Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

• 254: What is FAFO Parenting? The 9 Most Important Things Parents Should Know

  If you've been scrolling TikTok or parenting forums lately, you've probably encountered FAFO parenting - the trending approach that's being positioned as the antidote to ‘overly permissive’ gentle parenting. Standing for ‘F*** Around and Find Out,’ this parenting style centers on letting children experience harsh consequences without parental intervention, even when parents could easily prevent those consequences. But is FAFO parenting actually effective, or does it create more problems than it solves? In this comprehensive episode, we explore what FAFO parenting really looks like in practice, examine the research behind popular parenting approaches, and uncover why both FAFO and traditional gentle parenting often miss the mark. Most importantly, we'll discover collaborative alternatives that meet both children's developmental needs and parents' legitimate needs - without the exhaustion of scripted responses or the relationship damage of harsh consequences. Questions this episode will answer What does FAFO parenting actually mean? FAFO stands for "F*** Around and Find Out" - an approach where parents let children experience unpleasant consequences without intervention, believing this teaches better decision-making. What are real examples of FAFO parenting in action? Examples include letting a child walk home in the rain without a coat, throwing away toys left on the floor, and making children buy their own underwear after accidents. Why is FAFO parenting gaining popularity among parents? Parents exhausted by gentle parenting scripts and constant negotiation are attracted to FAFO's apparent simplicity and the promise of teaching children through direct consequences. What's the difference between consequences and punishments in parenting? Authentic consequences happen naturally (getting cold without a jacket), while punishments are artificially created by parents (throwing away toys, withholding food, or requiring that kids replace underwear they’ve soiled). Does gentle parenting actually create "soft" children? Research doesn't support this claim. Most of what's called "gentle parenting" online is actually scripted control, and a fear of children’s big feelings, not truly responsive parenting. Why might children lie more when parents use FAFO approaches? When honesty consistently leads to harsh consequences parents could prevent, children learn that hiding problems is safer than seeking help. What really causes behavioral challenges in today's children? Multiple factors including increased academic pressure, reduced recess, economic stress, social media impact, and less community support - not parenting styles alone (or screen time alone either!). Is authoritative parenting really the "gold standard" research proves? The original authoritative parenting research included spanking and only compared four control-based approaches, missing collaborative alternatives that work even better. What you'll learn in this episode The hidden problems with FAFO parenting that can damage parent-child relationships: Discover how this approach can increase lying, reduce trust, and position parents as adversaries rather than allies in their children's development. Why most "gentle parenting" isn't actually gentle: Learn how scripted validation and sweetener offers are really just "control with lipstick," and why this approach exhausts parents without meeting children's real needs. The real reasons behind children's challenging behaviors: Understand the complex factors...

  --------  

  1:01:11

  --------

  1:01:11
• 253: How to Do Homeschooling: A Former Teacher Explores Unschooling

  Ever wondered about alternative paths to educate your child outside the traditional school system? My guest today is Laura Moore, who spent 15 years in early childhood education - and who is now exploring homeschooling alternatives, including unschooling, for her own child. As a teacher and mother of a 3.5-year-old, Laura brings a unique insider perspective to the education debate. She opens up about witnessing the limitations of the current school system, the pressure children face to conform to rigid schedules, and why she's questioning whether traditional schooling truly serves our children's best interests. You'll hear a raw, honest conversation between two parents grappling with real concerns about education choices. Laura shares her genuine questions about balancing work with alternative education, handling judgment from others, and whether children can truly thrive outside the conventional system. Her curiosity about unschooling leads to fascinating insights about child-led learning, maintaining boundaries while honoring children's natural rhythms, and creating educational experiences that preserve rather than diminish curiosity. Questions this episode will answer What is unschooling and how does it work?How is unschooling different from homeschooling?Can you homeschool while working full time?What are the pros and cons of homeschooling?How to get started with homeschooling?Is homeschooling better than traditional education?What are the advantages of homeschooling?What's wrong with the traditional education system?How do you handle judgment about homeschooling decisions?Do homeschooled children get into college?How do homeschooled children get socialization?What's the role of parents in unschooling?How do you balance work and alternative education as a family?What happens to children's natural curiosity in traditional school? What you'll learn in this episode The insider perspective on traditional education's limitations: Hear firsthand from a teacher about the systemic issues affecting children's learning and wellbeing in conventional schools, including the impact of rigid scheduling and underfunding. How unschooling preserves children's natural curiosity: Discover why traditional schooling often kills children's innate desire to learn and how alternative approaches can maintain and nurture this crucial trait throughout childhood. Practical strategies for balancing work and alternative education: Learn how to homeschool while working full time, including realistic approaches for working parents, flexible scheduling, community programs, and family support systems. Discover the advantages and disadvantages of homeschooling: Get a comprehensive overview of homeschooling pros and cons compared to traditional education, and develop a practical homeschooling plan for families considering alternatives. The truth about socialization in homeschooling: Understand how homeschooled children actually develop social skills and why the diversity of real-world interactions often surpasses traditional classroom socialization. How to handle family and social pressure about education choices: Get specific strategies for responding to criticism and judgment while staying true to your family's values and educational philosophy. Real examples of learning without formal curriculum: See how everyday activities like volunteering at animal shelters, helping with household tasks, and following natural interests create rich learning opportunities. The college and career reality for unschooled children: Learn about the...

  --------  

  1:12:17

  --------

  1:12:17
• 252: From ‘Be the Best’ Anxiety to Trusting Your Child’s Natural Learning

  When Sara's four-year-old son started asking permission to use art supplies he'd always freely accessed before, she knew something had shifted. After a year in a (loving, high-quality!) preschool, her previously autonomous child was suddenly seeking approval for things that had never required it. Sara had never required this at home, and in fact it worried her because it didn't fit with her values to treat her son as a whole person. If this shift was happening so obviously at home, what other changes might be occurring that she couldn't see yet - changes that might not align with what mattered most to her family? Sara wished she could homeschool, but knew it wasn't in the cards. Seeing the shift in her son showed her that once her son started formal school, she was going to be the one who helped him to stay connected to learning that wasn't just based on rote memorization. But how would she do this, when she wasn't a teacher? In this conversation, Sara shares how she learned to step back from teaching and instead scaffold her son's innate curiosity about everything from astronauts to construction vehicles. As an architect and immigrant parent navigating cultural pressures around achievement, Sara's story reveals how supporting your child's interests rather than directing their learning can transform both your relationship and their confidence as a learner. Whether you're working full-time, in school, homeschooling, or simply wondering how to nurture your child's curiosity without taking over, Sara's practical examples show that interest-based learning doesn't have to add a lot of work to busy family life. It becomes an organic part of how you connect and explore the world together. Questions this episode will answer What does interest-based learning look like in real family life?How can parents support learning without taking over their child's exploration?What is scaffolding in education and how do you do it effectively?How do you identify and follow your child's genuine interests?What are learning explorations and how do they differ from traditional teaching?How can working parents implement interest-led learning with limited time?What role should documentation play in supporting children's learning?How do you overcome perfectionism when supporting your child's education?What does "following the child" mean in practice?How can parents build their child's creative problem-solving skills? What you'll learn in this episode You'll discover practical strategies for supporting your child's innate curiosity without turning into the teacher. Sara shares specific examples of learning explorations around space and construction vehicles that show how to scaffold learning by asking questions instead of providing answers. You'll learn to recognize when your child is truly engaged versus when you've taken over their exploration. The episode reveals how small shifts in language - things like pausing and saying: "Hmmm…I wonder?" instead of immediately explaining - can transform everyday moments into meaningful learning opportunities. This simple shift transitions the responsibility for learning from you back to your child, and invites them to consider how their current question fits with what they already know. It also establishes a habit of what we do when we have questions: we don't simply jump to Google or ChatGPT; we first work to understand whether we might actually already have the answer (or something close to it) ourselves. This protects our kids against the stupidification that research warns us is happening now that we can turn to AI to answer our every question. Sara's journey from perfectionist parent (her parents' motto when she was a child: "Be The Best!") to

  --------  

  51:18

  --------

  51:18
• 251: Why Your 8-12 Year Old Should Start a Business (And How to Support Them Without Taking Over!)

  What if the most powerful gift you could give your child isn't a college fund, but the skills to create their own income at age 10? When my daughter Carys started pet sitting, she didn't just earn money (although she does now have $759 in a retirement savings account that could become over $100,000 by the time she needs it). She’s also developing initiative, follow-through, boundary setting, and client communication skills that many adults find difficult. This episode reveals why ages 8-12 represent a unique window for developing real-world capabilities through meaningful work. You'll discover how kid businesses naturally teach the life skills parents spend years trying to instill through chores and consequences, from morning routines and organization to persistence with difficult tasks and clear communication about capacity and needs. You’ll learn the practical details of supporting a young entrepreneur without taking over, addressing common concerns about safety, childhood, and academic pressure while showing how business skills actually enhance learning and development. Questions this episode will answer: What age should kids start a business and why? Ages 8-12 are ideal because kids can handle real responsibility but aren't overwhelmed by teenage social pressures, plus adults are more patient and supportive with young entrepreneurs. What business skills can young kids actually develop? Taking initiative, following through on commitments, organization, client communication, boundary setting, persistence through challenges, financial planning, and so much more: all skills that develop through real work. How do you support a kid's business without taking over? Be a "guide on the side" by asking questions instead of giving answers, stepping in only when they hit capacity limits, and letting them learn from manageable failures. What types of businesses work best for kids this age? Service-based businesses with low startup costs that match kid strengths: think pet care, yard work, parent's helper babysitting, simple crafts, tech support for seniors, and tutoring younger kids. Is starting a business safe for young children? Yes, with proper systems: initial parent involvement, communication protocols, schedule awareness, and safety equipment like walkie-talkies for new situations. How is this different from traditional chores and allowance? Kid businesses create direct feedback loops between work quality and real consequences, plus children choose their involvement level rather than having tasks imposed on them. What about their education and childhood play time? Business

  --------  

  57:31

  --------

  57:31
• Episode Summary 02: The Anxious Generation: What Parents Need to Know

  Are you worried that social media is destroying your teen's mental health? You're not alone. Jonathan Haidt's bestselling book The Anxious Generation has parents everywhere wondering if smartphones are rewiring their kids' brains and creating a mental health crisis. But before you rush to ban your teen's phone, you need to hear what the research actually shows. This summary episode brings together all the key insights from our 4-part series examining The Anxious Generation. We take a deep dive into the data behind the teen mental health crisis claims, giving you the essential findings in one convenient episode. You'll discover why those alarming statistics might not mean what you think they do, and why the correlation between social media use and teen depression is actually smaller than the correlation between eating potatoes and teen wellbeing. We'll explore what really drives teen mental health struggles, from family relationships to academic pressure, and why control-based approaches like phone bans often backfire, pushing our kids further away when they need us most. Questions This Episode Will Answer Is there really a teen mental health crisis caused by social media? The dramatic statistics may reflect better screening and diagnosis rather than new cases caused by technology. Does social media actually cause teen depression and anxiety? Research shows the correlation is smaller than that between eating potatoes and teen wellbeing, explaining less than 1% of variance. Should parents ban phones at school to help kids focus? Academic declines are tiny and international data doesn't support the phone-blame theory. Will banning my teen's phone at home solve their mental health problems? Control-based approaches often backfire and damage the parent-child relationship. What affects teen mental health more than social media? Family relationships, academic pressure, sleep, economic stress, and school environment have much bigger impacts. How can I help my teen with technology without taking it away? Focus on connection, listen more, work together on limits, and address bigger stressors. Why do teens turn to their phones so much? Phones provide autonomy, connection, and relevance that teens often don't find elsewhere. What do teens who self-harm actually say about social media? Many feel frustrated by attempts to blame social media and see the narrative as wrong and unhelpful. How can I create healthy technology habits without damaging trust? Include your teen in creating rules, focus on relationship building, and address underlying needs. What should I do if I'm worried about my teen's phone use? Look at the whole picture, build connections through listening, and work together on solutions. What You'll Learn in This Episode Why the "hockey stick" graphs showing teen mental health decline might be misleading, and what factors like better screening and diagnostic changes actually explainThe surprising truth about social media research - including why studies showing harm have major flaws and why effect sizes are incredibly smallWhat the international data really shows about teen mental health across countries with similar smartphone adoption ratesWhy family relationships, not screen time, are the strongest predictor of teen wellbeing according to emergency room dataHow control-based approaches like phone bans create sneaking, secrecy, and damaged trust instead of healthier habitsThe real reasons teens turn to phones - and how to address underlying needs for autonomy, connection, and...

  --------  

  17:32

  --------

  17:32

More Education podcasts

Trending Education podcasts

About Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive