Overpowering Emotions: Tools for Child & Teen Anxiety and Resilience

Big feelings don’t go away just because we want them to. In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline Buzanko teaches radical acceptance as a practical skill for kids, teens, and the adults supporting them—educators, parents, counselors, and clinicians.

You’ll learn how to help young people spot when the “Hulk brain” is running the show, get the self-regulating brain back online, and choose a response that keeps them moving—without pretending the situation is okay. Dr. Caroline uses simple metaphors (rainstorms, quicksand, traffic jams, finger traps) plus classroom-ready scripts like “This is hard, and I can handle it.” You’ll also get hands-on tools: a control-circle exercise, a radical acceptance jar, coping cards, and “yet” language that builds confidence over time.

If you support kids who get stuck in “it’s not fair” loops, this episode gives you language, visuals, and practice ideas you can use the same day.

Homework for Adults

A) The Control Map (10 minutes, weekly)
Draw two circles: Inside = In my control, Outside = Not in my control
Put the current stressor in the middle, then list what belongs where.
Resource: paper + marker; optional printable you can make with two circles.

B) “BUT → AND” Script Practice (2 minutes a day)
Take common complaints and rewrite them out loud using AND. Try:
“This is hard, and I can handle it.”
“I’m feeling upset, and it’s okay—this is normal.”
“I can be uncomfortable and still be brave.”
Resource: sticky notes on a wall/mirror; coping cards in backpack.

C) “Yet” Statements + Progress Tracker (5 minutes, 2–3x/week)
Swap “I can’t” with “I can’t… yet.”
Track wins so anxiety doesn’t erase them.
Resource: a simple chart with columns: What I’m working on / What I tried / What helped / What changed.

D) Radical Acceptance Jar (weekly celebration)
Kids write one moment they didn’t like, accepted, and kept going.
Pick a few each week and celebrate effort, not results.
Resource: jar + slips of paper; optional stickers for effort.

E) “Rain vs. Umbrella” Daily Check-In (30 seconds)
Ask at dinner or after school: “What was your rain today? What was your umbrella?”


F) Role-Play Micro-Frustrations (3 minutes)
Practice with tiny stuff: marker color, waiting a turn, a plan change.
Use the same closing line: “I don’t like it, but I can handle it.”
Resource: a short list of role-play prompts on your phone.

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Follow Dr. Caroline
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko
IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/
LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/
Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/
Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/
Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

Kids and teens don’t struggle because they feel anxious — they struggle because they believe they can’t handle uncertainty. In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline breaks down one of the most overlooked skills in anxiety treatment: learning how to sit with not knowing.

Drawing from real clinical moments, classroom realities, and everyday parenting struggles, this episode walks through how reassurance, predictability, and “just checking” can quietly keep anxiety running the show. You’ll hear practical ways to help children stay in the moment even when outcomes feel scary — from separation anxiety and perfectionism to social worries and OCD.

After listening to this episode, leave with concrete ideas that actually work: behavioural experiments, playful practice, language shifts, and debrief questions that build confidence without chasing calm. This is an episode about raising brave kids who can move forward even when nothing feels guaranteed.

Homework Ideas to Support Kids & Teens
Delay answers on purpose
Acknowledge questions without providing certainty. Use: “That’s a good question — what do you think?”

Set short, clear uncertainty challenges
Stay in a room for five minutes without checking. Wait before asking. Leave a question unanswered.

Use playful unknowns
Mystery lunches, dice-decided choices, surprise plans, cliffhangers in stories or shows.

Practice language swaps
“I can handle not knowing yet.”
“I want to know, but I can wait.”
“This feels hard, and I’m okay.”

Debrief after every practice
Ask about effort, not outcomes. What helped? What was harder than expected? What surprised you?

Helpful resources:
Timer or visual countdown
Notebook or scrapbook for “I didn’t know, and I handled it” moments
Age-appropriate riddles or puzzles
List of values-based goals the child cares about

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko
IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/
LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/
Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/
Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/
Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

Big emotions don’t shrink by talking about them. They shrink through practice.

In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline shares playful, practical distress-tolerance activities that help children and teens stay with discomfort without exploding, avoiding, or shutting down. From ice cube challenges to boredom practice, rule-changing games, and urge-surfing exercises, this episode shows how to train the brain to stay online when emotions spike.
Designed for classrooms, therapy rooms, and families at home, these tools help kids learn that discomfort rises, shifts, and passes — and that they can handle it.

Homework Ideas
These activities work best when adults join in. Keep them brief. Stay curious. Talk about what shows up.

Ice Cube Hold
Hold an ice cube and notice the sensations as they change. The goal isn’t endurance — it’s staying present until it melts.
Ask:
“What did your body want to do?”
“Did the feeling stay the same?”

Silent Sound Challenge
Sit quietly and listen for small sounds around you. Notice boredom, restlessness, or wandering thoughts without fixing them.
Ask:
“What showed up when things got quiet?”
“What urge did you notice?”

Sour Candy or Lemon Bite
Let the sour hit. Stay with it as the intensity fades.
Ask:
“How long did the strongest part last?”
“How is this like big emotions?”

Still-as-a-Statue
Stay in one position and notice urges to move, scratch, or quit.
Ask:
“What urge was hardest to ignore?”
“What happened when you didn’t act on it?”

Itchy Nose / Ride the Urge
Notice an itch or urge without giving in. Watch it rise and pass.
Ask:
“Did the urge change over time?”
“When else do urges feel like this?”

Rule-Change Games
Change the rules halfway through a game and watch what comes up.
Ask:
“What feeling showed up when things changed?”
“What helped you keep going?”

Delayed Gratification Practice
Wait between episodes, treats, or rewards. Sit with the wanting.
Ask:
“What did waiting feel like?”
“What helped you handle it?”

Urge Timer
Set a short timer and sit with an urge without acting. Slowly increase time.
Ask:
“What helped you stay?”
“What would you try again?”

One Rule for All Homework
Keep it short (3–5 minutes).
Do it together.
Always link it back:
“What did you do here that could help next time something feels hard?”

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko
IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/
LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/
Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/
Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/
Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

Are adults accidentally making anxiety stronger?

In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline Buzanko explains why accommodation, reassurance, and avoidance — even when well-intentioned — keep kids stuck in fear. Drawing from clinical work and real-world examples, she shows why discomfort is where learning lives and why confidence grows only when kids stay in the situation.

This episode is for parents, teachers, school teams, and clinicians who want children to tolerate frustration, build resilience, and trust themselves.

You’ll hear:
Why avoidance fuels anxiety
How reassurance backfires
Why stopping accommodation matters more than teaching skills
What validation sounds like without reinforcing fear
How adults regulate themselves so kids can regulate too

🎧 Free training mentioned in this episode:
Avoiding Common Mistakes with Anxiety
https://koru-learning-institute.thinkific.com/courses/avoidingcommonmistakeswithanxiety

Listen, share, and support kids in becoming brave.

Homework Ideas for Adults

Start small. One change at a time is enough.

Practise emotional neutrality
When a child is distressed, your first job is managing your own response. Neutral tone. Neutral body language. Calm breathing. Kids borrow your nervous system before they can use their own.

Spot one accommodation to pause this week
Pick a single behaviour you’ll stop adjusting around anxiety. Not everything — just one.
Common places to look:
answering repeated “are you sure?” questions
changing routines to avoid discomfort
allowing avoidance of tests, presentations, or social situations
staying with a child longer than needed to reduce anxiety
offering constant reassurance instead of confidence

Validate feelings without discussing outcomes
Name the emotion and stop there. No fixing. No convincing. No explaining. Short responses work best.

Use one steady script
Choose a single line and repeat it calmly:
“I know this is hard.”
“I know you can handle this.”
“Let me know when you’re ready.”
Consistency matters more than wording.

👉 Free scripts you can use right away:
5 Phrases That Calm Anxious Kids (Without Reinforcing Anxiety)
https://korulearninginstitute.kit.com/5phrasesthatcalmanxiouskids

Model frustration out loud
Let kids hear you work through something difficult. Show effort, pauses, mistakes, and recovery. This teaches far more than advice ever will.

Hold the line kindly
When resistance shows up — crying, whining, stalling — stay calm and wait. Courage grows through staying, not escaping.

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko
IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/
LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/
Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/
Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/
Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

If kids melt down the second something feels hard, this episode is for you.

Dr. Caroline explains distress tolerance — a core emotion regulation skill that helps children and teens handle frustration, anxiety, disappointment, and discomfort without blowing up, shutting down, or escaping. She shares why the brain needs uncomfortable feelings for learning, how the nervous system reacts in milliseconds, and why quick fixes can backfire over time.

You’ll learn:
- Why discomfort is where the brain rewires and learns
- How “making it easier” can create long-term fragility
- A simple 1–10 scale to lower intensity without minimizing feelings
- “Ride the wave” + “storm” metaphors kids remember
- How to keep the prefrontal cortex online during big feelings
- A practical grounding/pendulation tool (often helpful for neurodivergent kids)
- The three minds (emotion mind, rational mind, wise mind) using Smart Hulk, - Spock, and Captain Kirk
- How to model this in real life so kids build confidence through doing hard things

This episode is for teachers, school counsellors, parents, therapists, psychologists, and mental health professionals supporting children.

⏱️ Try this today: Ask, “How big is this feeling 1–10?” then, “What would bring it to a 7 or 8?”

Chapters
00:00 Distress tolerance + why kids need it
01:40 Nervous system + stress response
04:21 “We keep robbing kids” of discomfort
07:06 Finding the 6–7 learning zone
08:03 The 1–10 scaling tool
10:16 Emotions pass (and what fuels them)
13:43 Ride the wave + storm metaphor
17:03 Grounding to keep the prefrontal cortex online
18:24 Pendulation (roots through the feet)
22:29 Emotion mind vs rational mind
28:36 Wise mind (Smart Hulk balance)
35:47 Pros/cons to slow impulsive choices
43:00 Stop making it easier (chips story)

Homework Ideas to Support Kids & Teens

A) The 1–10 “bring it to a 7” check-in (daily, 60 seconds)
Script: “How big is it 1–10?” → “What would bring it to a 7 or 8?”
Resource: feelings chart for younger kids; for teens, a Notes app tracking scale.
B) Weather Report Feelings (younger kids + classrooms)
Prompt: “If your feelings were weather right now, what would it be?”
Follow-up: “What might your weather map look like later today?”
Resource: paper + markers, or a whiteboard “weather wall”.
C) Ride-the-Wave timer (build proof feelings pass)
Do: set a timer and track how long the feeling stays intense.
Script: “How long do you think this will last?” → timer → “What happened?”
Resource: phone timer + simple log (date / feeling / intensity / time).
D) Grounding to keep the thinking brain online (not to “calm down”)
Prompts: “Where do you feel it?” “Left or right?” “Describe it.”
E) Pendulation (“roots through the feet”) for big body sensations
Practice: chest sensation → feet sensation → back to chest → back to feet.
Resource: optional cue card with steps.
F) Three Minds roleplay (Smart Hulk / Spock / Captain Kirk)
Ask: “What would Emotion Mind say?” “What would Rational Mind say?” “What would Wise Mind choose?”
Resource: character images (optional).
G) Pros/cons (for impulsive urges)
Do: “Pros now / costs later” list on a sticky note.
Resource: sticky notes or Notes app.

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko
IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/
LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/
Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/
Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/
Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/