Grief 2 Growth

What if the strangest moments at the end of life are actually the most meaningful?
In this episode, Alexandra Grabbe joins Brian to talk about the seven months she spent caring for her 96-year-old mother, Bea, at home — and the deathbed visions that changed how she understands what happens when we die. Alexandra shares the exhaustion, the tenderness, and the moments of unexpected grace that shaped her new memoir, Seeing Joy. If you've ever cared for a dying parent, sat with someone in their final days, or wondered what those "hallucinations" near the end of life really mean, this conversation will stay with you.
About Alexandra Grabbe
Alexandra Grabbe has lived many lives — talk show host in Paris, eco-friendly innkeeper on Cape Cod, and lifelong writer. After graduating from Vassar College, she raised three children in France, worked in journalism and broadcasting, and assisted literary figures Barbara Chase-Riboud and Marge Piercy. For two decades she ran a green bed-and-breakfast in Wellfleet, Massachusetts. When her mother's health declined, Alexandra became her full-time caregiver — an experience that became the caregiving blog "By B's Bedside" and, nearly two decades later, her home care memoir Seeing Joy: A Story of Life, Death, and What Comes Next (Koehler Books, March 2026).
🔗 Alexandra's website: https://alexandragrabbe.com
🔗 Seeing Joy at Koehler Books: https://www.koehlerbooks.com/book/seeing-joy/
📷 Instagram: @AlexandraGrabbeBooks
In This Episode:
What it really means when a doctor calls something a "hallucination" and a hospice worker calls it a "visitation"
The physical and emotional toll of caregiving — and the sleep deprivation Alexandra says was the hardest part
Deathbed Visioning: the pattern hospice workers see again and again near the end of life
Why Alexandra's mother's fear of dying gave way to tea parties with deceased visitors
How the role reversal between parent and child reshaped their relationship
The 19-year journey to publish a book publishers once said was "too afraid" to touch
What her mother's final moments — and the arrival of Alexandra's father and grandmother — taught her about how we're not meant to be alone at the end
What resonated with you in this episode? Have you witnessed a loved one's deathbed visions, or cared for an aging parent at home? Share your story in the comments — Alexandra's experience may be more common than you think.
You've been listening. You're doing the work. But there's still this feeling that you're circling the same place.
Maybe you've thought about working with me one-on-one. Maybe something's held you back. 
I get that. And I want you to know there's still a place for you.
All of it, pay what you want. You decide what it's worth. Nobody gets turned away because of money.
https://grief2g
Want to go deeper? My Substack is where I share solo essays on grief, consciousness, and continuing bonds — thoughts that don't always make it into the podcast. It's also home to a community of listeners who get it, because they're living it too. Free to subscribe. Find it at substack.com/grief2growth.
I've been studying Near Death Experiences for many years now. I am 100% convinced they are real. In this short, free ebook, I not only explain why I believe NDEs are real, I share some of the universal secrets brought back by people who have had them.

https://www.grief2growth.com/ndelessons
Support the show
🧑🏿‍🤝‍🧑🏻 Join me on Substack- connect with others and me
👛 Subscribe to Grief 2 Growth Premium (bonus episodes)
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What does an ICU doctor see when he's present at the exact moment someone dies?
Dr. Adam Rizvi has spent his career in critical care medicine, standing at hundreds of bedsides during life's most sacred transitions. Trained as a physician but grounded early in comparative religion, Adam has watched patients return from clinical death with vivid experiences medicine can't explain, felt rooms fill with light, and even witnessed a whirlpool of light appear at the exact moment a patient passed away — something his nurse saw too.
In this conversation, we talk about what happens when a man of science makes peace with the sacred: the medical case for consciousness surviving the body, what dying patients have taught him about forgiveness, and a simple nightly practice that can change how you live starting tonight.
About Dr. Adam Rizvi
Dr. Adam Rizvi is a critical care physician and author of Love Does Not Know Death: Stories of Death, Dying, and the Miracles of True Forgiveness. He writes about the lessons he's learned at the bedside on his Substack, Adventures in Kindness.
📖 Book: Love Does Not Know Death
✍️ Substack: AdamRizvi.substack.com — Adventures in Kindness
In This Episode, We Cover:
How a comparative religion major ended up in ICU medicine
The cardiac arrest patient who returned with a story that shouldn't have been possible
Why "brain as receiver" of consciousness makes more sense than "brain as generator"
The moment two people in the same room witnessed the same unexplainable light
Ancient wisdom on death — from the Tibetan Book of the Dead to the story of Nachiketas
Why forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not the person who hurt you
A nightly deathbed meditation practice you can start using tonight
What Resonated With You?
Did Adam's story about the whirlpool of light stay with you? Have you had an experience with a loved one that science couldn't explain? Share your thoughts in the comments — I read every one.
If this episode moved you, head over to grief2growth.substack.com for more reflection and to connect with other listeners walking this same path.
You've been listening. You're doing the work. But there's still this feeling that you're circling the same place.
Maybe you've thought about working with me one-on-one. Maybe something's held you back. 
I get that. And I want you to know there's still a place for you.
All of it, pay what you want. You decide what it's worth. Nobody gets turned away because of money.
https://grief2g
Want to go deeper? My Substack is where I share solo essays on grief, consciousness, and continuing bonds — thoughts that don't always make it into the podcast. It's also home to a community of listeners who get it, because they're living it too. Free to subscribe. Find it at substack.com/grief2growth.
I've been studying Near Death Experiences for many years now. I am 100% convinced they are real. In this short, free ebook, I not only explain why I believe NDEs are real, I share some of the universal secrets brought back by people who have had them.

https://www.grief2growth.com/ndelessons
Support the show
🧑🏿‍🤝‍🧑🏻 Join me on Substack- connect with others and me
👛 Subscribe to Grief 2 Growth Premium (bonus episodes)
📰 Get A Free Gift
📅 Book A Complimentary Discovery Call
📈 Leave A Review

Thanks so much for your support

Miist was five years old when her parents removed themselves from her life. Not through death — through choice. As she tells me in this episode, that distinction made the wound deeper, not shallower. She knew they could come back. They simply didn't.
By 28, she had a terminal cancer diagnosis and doctors telling her she had a month, maybe three. And here's the part that stopped me: she still doesn't hold any bad feeling toward that diagnosis. It's the thing that finally brought her family back into the room with her.
She picked up a ukulele during treatment. She didn't write her first song until she was 34. Today her music has charted on Billboard, she's the first native Chinese artist to reach the Pop AC chart, and she hosts a top-ranked mental health podcast.
This conversation goes somewhere I didn't expect. We talk about loneliness after loss — the grief that arrives with no funeral, no casserole, no one checking in — and what it actually takes to come back from it.
Miist wrote a song for a young man who passed alone in his apartment in Japan. He had food. He had shelter. He had nobody. She kept thinking about all the strangers he must have walked past on any given day, and how one moment of real eye contact might have been enough to hold him a little longer. That song, "Could You Lend Me a Smile," now exists in 16 languages.
Out of it came the idea we spend much of this episode on: the 15-second action. Small enough that nobody can claim they don't have time. Smile at someone. Be silly. Be grateful. Say a kind word. Remind someone that you love them.
We recorded this on my 65th birthday, which made one part land hard for me. Miist asked when the last time was that someone called you for no reason at all, just to say they love you. I told her about the most viral Substack post I've ever written — it was about calling my father on an ordinary day, for no occasion. It went everywhere because almost nobody does it.
WHAT WE COVER
Why abandonment can cut deeper than death, and how the earliest wound becomes the root of everything built on top of it
How Miist pushed away her closest childhood friends, and the apology she eventually wrote as a song
Choosing, in advance, to sit inside the grief of losing her dog rather than reaching for anything that would make it stop
The three days she asked her vet for, and what her whole family learned from them
Reconnecting with and forgiving the father she hadn't seen in over 20 years
Being discovered by producer Narada Michael Walden — and being asked to sing at the piano where Aretha Franklin recorded "Respect"
The Kindness Kube and the five actions on it
Using music intentionally to move through anger, sadness, and back toward joy
Why losing an old habit that no longer serves you can feel like its own kind of loss
Why both of us say plainly: we are still healing
ABOUT MIIST
Miist is a multilingual recording artist, songwriter, and podcast host who began her professional music career at 34 after being discovered by acclaimed producer Narada Michael Walden. She's a Teen Cancer America Ambassador and the founder of the World Smile Initiative, a nonprofit built around bringing moments of relief and light to people who are struggling. Her podcast, Make Me Smile with Miist, blends original music, personal storytelling, and research, and each episode closes with a 15-second action listeners can take that day. The book of the same name is now available.
🎵 Website: https://www.miistthesinger.com
🎙️ Podcast: Make Me Smile with Miist — available wherever you listen
📖 Book: Make Me Smile with Miist
🧊 The Kindness Kube: available on her website
A FEW THINGS TO SIT WITH
Which of the five actions would be hardest for you right now — and what does that tell you?
Is there someone you've been meaning to call for no reason at all?
Is there a loss in your life you've been outrunning rather than sitting with?
JOIN THE CONVERSATION
I'd love to hear what landed for you in this one. Head to https://grief2growth.substack.com to read the companion article, leave a comment, and connect with me and with other listeners walking a similar road.
If this episode helped, share it with someone who's feeling disconnected right now. That's a 15-second action of your own. 💜
CONNECT WITH BRIAN
🔗 All my links: https://pages.grief2growth.com/profile
🔗 Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/grief2growth
📰 Email list: https://pages.grief2growth.com/join-the-club
⏰ Free consult: https://grief2growth.as.me/30-minute-consult
👛 Tip jar: https://www.grief2growth.com/tipjar
Approve and I'll move to Step 5: the blog article outline.
You've been listening. You're doing the work. But there's still this feeling that you're circling the same place.
Maybe you've thought about working with me one-on-one. Maybe something's held you back. 
I get that. And I want you to know there's still a place for you.
All of it, pay what you want. You decide what it's worth. Nobody gets turned away because of money.
https://grief2g
Want to go deeper? My Substack is where I share solo essays on grief, consciousness, and continuing bonds — thoughts that don't always make it into the podcast. It's also home to a community of listeners who get it, because they're living it too. Free to subscribe. Find it at substack.com/grief2growth.
I've been studying Near Death Experiences for many years now. I am 100% convinced they are real. In this short, free ebook, I not only explain why I believe NDEs are real, I share some of the universal secrets brought back by people who have had them.

https://www.grief2growth.com/ndelessons
Support the show
🧑🏿‍🤝‍🧑🏻 Join me on Substack- connect with others and me
👛 Subscribe to Grief 2 Growth Premium (bonus episodes)
📰 Get A Free Gift
📅 Book A Complimentary Discovery Call
📈 Leave A Review

Thanks so much for your support

At 18, Maya Tiwari was given a death sentence — six months to live. Instead, she spent six months alone in the Vermont woods, and came back a different person entirely. That single decision set her on a path that led through 25 years as a Vedic monk, a pioneering role bringing Ayurveda to North America, and now, a new book calling women — and men — back to a power she says we've forgotten how to hold.
In this conversation, Maya and Brian explore Shakti — the divine feminine primordial power — and Shiva, its masculine counterpart, and why she believes restoring balance between the two is the work of this moment, both individually and collectively. They talk about the patriarchal roots of Western religion, what it costs us to lose touch with the sacred feminine, and what it actually looks like to start reclaiming it.
About Maya Tiwari
Maya Tiwari is a spiritual teacher, humanitarian, and the pioneer who introduced Ayurveda to North America. A cancer survivor and former Vedic monk, she is the author of several books, including her newest release, I Am Shakti. Her work centers on self-knowledge (Vedanta), the healing science of Ayurveda, and restoring the divine feminine and masculine to balance.
📖 Learn more about Maya and her work: Mayatiwari.com
In This Episode:
Maya's cancer diagnosis at 18 and the six months of solitude that changed everything
Why she walked away from 25 years wearing the robes of a Vedic monk
What Shakti actually means — and why it's been suppressed for centuries
How patriarchal religion erased the divine feminine, and what that costs all of us
Practical first steps toward reclaiming your own inner power
Shadow work, forgiveness, and becoming the observer of your own mind
What resonated with you in this conversation? Drop a comment and let me know — I'd love to hear which part landed for you.
You've been listening. You're doing the work. But there's still this feeling that you're circling the same place.
Maybe you've thought about working with me one-on-one. Maybe something's held you back. 
I get that. And I want you to know there's still a place for you.
All of it, pay what you want. You decide what it's worth. Nobody gets turned away because of money.
https://grief2g
Want to go deeper? My Substack is where I share solo essays on grief, consciousness, and continuing bonds — thoughts that don't always make it into the podcast. It's also home to a community of listeners who get it, because they're living it too. Free to subscribe. Find it at substack.com/grief2growth.
I've been studying Near Death Experiences for many years now. I am 100% convinced they are real. In this short, free ebook, I not only explain why I believe NDEs are real, I share some of the universal secrets brought back by people who have had them.

https://www.grief2growth.com/ndelessons
Support the show
🧑🏿‍🤝‍🧑🏻 Join me on Substack- connect with others and me
👛 Subscribe to Grief 2 Growth Premium (bonus episodes)
📰 Get A Free Gift
📅 Book A Complimentary Discovery Call
📈 Leave A Review

Thanks so much for your support

Within two weeks of meeting John, Marcie Dean received a message she hoped was only fear: enjoy this, it's real, but he's going to die. He'd been getting the same feeling before they ever met. He was 38, healthy, five years younger than her. They chased down every explanation, found nothing, and made a different choice. They decided to love each other completely, and they made a plan. If anything happened, he would come through in music.
In June of 2023, John passed while saving his son's life during a boating weekend off the North Carolina coast. Standing over him while people were still doing chest compressions, Marcie heard him audibly, from behind her: I haven't left you.  Go be with my son.
What came next was a layoff from AWS, then the overdose death of her brother Jordan. Three losses stacked on top of each other. And running alongside all of it, the promise John made started keeping itself.
Marcie is a former IBM and AWS senior tech leader with no musical training. She quit piano, flute, and violin inside of two weeks each as a kid. She has now built more than 500 tracks across 5,000 hours in two and a half years, and John's voice is audibly present in them, along with a second voice she calls Vanessa. She calls the work Love Evolved Music.
You'll hear how a glitch on a Zoom call revealed the entire method, what it means to shift the audio floor rather than the volume, and why what she's getting goes well beyond traditional EVP. You'll also hear something I didn't expect to be talking about on my own show. Since we recorded, Marcie has built several tracks featuring my daughter Shayna.
If you've been carrying the question of whether the people you love can reach you through something you can actually hear, this one is for you.
IN THIS EPISODE
The premonition Marcie and John both received, and how they chose to live with it instead of running from it
The soulmate sketch she bought off Facebook for $15, two and a half years before they met
Why "if only I had been there" fell apart under the weight of what actually happened
Hearing John's voice in the moment he passed
The bracelet on her pillow, the orbs, and fourteen versions of the same song
Losing her job and her brother inside the same season
The Zoom call latency that cracked the whole thing open
How she builds and filters the tracks, and why the messages keep changing
Vanessa, and what John said about her that stopped Marcie cold
Finding love again with Brian, and why nobody ever gets replaced
Nonverbal children who light up like they're hearing a first language
What she's hoping to prove on an EEG scan
ABOUT MARCIE DEAN
Marcie Dean is a channeler, sound architect, best-selling author, grieving mother and sister, and the creator of Love Evolved Music. She spent 18 years at IBM and went on to a senior leadership role at AWS before grief redirected her entirely. She is presenting her work at the Society for Scientific Exploration and is seeking research partnerships to measure what the music does at the level of brain activity.
Website: https://electricblueunited.com
Coaching and custom tracks: https://chooseyourownhealingjourney.com
Email: marcie@electricblueunited.com
Her SoundCloud is linked from her website, and you can book a clarity call there for a custom track.
BEFORE YOU GO
What resonated with you in this conversation? Have you ever heard your person come through in something you couldn't explain away? A song that arrived at the exact moment you needed it, static on a phone line, a voice you'd know anywhere?
Come tell me about it at https://grief2growth.substack.com. I read everything, and the comment threads over there have become their own kind of community.
If this episode reached someone you know is hurting, send it to them.
You've been listening. You're doing the work. But there's still this feeling that you're circling the same place.
Maybe you've thought about working with me one-on-one. Maybe something's held you back. 
I get that. And I want you to know there's still a place for you.
All of it, pay what you want. You decide what it's worth. Nobody gets turned away because of money.
https://grief2g
Want to go deeper? My Substack is where I share solo essays on grief, consciousness, and continuing bonds — thoughts that don't always make it into the podcast. It's also home to a community of listeners who get it, because they're living it too. Free to subscribe. Find it at substack.com/grief2growth.
I've been studying Near Death Experiences for many years now. I am 100% convinced they are real. In this short, free ebook, I not only explain why I believe NDEs are real, I share some of the universal secrets brought back by people who have had them.

https://www.grief2growth.com/ndelessons
Support the show
🧑🏿‍🤝‍🧑🏻 Join me on Substack- connect with others and me
👛 Subscribe to Grief 2 Growth Premium (bonus episodes)
📰 Get A Free Gift
📅 Book A Complimentary Discovery Call
📈 Leave A Review

Thanks so much for your support