NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship

Short Description
Narcissistic co-parents are masters at twisting boundaries—but you don’t have to fall for their traps. In this Thrive in 5, I break down 3 sneaky tactics they use and exactly how to outsmart them so you can protect your peace and power. 👑✨

💻 Courses & Coaching
👑 Empowered Boundaries Course → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

✨ Work 1:1 With Me (current 1:1 programs) → 

3-Month Coaching Container
Focused, high-touch support to stabilize your nervous system, strengthen boundaries, and stop being emotionally hijacked by co-parenting dynamics.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

6-Month Coaching Container
Deeper healing and integration for women ready to fully rebuild self-trust, emotional safety, and confidence after narcissistic abuse.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

12-Month Coaching Container
A long-term, transformational container for women ready to fully reclaim their power, peace, and identity — and create a steady, regulated life beyond survival mode.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

🌟 Connect & Resources
👑 Join the Private Facebook Community → https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

🎁 Free Boundaries Pocket Guide → https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

🎤 Subscribe to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast → https://www.podbean.com/podcast-detail/f7vsi-208d1a/Narcissistic-Abuse-Recovery-Podcast

🎧 Related Podcast Episode
🪨 The Grey Rock Method: How to Deal with a Narcissist if You Cannot Go No Contact
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776

TRANSCRIPTS

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Today we are breaking down the three biggest boundary traps that narcissists use in co-parenting. They are sneaky little ways. They try to keep you off balance, steal your peace and rope you into their chaos. No thank you. So here's the best part. I'm not just going to tell you what the traps are. I'm going to give you the exact tools to outsmart them every single time. Queen Edge. Alright, so the first is the infamous guilt trip. You're probably familiar with that, right? They'll say things like, if you really cared about the kids, you'd switch weekends or you're being so selfish by not helping me out. And what is their goal to make you feel like a bad mom or a bad co-parent?

(01:09)
Bad parent, period. Unless you cave, right? They're trying to get whatever fits into what benefits them. So how do you outsmart it? First you stick to the plan and then literally repeat the boundary without defending it. Remember this part without defending it? So that could look like, nope, we're going to stick to the parenting schedule and then pause. Zip it. Do not explain. Okay? We have a tendency when we are people pleasers or empaths or don't want to be misunderstood. That was a big trigger for me just in my life being misunderstood. So over explaining can make us feel like maybe we'll be understood or just giving reasons, right? Don't explain, don't argue, don't get emotional. None of those things are going to help, okay? You want to outsmart them. Remember that the silence is actually the strength, okay? Remember, silence is strength. Silence is strength.

(02:18)
Don't take the bait. Okay? So number two, the endless negotiator, okay, you say no and they immediately push back. Well what about just this one time? Or well if we switch next week instead, or what if I pick them up later instead of earlier? What if all the different things to try to get their way somehow and getting their way equals what? Control. That's what they're trying to get. We're not going to give it to 'em, okay? They keep changing the terms to wear you down. So this is actually calculated, manipulative. When they're doing this. They figure if they can drag you into the back and forth, they then already have your energy. They're already gaining the power over you. So how do we outsmart it? Again, don't take the bait. My favorite phrase of life, restate once, then disengage. So it's very similar. So something like, no, we'll be sticking to the plan.

(03:27)
If they keep pushing, don't respond. I would maybe say it twice. If they have a first negotiation party coming out of their mouth, say, Nope, we'll be sticking to the plan. Nope, we'll be sticking the plan and then don't respond. Or maybe on the third time you say, I've already answered and move on your time, energy and sanity are what is not up for negotiation. And if you let them repeatedly suck you into where you're responding over and over and over, they are gaining that power and feeling like they're getting you closer and closer to giving them what they want. And they probably are half the time, okay? So don't get sucked in. Alright? So trap three, the victim act, okay? They'll say something like, you're making my life harder or You're the reason I can't see my kids as much as I want. They play the poor me card to twist the narrative and put you back in caretaker mode.

(04:44)
They know at this point that you have a big heart. They know that. Know your soft spots, they know your buttons so they know even more specifically what they can say in these situations to get you to feel sorry for them. So how do you outsmart this? Don't step into the role they are assigning you. Okay? I want you to hear that one. Don't step into the role they are assigning you. It's not your role, baby. Okay? It ain't your role. It doesn't look good on you anymore. Nope, we're moving on. So a simple firm statement like I'm not responsible for your feelings. We're following the parenting plan. And then again, if they come push back, you repeat again, we're following the parenting plan. And then you say, I've already answered, move on. If you give it that much, I'm saying three max, three responses max.

(05:49)
It's not your job to rescue them. I know we love rescuing. Gosh, I mean, I adopted a child, I adopted a dog. I'm all about that rescue life. I get it, girl. No, but I know you probably have a beautiful heart. You understand? You feel like, oh, maybe they had a hard childhood or this and that, all the things, or oh, they lost their job. There's so many things and feelings, I get it. But it is your job to protect your peace and your child's emotional safety above everything else. If you're a God person, it is God, you and your kid. It is not your job to save a narcissist. It's not your job to save a toxic person. It's not your job to save anyone, your child hell yeah, save that child and saving your own sanity for yourself, but also for your child.

(06:52)
Your child needs the most stable, healthy minded parent they can, especially because they have another parent who is so unhealthy. Okay? So keep that in mind when you're feeling guilty or second guessing your role, that's your role. Your role is to be a peaceful parent and that does not mean that you cave to the narcissist. Okay? So here's your thriving five challenge for the week. You like that? Alright? You're going to watch for these traps, the guilt trip, the negotiator, the victim, and the next time one of them shows up, practice outsmarting it by keeping your responses short, firm and free of over-explaining. And again, I've mentioned a lot recently, I feel like my Gray Rock Method episodes, so if I forget to link them, I hope I don't, I might. And just look up Gray Rock Method in my podcast or with my name and it should come up.

(08:00)
I think there's two episodes on the Gray Rock method that is all about going a little more deeply into this stuff. But if you want even more tools to help you hold boundaries that actually stick, I mean it is a whole, my course is epic. You will never ever regret purchasing it. It has changed people's lives just from the course. Obviously the one-on-one work is super transformational and customized because I'm there with you every step of the way. The second best thing, if you really want to have transformational experience with not just the co-parent, but anyone else you come into contact with that is controlling, toxic, any of that unhealthy, and you aren't so great at keeping boundaries or maintaining them or what to do in the conversations if they push back or if they do not respect your boundaries. All of that is in that it is a 10 video course and it's one dripped out every week.

(09:12)
These have been selling like little cute pancakes, hotcakes sound like the hotcakes because it's really, really important as a foundation to thrive. In order to thrive, you need to be confident and set boundaries. It is the foundation of moving on into this kind of thriving mentality, which you can do by the way, no matter who you are, what you've been through, you can, there's 10 modules. There's a meditation bundle that goes along with it. If you're into the namaste, calm your body and it's designed to help you step out of survival mode and into peace. Because if you're feeling stuck, one of the problems that is keeping you stuck a big major problem is that you're not feeling strong enough, confident enough, and self trusting enough to set boundaries. And we talk about that in the boundary scores. So it's the energetics, it's the confidence, it's building that and setting the boundaries, evaluating what boundaries you need to have, having the conversations if you need to have them.

(10:32)
And again, going from there, okay, Queens need boundaries and you're a damn queen. Look at you. Go look in the mirror. Would you take a second? Go check her out. She's super hot and she looks like she needs a boundary course called Empowered Boundaries. So I'll put the link in the show notes if you want to do one-on-one. Those of you listening who have signed up with me recently, one-on-one, my coaching, my hours are getting crammed and crammed and I have less space and I'm feeling bad because I'm booking up. It's a great thing for me, but I really want to help everyone I can. So if you are considering working with me, jump in there. Let's get a one-on-one session. I have one-on-one. There's a one-off, which this is not a one-off work, this is not, oh, let's do one and done. This is you're doing your intake call with me to get to know each other and obviously we can feel it out and go from there.

(11:37)
And if you're just like, I just want in on this, I want a huge transformation. There is a package for one month and there's a package for three months. The three months you get a bonus of Voxer in between all our calls. So you get once a week calls. So a lot of fun little options. I'll put them in the show notes. But this boundaries course, right now we're talking about boundaries. That's why I was really focusing on that. And it is a less expensive way if you are tight on funds right now, it's really inexpensive for what you get and you get it for lifetime access. So you can go back to it, refer to it over and over again. It's amazing. Yes, I'm biased, but it's the hottest shit you'll ever, ever see in your life. Okay? All right, so that is your thriving five. Keep your crown high, protect that sparkle, and remember, you can outsmart the traps and reclaim your peace. Okay? You can trust me. I've done it and now you're going to do it. So look, these little tips, they can help. You want to go deeper, you want to really transform, you have to actually invest in that. And is it is priceless by doing a course or doing one-on-one work, whether it's with me or someone else.

(13:14)
That is how you make change. If you're feeling stuck, that's how you get unstuck. Okay? So I would love you to sign up for either the course or one-on-one work. Let's do this. You are worth it. Peace is truly priceless. I'm not just saying this right? I'm not just like, oh yeah, here's this course I'm telling you, you deserve to be able to feel confident and comfortable setting boundaries in your life and having peace and showing your children what they should and should not accept in their life. And that's what boundaries do. Not controlling other people, controlling our peace and what happens to us and what we do with that. So I could go on and on, but I will not because you got stuff to do. I got stuff to do. I'm going to go put my coconut oil on. I just got coconut oil for my face.

(14:10)
Raw Coconut oil by coco and Company. Nope, it's not a commercial, it's just me blabbing because I'm staring at it excited. It smells delicious. I want to eat it, but I won't eat it when it's on my face. Cause that be extra weird? Okay, so on that note, I'll let you go. And if you also have not joined my Facebook group, private Facebook group, get in there. That link is also always in the show notes. So go just have a field day in the show notes, see what's there. It's fun. This is 14 minutes and probably 10 minutes of me just rambling. But that's what you get on the Christie Jade show. Should I change the title? Alright, you guys have a great weekend and I'll be back on Tuesday with the regular episodes. And Thursdays are Thrive in five because we can thrive in five, or in this case, 15. All right, smooches deuces. See you in the next one. Love you.

If co-parenting feels harder now than it did when you were in the relationship, you’re not imagining it. Many women experience intense anxiety, emotional exhaustion, and self-doubt long after separation — even when they’re doing everything “right.”

In this episode, we unpack why co-parenting with a narcissist or high-conflict parent often feels like emotional whiplash, and why traditional advice like “just communicate better” can actually keep you stuck in a cycle of dysregulation. You’ll learn what’s really happening beneath the surface, why your nervous system reacts so strongly, and what shift actually creates steadiness and relief.

This conversation is about naming what others miss — and giving you language, clarity, and direction when co-parenting feels impossible.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

Why co-parenting can feel worse after the relationship ends

How intermittent emotional reinforcement keeps your nervous system on edge

Why “healthy communication” backfires with narcissistic personalities

The real goal of co-parenting in high-conflict dynamics

How reducing emotional access restores calm and clarity

Your Next Step in Healing
If this episode named something you’ve been feeling but couldn’t explain, this is the exact work I do inside my private coaching containers — helping women move from emotional whiplash to emotional containment so they can protect their peace and show up grounded for their kids.

Work With Me 1:1
3-Month Coaching Container
Focused, high-touch support to stabilize your nervous system, strengthen boundaries, and stop being emotionally hijacked by co-parenting dynamics.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

6-Month Coaching Container
Deeper healing and integration for women ready to fully rebuild self-trust, emotional safety, and confidence after narcissistic abuse.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

12-Month Coaching Container
A long-term, transformational container for women ready to fully reclaim their power, peace, and identity — and create a steady, regulated life beyond survival mode.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Additional Support & Resources
Free Boundaries Pocket Guide
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Free Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

📩 Contact: 00:00):

Hello, hello everybody. How are you? I hope you are doing well. It has been super cold, super cold here in the DC area. We got lots of snow/ice. They were calling it, now I forget, some mix between ice and concrete. Ice create. That sounds like ice cream, but I don't think that was it. Anyway, it has been quite a wild ride over here and I want to do a special nervous system reset on Thursday. So make sure to follow this podcast on my main page. Just make sure to hit follow so you can get all my episodes, all my fancy stuff. But today we're talking about co-parenting because I know most of my clients are going through that. A lot of you listeners are going through that. And today I'm going to talk about why it feels like emotional whiplash more than co-parenting and why "good communication" can actually make it worse.

(00:58)
Sometimes we're not given the best advice.

(01:04)
Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five-minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen, this one's for you. So welcome back. I'm Christie Jade. If you are co-parenting with a narcissist or high conflict, toxic, whatever buzzword you want to insert there, and you're feeling anxious, dysregulated, needing that namaste like myself right now. But it might be right after you're coming out or soon out of a relationship, or it could be you're years out and you're still feeling this, then you are in the right place today. This is one I've been wanting to record a while because it addresses something so many people feel, but don't really have the language for. So why does co-parenting feel harder than the marriage did in ways? Some of us who come out go, "Wait a second.

(02:17)
Why does this feel harder? Should I have just stayed?" It can get even to that point. Why does a two-sentence text knock you out emotionally for hours or have you spinning, your mind spinning and trying to analyze, or you're just uptight on those eggshells you were when you were with them and you're still walking on the eggshells in different ways now. Why does all the advice about, "Oh, just be the bigger person, have good communication, seem to actually make things worse instead of better." I'm going to answer all of it. That's why Queen Christ is here. We're all queens in this together, right? So put your little shiny crown on and we'll have a little chatsky. Drink your beverage, your favorite beverage. Get cozy for this one. Mom's got a lot to say. All right. So first, let's start here. If co-parenting feels like emotional whiplash, one minute they're calm, maybe even cooperative.

(03:20)
I've heard that from many of clients. Sometimes they act totally cooperative, but then boom, you turn around and it's back to the old shit. And then you're flooded with the anxiety, anger at them or even self-doubt, right? Going, wait, did I do this? Did I cause this? Or having guilty feelings or doubting yourself or almost guilt or ashamed, being ashamed or feeling shame around any and all of the past or present things going on. So it's not necessarily a sign you're totally unhealed. That experience has a name. It's intermittent emotional reinforcement. Okay? So here's what almost no one explains clearly enough. Co-parenting with a narcissist is not primarily about parenting. Obviously, I mean, there's more to this, right? But I want to first say, of course, that's not saying it's not the focus.

(04:27)
The focus is always being the best we can for our kid, but I'll get to that. But it's about the continued emotional access. So the relationship ended, but the access didn't end. First of all, it feels like it can't because you're still tied by the children, right? And that is somewhat true. But every text, every quick clarification, every schedule issue becomes their opportunity to reassert control. And what do we know about narcissists? They're always trying to either gain control or see if they still have control. It's always about power and control. It also gives them opportunity to create confusion. That is one of their favorite things to do is confuse or pull you back into self-doubt. That's why it feels so destabilizing. So why the good communication backfires? Most co-parenting advice assumes two emotionally safe adults who want resolution. So when you see all this, "Oh, co-parenting," and you're like, "My friends over there, Dick and Susie know how to do it.

(05:44)
Why can't we do it? " Well, one of them's probably not a narcissist or the other one knows how to navigate narcissists, right? If there is a narcissist involved, which is not common. But narcissists or high conflict, the toxic people, personalities, whatever you want to call it, they don't want resolution. So that's the difference too between you have two healthy adults co-parenting. They both want resolution. They want what's best for the kid. A narcissist wants what's best for the narcissist. Okay? That's a very, very different game you're playing. They want engagement with you even. I'm talking about with you. They want a reaction and they want relevance. So when you're told, "Just communicate clearly. Oh, just be calm. Just keep it about the kids." Mind you, do I say this in some of my coaching? Yes, but it's mixed with other things. Just keep it about the kids.

(06:56)
In that case, I would say when you're responding to them, you do only have to answer things that are pertinent to the children. That's an example. But sometimes people just say in general, "Oh, it's some easy thing to just keep about the kids, just be calm." When you're actually, what you're actually being asked to do is to stay emotionally available. And that's the very thing that can keep that cycle alive, which we don't want to do. So the somatic piece of this, which if you don't know, I do a lot of somatic work with my coaching. All the information my coaching can get more details is in the show notes, the description. Click on any of the links of my ... I have three programs. This is the part that matters deeply because if you're sensitive, intuitive, highly empathetic, like yours truly, which can be a blessing and a curse in some situations it feels like, right?

(07:56)
But your nervous system, learn this person before your mind could explain them. So when you get a message from this person, you get the tight chest, you get the racing, spinning thoughts I was talking about, the sinking feeling in your stomach, that's not weakness. It's not you being irrationally afraid, right? It's pattern recognition. So I want you to kind of soak that in.

(08:31)
It's your body knowing what unpredictability costs, because you've experienced it already with this person. This also, if you may notice in other situations, right? If something's similar, it's kind of like what we call a trigger. And in some situations where PTSD can trigger things, right? You can have that same feeling with somebody else because it's the same pattern. So it's pattern recognition. In this case, it's double whammy because it's the same person, same pattern, very, very familiar. Yeah? So here's the reframe that I want you to hold onto. The goal is not healthy communication. It's emotional containment, right? You're not co-parenting for connection. It would be great. Yes. How great would it be if we could be BFFs with our exes and co-parent together, or even FFs, or even just F, friends, right? But with a narcissist, there's a reason you're here listening to this and it's not, "Oh, let's navigate how to be friends with a narcissist." It's how to navigate dealing with emotional manipulation.

(10:04)
Somebody who has already done damage and you're trying to heal and navigate co-parenting with them, it's not easy. You do not need to be friends with them. You don't need to be ... I don't want to say don't be kind, but you can be civil, but that is different with an unhealthy versus a healthy person. When you're in a civil situation where you don't want to be friends, but they're not necessarily abusive or narcissistic or toxic, you just don't want to be friends, you can have more of a civil kinder relationship. With narcissists, you really have to keep things limited.

(10:48)
There's not peace talks, not mutual understanding because they will never understand you because they don't want to. Again, they don't want resolution. They don't want the same things you do. Even if they say they do, it is a lip service. There's not emotional resolution. That's again, why we're here. You really cannot have emotional resolution with a narcissist. And that is something, once you realize, can make things a little easier for yourself. Going, "I am going to no longer try to connect to this narcissist in a normal, functioning, healthy way." They don't work like us. And sometimes that's a lot to process, a lot to digest. I have a client right now, we're going through the earlier phase. She has been out of the situation, but the earlier phase where she's having a hard time just processing that she's been with someone a very long time and that they're this person and that there's been a lot of lip service.

(12:01)
There's been a lot of pretending, a big mask has been worn by this narcissist, as you all know. Excuse me. Listen to my little alarm beeping over there.

(12:13)
So what actually works? Because we're told, let's say from therapists, I had a therapist years ago. I only went to him once because his advice I knew made no sense with the narcissist. So I walked out of there halfway through, I left. I had to pay, unfortunately. But I'm telling this person it's a narcissist and people dismiss it and think, "Oh, you're crazy. You call everyone a narcissist probably." No. Little did they know that I'd be a narc specialist. But he said, "Oh, just write a nice letter. That would be great if it was so unhealthy and kind that wanted resolution." We know narcs. I do, at least. If you don't know, I'm telling you narcissists, there's not a clean, nice way to have a relationship with them.

(13:18)
How should I put this? Because I feel like I can never, in public, I could get backlash. So I will say never say never. There's 0.000145 chance that a narcissist can be self-aware, actually go to therapy, actually do the work that will take years to get to a place where they can actually maybe have somewhat of a healthy relationship. Ain't nobody got time for that. So we're moving on. So what works with most narcissists, fewer words, not necessarily better words. Keep it very, very simple. You consolidate, consolidate, consolidate. You're sitting there writing that text out and you're like this and that. Well, what if I did this and oh, what do you absolutely have to say? They could say, "Oh, there you go. Saying I'm a bad guy again when you didn't say he's a bad guy." But he's twisting everything. He's going on manipulating, writing this whole big text, and then you're going to write back a defensive text.

(14:25)
"I never said that. Whoa, bring it all back, sister. "You don't have to respond to anything unless at the end of that text or somewhere he's saying," Can I pick up Sally at four o'clock Sunday? "And you say," Yes. "Or," No, please stick to the plan that we agreed upon. You can pick her up Saturday at 3:00, whatever it is.

(14:52)
Stick to your legal stuff. That's a whole other episode. "But this whole them throwing out their line and you taking that bait makes everything worse. More words, worse. Please listen to my Gray Rock Method episode. I'll try to remember to link in the, I'm going to say below because when I'm on YouTube, I say below. Link in the description, the show notes. Written communication. This saves me in daily life just in it's saved me in jobs. It has saved me with home renovation stuff where someone lied and then I got to bring it out and say," Nope, I got the proof right here. "I come from a family of lawyers, people. If anything, always have it written. If words are not recorded, you can also use Family Wizard. There's other apps too. Family Wizard is one. One of my clients swears by it and it has saved her because she had audio recordings of conversations that later she got to use to prove something.

(16:09)
It was proof. We love proof. I love proof to you. So written communications whenever possible. Even if you have a phone conversation, which maybe you wished it would've been written, follow up just write after it, text and say," Just to reiterate, I'll be picking up Janessa at 4:00 PM tomorrow, or whatever it is. Get it in writing, send it in writing. "No emotional language. This is a big one too. They want your emotions. They want your emotions good or bad. It's kind of like a toddler. They just want the attention.

(16:54)
For them, it's different than a toddler. Toddlers are just learning their little babies in the world. They want attention and they're just figuring life out. Narcissists want a reaction because it shows them they have control. And what did they love the most in life? Girls and boys, are we listening? Yes, control. Okay? So no emotional language. No explaining. Here's the hard part, and I know this is hard, but gosh, I have conquered this and I love it. No explaining, no defending or clarifying yourself. And this is in general in life. As women, we can be major overexplainers. It's just like in our culture, at least in America here, where we just have to explain away everything. Why we're not coming to a party and we give 50 reasons.

(17:54)
When you're with a narcissist, then of course you are really conditioned because you will get punished. You'll get punished no matter what usually, right? But you try to get less of a punishment if you can explain and try to reason out of something when really there shouldn't even have to be an exclamation, an explahation. So no more overexplaining, no more defending. Just think of the facts. What do you absolutely have to say in response? Get very almost like legal about it. If they're asking a question, and this is stuff, if you have a lawyer, obviously talk to them about what you are required to respond to. But we as women will overexplain. And even as men, especially dealing with narcissists, this is equal for men and women if you're in the narcissistic situation. The men will definitely have to explain because they're afraid if they don't explain what will happen.

(18:59)
Okay?

(19:02)
This way, there's less room for interpretation, less room for them to twist your words. You use three factual words rather than a paragraph of fluffy words that they can just twist and turn and make a mess with. Yeah, you'll be much happier. So they can also, it's less of an opportunity to hook you and less access to you. The less information you give them, the better. You know narcissists use anything you give them as ... What's it called? Why can't I think of words? Words. Where are you? Like ammo. That was it. Ammo for ... They save it in a little bin. So you say something, they might use it right back then, or they might take it out several months later and use either your vulnerability or just information. Maybe you're upset and you're just kind of like vomiting words and something comes out.

(20:03)
They could use that against you later. So the key in conversation with them is in writing as much as possible and as little as possible, unemotional as possible. Okay? So I want to pause here first because I get so worked up about these peeps. It's like I don't, in my own situations or whatever, I can navigate and handle, but I still, this is why I do this because I get so passionate about like, I hate that these people get away with this stuff. And that's why I want to help you guys so much. I really do. But let's acknowledge something here. Okay? It is deeply unfair that you have to do this. You're in a really tough situation. So give yourself grace, first of all. You didn't choose a high conflict co-parent. I get that you chose to be with this person, but you didn't know, usually you didn't know what you were getting into or your body was in self-preservation, which it's not your fault.

(21:12)
Yes, you learn the lessons and now you learn the lessons. If you're dating around, you use these as lessons. You teach your kids what not to or what to look for in a partner as you learn maybe yourself, what is a good partner. But you may have grown up in a situation in a family that was toxic or you had low self-esteem for X, Y, Z reason, and you ended up with somebody because you were vulnerable. It's not your fault someone took advantage of a good person. So it's kind of a little sidetrack there, but I want you to understand why I'm saying you didn't choose it because people are like, "Well, I chose..." No, you're just probably a really good-hearted, empathetic person, which is, I guess, a narcissist dream in a way, right? But that doesn't make it bad that you are that way.

(22:19)
I want you to stay empathetic. Now we just learn the tools, how to deal with them, how to not get in that situation again. So I want you to shake any of that guilt off. Shake it with me. Woo. All right. You didn't sign up to become an expert in boundaries and nervous system regulation. Neither did I. And here I am, right? This is my whole life now, but I will say this is part of my purpose. So it is what it is. Do I look back sometimes like, "Gosh, why did she ... The younger version of me have to go through that? That sucks." Yeah, I do. But I'm also like, now I can help people. So that's my job here. But what I had to learn, because I was so conditioned to act as if, even in my family, sorry, mom, if I'm throwing anyone under buses, but in my family dynamic, and there was some old school, and I say to my mom, this isn't about her, but just I know she don't like when I talk family stuff just in general.

(23:35)
This is not, just to be clear, this is not about my mother, but I have an old school Italian family and there were members, maybe extended, maybe whatever, different people in the family that cater to ... It's like old school Italian where even they might cater to the males of a family, right? That can be in some of these older minded cultures, right? I'm trying to say this without saying too much, where we grow up kind of tiptoeing around the males in the family and they can put you down or belittle you or whatever, especially the girls or maybe the younger children. It depends on the family or dynamic, but you grow up feeling like you're not allowed to protect yourself, your peace. You're not allowed to stand up for yourself, right? You're kind of conditioned in this way. So that can also make you enter into unhealthy relationships because you view them as what's normal, because that's what you know.

(24:47)
But I want to let you know, no matter what kind of toxic shit you had to grow up with or toxic relationship you had or are in right now, protecting your peace, saying, "I don't want to be mistreated. I don't want to be dismissed. I don't want to feel like shit. I don't want to question myself. I don't want to be confused all the fucking time." It's not selfish. You're not being selfish by protecting yourself.

(25:23)
There is a huge difference. You're not trying to control anyone. You're not trying to be mean to anyone. You are literally protecting your mental health. And I get so mad I could just scream because it's so hard to watch so many people get really, really mind-fed by narcissists and made to think that requiring peace for yourself is selfish. That's what your condition. When you say, "No, I want peace. I don't want to be verbally abused. I don't want to be physically abused. I don't want to be manipulated. I don't want to be so confused because somebody has just twisted my mind up and I don't even know who I am anymore." That's not okay. And you're conditioned to think that that is selfish and I'm here to just remind you it's not. Okay? Major tangent was not on my little outline here. All right.

(26:50)
And this is a reminder in my notes here because I did get sidetracked eyed to go, "Wait, where was I? " This is also for your kids. So we're talking about co-parenting here. So you want to say, "Well, what about the kids?" And I want to have peace with the kids. The best thing in the world for your children is to watch you as a role model, because we know the other one probably isn't doing a great job as a role model. So yes, you have to step up. Does that mean be the bigger person and be overly charming and kiss a narc's ass? No.

(27:36)
It means find peace yourself in yourself. Find a way to not take the bait, to not be emotional, not because you're trying to appease them, but because you're trying to get your own peace. I mean, right in general, the best revenge is a happy life, a happy, peaceful life. Best revenge on anyone, but this isn't about revenge. This is about you recreating a life for yourself and your kids. They are watching you and you want children who are watching you and saying she wasn't mean, but she had peace and was happy and demanded peace around her. You can demand peace. I know you're not used to that word probably. Get used to it, baby. It looks good on you. Demand peace. That doesn't mean you're controlling anyone else. That doesn't mean you're telling someone even how to speak to you. It's telling someone, "If you speak to me like this, I'm going to walk the fuck out.

(28:56)
I'm going to hang up the phone." Other people can do what they want, but you're not going to allow it into your life. You're not going to allow their toxic energy. Picture it. All right. I want to picture yourself. I want you to picture yourself in a beautiful, glowing yellow bubble of peace. Okay? Just imagine that. And then you see that toxic Ema 10 feet away in a big cloud of black, smelly, stinky, pig pen-ass smoke coming off them. And you see them. Are you going to pop your bubble and let them in or are you going to keep that bubble up? That's your boundary. That's setting boundaries. You say, "You can come near me all you want. You can come as close as my boundary is, but you're not getting in here. And if you tried again in here, I'm going to walk away.

<rest of transcript unavailable>

If you’ve ever wondered why you feel overwhelmed, reactive, emotional, or exhausted after dealing with a narcissist — this episode is for you.

So many women come out of narcissistic abuse believing something is wrong with them. That they’re “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” or “too much.” But what you’re experiencing isn’t a personality flaw — it’s a nervous system response.

In this episode, I explain why your body may still be on high alert long after the narcissist is gone, how emotional conditioning keeps you stuck in self-doubt, and why logic alone doesn’t stop these reactions. Most importantly, we talk about how to begin restoring safety inside your body so you can stop blaming yourself and start trusting yourself again.

You are not broken.
Your body learned how to survive.

Your Next Step in Healing

If your body still feels stuck in fight-or-flight — even when you know the narcissist was the problem — deeper support can make all the difference.

I offer three private coaching containers depending on the level of support you’re ready for:

Transformational Coaching – 3-Month Deep-Dive
A focused container to stabilize your nervous system, reduce emotional reactivity, and rebuild self-trust.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

Queens of Peace – 6-Month Coaching Container
For deeper nervous system healing, boundary integration, and identity rebuilding after narcissistic abuse.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Queens of Peace – 12-Month Coaching Container
For women ready to fully reclaim their peace, power, and sense of self long-term.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Questions or not sure where to start?
Email me directly at https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

• Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

• Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

• Free Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

If you’ve ever wondered why your body still panics—even when you know better—this episode is for you.
Narcissists don’t just manipulate conversations; they manipulate states like fear, urgency, guilt, and confusion. And once your nervous system is activated, logic goes offline.

In this episode, Christy breaks down three specific ways narcissists hijack your nervous system, why your reactions are not a failure, and how to begin calming your body so you can respond with clarity instead of spiraling. This is especially important for anyone co-parenting, navigating post-separation abuse, or dealing with a narcissistic parent or ex.

You’ll learn how nervous system hijacking actually works—and why healing isn’t about “being stronger,” but about safety, regulation, and self-trust.

Your Next Step in Healing
If interactions with a narcissist still send your body into panic or shutdown, 1:1 coaching offers personalized nervous-system-aware support, communication strategy, and boundary clarity—especially for high-conflict or co-parenting situations.
Email: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

6-Month Coaching Container
Deep nervous system work, boundary integration, and identity rebuilding so you stop second-guessing yourself and start living from calm authority.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

12-Month Coaching Container
Long-term healing for complex trauma, co-parenting, family narcissism, and post-separation abuse—supporting true, lasting regulation and peace.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Additional Support & Resources

Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free)
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Free Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

If you've ever thought, why am I still panicking when I know better? This episode is for you. Today, I'm going to break down three very specific ways narcissists hijack your nervous system so you can stop blaming yourself and start calming your body again. Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath, queen. This one's for you. Alright, so welcome back. Let me say this clearly right out of the gates, if your body still reacts even after therapy, after setting your lovely boundaries and doing everything right, you are not failing. Your nervous system has been trained. So narcissists don't just manipulate conversations, right? They manipulate states. So states of fear, urgency, God, I hate that one. Guilt and confusion. So today we're not talking about just, oh, just ignore 'em or be stronger, right?

(01:19)
We're talking about how the hijacking actually happens and what helps you come back to safety. Alright? So the first way they use urgency to bypass your regulation, this one is very, very important and one that I didn't really learn about till later in my research. Education, knowledge, all of them, right? This urgency is something we all get conditioned to have. So it can be sneaky, it can be sudden texts, last minute demands, fake emergencies. I remember having some of those, like this needs to be handled right now or call me immediately. I've literally had a narcissist say, this is an emergency you need to pick up when I wouldn't pick up. And then it goes, you go, oh, okay. And then you find out it's not really an emergency, right? So urgency shuts down your thinking brain and activates what we are familiar with survival mode.

(02:33)
So your body doesn't ask, is this real? It asks, am I in danger? And once you respond from that place, the narcissist feels power again. So what do we do with all this, right? I can just, sorry, I'm just thinking back to that urgency feeling and how disruptive is right. So I just want to, I guess for solidarity sake right now, say I see you and I feel you in this space of urgency. And it's this just constant stress in your body that is feeling like everything's urgent and this fear of if you don't respond right away, if you don't do what they say, it's this tight chest tight neck. It literally changes your body, not just your mentally, but your body, your physiology. So one way to reframe it is that urgency does not mean importance. So what can help with this is before responding pause and orient, because you have to pull yourself out of this urgency.

(03:55)
You have to retrain, reframe your brain so that you don't feel stuck in this cycle. So orienting, I've talked about this on here before, but this really helps in these situations. So you can just pause wherever you are. This is great. You can do this tool anywhere. Name three things you can see. So I'll do an example right now that you don't have to think about it. This is non-thinking work. This is get in your body work. Okay, Queens, we need to get in our bodies way more. So how do we do that? Orienting is one step. So I'm looking at my beautiful floral picture. It always helps. I like to my eyes organically kind of gravitate towards the prettiest things in the room. So this beautiful, beautiful bouquet of flowers. So automatically I'm looking at that and remember to just kind of focus on the details, even if it's one detail.

(04:57)
There's just this one kind of magenta flower against the rest of the pastel. So I'm kind of just letting my gaze set on that and just observing that for a minute. And not even a whole minute, but a few seconds, 30 seconds. A second thing right now I'm looking at my flamingo. She's beautiful too, but what really crotches my eye is her glittering gold crown. Yes, I have a flamingo with a crown because how crispy is that, right? So I'm just letting my gaze settle on her crown and enjoying the reflecting light on the glitter as glitter is my favorite color all. And just kind of letting myself be present looking at that. And then I'm going to look another direction and I'm seeing a beautiful piece of artwork again, it's a different piece of artwork. I have a lot of artwork. I love art.

(06:00)
If you don't know that about me, now you do. And it's got some really beautiful teal shades in the background. And this also is a nice little cozy feeling because me and my stepsister and my daughter created this artwork together and it's just beautiful. So that's like an extra icing on the cake. If it is something beautiful or that has a nice story with it, but it doesn't have to be, it could just be like a couch cushion and you're just looking a little deeper into it, like the texture. So those are three things you can see, and you can name them out loud. You can say beautiful flowers, crazy old flamingo with the crown, gorgeous teal background of the painting, right? Then you put your feet on the floor, okay? Because this is, you want to get grounded. So you're getting present, you're getting grounded, noticing you're right here in this moment. Your feet are here on the ground, you are here.

(07:12)
And slow your breath. Inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth. That's called a halo breath. Inhale through your nose and out your mouth, okay? And then ask, is this truly urgent or just activating? Now my example where that person said this is an emergency. Of course, when we have children, let's say your child is at their house, you are of course, no matter what, that's going to feel urgent, be urgent until the true story, whether it is or not. So you do have to respond to something like that. But there's a lot of examples, and you probably can already think of some that aren't truly based on urgency, right? So if they're saying, I want to know if blah, blah, blah, but it's really not that urgent, but they make it feel urgent. They have a tendency to get that control and that power over you. And you go, is this really urgent or is it activating? Or is it just what I've been taught to respond like this? Alright, so number two, another way is they weaponize tone not content. So here's why their message messages mess with you even when they're reasonable.

(08:45)
And that other people, I feel like we're always like, oh, other people don't see it, of things like that where it seems reasonable, but you know that you can see the difference or hear the difference. So it's not what they say, it's how they often say it. But that sarcasm, a kind of cold politeness. If you know subtle digs, maybe not so subtle digs, but we're talking about the more subtle things and concern that feels threatening. So your nervous system remembers who you are and how they make you feel, how it makes your body feel with their tone, with their actions, all of that, your body remembers, right? That's why we do somatic work, which I'll talk about in a little bit. Not just the words. It's not just the words, it's the whole energy around it. So that's why you reread their messages over and over.

(09:54)
I know you've done that. That's why your chest tightens that neck. Like oh, it's just everything the muscles contract in your body and that's why you spiral. The mental spiral is real. So you're not dramatic, you're conditioned. Okay, so with this one, what helps read the message once and identify the category, not the emotion. Okay, is it logistics? Is it information, useful information? Maybe, maybe not. Is it bait? Are they baiting you? Right? And so you respond only to the category, not the tone. Is it logistics with picking up your child? Don't take the bait part of it, just respond with an answer if you need to yet two o'clock, whatever time you agreed upon whatever it is, or is it just bait? Often it can just be bait. Now why would you do X, Y, Z? There's no real question in there. That is a bait question.

(11:21)
If it's something they do not need to know. And those are very common bait questions or bait guilt trips. Oh, so I'm the bad guy, I try to help you out. Look what you do. There's no need to respond to that at all, right? So you're responding to the category, yes, you're going to respond if it's some information that you need to give or obviously something that information needs to be figured out or whatever, if it's about your child or something like that. So way number three, they pull you into self-doubt. Not my favorite either. None of these are, this is the most damaging one. I will say that. I mean that urgency can be so triggering, but the self-doubt one is where that longer term damage really, it really does happen from this, right? So they'll provoke you, react as many people would, and then you'll beat yourself up maybe about it, right? Why did I respond? Why am I still affected? I get this question so much from my clients, why am I still affected? Am I ruining this for my kids? So there's a shame loop there and it keeps your nervous system stuck. But here's the truth, your reaction is not a character flaw, it's a protective response that hasn't been updated yet.

(13:12)
It's still working back there. It's a protection that needs a little refresh. So what helps in this situation, after any interaction, you can say this, my body reacted because it learned this pattern for survival. I'm safe now. My body reacted because it learned this pattern for survival. I'm safe now and often with my clients in this somatic world, when we go on our little somatic journeys together, this stuff will come up and we will rewire that part, part of the brain that's thinking, oh, I'm still not safe. I'm still not safe. We go into that world and rewire so that we can feel safe again. So after that, you can do something regulating like take a walk, stretch. Oh, the power of YouTube. Do you know how many stretches Pilates, yoga, dance is on there? Unlimited. So there's no excuse. You can't literally, you don't have to do a 30 minute video.

(14:29)
Just move your body. Move your body. I'm telling you, moving your body really is so healing. Okay, another one, and I just did this with my client the other day. She messaged me on Voxer. If you don't know what Voxer is, it's like a walkie-talkie app and we can walkie-talkie or text back and forth through the app. And my long-term ongoing clients get this bonus with their packages where in between calls we get to walkie-talkie, we get to Voxer. It's so fun. One of my favorite things and she was just like having a moment and I said, okay, for this specific thing, and there's different things and you also, there's many methods and tools. We can talk about that in another episode. So for this specific client and what was going on, I knew that the cold water would be a really good one, cold water on the wrists.

(15:31)
So I said, go run your wrist under really cold water and tell me how you feel after. And she felt better. It worked. So now she can use that as a tool. That's something that worked for her and it works for a lot of people, but maybe it won't work exactly for you. There's plenty of other tools. So if you aren't a big fan of cold water, we'll find something else. And then there's always breath work. We call it breath work, but really it's just breathing, slow breathing. There's so many different ways. I actually am certified in breath work, so I know all the different breathing patterns and breathwork patterns and my favorite is the halo in through the nose, out through the mouth. I just love that one to regulate the nervous system. But you do what feels best for you. I always use my favorites with clients or even on these podcasts, but this is about learning what works for you too. You get to say, I'm more comfortable just breathing in and out my mouth or in and out just my nose or taking super long inhale and just a little inhale. Is that a new word? Exhale.

(16:46)
So just don't forget that this work has to work for you. You have to be comfortable. So just a little reminder. But yeah, so doing any of those regulating actions, walking, stretching, cold water, breath work, even just popping on some Britney Spears, I don't know if that's maybe not one of her videos right now where she's doing crazy things with knives, but you get my drift. Something that brings you joy and where you can move your body. So an important little reminder, your kids don't need a perfect unbothered parent. They need emotional honesty and safety, showing them how to calm their bodies after stress and being a role model, being a role model for them, saying, I'm taking the time to heal and take care of myself. Obviously they don't need to know all the ins and outs of what's happened with your ex and all of that, but showing them in general when you are in a dysregulated space saying, you know what? There's tools for this. I'm not going to ignore it and try to be a hero. I'm going to be a hero by actually saying, oh, my body's dysregulated, so I'm going to take a few moments to myself, right? This is teaching them resilience, not weakness.

(18:23)
You absolutely have to take care of yourself to keep moving forward, get burnt, crispy, fried. That can happen after narcissistic abuse especially. We are resilient ERs. Can I get a what in the back? Yes. Okay, good. Thank you. Alright, so you're not failing, you're not weak, you're not too sensitive. I know you've been told that by that lovely narcissist. I'm sure you're not. You are unlearning a nervous system pattern that was not your fault. It was someone else. Controlling and manipulating and conditioning you and healing doesn't mean that you'll never ever react again. It means you come back to yourself faster. We were born with emotions. We're supposed to have emotions. We have them, right? I'm like, yeah, God said, let there be anger, let there be joy. Let there be all the feelings.

(19:26)
He could have tucked a couple of those back in his pocket. But here we are with all of them and we're supposed to have them. And a lot of them help us to know, well, let's say fear, right? We have fear to protect us. We have anger to be able to express ourselves, but it is being able to get back to the grounded part of us way more quickly than when we have been through abuse and we are triggered and we are scared and we are still in survival mode. We have to be more regulated. We've got to get that back. And that's when you start to feel the joy, the peace, the calm again, if you can even imagine.

(20:19)
And with less shame, less guilt. We don't like those words around here. We're going to stomp 'em. Okay? So if co-parenting or dealing with a narcissist keeps hijacking your piece, my one-on-one coaching is for nervous system aware support and strategy. So if you are somebody, I have a lot of co-parents, I have people who have narcissists in their family and they have to deal with them, but they're not living with them actively. Usually it's someone that they can keep a space with because I really work with people who are ready to regulate their nervous system and not be really intertwined with the narcissist, if that makes sense. If we're co-parenting, that's a different story. Many of my clients are because they are forced to, but they are on the journey to really getting not entangled other than what they absolutely have to. And that's where a part of my specialty lies, how to navigate that.

(21:31)
So there's that. There's the copy paste piece scripts, and if words are your biggest trigger, you have trouble with knowing what to say. I have those and my Empowered Boundaries course for the full boundaries system covering all your boundaries. If you get nervous about setting boundaries or you don't know how to keep them or you're nervous about what to do if someone pushes back, it's all in there. And there is a free boundaries pocket guide. If you're just starting, this is a great place to start. But the one-on-one coaching, if you know want to sign up, I have three, six, and 12 month options for you. I do occasionally do one-off calls, so you can email me if you're interested in that. I don't promote that as much anymore. That's like if you really just don't understand and you want to get a better idea of what's involved with the coaching and the somatic healing.

(22:37)
And so I can tell you briefly, the coaching obviously is how to navigate all of this on a logistical way and I will give tips and methods and whatever. And the somatic healing part is we actually go on little somatic journeys. And that can be, I mean it's more than meditation, it is nervous system calibration and balancing, rewiring the brain, going to childhood stuff where we go back and into the childhood vortex. We're not going and going into very long elaborate triggering traumatic sessions here. This is usually at the most a half hour, usually less. It's a whole hour long call, but usually it is less than a half hour of the actual journeying. And it can involve so much and that's why we could have a call if you want to get more details. But it's really recalibrating your nervous system through different methods, right?

(23:56)
It's through the body. Somatic means body. So we are healing your body. It's remembered everything. The body is kind of not caught up with the brain. You might say, I know that I shouldn't worry about this. Why is my body still viscerally reacting when I see a text message from this person? So we get to go in and heal that part on a somatic level, a deeper level. I mean the mind is a deep place too, but on a deeper level as far as the body and the cells and regeneration and rewiring, it's amazing work. It's mind blowing. That's why I do it. My favorite thing. Alright, so if you're interested in that, either signup, if you know you want to do that, there are signup links for all three packages, check them out. You can read more details in there too. Or if you'd like to jump on a one-on-one call, it's like an intake call.

(24:56)
So that's like if you're pretty sure you want to do it, but you just want more information. And that's where I can take more of your information to get your story and share about in more detail what we would do together. So there's also that you can email me if you're interested in that. My email and those links are always in the show notes. So the show notes are always in the episodes. And I believe on the main page of whatever podcast, you're listening to this as well, but if you go right to the episode page, everything will be in that description box. Okay? So remember, Thursdays are Thrivent five always related to Tuesday's episode, and they're shorter episodes. We do little somatic healing tools and all of that fun. So those are great to save and use later too. You can always go back to them.

(25:51)
So they're a good resource. This is an ongoing journey healing. It's not like a one and done. There has been some damage, but guess what? That doesn't mean you are damaged. That doesn't mean you cannot heal, which so many people come to me feeling like that. And I love why I do this work is watching them come in feeling helpless and being done, whether it's 3, 6, 12 months. The transformation is obviously more and more the longer you do the program. But even after three months, the transformation, the transitions, the healings that people have is just incredible and it's just beautiful work. So obviously I'm a big fan, but I will also follow, so you get my episodes right? Look at the, it should say follow, I believe wherever you are on whatever platform, follow or subscribe or something you don't miss my next episode, which will be Thursday and all of the fun episodes.

(26:58)
And I'd love you to email me with episode ideas that you have. I'm here for you. What would you like to learn more of? I know there's a lot of information already. I don't even know, 200 episodes or something. Two 50. And I just reached 200,000 downloads, which thank you. I'm so glad. See, it's hard. I'm not glad it resonates because that means a lot of people go through this stuff, which is hell. But I'm so glad that I'm able to help that many people. That's just insane to me. And I'm so grateful that I get to do this work. I really am. So thank you for supporting and listening and being a part of that. I recently hit 200,000 downloads, so it's awesome. So yes, reach out with any questions or just introduce yourself. I love to hear from you guys. So send an email, say hello, ask a question, suggest an episode, topic, whatever. I'm there. And also join my Facebook group. It's a private group for women and it's women who have gone through this abuse and are just like you. There's unfortunately a lot of us out there, but we can kind of be in solidarity together in the Facebook world. And so join that, and I will talk to you in the next episode. All right, love you. Bye.

Sometimes healing doesn’t start with heavy insight — it starts with a laugh.

In today’s Thrive in Five, Christy shares a light, humor-filled episode inspired by a conversation with her daughter about how dogs can surprisingly mirror narcissistic behavior. While this episode is playful, the patterns it highlights are very real — and often the same ones survivors were conditioned to normalize in toxic relationships.

This episode offers a nervous-system-friendly way to recognize narcissistic traits without shame, overwhelm, or self-blame. If you’ve ever laughed at something and then thought, “Wait… why does that feel familiar?” — this one’s for you.

In this short episode, you’ll notice:

Why constant attention is not the same as connection

How selective listening shows up in narcissistic dynamics

What boundary violations really signal (and why they’re not your fault)

Why love-bombing feels confusing but familiar

How emotional regulation often gets unfairly placed on you

This episode is meant to be a collective exhale — because awareness doesn’t always have to come from pain.

Your Next Step in Healing
If humor helps you see patterns, boundaries help you change them.
Download the Boundaries Pocket Guide to learn how to protect your peace without guilt or over-explaining.
👉 https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Work With Christy 1:1

3-Month Coaching Container
Ideal for unraveling confusion, breaking trauma bonds, and stabilizing your nervous system.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

6-Month Coaching Container
For rebuilding self-trust, boundaries, and identity after narcissistic abuse.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

12-Month Coaching Container
Deep integration, long-term support, and lasting transformation.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Additional Support & Resources

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts: https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

Empowered Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

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Contact: 00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a Breath Queen. This one's for you. Okay, so I was joking the other day about how my dog is such a narcissist and my daughter was like, you should totally do an episode on how dogs are like narcissists. And I thought it was funny, but then I was like, you know what? Things are pretty heavy in the world right now. There's a lot going on. We could all use a little chuckle. So here it is, a little Christy humor today, but there is some real nuggets you can also take away from today's episode. So to be clear, this is a jokey episode, but stay with me because humor is sometimes the safest way to see patterns we've been trained to ignore.

(01:01)
Alright, so sign number one that the dog is maybe a narcissist. The constant need for attention, your dog will stare at you, not blink, just stare until you acknowledge them. The translation is narcissists need constant attention, validation, reassurance, and emotional energy. Or they get very dysregulated like our little pups. A reminder though, the attention isn't connection, real connection does not require you to perform on the in the narc sense of things, right? In the human narc sense of things. Sign number two, selective listening. So your dog can hear a cheese wrapper from, I don't know, three rooms away, but come here, come here. I just had this happen two days ago with mine. Come here. I have a little Maltese cutest thing ever, but that guy doesn't listen unless he wants cheese, but nothing. I called him four times. Little guy was like, Nope. Because he knew I didn't have anything for him that he wanted at the moment, right? Translation, narcissists, hear what benefits them and ignore what doesn't. Especially your needs, feelings or boundaries. And the reminder for this consistently not hearing you isn't confusion. It's prioritization, right? All right, sign three zero. Respect for boundaries. Okay, bathroom time. Anyone, this is kind of like toddlers too, but dogs, your lap, there's your bed. Also theirs. The translation is narcissists feel entitled to your space, your time, your energy and access. Because boundaries feel like rejection to them.

(03:04)
Do you know that? It's always about them. So if you have boundary for yourself, they're going to make it about them anyway. So the reminder, someone reacting badly to a boundary doesn't mean the boundary is wrong. Sign number four, love bombing. Your dog ignores you all day, then suddenly you grab your keys and they're obsessed with you and no, no, mommy, don't go. Does that sound familiar? The translation narcissists turn on affection when they sense distance or loss of control, not because they've changed narcissists, don't change. Reminder, consistency is the green flag. Intensity is not. We need our people, our partners, to show up consistently. Not just like, ooh, they just have that passionate fire and then it's just gone. They also punish us with that silent treatment. Abuse, the regular. Alright, sign number five. You are expected to regulate their emotions. Your dog is anxious, overstimulated, reactive. Somehow it's your job to manage that

(04:34)
Translation. With narcissist. You end up soothing, explaining, fixing, calming while they avoid accountability. Be with a dog. It's kind of okay. And all these things might be okay with the dog, but we're talking about comparing it to the narcissist. Human reminder. In this case, you are not required to regulate someone else's emotions to be loved unless they're furry and eight pounds and cued as a button. So obviously dogs are innocent, narcissists are not. But humor helps us notice the patterns without the shame. So if this made you laugh and go, oh wow, hey, that's some awareness. And awareness is where healing actually starts. All right, so happy thrive in five Thursday. I hope you enjoyed this. Just fun little escape. I dunno, I felt like we needed to just have a little pivot of silliness. If you don't know me very well, you will find I am a silly one.

(05:42)
A little wild, little outspoken. And I love dogs. But do I love narcissists? No I don't. So are dogs really narcissists? No. But if they were humans, they maybe would be good thing they're dogs. Alright, so I hope you enjoyed this episode. And don't forget to join my Facebook fam. I have a private Facebook group of women with women just like you that are members and it is private. There are questions to get in. Please fill those out. That is to make sure we are all nice and safe and there's no bots or crazy people, narcissists, furry dogs in our group. And also if you want to work on it, I do make healing fun in many ways. Ask my clients, we can have fun and we also get some major healing done. And if you want that, go check out my show notes. I have the ways to work one-on-one with me and there's my boundaries course.

(06:45)
If you're a little more hands off right now and you just want to do an at your own pace course, that is a great option as well. And then there's a couple freebies always listed in there that you can do like my Pocket Boundaries, I can't even think of the name of it, but it's beautiful, it's fun and it's free. So that's in there. And as always, don't forget to follow and subscribe on whatever platform you're listening to this. Go to my main page and hit follow so you don't miss another episode because there's so many, they're not all off topic talking about dogs and crazy stuff. So dig into some more serious ones and get some more healing. This is a long game. I always say it's so weird because it's a long game, but we get so much done so quickly because there is a lot of healing to do when you have the damage done from a narcissist.

(07:45)
So there's a lot, but we get so much done so quickly, especially obviously in my one-on-ones sessions. Those are weekly. By the way, someone did ask me the other day how frequently the calls are. We have one-on-one calls once a week. It's great. And that's a mix of coaching and somatic healing, which is healing from the body because our body stores everything it does, it keeps it in there. So this is a way to heal. But just even the podcasts, I have tons of emails every week coming in saying how the podcasts alone when they have binged them, have helped them get out of relationships or start to see things they never saw before. And also in parallel or and heal from that start really healing their body and getting these tools to use in everyday life. So that's the thrive in fives those tools.

(08:43)
And then obviously Tuesdays are my longer episodes. We dive into more of the meat, we get a little deeper and really on the why's, the how's the why did this happen? We got a lot of those questions. Why did this happen? How do I navigate co-parenting? My parents this? All of those are in the Tuesdays and then we do little somatic healings on Thursdays, which that ongoing getting that knowledge mixed with the tools is going to set you up for healing with or without that one-on-one. Obviously the one-on-one is like you want transformation even faster and you want it customized, that's your jam, right? So find the healing that is best for you. There are literally options for any space you are in. Any financial situation you are in there is something for you. And if you have questions on anything, you can email me. My email is always in the show notes too. So find that or sign up for one-on-one sign for the Facebook page and I'll see you in the next episode.