More than Roommates

Jonathan and Monica Pokluda join Derek and Gabrielle for a refreshingly honest conversation about marriage — the cycles, the conflict, and the slow, hard work of choosing to love. Together they unpack why criticism kills intimacy, how gratitude can transform your marriage faster than correction ever could, and what it practically looks like to encourage the change you desire in your spouse.

Discussion Questions
- In what ways have you slipped into a coaching or correcting posture with your spouse? What might it look like to lay that down?
- Are there ways you hold back affirmation from your spouse for a reason that sounds spiritual but may actually be creating distance?
- JP said "criticism is the enemy of intimacy." Do you agree? Where has criticism shown up in your marriage, and what has it cost you in closeness?
- JP said to pray daily that your love and attraction for your spouse would grow. How intentional is your prayer life for your marriage? What would it look like to make that a daily practice?
- Monica talked about looking back with gratitude when you feel stuck in a cycle — noticing how conflict looks different than it did 10 years ago. Where have you seen real growth in your marriage that you might be taking for granted?

AI is changing everything—including how we think, feel, and connect. In this episode, we explore the real risks and redemptive opportunities of artificial intelligence in marriage, and how to stay grounded in biblical wisdom in a rapidly shifting world.

Discussion Questions
- Where are we most tempted to choose convenience over connection?
- Have we ever gone to technology instead of each other for emotional support?
- What guardrails should we put on AI/phone usage in our marriage?
- How can we use tools like AI to be more intentional—not less?
- Who has authority in our lives when we need wisdom—AI, culture, or God?

Resources:
- Asklyte.ai
- Search MTR by topic

Pornography is one of the most common—and destructive—threats facing marriages today. In this episode, we talk honestly about lust, confession, repentance, and how couples can fight for holiness, healing, and intimacy in their marriage.

Discussion Questions:
- What boundaries do we currently have in place to guard our marriage from sexual temptation? Are they enough?
- What does it look like practically to “make no provision for the flesh” in our home?
- How can we create a culture of confession and grace in our marriage?
- Who are trusted people or community members we can invite into accountability if needed?

Resources
- Freedom Starts Today by John Elmore
- Your Brain on Porn
- Fight the New Drug
- Covenant Eyes

Healthy marriages aren’t built in isolation. In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Andrew talk about why authentic Christian community is essential for a thriving marriage—and why waiting until your marriage is on fire to ask for help is a mistake.

Discussion Questions:
- Who are the people in your life that truly know what’s going on in your marriage?
- What fears keep you from being vulnerable with other couples?
- What is one step you could take this month to deepen community in your marriage?

Resources:
- Community Message from Harris Creek
- Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

The early habits you form in marriage don’t just shape your first year — they set the trajectory for decades to come. In this episode, the More than Roommates team unpacks the foundational patterns that help couples build a marriage that doesn’t drift into “roommate mode,” but instead grows into a lifelong flourishing biblical marriage.

Discussion Questions:
- What kind of marriage do we want to “vote for” with our daily habits?
- Are we consistently praying together? If not, what’s stopping us?
- Who has permission to speak into our marriage?
- Is sex something we are proactively nurturing or just hoping works itself out?
- Do we address conflict quickly, or let things simmer?
- Are there boundaries (work, family, schedule) we need to clarify?

Resources:
- Ready or Knot by Scott Kedersha
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
- Married Sex by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta
- Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds by Douglas Rosenau
- Mistake we made as newlyweds More than Roommates
- Good Habits as Newlyweds More than Roommates
- One Habit to strengthen your marriage More than Roommates