ADHDifference

Julie Legg explores The Drama Triangle — a powerful framework that helps make sense of our reactions in emotionally charged moments. Originally developed by Stephen Karpman and brought into the ADHD conversation by Bex O’Malley, this tool highlights three common roles we can fall into: Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor.
With ADHD, where emotional responses can feel fast, intense, and hard to shift, these roles can show up quickly and even change mid-conversation. But with awareness comes choice. This episode introduces a simple yet powerful way to step back, identify your role, and gently shift into more supportive, regulated responses.
A practical, compassionate reminder that it’s not about getting it perfect — it’s about noticing the pattern and giving yourself another option.
Key Points from the Episode:
 The link between emotional dysregulation and overthinking
 Understanding the three roles of the Drama Triangle 
 Why awareness is the first step to emotional regulation 
 The power of asking: “What role am I in right now?”
 How self-distancing can reduce emotional intensity 
 Shifting from:  Victim → Self-Advocate, Rescuer → Supportive Ally. Persecutor → Clear Communicator
 Recognising that these roles come from protection, not failure
Links
BEX O'MALLEY S2E19: https://adhdifference.nz/s2e19-adhd-burnout-thriving-in-corporate-guest-bex-omalley/
ADHDIFFERENCE: https://adhdifference.nz/drama-triangle/
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 ℹ️ DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only. The views expressed are those of the guests and do not necessarily reflect those of the host or ADHDifference. Read More

Julie Legg explores how many of our emotional reactions (especially anxiety and hesitation) are not about the present moment at all, but are driven by old predictions the brain learned in the past.
Drawing on insights from Brian DesRoches, the episode introduces the concept of memory reconsolidation, the brain’s ability to update outdated emotional patterns when it experiences something different from what it expects.
Rather than trying to force change through willpower or positive thinking, this approach invites curiosity. By noticing when the brain is predicting a negative outcome and gently creating new, contradictory experiences, we can begin to rewrite those internal patterns.
It’s a simple but profound shift: you are not your reactions — you are witnessing your brain’s predictions. And those predictions can change.
 Key Points from the Episode
 Anxiety is often based on past predictions, not present reality
 The brain is constantly scanning and predicting outcomes 
 Many predictions are formed in childhood or repeated experiences
 These predictions show up as feelings, not just thoughts
 The “foot on the gas, foot on the brake” feeling is a prediction conflict 
 Change happens through memory reconsolidation (updating emotional learning) 
 A mismatch between expectation and reality is what rewires the brain 
 You don’t need willpower — you need new experiences
 Small, safe contradictions to predictions are enough to create change 
 Repetition strengthens new neural pathways 
 ADHDers often carry predictions like “I’m too much” or “I’m not enough” 
 These patterns are learned and therefore can be overridden with updated data
Links
BRIAN DESROCHES S2E47: https://adhdifference.nz/s2e47-the-hidden-neuroscience-behind-self-sabotage-guest-brian-desroches/
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🌐 WEBSITE: ADHDifference.nz  
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 ℹ️ DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only. The views expressed are those of the guests and do not necessarily reflect those of the host or ADHDifference. Read More

Julie Legg speaks with psychotherapist Dr. Katie Brzozowski about the inner critic, where it comes from, why it can feel so loud for ADHDers, and how it shapes the way we see ourselves.
Katie explains how a lifetime of correction, criticism, and misunderstanding can become internalised, turning into the harsh self-talk many ADHDers carry into adulthood. These “tapes” often resurface during moments of stress, grief, burnout, or life transitions — amplifying self-doubt and making it harder to move forward.
Rather than trying to silence the inner critic completely, Katie introduces a more compassionate and practical approach: learning to separate from those thoughts, reduce their power, and stop letting them dictate behaviour. From ACT-based tools to visual techniques and gentle reframing, this conversation offers a grounded, realistic pathway toward self-compassion and emotional resilience.
Key Points from the Episode:
 How ADHDers internalise years of correction and criticism 
 The inner critic as learned “tapes” from earlier life experiences 
 Why the inner critic gets louder during stress, grief, and transition 
 The difference between “I am” vs “I’m having the thought that I am”
 Why ignoring negative thoughts doesn’t work 
 Using ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) to create distance from thoughts 
 Techniques to stop getting “hooked” by the inner critic 
 The impact of comparison and unrealistic life expectations 
 ADHD, non-linear life paths, and redefining success 
 Why self-compassion is essential for growth and change
Links: 
WEBSITE: https://speakeasytoday.com/
INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/speakeasypsychotherapy/
 LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drkathrynbrzozowski/
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Thanks for listening. 
📌 Don’t forget to subscribe for more tools for beautifully different brains. 
🌐 WEBSITE: ADHDifference.nz  
📷 INSTAGRAM: ADHDifference_podcast 
▶️ YOUTUBE: @adhdifference
🎙️ YOUR HOST: JulieLegg.nz
 ℹ️ DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only. The views expressed are those of the guests and do not necessarily reflect those of the host or ADHDifference. Read More

Julie Legg speaks with therapist Jennifer Noll Sparks, creator of the Create the Win System — a practical, science-informed approach designed to help people move through overwhelm and take meaningful action, even on the hardest days.
Drawing from both her professional background and lived experience, Jennifer unpacks why so many ADHDers feel stuck... not from laziness, but from nervous system dysregulation. She introduces the concept of the window of tolerance, explaining how overwhelm can show up as either high activation (anxiety, urgency) or shutdown (paralysis, procrastination).
Through simple, playful tools like gamification, “widening the win,” and micro-movements, Jennifer offers an alternative to willpower-based productivity. 
Key Points from the Episode:
 Overwhelm as a universal (non-clinical) human experience 
 ADHD, focus struggles, and early school challenges 
 Why willpower-based advice often fails 
 The window of tolerance and nervous system states 
 Activated overwhelm vs shutdown (freeze) 
 Why procrastination is often nervous system paralysis 
 Gamification as a dopamine-based motivation tool 
 “Widening the win” to reduce pressure and build momentum 
 Micro-actions to break inertia (even moving a limb) 
 Creating momentum through small, achievable wins 
 Moving from autopilot to intentional living 
 Rebuilding agency and self-trust through action
Links:
WEBSITE: https://www.createthewin.com/
INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/createthewinco/
LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-noll-sparks-lcsw-88563885/ 
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Thanks for listening. 
📌 Don’t forget to subscribe for more tools for beautifully different brains. 
🌐 WEBSITE: ADHDifference.nz  
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🎙️ YOUR HOST: JulieLegg.nz
 ℹ️ DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only. The views expressed are those of the guests and do not necessarily reflect those of the host or ADHDifference. Read More

Julie Legg is joined by Kamy Moussavi, former engineer and founder of Step Together, who brings a powerful and personal perspective to the conversation around ADHD, emotional eating, and the brain’s relationship with food. Kamy shares his own childhood experience with obesity, restrictive dieting, and undiagnosed ADHD, revealing how traditional approaches like calorie counting failed to address the real drivers behind his behaviour. 
Together, they unpack the critical link between dopamine, emotional regulation, and eating habits, particularly in ADHD brains. This conversation shifts the narrative away from willpower and discipline, and toward curiosity, compassion, and understanding the root causes behind behaviour. It’s an eye-opening episode for parents navigating food struggles with their children and for anyone who has ever felt stuck in cycles of guilt, shame, or emotional eating.
Key Points from the Episode:
Emotional eating as a dopamine-driven behaviour in ADHD
Why calorie counting and restriction often fail long-term
The connection between ADHD, dopamine deficiency, and food
Bulimia, binge eating, sneaky eating, and shame cycles
Why weight is a symptom, not the root problem
The role of anxiety, loneliness, and boredom in eating habits
How shame drives secrecy and worsens behaviours
The impact of environment vs relying on willpower
Dopamine regulation and over-stimulation from food and technology
Why removing food too quickly can backfire
Family dynamics and parental influence on eating behaviours
Redefining “healthy” beyond diet culture
Links:
WEBSITE: https://www.steptogether.us/
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61568953434947
YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@steptogether-child-weightloss
INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/steptogether_us/
LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kamymoussavi/
Send us Fan Mail
Thanks for listening. 
📌 Don’t forget to subscribe for more tools for beautifully different brains. 
🌐 WEBSITE: ADHDifference.nz  
📷 INSTAGRAM: ADHDifference_podcast 
▶️ YOUTUBE: @adhdifference
🎙️ YOUR HOST: JulieLegg.nz
 ℹ️ DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only. The views expressed are those of the guests and do not necessarily reflect those of the host or ADHDifference. Read More