Lights On with Carl Lentz

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In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle a question that arrived in their inbox and it's one millions of women are silently asking: What happened to me? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about marriage, identity, and what it really means to put others first.

Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding after Laura lost herself in the role of "first responder" to their family, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: many women haven't lost their voice. They've learned it wasn't safe to use it. And that quiet disappearance is destroying more marriages than any loud fight ever could.

Laura shares the moment everything shifted, standing on a beach telling Carl she was done waiting for him to change. Carl delivers the hard truth most husbands avoid: if you say you want a strong wife but shut her down when she speaks, you don't want a partner. You want a convenience.

From rethinking what it means to put others first, to the three questions that reveal whether you're actually growing, to the warning label every husband needs before saying he wants an empowered wife, this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want both people to thrive.

This episode will challenge any marriage that's been running on one person's dreams while the other quietly disappears.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/
Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 The Question That Broke Us Open
02:41 The Cocktail That Makes Women Disappear
06:13 Empowered Woman First, Wife And Mother Flows From It
09:00 The Beach Moment That Changed Everything
11:22 Rethink What Putting Others First Really Means
15:50 Where To Actually Start
18:08 God Behind Bars Partnership
21:32 Three Ways To Measure Your Growth
24:10 Do You Really Want An Empowered Woman
27:32 Warning Label For Husbands
30:07 Final Thoughts: Build A Marriage You Both Enjoy

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In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle a question most couples are too afraid to ask out loud: What do you do when your spouse hasn't initiated sex in over a decade? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about intimacy, desire, and what's really going on beneath the surface.
Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding after devastating betrayal, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: a sexless marriage isn't actually about sex. It's about safety, avoidance, and what the nervous system has learned to protect itself from. And those patterns are quietly destroying more marriages than the fights ever could.
Laura shares why women often fear initiation and what that internal dialogue actually sounds like. Carl delivers the conversation most couples avoid: if your spouse has shut down sexually, their nervous system has learned avoidance as protection—and shaming them won't fix it.
From the three avenues every couple must explore (invisible hurdles, relational disconnect, and the meaning of sex in your marriage) to the two-month "pressure reset" that rebuilt their own intimacy—this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop surviving and start connecting.

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This episode will challenge any couple who believes the problem is just about frequency when it's really about safety, honesty, and friendship.
Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

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CHAPTERS:
00:00 The Sexless Marriage Epidemic
01:57 Why We're Not Marriage Experts
03:14 The Question That Started It All
04:44 Why The Church Doesn't Talk About This
08:05 Redefining What's "Normal" For Your Marriage
12:48 Three Questions That Actually Unlock Answers
14:24 God Behind Bars Partnership
15:59 Why Your Spouse Stopped Initiating
17:22 Go Higher Than Sex
18:52 How To Start The Conversation (Without Accusations)
21:49 Avenue 1: The Invisible Hurdles
24:52 Avenue 2: The Relational Disconnect
27:32 Be Kinder, Get More Action
29:11 Plana Partnership
30:24 Avenue 3: What Sex Means To You
33:45 The Two-Month Pressure Reset
37:16 When Your Needs Aren't The Priority
40:55 Why Having This Conversation Makes You Brave

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Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle the question every married couple avoids: What is my spouse not telling me—and what am I afraid to ask? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about knowing your partner.
Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding trust, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the moment curiosity dies, assumptions take over. And those assumptions are quietly destroying more marriages than the fights ever could.
Laura shares what she discovered when Carl checked her phone algorithm—and why the things we linger on reveal more than the things we say. Carl delivers the challenge most couples avoid: if swapping phones with your spouse sends a jolt through your body, that's not about technology. That's about distance and secrecy.
From the power of staying curious about someone you've known for decades, to why the unsaid things don't disappear—they just show up in ways you don't want—this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop assuming and start connecting.
This episode will challenge any couple who believes they already know everything about each other.
Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
Supported by Plana https://plana.org/
Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com
CHAPTERS:

00:00 One Way To Shift Your Marriage Fast

01:57 The Gift Of Not Fully Knowing Your Spouse

03:45 Laura's Australian Childhood

06:05 When Curiosity Dies Assumptions Take Over

07:00 God Behind Bars Partnership

07:45 The Algorithm Discovery That Started It All

10:17 The Phone Swap Challenge

13:15 Why This Game Scares People

15:01 The Thing You've Never Said Out Loud

17:04 What The Unsaid Does To Your Marriage

19:14 How To Create Safety For Vulnerability

21:08 Why Men Struggle To Open Up

22:17 Falling In Love With The Work

23:16 Plana Partnership

25:00 Why You Should Fight More Not Less

27:28 Fighting For Clarity Not Victory

29:24 Final Thoughts For Couples Ready To Go Deeper
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Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected]

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In this solo episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz challenges everything you think you know about New Year's resolutions and personal growth. The secret to a powerfully peaceful year is not doing more. It is doing less.
Drawing from his own experience in rehab, Carl shares the moment a therapist told a room full of successful men one simple instruction. Make your bed. If you cannot do that, book your ticket back. That one idea reveals the truth about keystone habits and why one small thing done consistently raises every area of your life.
Carl delivers three powerful shifts anyone can make right now. Pick one habit to build. Pick one avoidance to embrace. Pick one grievance to release. He unpacks the neuroscience showing that approaching feared things reduces anxiety by 70 percent within days, and why holding bitterness only punishes you while the person you resent has already moved on.
This episode will challenge anyone who believes real change requires a hundred new commitments.
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Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
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Supported by Plana https://plana.org/
Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with Blaine Bartell for round two of a conversation that sparked hundreds of messages from pastors in secret crisis. Blaine, a former megachurch pastor who led one of America's largest youth ministries, reveals the unspoken rule destroying leaders from the inside: "Thou shalt not get caught." For the first time, he shares the shocking moment when a well-known pastor looked him in the eye after his exposure and said, "You know what the difference is between you and me? You got caught." They dive deep into a buried Focus on the Family study revealing 68% of pastors struggle with porn, why that number is likely closer to 85% today, and why the church has created a system that disciplines men into secrecy rather than healing. From the identity shift that finally broke his 23-year addiction to why porn is never the real problem, this conversation exposes the epidemic nobody in church will talk about. Whether you're a pastor hiding in plain sight, a man who can't break free no matter how hard you try, or someone who loves a person trapped in secret shame, this episode offers a roadmap to the freedom of having nothing left to hide.

Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/

Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.com
Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/

CHAPTERS:
00:00 - INTRO: "Thou Shalt Not Get Caught"
01:08 - Blaine's Story: 23 Years of Secret Addiction Behind Ministry Success
05:10 - Good Friday 2010: The Day Everything Was Exposed
09:50 - "You Got Caught. I Didn't." — What a Megachurch Pastor Told Him
14:52 - The Buried Study: Focus on the Family Found 68% of Pastors Struggle
20:26 - "When We Punish Honesty, We Disciple Secrecy"
23:45 - God Behind Bars Partnership
25:33 - How Jesus Restored Peter: Breakfast, Relationship, Mission
32:54 - Stop Raking Leaves: Why Porn Isn't the Real Problem
36:55 - "I Am a Beloved Son" — The 6 Words That Changed Everything
38:17 - Plana Partnership
41:10 - The New Pornography: DMs, Text Threads, and What Pastors Hide
47:07 - The Greatest Gift: Going to Sleep Without Secrets
56:16 - 4 Steps to Freedom and Sacred Rituals
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