More than Roommates

In this episode, Gabrielle, Derek, and Scott discuss how your family of origin—especially experiences of divorce or relational brokenness—can shape your expectations, fears, and habits in marriage. But Scripture makes it clear: your past may influence you, but it does not define your future.

Discussion Questions
- What messages about marriage did you absorb from your family growing up—spoken or unspoken?
- Do you notice any fears in your marriage that might be rooted in your family of origin?
In what ways are you tempted to repeat patterns you saw growing up—or overcorrect them?
- How can you intentionally build “truth-based theology” about marriage instead of experience-based beliefs?
- Where have you already seen God bring redemption or healing into your family story?

Resources
Flawed Families of the Bible: How God's Grace Works through Imperfect Relationships - David and Diana Garland
Merge Marriage Ministry

Going no contact with family is trending — but is it biblical? In this episode the MTR team walk through the counsel of Scripture — from leaving and cleaving to the ministry of reconciliation — to help couples navigate in-law conflict with honesty, boundaries, and biblical wisdom. They dig into what Scripture actually says about honoring parents, setting boundaries, and pursuing reconciliation even when it's hard.

Discussion Questions
- Have there been moments in our marriage where you felt we weren't on the same team when navigating conflict with family or in-laws? What did that feel like, and how can we get more aligned?
- Is there any relationship in our family system — parents, siblings, in-laws — where we've been avoiding a hard conversation? What has kept us from having it?
- Where do we land on the spectrum between full contact and no contact in difficult relationships? Are we erring too far in either direction?
- John mentioned keeping a shared note about how he and Laura want to be grandparents and in-laws one day. What values do we want to write down about how we hope to show up for our kids when they're married?
- Romans 12:18 says, "As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." What is one practical thing that depends on you right now in a strained relationship that you could own?

Resources
Holidays and In Laws
Challenging Relationships with In Laws

The empty nest season can either expose distance in your marriage or become one of its most life-giving chapters. In this episode, Derek, Andrew, and Gabrielle unpack 9 practical ways to reconnect, rebuild, and thrive when the kids leave home. Whether you are in this season or want to have a marriage that prepares for it, listen now so you can thrive when kids leave the home!

Discussion Questions:
- If our kids left home tomorrow, would we feel close… or like strangers? Why?
- When was the last time we intentionally learned or grew in our marriage?
- What’s something fun we could start doing together again?
- Are we serving together anywhere? If not, where could we start?
- Is there anything we’ve avoided talking about (sex, finances, conflict)?
- Where do we need to give each other more space—or more connection?
- What would it look like for me to “draw a circle around myself” this week?

When it comes to having kids, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer—but there is a biblical framework. In this episode, the More than Roommates team explores how couples can navigate timing, fear, and cultural pressures by seeking God, aligning as a couple, and pursuing wise counsel.

Discussion Questions:
- Do we truly believe children are a blessing, or have we adopted cultural views that see them as a burden?
- What fears (financial, personal, family history) might be influencing our timeline?
- Have we clearly sought God together in prayer and Scripture about this?
- Who are the wise, godly voices speaking into this decision for us?
- If we’re waiting, are we still actively giving our lives away for the Kingdom?

Jason VanRuler joins More than Roommates to discuss his book "Discovering your Communication Type." This episode dives into how your communication style and attachment patterns are shaping your marriage—often without you realizing it. By understanding how you and your spouse are wired, you can stop repeating the same conflicts and start building deeper connection.

Discussion Questions:
1- Which communication type do you think you are? What about your spouse?
2- Where do your differences help your marriage? Where do they create tension?
3- Do you tend to avoid hard conversations or over-address them? Why?
4- How did your family growing up shape the way you communicate now?
5- Which attachment style do you most relate to (secure, anxious, avoidant)?
6- What’s one small communication habit you can practice this week?

Resources
Instagram (@jason.vanruler)
Discovering Your Communication Type by Jason VanRuler