The Safe House Framework with Valli Jones
Full Show Notes available at dyscastia.com
In this episode, I talk with Valli Jones, a clinical psychologist from Queensland, about what it means to create a safe learning environment for students who live with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and other learning difficulties. We focus on the idea that students learn best when they feel safe — not just physically safe, but emotionally and psychologically safe too.
Valli Jones
Valli Jones is a clinical psychologist and an autistic woman. She brings together professional expertise and lived experience to support families, educators, and health professionals in creating safe, respectful environments for neurodivergent children and young people.
She is the creator of the Safe House Framework — a model that blends years of clinical practice, formal training, and personal insight into what it really means to feel safe. Her work focuses on helping adults understand behaviour through a neurodiversity-affirming lens and on building strong, collaborative support systems around each child.
At the heart of her work is a simple goal: to help create a world where all children know what it feels like to be understood.
Show notes
Valli walks us through a model she developed for supporting neurodivergent students called the Safe House Framework, which is designed to support everyone around a child — parents, teachers, tutors, psychologists, speech pathologists, OTs to collaborate more effectively. The framework is built around the idea of a house, with each part of the house representing a part of what students need to feel safe and understood.
We also talk about what behaviour really means, what might be happening when a student shuts down or refuses to comply, and how important it is that we shift the way we think about neurodivergence in schools. This is especially relevant for teachers and tutors working with students who might seem ‘difficult’ or ‘defiant’ but are really just overwhelmed.
What is the Safe House Framework?
The Safe House Framework is a way of thinking about support for neurodivergent students that focuses on psychological safety and respect for difference, rather than control or behaviour management.
Each part of the house is a metaphor:
Foundations – The mindset of the adults involved. This means starting from a neurodiversity-affirming perspective: recognising that differences are natural, not signs of something broken that needs fixing.
Floor Plan – The specific profile of a student: their strengths, their needs, and the kinds of support that will help. This includes things like sensory processing, communication differences, and interests.
Windows – How we view behaviour. Instead of assuming students are being naughty or defiant, we try to see behaviour as communication. Often, it tells us a student is overwhelmed, anxious, or just not coping.
Walls – The people involved: parents, teachers, allied health professionals, tutors — anyone who supports the student. The more these people can share information and work together, the stronger the support.
Door – The connection we build with the student. Relationships based on trust and understanding are at the core of psychological safety.
Roof – The systems that protect students: legislation, policies, and broader supports.
Landscape – The broader context: the school community, cultural attitudes toward difference, and the general level of understanding.
The framework is available to download for free at embracingneurodiversity.co.
What behaviour might be telling us
One of the most important parts of the conversation was around how to understand behaviour. When students act out, shut down, avoid tasks, or insist on controlling things, it’s often not a matter of defiance or laziness. It’s a nervous system response.
Valli describes five common stress responses:
Fight – A student lashes out, argues, or becomes aggressive.
Flight – A student leaves the room or tries to escape a situation.
Freeze – A student goes still, zones out, or appears to stop functioning.
Fawn – A student over-complies, masks distress, or tries to please everyone, but is exhausted or anxious underneath.
Flop – A student shuts down completely, maybe lying on a desk or becoming non-verbal.
All of these are signs that the student may not feel safe in that moment, whether because of sensory overload, anxiety, fear of failure, or feeling misunderstood. Many of these behaviours get misinterpreted, especially in schools where compliance is expected.
The idea here is not to excuse unsafe behaviour, but to understand what might be driving it — and to work proactively, not reactively.
Making practical adjustments in schools
Some key suggestions came up around how teachers and tutors can support students before issues escalate:
Flexible seating (e.g. standing desks, rocker stools, floor spaces)
Fidgets that don’t distract others
Giving processing time (Michael talks about using a 30-second pause)
Being careful with “cold calling” (students fearing being put on the spot)
Allowing movement or breaks without needing to ask
Using “timeout” or “reset” cards to self-regulate
Clear routines and preparation for transitions
Avoiding judgmental or dismissive language
These kinds of supports can be made available to all students. The idea is that they remove barriers before they become problems, and prevent students from being placed in situations that overwhelm them.
Why collaboration matters
One of the biggest themes in the episode is the importance of adults working together. Often, a tutor doesn’t know what’s happening at school. The psychologist may not know what the parent is seeing at home. The school might be unaware of what allied health professionals are recommending.
The Safe House Framework offers a shared language and a way to bring people together around the needs of a student.
It encourages regular updates (e.g. a shared support plan reviewed every 6 months)
The plan is deliberately written from the child’s perspective to humanise it (e.g. “I find loud noises overwhelming,” rather than “student has auditory sensitivity”)
It can be used by parents, tutors, psychologists, and teachers alike, with everyone contributing their insights.
Even a short 15-minute Zoom meeting twice a year can be enough to keep everyone on the same page.
Advice for parents
Parents can use the Safe House framework to coordinate support for their child, especially when schools are too overwhelmed to lead it.
The parent version of the training is available at embracingneurodiversity.co
It includes 4 hours of video, workbooks, checklists, and a monthly Q&A
Membership is $15/month, but families can join for free by emailing Valli if cost is a barrier
Parents can also use it to better understand what allied health professionals do, and which types of support might be relevant for their child
Advice for teachers
Valli offers a version of the training specifically for:
Teachers and
Schools.
It covers the Safe House Framework in full, including how to understand autism and ADHD through an affirming lens.
There’s a focus on universal design — removing barriers for everyone before putting in individual accommodations.
It includes training on executive functioning, emotional regulation, communication, and social understanding
There’s also a component on teacher wellbeing, recognising that none of this is sustainable if teachers are burning out.
Whole schools can also take part through the Safe House Schools program, which includes layered support and ongoing development.
Shifting the Paradigm Around Autism in Education
In this 50-minute webinar, Valli offers her perspective on the disconnect between the education system and the autistic students it is struggling to engage, and proposes a way forward.
Reflections
We also spoke about how important it is to have a plan in advance. Michael shares the idea of a “what if” list — where he imagines challenging scenarios and decides what strategies he’ll use before they happen, so he’s not just reacting in the moment. Valli supports this and says that kind of proactive thinking reduces the risk of nervous systems escalating together.
The point isn’t to follow a script — it’s to be ready and to feel less caught off guard.
Where to start
If you’re a parent, teacher, tutor or allied health professional and you’re not sure what to do next, the Safe House Framework gives you a starting point. Even reading through the structure can help you think differently, pause, and ask better questions.
If collaboration isn’t happening yet, you can be the one to initiate it.
We’d love to hear you’re thoughts, questions and feedback.
New Zealand