The Narcissism Decoder

In this episode we continue our discussion of secrets as we explore what they protect psychologically—and what they quietly destroy. Through a psychodynamic lens, this episode examines how secrets form around shame, how they split the self into “good” and “bad” parts, and why carrying something alone can feel unbearable, even when the secret itself is minor.
Drawing on clinical work and the Netflix series The Beast in Me, we explore how hidden parts of the self fuel an internal persecutor, distort intimacy, and trap people in carefully managed lives. We also look at what happens when a secret is finally spoken—why some disclosures bring relief and integration, while others erupt into rupture and collapse.
If you’ve ever felt that being truly known might cost you everything, this conversation is for you.
If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.
Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here
Next Meeting: March
Contact me Directly with observations, questions or comments:
[email protected]
You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on:
https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/
https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder
https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder
Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com

In this episode, we explore another way of thinking about borderline organization. We look at a provocative idea: that borderline intensity and narcissistic control aren’t opposites, but two different solutions to the same early relational disruption. Drawing on Christopher Bollas, we show how a chaotic or frightening primary attachment can lead some people to use emotional turbulence as a way of staying connected, while others survive by eliminating dependence through control and grandiosity. By placing these strategies side by side, the episode reframes chaos and control not as the problem, but as signals of how desperately someone is trying to stay in relationship—and where healing can begin.
If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.
Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here
Next Meeting: March
Contact me Directly with observations, questions or comments:
[email protected]
You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on:
https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/
https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder
https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder
Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com

In this episode, we explore why secrecy in narcissism isn’t primarily about manipulation or control, but about survival. We look at how shame, fear of exposure, and the need to protect a fragile false self drive lying and concealment — and why the very strategies meant to prevent rejection end up sabotaging intimacy and connection.
If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.
Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here
Next Meeting: March
Contact me Directly with observations, questions or comments:
[email protected]
You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on:
https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/
https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder
https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder
Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com

In this behind-the-scenes episode, we delve into the complexities of narcissistic and borderline personalities, focusing on the inner emotional worlds of these individuals. Key concepts are reviewed, and then we turn our focus to the differences between borderline and narcissistic rage. The discussion highlights the functions of anger and hatred, emphasizing their roles in emotional regulation and interpersonal relationships. We also explore practical strategies for managing intense emotions, particularly in the context of “rejection sensitivity” and emotional dysregulation.
If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.
Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here
Next Meeting: March
Contact me Directly with observations, questions or comments:
[email protected]
You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on:
https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/
https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder
https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder
Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com

In this conversation, Gordon Brewer and I meet up again on his channel to explore what actually creates movement in narcissistic relationships—especially when traditional approaches like arguing, explaining, or “proving your point” only seem to make things worse. We talk about how shifting away from labels and facts toward moment-to-moment process, containment, and curiosity can de-escalate conflict and open space for real change, whether you’re a partner, a therapist, or someone beginning to recognize these patterns in yourself. 
If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.
Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here
Next Meeting: March
Contact me Directly with observations, questions or comments:
[email protected]
You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on:
https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/
https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder
https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder
Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com