More than Roommates

The empty nest season can either expose distance in your marriage or become one of its most life-giving chapters. In this episode, Derek, Andrew, and Gabrielle unpack 9 practical ways to reconnect, rebuild, and thrive when the kids leave home. Whether you are in this season or want to have a marriage that prepares for it, listen now so you can thrive when kids leave the home!

Discussion Questions:
- If our kids left home tomorrow, would we feel close… or like strangers? Why?
- When was the last time we intentionally learned or grew in our marriage?
- What’s something fun we could start doing together again?
- Are we serving together anywhere? If not, where could we start?
- Is there anything we’ve avoided talking about (sex, finances, conflict)?
- Where do we need to give each other more space—or more connection?
- What would it look like for me to “draw a circle around myself” this week?

When it comes to having kids, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer—but there is a biblical framework. In this episode, the More than Roommates team explores how couples can navigate timing, fear, and cultural pressures by seeking God, aligning as a couple, and pursuing wise counsel.

Discussion Questions:
- Do we truly believe children are a blessing, or have we adopted cultural views that see them as a burden?
- What fears (financial, personal, family history) might be influencing our timeline?
- Have we clearly sought God together in prayer and Scripture about this?
- Who are the wise, godly voices speaking into this decision for us?
- If we’re waiting, are we still actively giving our lives away for the Kingdom?

Jason VanRuler joins More than Roommates to discuss his book "Discovering your Communication Type." This episode dives into how your communication style and attachment patterns are shaping your marriage—often without you realizing it. By understanding how you and your spouse are wired, you can stop repeating the same conflicts and start building deeper connection.

Discussion Questions:
1- Which communication type do you think you are? What about your spouse?
2- Where do your differences help your marriage? Where do they create tension?
3- Do you tend to avoid hard conversations or over-address them? Why?
4- How did your family growing up shape the way you communicate now?
5- Which attachment style do you most relate to (secure, anxious, avoidant)?
6- What’s one small communication habit you can practice this week?

Resources
Instagram (@jason.vanruler)
Discovering Your Communication Type by Jason VanRuler

Is our culture working against your marriage and family? Tim Carney, author of Family Unfriendly, joins the podcast to unpack why birth and marriage rates are falling — and what families can do to push back. From the "travel team trap" to helicopter parenting to radical individualism, this conversation is honest, practical, and deeply encouraging for couples who want to build a family that is countercultural and God-honoring.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1- Are there any activities or commitments in our family schedule that are pulling us apart more than they're bringing us together? What would it look like to simplify?
2- Tim says we communicate what we value by how we spend our time. What does our current schedule communicate to our kids — and to each other?
3- How intentional are we about cultivating a community around our family? Are we taking more than we're giving in our church or neighborhood?
4- In what ways have we bought into a hyper-individualistic mindset — even subtly — in how we approach our marriage or parenting?
5- What is one small, countercultural step we could take this month to make our family more connected — to each other, to our church, or to our neighbors?
6- If you have or plan to have kids: how are we thinking about unstructured play and sibling relationships as building blocks for who our children become?

RESOURCES
Family Unfriendly by Tim Carney
Away Game by Brian Smith and Ed Uszynski
Youth Sports MTR Episode

Jonathan and Monica Pokluda join Derek and Gabrielle for a refreshingly honest conversation about marriage — the cycles, the conflict, and the slow, hard work of choosing to love. Together they unpack why criticism kills intimacy, how gratitude can transform your marriage faster than correction ever could, and what it practically looks like to encourage the change you desire in your spouse.

Discussion Questions
- In what ways have you slipped into a coaching or correcting posture with your spouse? What might it look like to lay that down?
- Are there ways you hold back affirmation from your spouse for a reason that sounds spiritual but may actually be creating distance?
- JP said "criticism is the enemy of intimacy." Do you agree? Where has criticism shown up in your marriage, and what has it cost you in closeness?
- JP said to pray daily that your love and attraction for your spouse would grow. How intentional is your prayer life for your marriage? What would it look like to make that a daily practice?
- Monica talked about looking back with gratitude when you feel stuck in a cycle — noticing how conflict looks different than it did 10 years ago. Where have you seen real growth in your marriage that you might be taking for granted?