Learning How To Be Old

I've never seen hockey cited as an easy or safe sport for seniors, but Di Jordan, 69, plays on with wisdom and a wild joy. Don't stop, she says.

Di will turn 70 on her next birthday, which is a big deal for a Masters hockey player. It means she'll progress from being the oldest in her beloved 65+ team to the 70+ tier, where she will be the youngest player... for a while.

She talks about the many rewards of the game itself and its impact on her life. Di is a wise elder in the world of New Zealand hockey. She brings decades of experience and reflection to her other roles as coach and elder. She spreads the joy far and wide — including to you and me through this recording.

Sport for seniors can be a fun choice and many start playing a competitive sport that they've never tried before. They get stuck into lawn bowls or golf, table tennis or badminton. Croquet, which appears so gentle, can be fiercely competitive. Even pickleball, widely regarded as a purely social sport, has its tournaments and ladders and professional players. Nevertheless, these can be played casually, for fun.

By contrast, nobody mentions field hockey when listing the "easiest sports for seniors" or "safest sports for seniors"! Yet Di Jordan has been playing hockey almost continuously for the last 58-odd years. She stopped to have her babies, then back she went. Hockey is the game she loves, and in local hockey, she plays alongside 16-year-olds, keeping up with them — just, she says — in the sprints.

Enjoy this positive and fun conversation with the legendary Di Jordan ... and if you play a sport you love, don't stop. A few kind strangers also share their experience of sport at school and after leaving school. Their replies surprised me and they made me smile.

Masters — Hockey New Zealand (home truths on video, One News)

Are you a bit skeptical about spirituality? Do you wonder whether you even have a spiritual life? And whether this might help you in old age? Michael Fitzsimons, a wise and open-minded poet, cancer survivor and former trainee-priest, explores spirituality for skeptics, beginners and believers alike.

We explore some interesting ideas including these:

maybe everyone prays, whether we know it or not

another phrase for spirituality is your inner life

you are constantly urged to work on your individual body and career, but a strong inner life can vastly expands your view

belonging to a religion doesn't suit everyone, but it can provide a framework to support you in old age

many older people naturally become more mellow and accepting

gratitude and wonder are the heart of a spiritual life.

As we finish our discussion, Michael suggests a simple daily habit to heighten awareness and enrich your inner life— regardless of whether you are a skeptic or a believer.

Resources relevant to this episode:

This Jungian Life: Prayer and the psyche (podcast)

Michael, I thought you were dead (poems by Michael Fitzsimons)

High Wire (poems by Michael Fitzsimons)

Deciding to be happy in old age: Dale Copeland (interview with someone whose theme song is gratitude: 'I'm so lucky!'

I asked Deborah Shepard to talk about writing your life story, because she has been teaching a course on memoir writing for 20 years. Tips are especially useful as you get older, because your life story gets longer and longer and longer! The rewards for writing a memoir will surprise you, I think, because they can be profound. Not financial rewards for most of us, but rewards such as confidence, understanding, wisdom, excitement, camaraderie and pride.

I've written a lot of books myself, so some of Deborah's ideas were naturally familiar to me. But I also got some totally new ideas from her, which have been tried and tested by hundreds of people over 20 years.

So if you have ever thought about writing your own memoir, listen up. Deborah gives a detailed description of the writing methods she teaches, so that you can start with confidence and really enjoy the process of writing. She knows what motivates people to start such an interesting project, and they're all good reasons. She wants you to write your memoir with affection and warmth, being kind to yourself and writing as if to a good friend: that's solid gold advice. And there's more, much more.

Writing your memoir: nothing to lose, and so much to gain. Now's good!

If you have a friend with similar interest, do share this episode: this might be the start of a supportive writing group.

Deborah Shepard is an author, oral historian and film and art historian. She has also been a lecturer in Film, TV and Media Studies at the University of Auckland.

I enjoy reading tips from a centenarian about why they've lived so long and stayed so perky. Now well over 100, Doris Carnevali devised an original system for tackling the never-ending problems of daily life in extreme old age, and reasons for gratitude.

Whether you are almost old, already old, or never-gonna-be-old, she is my role model for positive ageing. I'm sharing three key chapters from my book based on her blog, The Sturdy Centenarian.

A simple mantra to stop herself from falling

her ABC for meeting the everyday challenges of very old age

And some surprising things to be grateful for, in spite of extreme old age and even because of it.

Usually when very old people are asked for tips on aging, they give varied and specific advice from their own experience. Tips like “stay young at heart” or "stay curious" or "keep dancing" or “marry a good wife.” Doris Carnevali does give advice, although she thinks of herself as a guide, not a teacher. She also also offers a practical, pretty straightforward system for dealing with the challenges that crop up every day when you become very old.

This short episode was first broadcast in November 2024.

Rich advice from 100 centenarians (The Guardian, 23 February 2023)

Even as toddlers we start establishing ourselves as autonomous individuals, and we turn up the volume in our teens. Then in old age we are obliged (or expected) to gradually surrender some decisions, some control over our lives. How are we to navigate these changes?

Defending our autonomy is a serious business at any age. In this bonus episode, the Sturdy Centenarian rages against “thoughtless condescension.” We intuitively want to be boss of ourselves. In old age, when we notice others deciding and acting on our behalf, that hurts. Doris Carnevali has figured out how to deal with this.

Retired professor Doris Carnevali is one of my most important mentors for the uncharted territory of aging. In her 90s she noticed that younger people felt free to breach her boundaries, disregarding her opinions and being downright rude. This was shocking, and apparently due only to her advanced age.

The problem was obvious — but what to do, how to protect her precious autonomy? She decided to bring the topic into the light. She began talking to her family openly and truthfully about how old age affected her. She set some rules, too.

I always find guidance from this wise woman. I’m about 18 younger, and I get tips from her experience of defending autonomy that would have been useful to me 40 years ago.

What is autonomy and why is it so difficult to achieve?

Medical ethics: autonomy

My cat suffers from ageism too