How To Love Yourself No Matter What

Alright, folks, let’s dive into some juicy family dynamics! Today, we're peeling back the layers on why family gatherings feel like stepping into a well-rehearsed play where everyone knows their lines—especially those cringe-worthy ones. The real kicker? It’s not about the events themselves; it's about the patterns we’ve been stuck in since we were knee-high to a grasshopper. We're talking about those age-old scripts we keep repeating, and trust me, they’re not as random as you think. Spoiler alert: it’s your nervous system playing tricks on you, making you time travel back to your childhood every time Uncle Bob brings up politics at the barbecue. So grab your favorite snack, settle in, and let’s explore how we can break those patterns without putting the blame on anyone else—because, really, who has the energy for that?
Takeaways:
Navigating family dynamics often unveils deep-rooted patterns that we unknowingly perpetuate, impacting our emotional well-being.
The key to transforming how we interact with family involves reframing blame and focusing on personal accountability instead.
Our nervous systems have been conditioned from childhood to react in predictable ways during family gatherings, leading to emotional time travel.
Mastering the art of storytelling about our experiences can significantly alter our emotional responses and improve our overall happiness.

Links referenced in this episode:
amandahest.ca/bookacall

The summer sun brings more than just warmth; it often invites a whole lot of family drama into our lives. Amanda Hess, a life coach with a knack for helping sensitive souls like us, unpacks the tangled web of emotions and expectations that come with family gatherings. With a playful yet insightful tone, she reveals that the real issue isn’t the events themselves—like weddings or barbecues—but rather the deeply ingrained patterns that dictate our interactions. You know the ones: the predictable arguments, the passive-aggressive comments, and the all-too-familiar dynamics that we can almost narrate before they even unfold. In this episode, Amanda digs into the psychology behind these repetitive cycles, explaining how our nervous systems have learned to react based on past experiences. It’s like our bodies are time traveling back to the family roles we played as children, and suddenly, we’re back in the old script, complete with the same emotional responses and habitual reactions. But here’s where it gets interesting: breaking free from these patterns isn’t about blaming others or even ourselves; it’s about recognizing that these behaviors are learned responses, often rooted in our desire to cope with family dynamics. Through engaging anecdotes and relatable insights, Amanda emphasizes the importance of taking control of our narratives. She shares a story of a client who transformed her experience at a family event by choosing to approach it with a new mindset, one that prioritized her happiness and emotional well-being. By reframing her thoughts and letting go of blame—whether directed at herself or others—she was able to engage with her family in a way that felt authentic and liberating. So, if you’re gearing up for a summer filled with family interactions and want to escape the drama, this episode is your ticket to a more empowered approach. Join Amanda as she guides you toward being the architect of your own emotional experience, leaving behind the patterns that no longer serve you.

DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU SET A GOAL, PUSH HARD FOR A FEW DAYS—AND THEN FALL OFF AND WONDER WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
Like no matter how many times you try, you can't seem to make yourself do the things you say you want to do?
If that's you, this episode is going to change how you see yourself.
Because it's not that you're lazy. And it's not that you lack discipline.
It's that the fuel you've been using to motivate yourself is actually working against you—and no one has ever shown you what to use instead.
In this episode, I'm breaking down why accountability and motivation fail most people, what's really underneath the cycle of trying and quitting, and what it actually takes to build habits that stick long term.
In This Episode, I Cover:
Why motivation and accountability alone will never be enough
The real reason you can push for a few days—but can't make it last
How shame becomes the hidden fuel behind most "self-improvement" efforts
Why using self-hatred as motivation has a built-in breaking point
The difference between forcing yourself and genuinely wanting to show up
Why love is a more powerful motivator than frustration, disappointment, or disgust
How to get specific about why you actually want what you want
Why your brain resists new habits—and why that doesn't mean anything is wrong with you
The practical steps to remove barriers and make showing up easier
How to talk to yourself the night before so you actually follow through
The toddler analogy that reframes everything about self-discipline
Why a D-plus effort is still better than nothing—and how to own that
What regulated accountability actually looks like versus dysregulated forcing
How to flex when life gets in the way without quitting entirely
What changes when you stop using guilt and start using radical self-acceptance

Key Takeaway
You don't have a motivation problem. You have a fuel problem.
Shame, guilt, and self-disgust can push you for a few days—but they will always break down. They are not a long-term solution.
What actually works is getting specific about why you want what you want, removing the barriers between you and the action, and learning to redirect yourself with kindness instead of force.
You don't need to be harder on yourself. You need to be more honest—and more loving.
Invitation
I'm running JuneTube all month inside the Love Yourself No Matter What community—weekly trainings, weekly lives, and everything you need to actually use these tools and create a different kind of summer.
To get access, grab the free End Overthinking Five-Minute Reset Ritual at:
👉 joinamanda.ca
You'll get the audio training plus an invitation to everything happening in June.
Ready to Go Deeper?
If you want support implementing this work in your own life, you can book a discovery call with me.
We'll talk about what's going on for you and whether coaching together would be a good fit.
Book here: amandahess.ca/bookacall
Connect With Me
If this episode resonated, I'd love to hear from you.
Send me a message on Instagram: @theamandahess
Or visit www.amandahess.ca to learn more about working together.
Featured on the Show:
Book a free consultation call with me
Send me a DM over on Instagram

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What Happens When the Helper Can't Handle You
There is a systemic failure happening in the helping industry — and nobody is talking about it.
Coaches and therapists are opening emotional doors they are completely unprepared to sit in. And when you show up authentically — crying, angry, overwhelmed, resistant — instead of being held, you get shut down. Pathologized. Shamed into getting small.
I'm recording this one hot, because it happened to me today. And I need you to hear it.
What I cover in this episode:
The $25,000 business mastermind where I was told they'd "move on" while I cried — and how it took me months to recover my confidence
Being interrupted mid-share and told to mute myself and come back with a "more appropriate" share
Being told by a business coach — twice — that I needed therapy, not coaching
Why this isn't a you problem — it's a capacity problem on their end
Why shutting down emotion doesn't protect the client — it retraumatizes them
What trauma-aware support actually looks like in practice
Clients who've been fired by therapists for being "too emotional" — and why that's an industry failure, not a client failure
What it looks like when all of it is welcome: crying, anger, resistance, circling, even lying — none of it pathologized

The truth I keep coming back to:
Shame is the mechanism used to make you small. When someone in authority responds to your emotion with dismissal or redirection, the message that lands is: what you just did was wrong. And you shrink. You manage yourself. You stop showing up fully.
That was never your shame to hold.
You are allowed to show up as the fullest, most authentic version of yourself. There are helpers — coaches, therapists, friends, partners — who won't reject that. Your job is to find them.
If this resonated:
Book a free discovery call with me: amandahess.ca/bookacall
Connect on Instagram: @theamandahess

Do you ever feel like there’s a version of you that wants more out of life…
More joy.
More confidence.
More freedom.
More YOU.
But every time you try to move toward her, something pulls you back?
In this episode, we’re talking about identity, possibility, and why becoming the woman you want to be has less to do with “fixing yourself” and more to do with what your brain believes is possible for you.
I share a story from figure skating that completely shifted how I think about growth and identity, and why being around people who are already doing the things you want to do changes your brain faster than trying to force yourself to believe differently.
We also talk about:
Why sensitive women often stay stuck in old identities
How your environment shapes what feels possible
Why your thoughts are not facts
The psychology behind seeing other people do what you want to do
Why your brain resists change (even when you WANT it)
What Rick Rubin calls the “lazy brain”
Why more possibility creates more freedom
The connection between anxiety, emotional heaviness, and purpose
Why you don’t need to “fix” yourself to create a different life
How coaching, support, and community help you expand your identity
The biggest takeaway from this episode:
You are not as stuck as you think you are.
Sometimes your brain just needs evidence that another way of living is possible.
And when you start surrounding yourself with people, spaces, and conversations that expand what feels possible…
you start becoming someone new without even realizing it.
If this episode resonated and you want support applying this work in your own life, you can book a discovery call with me here:
amandahess.ca/bookacall
Connect with me on Instagram:
@theamandahess

Today I’m talking about something I see constantly in women who are overwhelmed, emotionally reactive, anxious, or stuck in survival mode: the inability to slow down and be alone with themselves.
So many of us are constantly doing. Working, parenting, helping everyone else, consuming self-help, listening to podcasts, journaling, trying to improve ourselves, trying to stay productive — and while none of those things are bad, eventually we lose our connection to ourselves.
In this episode, I’m talking about:
Why constant doing can keep us emotionally dysregulated
What emotional reactivity actually is
How fear of feeling keeps us stuck in fight, flight, freeze, and fawn
Why silence feels uncomfortable for so many women
The importance of emotional safety and nervous system regulation
How to build the ability to feel emotions without becoming consumed by them
Small ways to slow down and reconnect with yourself throughout your day

This episode is a reminder that healing is not always about doing more. Sometimes it’s about creating enough space to finally hear yourself again.
Key Takeaways
Emotional reactivity isn’t just about outward behaviour — it’s when emotions are running your internal experience.
Many women stay busy because being alone with themselves feels unsafe.
Constant input and productivity can disconnect us from our bodies and nervous systems.
Fear of emotion creates chronic fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses.
Emotional safety is something we can build over time.
Small moments of silence and grounding matter more than you think.
Healing is not about white-knuckling your way through life.

Quotes From This Episode
“All of your life is not a doing problem. It’s a being problem.”“The more emotionally safe you feel, the more able you are to allow emotion.”“If everything you do is designed to get rid of emotion, you’re going to live in fear.”“We live in a society that is perpetually inputting into us — and we never give ourselves space to release it.”“Silence is a skill. Being alone with yourself is a skill.”Call to Action
If this episode resonated with you and you’re realizing how much of your life has been spent in survival mode, I’d love to support you.
You can book a free discovery call at:
👉 amandahess.ca/bookacall
Together, we can look at what’s keeping you emotionally stuck, how to create more emotional safety, and whether coaching is the right next step for you.