216. Are Kids Really “Mad”… or Is Their Brain Just Guessing?
Kids say “I feel bad” all the time. But what does that actually mean for their brain and their behaviour? In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline breaks down how the brain builds emotions and why teaching kids to move from “I feel bad” to “I feel overwhelmed / uncertain / left out” is a game-changer for emotional regulation. Drawing on brain science and day-to-day stories from classrooms and families, she explains:· How the brain compresses huge amounts of sensory data into simple emotional categories· Why kids (and adults) often feel “angry” or “anxious” without knowing why· What “emotion granularity” is and how it gives kids more control over their reactions· The link between the body budget (sleep, hydration, exhaustion) and emotional meltdowns· Practical ways to help children notice body sensations and match them with accurate emotion words You’ll hear simple tools you can use right away to build emotional literacy in homes, classrooms, and therapy sessions. Perfect for anyone who want science-based, relatable ways to help kids and teens understand what they’re feeling and what to do about it.Free Resource (to help with homework below!): Emotional Literacy Workbook (https://korulearninginstitute.kit.com/emotionaliteracy)Homework IdeasDaily Emotion Check-Ins (Kids & Teens)Build short, regular emotion check-ins into the day—morning, midday, and evening at home; or every class / every hour at school.Ask: “How are you feeling right now?” then guide kids to move beyond “good/bad/mad” to a more specific word.“Where do you feel it in your body?” Build Emotion Vocabulary & GranularityUse the feelings wheel or emotion charts during the day when kids are calm, not only when they’re upset.Play quick “name the feeling” games:“Pick one word from the wheel that matches how you felt at recess.” “Choose a word for how you feel before this test.” Body Mapping & Interoception PracticeDraw a simple outline of a body. Ask:“Where do you feel this emotion?”“What does it feel like there? Tight, heavy, buzzy, hot, cold?”Help kids link body cues to emotions and needs:“Heavy chest = overwhelmed?”“Jittery legs = excited or nervous?”Dr. Caroline’s personal example from the episode:o A “crushing feeling” in her chest often signals overwhelm and too much on her plate.o A “breaking” feeling in her chest usually means exhaustion after very little sleep.o She then uses those cues to decide: “Do I need to reprioritize my day, or do I need to rest?” Body Budget Check Before jumping to “big emotion” explanations, check:Sleep: “How much did you sleep last night?”Hydration: “Have you had water today?”Food: “When was the last time you ate?”Load: “Is your day too full?”If a child says “I feel scared,” also scan for: Are they dehydrated? Exhausted? Hungry?Respond differently if the body budget is off (water, snack, rest, schedule changes) before jumping into problem-solving the situation. Adult Self-Practice: Modelling Emotion GranularityReplace “I’m just so stressed” with more precise language:“I feel overwhelmed because I have too much on my plate.”“I feel exhausted from not sleeping enough.”Say it out loud in front of kids so they see the full process: sensation → emotion word → action plan.· Turn Feelings into Action PlansOnce kids have named the emotion more clearly, ask about what they need. If they're unsure, help them brainstorm ideas:“If you feel left out, what might help? Inviting someone to play, talking to a teacher, or taking a break?”“If you feel overwhelmed, what do you need? Should we break this task into smaller steps?”Goal:o Move from broad “bad” to specific emotion + specific next step.o Repeat often enough that the brain learns this sequence as a habit.Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh Follow Dr. Caroline YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzankoIG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/ LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzankoFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/X: https://x.com/drcarolinebuzWebsite: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/#resourcesBusiness inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/
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215. Are we accidentally teaching kids to stay afraid?
This week, Dr. Caroline unpacks one of the most misunderstood parts of emotion regulation: Why avoidance keeps anxiety alive and how real-world experience rewires the emotional brain. She explains how children’s brains constantly make predictions about safety, danger, and comfort and how avoidance traps them in cycles of fear. Using clear metaphors like the feeling tunnel and the prediction error, Dr. Caroline shows how growth only happens when kids face uncomfortable emotions long enough for their brains to learn something new. This episode is a must-listen for anyone who want to help kids build resilience, emotional flexibility, and distress tolerance through practice, not protection. 🎧 Experience teaches the brain it can handle more than it fears.Homework IdeasMap the Avoidance LoopHave kids write down situations they avoid (tests, sleepovers, speaking in class). Note what relief they feel after avoiding and how that pattern repeats. Awareness is step one.Prediction JournalBefore a challenging event, ask: “What do you think will happen?”Afterward: “What actually happened?”Compare their predictions with outcomes to build realistic expectations.Build Micro-Exposure MomentsStart small — ordering food, saying hi to a neighbour, or raising a hand in class. Celebrate effort, not comfort.Self-Check for AdultsNotice when you rescue too quickly. Ask yourself: “Am I helping them build resilience or just helping myself feel less anxious?”Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh Follow Dr. Caroline YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzankoIG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/ LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzankoFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/X: https://x.com/drcarolinebuzWebsite: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/#resourcesBusiness inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/
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214. How can we help kids reflect instead of explode?
How do kids learn to think about their emotions instead of being swept away by them? In this episode, Dr. Caroline breaks down strategic emotion management, helping children and teens build emotional metacognition, the ability to reflect on and make sense of what they feel.You’ll learn how to guide kids to pause, question, and evaluate their emotions: What is this feeling trying to tell me? Is it helping or hurting me right now? Dr. Caroline shares practical strategies for teaching emotional literacy, building resilience, and creating space for reflection instead of reaction. She also offers real-life examples, from angry teens to overwhelmed kids, showing how adults can coach emotional awareness at any age. This episode includes simple tools, reflective questions, and step-by-step ways to strengthen emotional awareness and decision-making skills.Key topics: emotional literacy, metacognition, cognitive reappraisal, resilience, co-regulation, reflective parenting, and emotional intelligence in youth.Homework IdeasPractice Helpful ResponsesThe next time you or a child feel a strong emotion, pause and ask:What is this emotion trying to tell me?Is this emotion helpful right now?What can I do that aligns with my goals and values?Model this reflective thinking out loud with the child.Focus on curiosity over correction — “Huh, I wonder what my anger’s protecting right now.”Co-Regulation Practice!When kids are upset, start with validation only.Say “It sounds like you had a tough day.” Then pause.Once they’re calm, guide reflection with open-ended questions. Emotion Journal or ChartWrite or draw feelings, what happened, what they thought, and what the emotion might be saying.For younger kids: use colours or pictures.For teens: include reflection prompts like “Was my reaction helpful?” Emotion Decoder Match emotions to their possible messages (e.g., anger → unfairness; sadness → loss or care).Available in Dr. Caroline’s Emotional Literacy Book Scaling ExerciseRate emotions from 1–10 and discuss how the intensity changes when the situation is reappraised to build perspective and reduce emotional overwhelm. Resources Mentioned:The Emotional Literacy Book (https://korulearninginstitute.kit.com/emotionaliteracy)Coddling of the American Mind by Jonathan Haidt (for adults exploring emotional reasoning) Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh Follow Dr. Caroline YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzankoIG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/ LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzankoFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/X: https://x.com/drcarolinebuzWebsite: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/#resourcesBusiness inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/
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213. What does mental wellness really look like for kids and their parents?
What does mental wellness really mean, and how do we teach it to kids and teens when the adults around them are stretched thin? In this episode, Dr. Caroline sits down with licensed clinical social worker MJ Murray Vachon, who brings nearly 40 years of experience working with adolescents, families, and midlife adults.MJ shares the two mental wellness definitions that guide her work, how Dr. Dan Siegel’s “river of calm” helps us understand chaos and rigidity, and why adults’ emotions are contagious for kids. You’ll hear stories from classrooms, families, and even Notre Dame athletes that highlight the everyday ways mental health is shaped by modeling, connection, and self-regulation.Listeners will walk away with practical tools like the FACES model, NESTS for self-care, and playful strategies that keep mental wellness accessible for kids and adults alike. This conversation is a reminder that children can’t be healthier than the adults raising or teaching them—and small steps in our own wellness ripple out to every child we support.Homework IdeasCheck your own state firstEach day, pause and ask: Am I calm, chaotic, or rigid?Use a grounding practice (deep breaths, stretch, short walk) before engaging with kids.Create a “Glimmer List”Write 5 small, free things that bring you joy (music, a walk, a funny show).Do one daily and encourage your child to make their own list.Practice NESTS Self-CareNutrition: regular balanced meals.Exercise: daily movement.Sleep: aim for consistent bedtimes.Technology: set limits that support rest and focus.Stress skills: model a simple coping strategy (breathwork, journaling, quiet time).Model Validation + BoundariesAcknowledge feelings: “I hear you. This is hard.”Don’t over-explain—hold space, then guide with calm presence.About MJWith more than 50,000 hours of clinical sessions, I’ve spent nearly four decades helping people navigate anxiety, stress, and life transitions with practical, science-backed skills. I’m the creator of Inner Challenge, a mental wellness program launched in 1993 and taught for 21 years in junior highs and even with Notre Dame Football, equipping teens and athletes with coping strategies to boost resilience. As host of Creating Midlife Calm, chosen by Maria Shriver as her “Listen of the Week,” I weave stories and evidence-based tools into actionable practices listeners can use right away. My work always comes back to this: real-life coping skills that are simple, doable, and effective. I started the podcast Creating Midlife Calm because I know the parents of teens are the key to helping them develop the mental wellness that will carry them through adolescence and into adulthood.Get in touchInstagram: @vachonmjmurrayFacebook: MJ Murray Vachon LCSWWebsite: mjmurrayvachon.comEnjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh Follow Dr. Caroline YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzankoIG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/ LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzankoFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/X: https://x.com/drcarolinebuzWebsite: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/#resourcesBusiness inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/
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212. What if kids could outsmart their anxious thoughts?
Kids don’t just feel emotions—they also create stories about what those emotions mean. In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline focuses on cognitive appraisal and emotional metacognition.You’ll learn how children interpret events, how automatic “henchmen thoughts” fuel anxiety and meltdowns, and why teaching kids to appraise situations differently can build resilience. From detective games to thought logs to chain breakers, this episode is packed with playful, practical tools to help kids spot unhelpful thinking traps, reframe them, and act in ways that reflect their values.This conversation will help you guide them beyond “just breathe” into truly flexible, values-based thinking.Homework IdeasEmotion Detective Game: Use clues (body signs, thoughts, triggers) to uncover what an emotion is trying to say. Ask, “Is this thought a clue or a trick?”Thought–Feeling–Action Chart: 4 columns — What happened? / What did I think? / What did I feel/do? / What else could I think or do? Comic Strip Appraisals: Kids draw a situation, then fill in thought bubbles and alternative thoughts. This makes invisible thinking visible. Matching Cards: Mix “Event,” “Thought,” and “Emotion” cards. Kids match different combos to see how thoughts change feelings. Chain Breakers: Practice interrupting automatic thought → behavior loops with alternative responses (“When I feel ____, I will try ____”). Values Journal: Teens list what matters to them, then reflect: “Did my response move me toward or away from my values?”Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh Follow Dr. Caroline YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzankoIG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/ LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzankoFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/X: https://x.com/drcarolinebuzWebsite: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/#resourcesBusiness inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/
About Overpowering Emotions: Tools for Child & Teen Anxiety and Resilience
Practical, science-based strategies to help kids and teens manage anxiety, navigate big feelings, and build resilience. Overpowering Emotions is the #1 resource for adults who want to confidently support children and teens through emotional challenges.Children and teens today are struggling with more anxiety, overwhelm, and emotional intensity than ever before—and adults are desperate for tools that actually work. This podcast is here to change that.Dr. Caroline gives you the knowledge and tools you need to support children and teens through anxiety, emotional overwhelm, and everyday challenges. Whether you’re a parent, educator, clinician, or caregiver, you’ll learn exactly what to do (and what not to do) right away to help young people feel calmer, braver, and more capable.Each episode delivers:• Clear, practical steps you can use immediately• Expert interviews with leading psychologists and researchers• Real-life examples that make complex concepts easy to understand• Tools for emotional regulation, anxiety mastery, confidence-building, and resilience• Effective approaches for home, school, and clinical settingsIf you’ve ever wished for a trusted guide to help you navigate child and teen anxiety, emotional outbursts, and overwhelming emotions, you’ve just found it.Subscribe now and join the movement to help the next generation thrive.About Dr. Caroline BuzankoDr. Caroline is a psychologist, researcher, speaker, and internationally recognized expert in child and teen anxiety. With more than 25 years of experience supporting children, teens, and families, she is known for her ability to translate cutting-edge research into practical, compassionate strategies that make a meaningful impact.In 2024, Dr. Caroline was honoured as Alberta’s Psychologist of the Year, a recognition that reflects her significant contributions to advancing child and youth mental health practices. Often called the “Yoda of anxiety,” she blends scientific evidence, clinical expertise, and real-world tools to help young people build confidence, emotional regulation, and lifelong resilience.
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