The Autism Mom Coach

Last week we uncovered the Expectation Trap — the moment you realize you’re holding someone to your internal rulebook and feeling irritated, disappointed, or flat-out furious when they don’t follow it. This week, we take it further. Because once you see the trap clearly, the real question becomes: now what?This episode breaks down your three actual moves when someone’s behavior clashes with your values, standards, or instincts: let it go, make an adjustment, or enforce a boundary. These choices help you reclaim your steadiness, drop unnecessary resentment, and lead your home with more intention, especially during the holiday pressure cooker.In This Episode, You’ll Learn:How your expectations get built — and why the internal ones hit the hardestThe power of choosing your battles instead of reacting from urgency or indignationWhy “letting it go” is sometimes the most strategic move in an autism householdWhat adjusting looks like when someone simply operates differently than youHow to enforce a boundary without drama, panic, or self-judgmentWhen you stop holding people to your personal rulebook, you stop burning energy on the wrong things and free up bandwidth for what actually matters to you.Ready to take this work deeper?Work with Me: This is where we clean up the mental load, the resentment, and the overfunctioning so you have capacity again: https://talkwiththeautismmomcoach.as.me

Holiday season has a way of dragging every unspoken rule you live by straight into the spotlight. In this episode, I’m calling out the Expectation Trap — the moment where your values, routines, and instincts collide with people who make choices that feel completely upside down to you.Here’s the truth: you are never the baseline for anyone else’s behavior.The minute you stop measuring other people’s choices against your internal rulebook, everything from holiday plans to everyday interactions feels lighter and easier to lead through.In This Episode, You’ll Learn:How expectations form through structure, routine, and the rules you carry in your headWhy holiday shifts land harder in autism households and spike nervous system stressThe emotional weight that settles on you when you assume others think like youHow releasing yourself as the “standard” creates breathing room in your body and your mindThis shift frees up the mental space you need to guide your home with steadier energy, clearer decisions, and far less resentment.If this work speaks to what you’re living, here are a few ways to go deeper:Schedule a consultation for private coaching and get tailored support for your family: https://talkwiththeautismmomcoach.as.me

Every November, we hear the same message: be grateful, make a list, count your blessings. But for many autism parents, gratitude lists fall flat. You already know what matters—your child, progress, small moments of peace. The problem isn’t awareness; it’s that your nervous system is still stuck in survival modIn this episode, Lisa Candera, autism mom coach and host of The Autism Mom Coach Podcast, shares why savoring—not just gratitude—is the missing piece in emotional regulation for autism parents. You’ll learn how savoring helps your brain record safety and connection as real, not rare, and why that matters for both you and your child’s nervous system health.Lisa explains how constant vigilance wires the body for stress, how negativity bias keeps you scanning for threat, and how brief, intentional pauses can retrain your brain to recognize safety. This isn’t mindset work—it’s nervous system retraining through small, consistent moments that actually stick.By the end, you’ll know how to use savoring as a real-world regulation skill that shifts your body from tension to steadiness—one breath at a time.In This Episode, You’ll Learn:What savoring means and why it matters for autism parentsHow negativity bias keeps your nervous system stuck in threat modeThe science of how savoring rewires the brain for safety and balanceWhy gratitude alone doesn’t create regulation without embodimentSimple ways to practice savoring in daily life without extra effortLisa’s Takeaway:Savoring is how you remind your body that good moments count too. Each pause, each exhale, each second you let safety land—it all adds up to regulation and resilience.Links Mentioned:Download The Autism Mom’s Meltdown PlanSchedule a consult with Lisa Candera

Before your autistic child can self-regulate, they co-regulate — through you.Your nervous system becomes their roadmap. Your breath, tone, and posture tell their body whether it’s safe or in danger. This is why your steadiness matters more than any script or strategy.In this episode, autism mom coach Lisa Candera breaks down the science and skill of co-regulation for autism parents — how two nervous systems sync, how stress transfers between you and your child, and how to use your own body as the anchor that helps them recover.You’ll learn what’s actually happening in those intense moments — the fight, flight, or freeze responses you both experience — and how to interrupt the cycle by leading with your body’s cues instead of your child’s behavior. Lisa explains why co-regulation is often the missing piece in emotional regulation for autistic children and what it takes to build this skill over time, even when your own nervous system feels maxed out.This episode goes beyond theory. You’ll get specific, repeatable tools for steadying yourself during meltdowns, transitions, or any moment of dysregulation, and see how these small shifts can reduce reactivity, shorten recovery time, and strengthen trust between you and your child.In This Episode, You’ll Learn:What co-regulation means and how it develops before self-regulationWhy your nervous system sets the tone for your child’s emotions and behaviorThe patterns that keep autism parents stuck in survival modeHow your own body history shapes your reactions under stressFive practical ways to use your body cues as steadying signals during meltdownsLinks Mentioned:Schedule a consult with Lisa CanderaDownload The Autism Mom’s Meltdown Plan

You’ve heard me say it before: regulation starts with you.But what does that really mean when your child is melting down in front of you, your body tightens, your pulse spikes, and your mind goes straight to “make it stop”?This is not a mindset issue. It’s biology. Your nervous system is wired to mirror your child’s. When they escalate, your body reacts. You feel it. And that’s why prevention and control, as much as we rely on them, only take us so far.You can plan every detail, anticipate every trigger, and still find yourself in the middle of a storm, running on adrenaline. Because in that moment, what matters most isn’t what you do, it’s how you are.In Episode 184 of The Autism Mom Coach Podcast, I talk about what it really means that regulation starts with you. I share what happens when you meet your child’s distress with your own, how your energy shapes the room before you say a word, and how to steady yourself when everything feels like it’s coming apart.You’ll learn:• The difference between reacting and regulating• How your body’s signals matter more than your words• Simple ways to bring yourself back to baselineRegulation is awareness. It’s catching yourself sooner, breathing before you speak, and becoming the steady presence your child can lean on.🎧 Listen to Episode 184: Why Regulation Starts With You — because your energy teaches your child how to find theirs.Being the Calmest Nervous System in the Room: It’s one of the hardest parts of parenting an autistic child. But this isn’t about being zen or unbothered. It’s about learning how your body reacts, spotting it sooner, and choosing steadiness over reactivity.That’s why working 1:1 with a seasoned autism mom and experienced coach is a game changer!If you’ve been craving support + skills to do tomorrow better, schedule a consult HERE.