How To Love Yourself No Matter What

DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU SET A GOAL, PUSH HARD FOR A FEW DAYS—AND THEN FALL OFF AND WONDER WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
Like no matter how many times you try, you can't seem to make yourself do the things you say you want to do?
If that's you, this episode is going to change how you see yourself.
Because it's not that you're lazy. And it's not that you lack discipline.
It's that the fuel you've been using to motivate yourself is actually working against you—and no one has ever shown you what to use instead.
In this episode, I'm breaking down why accountability and motivation fail most people, what's really underneath the cycle of trying and quitting, and what it actually takes to build habits that stick long term.
In This Episode, I Cover:
Why motivation and accountability alone will never be enough
The real reason you can push for a few days—but can't make it last
How shame becomes the hidden fuel behind most "self-improvement" efforts
Why using self-hatred as motivation has a built-in breaking point
The difference between forcing yourself and genuinely wanting to show up
Why love is a more powerful motivator than frustration, disappointment, or disgust
How to get specific about why you actually want what you want
Why your brain resists new habits—and why that doesn't mean anything is wrong with you
The practical steps to remove barriers and make showing up easier
How to talk to yourself the night before so you actually follow through
The toddler analogy that reframes everything about self-discipline
Why a D-plus effort is still better than nothing—and how to own that
What regulated accountability actually looks like versus dysregulated forcing
How to flex when life gets in the way without quitting entirely
What changes when you stop using guilt and start using radical self-acceptance

Key Takeaway
You don't have a motivation problem. You have a fuel problem.
Shame, guilt, and self-disgust can push you for a few days—but they will always break down. They are not a long-term solution.
What actually works is getting specific about why you want what you want, removing the barriers between you and the action, and learning to redirect yourself with kindness instead of force.
You don't need to be harder on yourself. You need to be more honest—and more loving.
Invitation
I'm running JuneTube all month inside the Love Yourself No Matter What community—weekly trainings, weekly lives, and everything you need to actually use these tools and create a different kind of summer.
To get access, grab the free End Overthinking Five-Minute Reset Ritual at:
👉 joinamanda.ca
You'll get the audio training plus an invitation to everything happening in June.
Ready to Go Deeper?
If you want support implementing this work in your own life, you can book a discovery call with me.
We'll talk about what's going on for you and whether coaching together would be a good fit.
Book here: amandahess.ca/bookacall
Connect With Me
If this episode resonated, I'd love to hear from you.
Send me a message on Instagram: @theamandahess
Or visit www.amandahess.ca to learn more about working together.
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What Happens When the Helper Can't Handle You
There is a systemic failure happening in the helping industry — and nobody is talking about it.
Coaches and therapists are opening emotional doors they are completely unprepared to sit in. And when you show up authentically — crying, angry, overwhelmed, resistant — instead of being held, you get shut down. Pathologized. Shamed into getting small.
I'm recording this one hot, because it happened to me today. And I need you to hear it.
What I cover in this episode:
The $25,000 business mastermind where I was told they'd "move on" while I cried — and how it took me months to recover my confidence
Being interrupted mid-share and told to mute myself and come back with a "more appropriate" share
Being told by a business coach — twice — that I needed therapy, not coaching
Why this isn't a you problem — it's a capacity problem on their end
Why shutting down emotion doesn't protect the client — it retraumatizes them
What trauma-aware support actually looks like in practice
Clients who've been fired by therapists for being "too emotional" — and why that's an industry failure, not a client failure
What it looks like when all of it is welcome: crying, anger, resistance, circling, even lying — none of it pathologized

The truth I keep coming back to:
Shame is the mechanism used to make you small. When someone in authority responds to your emotion with dismissal or redirection, the message that lands is: what you just did was wrong. And you shrink. You manage yourself. You stop showing up fully.
That was never your shame to hold.
You are allowed to show up as the fullest, most authentic version of yourself. There are helpers — coaches, therapists, friends, partners — who won't reject that. Your job is to find them.
If this resonated:
Book a free discovery call with me: amandahess.ca/bookacall
Connect on Instagram: @theamandahess

Do you ever feel like there’s a version of you that wants more out of life…
More joy.
More confidence.
More freedom.
More YOU.
But every time you try to move toward her, something pulls you back?
In this episode, we’re talking about identity, possibility, and why becoming the woman you want to be has less to do with “fixing yourself” and more to do with what your brain believes is possible for you.
I share a story from figure skating that completely shifted how I think about growth and identity, and why being around people who are already doing the things you want to do changes your brain faster than trying to force yourself to believe differently.
We also talk about:
Why sensitive women often stay stuck in old identities
How your environment shapes what feels possible
Why your thoughts are not facts
The psychology behind seeing other people do what you want to do
Why your brain resists change (even when you WANT it)
What Rick Rubin calls the “lazy brain”
Why more possibility creates more freedom
The connection between anxiety, emotional heaviness, and purpose
Why you don’t need to “fix” yourself to create a different life
How coaching, support, and community help you expand your identity
The biggest takeaway from this episode:
You are not as stuck as you think you are.
Sometimes your brain just needs evidence that another way of living is possible.
And when you start surrounding yourself with people, spaces, and conversations that expand what feels possible…
you start becoming someone new without even realizing it.
If this episode resonated and you want support applying this work in your own life, you can book a discovery call with me here:
amandahess.ca/bookacall
Connect with me on Instagram:
@theamandahess

Today I’m talking about something I see constantly in women who are overwhelmed, emotionally reactive, anxious, or stuck in survival mode: the inability to slow down and be alone with themselves.
So many of us are constantly doing. Working, parenting, helping everyone else, consuming self-help, listening to podcasts, journaling, trying to improve ourselves, trying to stay productive — and while none of those things are bad, eventually we lose our connection to ourselves.
In this episode, I’m talking about:
Why constant doing can keep us emotionally dysregulated
What emotional reactivity actually is
How fear of feeling keeps us stuck in fight, flight, freeze, and fawn
Why silence feels uncomfortable for so many women
The importance of emotional safety and nervous system regulation
How to build the ability to feel emotions without becoming consumed by them
Small ways to slow down and reconnect with yourself throughout your day

This episode is a reminder that healing is not always about doing more. Sometimes it’s about creating enough space to finally hear yourself again.
Key Takeaways
Emotional reactivity isn’t just about outward behaviour — it’s when emotions are running your internal experience.
Many women stay busy because being alone with themselves feels unsafe.
Constant input and productivity can disconnect us from our bodies and nervous systems.
Fear of emotion creates chronic fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses.
Emotional safety is something we can build over time.
Small moments of silence and grounding matter more than you think.
Healing is not about white-knuckling your way through life.

Quotes From This Episode
“All of your life is not a doing problem. It’s a being problem.”“The more emotionally safe you feel, the more able you are to allow emotion.”“If everything you do is designed to get rid of emotion, you’re going to live in fear.”“We live in a society that is perpetually inputting into us — and we never give ourselves space to release it.”“Silence is a skill. Being alone with yourself is a skill.”Call to Action
If this episode resonated with you and you’re realizing how much of your life has been spent in survival mode, I’d love to support you.
You can book a free discovery call at:
👉 amandahess.ca/bookacall
Together, we can look at what’s keeping you emotionally stuck, how to create more emotional safety, and whether coaching is the right next step for you.

Let me tell you, if you’ve ever felt like you just can’t shake off a past hurt, you’re in for a treat. We’re diving into the fascinating world of trauma—what it really is and why it affects us all differently. I’m talking about the sneaky ways that emotional pain can manifest in our daily lives, from the tone of someone’s voice to the way silence can feel like a punch in the gut. It turns out that our brains are wired to keep us safe, but sometimes, they misinterpret signals and lead us down a rabbit hole of anxiety and fear. We’ll unpack why trying to simply ‘think’ your way out of it is like trying to use a spoon to dig a hole—it’s just not going to work! Instead, I’ll share some insights on how to work with your nervous system to create a sense of safety and stability in your life. Plus, I’ve got a brand new free class coming up that’s perfect for anyone feeling stuck in the cycle of overthinking. It’s time to learn how to prioritize your feelings without guilt and start living a ‘fuck yes’ life—one that’s truly yours!
Takeaways:
You might think you're overreacting, but your brain is just processing trauma differently than others.
Replaying conversations is not a flaw; it’s your brain's way of trying to create safety after emotional pain.
Feeling anxious or reactive isn't a logic issue; it's a feelings problem that needs to be addressed with care.
It's crucial to realize that your needs are just as important as everyone else's, not optional.
Suppressing emotions only makes things worse; you need to learn how to process feelings effectively.
A 'fuck yes' life is about prioritizing your own desires and needs, not waiting for others to validate you.

Links referenced in this episode:
amandahest.ca/bookacall