
09:30 When Should Reconciliation Stop Being An Option?
13:04 How Do You Actually Know Someone Has Changed?
17:06 God Behind Bars Partnership
17:39 Should Contact With The Affair Partner Be Cut Off?
23:40 Feelings Don't Lead – Principles Do
25:41 My Husband Isn't Going Above And Beyond
30:11 Plana Partnership
30:33 Is There Hope For Change After Betrayal?
35:43 The Two Truths Tool That Changed Everything
39:18 Consistency Is The Only Proof That Matters
46:54 Final Thoughts: Nobody Is Too Far Gone

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Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

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In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle the question most couples never ask out loud: Do I even know what I need anymore? And have I actually told them? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about needs, resentment, and why so many marriages slowly drift apart.

Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding after Laura couldn't name a single personal need for months, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: couples don't fail because they have needs. They fail because needs go unspoken, then assumed, then resented. And that quiet drift is destroying more marriages than any loud fight ever could.

Laura shares what it took to finally identify her own needs after years of putting everyone else first and why it took months before she felt safe enough to voice them. Carl delivers the challenge most husbands avoid: if you're waiting for your wife to validate you but you haven't validated yourself, you're handing her a weight nobody was meant to carry.

From why your needs must be updated like an iPhone, to the definition of validation that changes everything, to why withholding encouragement from your spouse leaves them vulnerable to hear it from someone else, this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop assuming and start connecting.

This episode will challenge any marriage that's been running on old information while wondering why nothing feels right anymore.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
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Supported by Plana https://plana.org/
Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 Am I Too Needy? Maybe That's The Point
01:16 Why "You Complete Me" Is A Terrible Operating System
03:34 Half Your Fights Are Really About This
05:00 Your Needs Must Be Updated Like An iPhone
07:12 Couples Don't Fail Because Of Needs
09:22 Laura Couldn't Name A Single Need For Months
11:51 God Behind Bars Partnership
13:07 Own Your Needs First Then Share The Remainder
19:23 How Do We Handle The Need For Validation
19:54 Plana Partnership
22:45 Why A Wife's Voice Is Uniquely Powerful
27:10 The Connection Between Empty Tanks And Affairs
31:37 Final Thoughts: Become The Needy Couple

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]
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In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle a question that arrived in their inbox and it's one millions of women are silently asking: What happened to me? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about marriage, identity, and what it really means to put others first.

Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding after Laura lost herself in the role of "first responder" to their family, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: many women haven't lost their voice. They've learned it wasn't safe to use it. And that quiet disappearance is destroying more marriages than any loud fight ever could.

Laura shares the moment everything shifted, standing on a beach telling Carl she was done waiting for him to change. Carl delivers the hard truth most husbands avoid: if you say you want a strong wife but shut her down when she speaks, you don't want a partner. You want a convenience.

From rethinking what it means to put others first, to the three questions that reveal whether you're actually growing, to the warning label every husband needs before saying he wants an empowered wife, this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want both people to thrive.

This episode will challenge any marriage that's been running on one person's dreams while the other quietly disappears.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/
Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 The Question That Broke Us Open
02:41 The Cocktail That Makes Women Disappear
06:13 Empowered Woman First, Wife And Mother Flows From It
09:00 The Beach Moment That Changed Everything
11:22 Rethink What Putting Others First Really Means
15:50 Where To Actually Start
18:08 God Behind Bars Partnership
21:32 Three Ways To Measure Your Growth
24:10 Do You Really Want An Empowered Woman
27:32 Warning Label For Husbands
30:07 Final Thoughts: Build A Marriage You Both Enjoy

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle a question most couples are too afraid to ask out loud: What do you do when your spouse hasn't initiated sex in over a decade? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about intimacy, desire, and what's really going on beneath the surface.
Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding after devastating betrayal, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: a sexless marriage isn't actually about sex. It's about safety, avoidance, and what the nervous system has learned to protect itself from. And those patterns are quietly destroying more marriages than the fights ever could.
Laura shares why women often fear initiation and what that internal dialogue actually sounds like. Carl delivers the conversation most couples avoid: if your spouse has shut down sexually, their nervous system has learned avoidance as protection—and shaming them won't fix it.
From the three avenues every couple must explore (invisible hurdles, relational disconnect, and the meaning of sex in your marriage) to the two-month "pressure reset" that rebuilt their own intimacy—this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop surviving and start connecting.

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This episode will challenge any couple who believes the problem is just about frequency when it's really about safety, honesty, and friendship.
Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

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CHAPTERS:
00:00 The Sexless Marriage Epidemic
01:57 Why We're Not Marriage Experts
03:14 The Question That Started It All
04:44 Why The Church Doesn't Talk About This
08:05 Redefining What's "Normal" For Your Marriage
12:48 Three Questions That Actually Unlock Answers
14:24 God Behind Bars Partnership
15:59 Why Your Spouse Stopped Initiating
17:22 Go Higher Than Sex
18:52 How To Start The Conversation (Without Accusations)
21:49 Avenue 1: The Invisible Hurdles
24:52 Avenue 2: The Relational Disconnect
27:32 Be Kinder, Get More Action
29:11 Plana Partnership
30:24 Avenue 3: What Sex Means To You
33:45 The Two-Month Pressure Reset
37:16 When Your Needs Aren't The Priority
40:55 Why Having This Conversation Makes You Brave

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle the question every married couple avoids: What is my spouse not telling me—and what am I afraid to ask? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about knowing your partner.
Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding trust, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the moment curiosity dies, assumptions take over. And those assumptions are quietly destroying more marriages than the fights ever could.
Laura shares what she discovered when Carl checked her phone algorithm—and why the things we linger on reveal more than the things we say. Carl delivers the challenge most couples avoid: if swapping phones with your spouse sends a jolt through your body, that's not about technology. That's about distance and secrecy.
From the power of staying curious about someone you've known for decades, to why the unsaid things don't disappear—they just show up in ways you don't want—this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop assuming and start connecting.
This episode will challenge any couple who believes they already know everything about each other.
Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
Supported by Plana https://plana.org/
Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com
CHAPTERS:

00:00 One Way To Shift Your Marriage Fast

01:57 The Gift Of Not Fully Knowing Your Spouse

03:45 Laura's Australian Childhood

06:05 When Curiosity Dies Assumptions Take Over

07:00 God Behind Bars Partnership

07:45 The Algorithm Discovery That Started It All

10:17 The Phone Swap Challenge

13:15 Why This Game Scares People

15:01 The Thing You've Never Said Out Loud

17:04 What The Unsaid Does To Your Marriage

19:14 How To Create Safety For Vulnerability

21:08 Why Men Struggle To Open Up

22:17 Falling In Love With The Work

23:16 Plana Partnership

25:00 Why You Should Fight More Not Less

27:28 Fighting For Clarity Not Victory

29:24 Final Thoughts For Couples Ready To Go Deeper
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.