Learning How To Be Old

Christmas is here now — and almost everywhere around the world. But how have your own celebrations changed over the years? How has your role changed and has your attitude towards Christmas changed? Are you more religious or spiritual now than you were 20 years ago? Why has this particular religious festival gone viral? Why do various non-Christian nations celebrate Christmas with a public holiday? How does Christmas vary in different countries? Above all, what does Christmas here and now mean to you? I asked random people this question on Cuba Street, Wellington, and they were mostly in agreement — but with some surprises. And of course I have my own opinions. Observance of Christmas by country (Wikipedia) An old-person Christmas tree (Writeintolife.com) Home alone on Christmas Day, 2015 (Writeintolife.com)

My big sister Jill Nuthall learned skills as a child that were invaluable in her career as a social worker. To realise just how damn good you were in your long working life: write about it! She talks about the people-skills she learned as a child, particularly leadership and team work. These big-sister skills were the foundation for what became a fascinating career as a social worker. Why did Jill enjoy her working life so much? After marrying young, having four children, and living in a stimulating environment in Urbana Illinois, in 1966 Jill became an at-home suburban wife back in Christchurch, Aotearoa New Zealand. Her husband went off to his wonderful job every day and Jill felt stifled and was longing to have her own career. To get a qualification, use her talents, be with grown-ups again. (By the way, that certainly didn't stop her from being a terrific mother and homemaker.) When her youngest started school, she was delighted to be able to start on a long working life. It was by writing a memoir that Jill calls "A Joyful Working Life" that Jill spotted certain themes that ran through her life. At the time, her career seemed like a patchwork, a crazy quilt. But in retrospect, it had a definite shape. She recommends that others do the same thing. If you look back and write about your working life, this can help you to understand what skills you have accumulated and to appreciate what you have achieved. It gives your family a record of your working life and can help you to make sense of all those years at work. Win-win! The episode ends with me reading "A poem for my big sister Jill." I still find it hard to read this one without choking up, and this time I almost made it. Thanks for listening! And if you like my podcast, please tell a friend Suburban women in 1960s New Zealand Poetry book that contains the poem for my big sister. And all big sisters.

What springs to mind when you think about love in later life? In this episode, Rhonda Pritchard delivers some salutary truths about love, roles, sex, intimacy, and (especially) commitment as they apply to older people. Rhonda is a Wellington psychologist and counsellor, rather famous for her clear-eyed best seller, Love in the Real World.  Her ideas are based on 40 years' experience as a marriage counsellor, and on her personal experience as a 77-year-old in a long-lasting second marriage. Some of her words may seem blunt — even grim — in a culture that's soaked in red roses and myths of "love is all you need." And yet, In the real world, when you think about relationships in old age, they're just plain common sense. This delightful conversation dances around a serious topic. Expect the odd personal revelation and even a rare Dad joke from host Rachel. Older couples who have worked things out for themselves will feel validated — and others will pick up some very useful advice. Rhonda gives Rachel five tips to use in the highly unlikely event that she ever falls in love and contemplates a new long-term relationship. A different kind of realism: Tips on love from the 20th century Queen of romantic fiction.

A lively, reassuring chat about how to keep your balance — in body and in life Physiotherapist Vicki Thirkell and I talk about vertigo, dizziness, and that mysterious loss of balance that creeps up as we age. Vicki explains how our inner ear, vision, hearing, pain, and excessive caution all play a part—and how the brain can be retrained to keep us steady. The message? Don’t freeze up: challenge your balance. Wobbling means you’re improving. “Check your balance” applies to more than walking straight: it’s also about how we age, adapt, and stay ourselves. When I got an attack of vertigo, It was Vicki who helped me. Then she tackled another of my problems: feeling unsteady on my feet. Her key message is hopeful and practical: balance can always be improved, at any age, as long as we “do our homework”. That means strengthening our muscles, retraining our brain, and safely challenging our equilibrium—because standing still is no recipe for stability. “Check your balance” is a phrase that resonates well beyond the physical. Balance involves adjusting, and realigning, in body and in life. Getting the wobbles isn’t failure—it’s a starting point for growth. Science, exercise, and humour will help us to keep moving confidently through later life. Do you have problems with your balance? What does that feel like? And how does it affect your life? Live Stronger for Longer Vertigo Balance Clinic, Wellington, New Zealand Cleveland Clinic What is Vestibular Rehabilitation Therapy? A lesson in falling safely with Simon Manns

In this episode of How To Be Old, I chat with Jo Randerson, playwright, actor, director, and author of Secret Art Powers: How Creative Thinking Can Achieve Radical Change. Through Jo's eyes, we see aging as a continuing creative practice: a chance to notice, laugh, reframe, and stay astonished by the world. Her five secret art powers are all extremely useful as you get older. Jo says, “The creative approach is to accept the reality that we are in and to find a way to work alongside it that is fun, clear, truthful, frame-changing. [...] How do I make the best of where I am right now?” Jo raises some crucial questions. As we age, do we get physically and emotionally softer or harder — or both? Feeling invisible because of our age can hurt, but can we make the most of its new  opportunities? Why do we focus on the negative? Why do we need the binary concepts of “old” and “young” when there are so many shades in between? Do the phrases “aging successfully” and “creative aging” make some people feel like failures? And how should I respond to feedback from my children when I start spilling food down my front? Sometimes I feel like I can do a stealth attack. Because people have already written you off in a way and they go, "There's that older grey lady” — of which I am one — and then people are like "Holy heck, what did you see what that old white lady in the corner did?" Hopefully not something very embarrassing. (Jo Randerson) Community arts case study: Sing it to My Face Barbarian. More about Jo Randerson's work