More than Roommates

At some point, almost every married person has had the thought: did I marry the wrong person? In this honest and hopeful conversation, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott unpack where that feeling comes from — unmet expectations, comparison, cultural lies — and what to actually do when it shows up.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
- What expectations did you bring into marriage that didn't match reality — and where did those expectations come from?
- In what areas do you find yourself comparing your spouse or your marriage to others? How does that comparison affect your contentment?
- Scott mentioned that part of the feeling often comes from something in us — selfishness, unrealistic expectations — not just our spouse. Where do you see that in yourself?
- What are three specific things you're genuinely grateful for in your spouse right now? Have you told them recently?
- What are some things you did early in your relationship that raised the attraction level — and how could you bring some of those back?
- Is there something you've been feeling disconnected about that you haven't fully said out loud yet? What would it look like to bring that to your spouse this week?

The differences that drew you to your spouse in dating can become the very things that drive you crazy in marriage — but what if they didn't have to? In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Andrew talk honestly about what it looks like to move from contempt toward genuine celebration of the spouse God gave you.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
- What differences first attracted you to your spouse — and have any of those become sources of frustration over time?
- Where do you tend toward contempt rather than celebration when your spouse does things differently than you would?
- What's one specific difference in your spouse that you could choose to reframe with gratitude this week?
- How do you currently discern, in your marriage, between a difference that's just a preference and one that has crossed into a sinful pattern?
- Who in your life — friends, community, mentors — do you trust to speak honestly into your marriage when conflict keeps coming up?
- What would it look like practically for you to pray for God's eyes toward your spouse this week?

In this episode, Gabrielle, Derek, and Scott discuss how your family of origin—especially experiences of divorce or relational brokenness—can shape your expectations, fears, and habits in marriage. But Scripture makes it clear: your past may influence you, but it does not define your future.

Discussion Questions
- What messages about marriage did you absorb from your family growing up—spoken or unspoken?
- Do you notice any fears in your marriage that might be rooted in your family of origin?
In what ways are you tempted to repeat patterns you saw growing up—or overcorrect them?
- How can you intentionally build “truth-based theology” about marriage instead of experience-based beliefs?
- Where have you already seen God bring redemption or healing into your family story?

Resources
Flawed Families of the Bible: How God's Grace Works through Imperfect Relationships - David and Diana Garland
Merge Marriage Ministry

Going no contact with family is trending — but is it biblical? In this episode the MTR team walk through the counsel of Scripture — from leaving and cleaving to the ministry of reconciliation — to help couples navigate in-law conflict with honesty, boundaries, and biblical wisdom. They dig into what Scripture actually says about honoring parents, setting boundaries, and pursuing reconciliation even when it's hard.

Discussion Questions
- Have there been moments in our marriage where you felt we weren't on the same team when navigating conflict with family or in-laws? What did that feel like, and how can we get more aligned?
- Is there any relationship in our family system — parents, siblings, in-laws — where we've been avoiding a hard conversation? What has kept us from having it?
- Where do we land on the spectrum between full contact and no contact in difficult relationships? Are we erring too far in either direction?
- John mentioned keeping a shared note about how he and Laura want to be grandparents and in-laws one day. What values do we want to write down about how we hope to show up for our kids when they're married?
- Romans 12:18 says, "As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." What is one practical thing that depends on you right now in a strained relationship that you could own?

Resources
Holidays and In Laws
Challenging Relationships with In Laws

The empty nest season can either expose distance in your marriage or become one of its most life-giving chapters. In this episode, Derek, Andrew, and Gabrielle unpack 9 practical ways to reconnect, rebuild, and thrive when the kids leave home. Whether you are in this season or want to have a marriage that prepares for it, listen now so you can thrive when kids leave the home!

Discussion Questions:
- If our kids left home tomorrow, would we feel close… or like strangers? Why?
- When was the last time we intentionally learned or grew in our marriage?
- What’s something fun we could start doing together again?
- Are we serving together anywhere? If not, where could we start?
- Is there anything we’ve avoided talking about (sex, finances, conflict)?
- Where do we need to give each other more space—or more connection?
- What would it look like for me to “draw a circle around myself” this week?