More than Roommates

Addiction doesn't stay self-contained — especially in a marriage. In this honest and pastorally rich conversation, Derek, Gabrielle, and John Elmore talk about how to recognize addiction, what it does to a marriage, and what courageous, biblical steps actually look like for both the addict and the spouse who loves them.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
- John described the difference between being "enslaved" to something versus "occasionally enticed" by it. Using that framework, is there anything in your life right now that feels more like enslavement than struggle?
- John mentioned several "Ds" of addiction: duration, depth, deceit, destruction, defensiveness, dependency. Are any of those present in your life or your marriage in ways worth naming?
- Gabrielle shared that when asked to give up Diet Coke for a year, her reaction surprised her. Is there anything in your life where the thought of giving it up produces a stronger reaction than you'd expect?
- John said that "struggling" looks like confessing, feeling convicted, and moving toward accountability — while addiction looks like enjoyment despite destruction. Which of those better describes your relationship with your hardest habit?
- If your spouse gently raised a concern about something you're running to, how would you honestly respond — and what might that response reveal?
- For the spouse walking alongside an addict: have you carried this alone, or have you brought others in? Who could you call this week?

RESOURCES
- Freedom Starts Today by John Elmore

Spiritual intimacy is one of those things every Christian couple knows they're supposed to have — but what does it actually look like day to day? In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Andrew get honest about the barriers, the breakthroughs, and the simple practical steps that can help couples grow closer to each other by growing closer to God.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
- What expectations did you bring into marriage about what spiritual intimacy would look like — and how has reality compared?
- On a scale of 1–10, how would you rate where you are in spiritual intimacy right now? What's one thing contributing to that number?
- What does your individual walk with God look like right now? Are you in a full season or a dry season — and does your spouse know?
- Andrew mentioned that bitterness and unresolved conflict make it hard to pray together. Is there anything between you right now that needs to be cleared before you can go to God together?
- What's one thing God has been teaching you lately that you haven't shared with your spouse yet?
- What's one practical rhythm — praying together, a shared devotional, asking better questions — you could try this week?

At some point, almost every married person has had the thought: did I marry the wrong person? In this honest and hopeful conversation, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott unpack where that feeling comes from — unmet expectations, comparison, cultural lies — and what to actually do when it shows up.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
- What expectations did you bring into marriage that didn't match reality — and where did those expectations come from?
- In what areas do you find yourself comparing your spouse or your marriage to others? How does that comparison affect your contentment?
- Scott mentioned that part of the feeling often comes from something in us — selfishness, unrealistic expectations — not just our spouse. Where do you see that in yourself?
- What are three specific things you're genuinely grateful for in your spouse right now? Have you told them recently?
- What are some things you did early in your relationship that raised the attraction level — and how could you bring some of those back?
- Is there something you've been feeling disconnected about that you haven't fully said out loud yet? What would it look like to bring that to your spouse this week?

The differences that drew you to your spouse in dating can become the very things that drive you crazy in marriage — but what if they didn't have to? In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Andrew talk honestly about what it looks like to move from contempt toward genuine celebration of the spouse God gave you.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
- What differences first attracted you to your spouse — and have any of those become sources of frustration over time?
- Where do you tend toward contempt rather than celebration when your spouse does things differently than you would?
- What's one specific difference in your spouse that you could choose to reframe with gratitude this week?
- How do you currently discern, in your marriage, between a difference that's just a preference and one that has crossed into a sinful pattern?
- Who in your life — friends, community, mentors — do you trust to speak honestly into your marriage when conflict keeps coming up?
- What would it look like practically for you to pray for God's eyes toward your spouse this week?

In this episode, Gabrielle, Derek, and Scott discuss how your family of origin—especially experiences of divorce or relational brokenness—can shape your expectations, fears, and habits in marriage. But Scripture makes it clear: your past may influence you, but it does not define your future.

Discussion Questions
- What messages about marriage did you absorb from your family growing up—spoken or unspoken?
- Do you notice any fears in your marriage that might be rooted in your family of origin?
In what ways are you tempted to repeat patterns you saw growing up—or overcorrect them?
- How can you intentionally build “truth-based theology” about marriage instead of experience-based beliefs?
- Where have you already seen God bring redemption or healing into your family story?

Resources
Flawed Families of the Bible: How God's Grace Works through Imperfect Relationships - David and Diana Garland
Merge Marriage Ministry