Overpowering Emotions: Tools for Child & Teen Anxiety and Resilience

When Sunday night brings stomach aches, worry, sleeplessness, and dread about Monday morning, it can be hard to know when a child needs accommodation and when anxiety is quietly taking over.

In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline continues her discussion of school avoidance by unpacking the important difference between accessibility, support, and anxiety accommodation.

You’ll learn why validating a child’s distress does not mean helping them escape it, how repeated avoidance can strengthen anxiety, and why the message “I believe you, and I know you can handle this” can be so powerful.

Dr. Caroline also shares practical ways to create a school avoidance plan before emotions are running high, including planning for difficult mornings, identifying trusted adults at school, using proactive breaks, reducing unnecessary sensory or executive load, and helping children take one realistic step forward.

You’ll also hear when school avoidance may point to needs that require further assessment, including learning differences, ADHD, autism, language processing difficulties, sensory needs, bullying, or demands that have begun to exceed a child’s current capacity.

If school mornings have become a cycle of dread, stomach aches, emotional outbursts, and missed days, this episode will help you understand what may be keeping that cycle going and how to support a child without teaching their brain that escape is the only way to feel safe.

The episode explicitly distinguishes accessibility accommodations from anxiety-driven escape and emphasises removing genuine barriers while continuing to build capacity.

Homework Activities

Create a “Tomorrow Map.”

Choose a calm time earlier in the day and map out what will happen the following morning. Identify the first step, what happens if the child’s body alarm gets loud, what the child can do, and how adults will respond. Dr. Caroline specifically recommends avoiding school problem-solving at bedtime because bedtime should help the brain downshift toward sleep.

Practise “I Believe You + Confidence + Next Step.”

When distress appears, practise three responses: “I believe you,” “I know you can handle it,” and “What’s the next step?” The next step should be realistic and within the child’s window of tolerance rather than expecting them to conquer the entire school day at once.

Use the Body Check-In.

Have the child identify the emotion, where they feel it in their body, what it feels like, and whether the sensation seems stronger on the left or right. Dr. Caroline describes this as a way to keep the thinking brain engaged before returning to participation.

Build a School Response Plan.

Identify the trusted adult, entrance plan, hardest part of the day, needed accessibility accommodations, proactive break times, communication plan, and exactly what adults will say and do during a difficult arrival. Everyone involved should communicate consistently rather than giving the child competing messages.

Do an Accommodation Check.

Ask: Are we removing a genuine barrier, or removing discomfort? Sensory supports, extra transition time, or a quiet testing space may address accessibility needs. Removing school simply because anxiety is uncomfortable may reinforce avoidance.

You can listen to the previous episode of Overpowering Emotions through this link:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/259-what-do-you-do-when-your-child-refuses-school/id1618828819?i=1000791127828

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

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YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko
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Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/
Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/
Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

When Your Child Says “I Can’t Go to School,” What Do You Do?

The stomach ache is real. The nausea is real. The fear is real. But does feeling awful mean a child should stay home?

School avoidance can leave adults stuck between two fears: pushing a child who genuinely cannot cope or accidentally strengthening the anxiety that keeps them from going.

In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline Buzanko breaks down what may be happening underneath school avoidance and why the behaviour you see in the morning may only be the end result of a much bigger problem.

Dr. Caroline explores how anxiety can create very real physical symptoms, why neurodevelopmental differences and sensory overload need to be considered, and how the brain can quickly learn that escaping school brings relief. She also explains the important difference between removing an unnecessary barrier and removing every source of discomfort.

You’ll learn why regulation should lead to movement, how to validate a child’s experience without reinforcing avoidance, why predictable drop-off routines can help, and how to choose a manageable next step that builds capacity.

You’ll also hear six practical strategies for difficult school mornings, including what to say when a child tells you their stomach hurts, how to reduce unnecessary sensory load, why long goodbyes can make separation harder, and what to praise when a child approaches something difficult.

Kids do not need to feel completely comfortable before they can move forward. They need repeated experiences that teach their brain: I felt scared, I did something hard, and I handled it.

Listen now to learn how to respond to school avoidance with compassion, confidence, and a focus on building a child’s capacity to approach hard things.

Dr. Caroline specifically describes the prediction-making brain, how relief from escaping school can reinforce avoidance, and why participation should build the child’s experience of “I can handle this.”

Homework Activities

The School Avoidance Pattern Map

For one week, track when physical symptoms or distress appear rather than immediately trying to explain them.

Write down: when symptoms start, what happens immediately before them, whether they appear on non-school days, what the child is anticipating, what happens when they stay home, and how quickly symptoms change after the demand is removed.

Dr. Caroline stresses that these patterns provide useful information about what the brain may be anticipating.

Find the Unnecessary Load

Ask: What is making school more expensive for this child than it needs to be?
Look for noise, lighting, hunger, clothing discomfort, chaotic entrances, rushed transitions, sensory demands, social pressures, learning difficulties, or executive functioning demands.

Choose one unnecessary load you can reasonably reduce without removing the main approach goal.

Dr. Caroline gives options including quieter entry, arriving before the rush and noise-cancelling headphones when there is a genuine sensory need.

Choose One Approach Goal

Don't make the goal “have a perfect school day.”

Choose the smallest meaningful step.

It could be entering the building, unpacking a backpack, completing work in the library, staying with a designated staff member, or entering the classroom.

The step should create some discomfort but remain within the child's window of tolerance.

Create a Drop-Off Script

Choose one short, predictable goodbye and practise using it consistently.
Dr. Caroline’s example is:
“I love you. Ms. Chen is here. I’ll see you after school.”

Avoid adding repeated questions, extra hugs, reassurance, negotiations, or checking whether the child feels ready.

Change What You Praise

For one week, intentionally praise approach rather than absence of anxiety.
Instead of:
“See? There was nothing to worry about.”

Try:

“Your stomach was hurting, and you still walked through the door.”

Dr. Caroline specifically recommends reinforcing the difficult action the child completed rather than teaching them that success means anxiety disappeared.

Resources:
Cummings, K. K., Jung, J., Zbozinek, T. D., Wilhelm, F. H., Dapretto, M., Craske, M. G., Bookheimer, S. Y., & Green, S. A. (2024). Shared and distinct biological mechanisms for anxiety and sensory over-responsivity in youth with autism versus anxiety disorders. Journal of neuroscience research, 102(1), e25250. https://doi.org/10.1002/jnr.25250

Johnsen, D. B., Lomholt, J. J., Heyne, D., Jensen, M. B., Jeppesen, P., Silverman, W. K., & Thastum, M. (2024). The Effectiveness of Modular Transdiagnostic Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Versus Treatment as Usual for Youths Displaying School Attendance Problems: A Randomized Controlled Trial. Research on child and adolescent psychopathology, 52(9), 1397–1412. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10802-024-01196-8

Metin, B., Tas, Z. C., Çebi, M., Büyükaslan, A., Soysal, A., Hatıloglu, D., & Tarhan, N. (2018). Reward Processing Deficits During a Spatial Attention Task in Patients With ADHD: An fMRI Study. Journal of attention disorders, 22(7), 694–702. https://doi.org/10.1177/1087054717703188

Munkhaugen, E. K., Torske, T., Gjevik, E., Nærland, T., Pripp, A. H., & Diseth, T. H. (2019). Individual characteristics of students with autism spectrum disorders and school refusal behavior. Autism : the international journal of research and practice, 23(2), 413–423. https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361317748619

Sung, J. Y., Mumper, E., & Schleider, J. L. (2021). Empowering Anxious Parents to Manage Child Avoidance Behaviors: Randomized Control Trial of a Single-Session Intervention for Parental Accommodation. JMIR mental health, 8(7), e29538. https://doi.org/10.2196/29538

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko
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LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko
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Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/
Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/
Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

Why does every conversation with your child seem to turn into a fight? Why do your attempts to help leave both of you feeling worse?

When a child or teen experiences emotions that feel overwhelming, their brain naturally searches for relief. Sometimes that relief comes through behaviours that worry the adults who love them most, including self harm or other self destructive coping strategies. Understanding why those behaviours develop changes the way we respond.

In this episode, Dr. Caroline is joined by therapist and author Katie K. May to explore why validation is one of the most powerful tools for reducing emotional intensity, why regulating yourself comes before trying to regulate your child, and how everyday interactions can either strengthen connection or increase conflict.

You'll learn why emotional validation does not encourage unhealthy behaviour, how to recognise what sits underneath anger and irritability, practical ways to step out of power struggles, and why building connection often starts with simply sharing space together.

If you're supporting a young person with anxiety, emotional dysregulation, depression, self harm, or intense emotional reactions, this conversation offers practical strategies you can begin using today.

In this episode you'll learn:

Why self destructive behaviours often become short term coping strategies
How validation lowers emotional intensity
Why regulating yourself changes everything
How to avoid escalating emotional storms
Ways to rebuild connection after conflict
What radical acceptance really means for families
Practical communication strategies that strengthen trust

About Katie K. May

Katie K. May is a licensed therapist, author, speaker, and group practice owner. She founded Creative Healing, a multi-location teen support center in the Philadelphia area, and wrote the #1 Amazon best-seller You’re On Fire, It’s Fine. Her second book for clinicians, Teen DBT in Practice will be published in July 2026. With lived experience as a teen who turned to self-harm, Katie is one of a select few Board Certified DBT Clinicians in Pennsylvania, the gold standard treatment for self-harm and suicidal behaviors. She equips parents and clinicians with practical, trauma-informed tools to decode behavior as survival and create lasting change.

Website: www.katiekmay.com
Instagram for Parents of Teens: https://www.instagram.com/creative_healing
Instagram for Therapists: https://www.instagram.com/katiekmay
Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/katiekmay
Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@katiekmay

Resources:
You're on Fire, It's Fine: Effective Strategies for Parenting Teens with Self-Destructive Behaviors https://geni.us/YoureonFireItsFine

Homework Ideas

Build a Stress Meter

Create your own stress scale from 0 to 10.
Ask yourself several times each day:
Where am I right now?
What do I need before responding?
Practise using calming strategies before difficult conversations.

Validate Before Solving

For one week, resist the urge to immediately fix your child's emotions.
Use statements like:
"I can see this is really hard."
"That makes sense."
"I'm here with you."
Notice how the conversation changes.

Notice and Name Emotions

When emotions appear, simply label them.
Examples:
"You seem disappointed."
"You look frustrated."
"I can see you're angry."
Avoid jumping immediately into solutions.

Spend 15 Minutes Together Without Correcting

Spend fifteen uninterrupted minutes in the same room.
No reminders.
No criticism.
No advice.
No problem solving.
Just share space together.

Practise Your Own Emotional Modelling

When you're becoming overwhelmed, say it aloud.
"I'm feeling frustrated."
"I'm going to take a few minutes."
"I'll come back when I'm calmer."
Your child learns emotional regulation by watching yours.

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko
IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/
LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/
Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/
Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/
Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

Why Does Talking to Kids Sometimes Make Things Worse?

You’re trying to help. You ask questions, offer solutions, explain what needs to happen, and somehow your child becomes more defensive, shuts down, or argues harder.

The way we communicate can change what happens from there.
In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline shares practical motivational interviewing skills that help children and teens feel heard without turning every difficult conversation into a debate.

You’ll learn how to use open-ended questions, affirmations, reflections, and summaries to keep kids thinking rather than defending. Dr. Caroline also explains how to recognize “change talk,” respond when a child seems resistant, and shift from praise toward specific affirmations that help kids recognize their own strengths, values, and efforts.

If homework, school anxiety, sleep, friendships, sports, chores, or everyday responsibilities keep turning into power struggles, this episode will help you talk less, stay curious, and create more space for kids to find their own reasons to move forward.

Homework Ideas

Dr. Caroline says she will include homework ideas in the show notes, but she does not give a formal homework list during the recording.

These exercises are therefore drawn from the skills she teaches in the episode and would work well as the promised show-note homework.

The “Talk Less” Challenge

Choose one difficult conversation this week.
Before responding, ask yourself:
“Do I need to say this, or can I leave space for them to think?”
Aim to reduce explanations, reminders, and repeated questions.

Turn One Closed Question Into an Open Question

Instead of:
“Did you do your homework?”
Try:
“What’s your plan for your homework tonight?”
Instead of:
“Are you nervous about the presentation?”
Try:
“What feels hardest about presenting in front of the class?”

Dr. Caroline gives these types of shifts directly in the episode.

Replace Praise With One Specific Affirmation

Catch yourself before saying:
“Good job.”
Identify what the child actually did:
“You kept trying even when you weren’t sure you could do it.”
“You noticed you were getting overwhelmed and took some space.”
“It took courage to tell me you didn’t understand.”

The goal is to draw attention toward their effort, strengths, choices, and values rather than adult approval.

Listen for Change Talk

For one week, listen for statements beginning with ideas like:
“I wish…”
“I could…”
“I need…”
“I might…”
“I’m going to…”
Rather than jumping in with a solution, reflect it back and invite them to say more.

Practise the Final Cs

Before a hard conversation, remember Dr. Caroline’s closing reminders:
Avoid cleverness. Reduce clutter. Aim for curious calm. Lead with compassion. Protect connection.

Her practical instruction is especially memorable: keep the message simple and stay interested and relaxed rather than getting worked up.

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko
IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/
LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/
Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/
Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/
Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

Power struggles over homework, chores, school, relationships, and routines can turn a simple conversation into a battle fast. So how do you help a child or teen move forward without nagging, lecturing, threatening, or trying to force compliance?
In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline introduces motivational interviewing, a practical communication approach that helps children and teens feel heard, reduces conversational pressure, and helps them explorer their own reasons for change.
Using a familiar homework battle, Dr. Caroline walks through a four-part conversation map: connect, agree on what matters, draw out the child’s own reasons and possibilities, and build a small plan that comes from them.
You’ll hear how validation can keep a difficult conversation open, why reassurance can sometimes shut kids down, how to recognize “change talk” hiding underneath resistance, and what to say when a child insists, “I don’t care,” “I’m going to fail anyway,” or “Get off my back.”
You’ll also learn how small shifts in adult communication can move a child from “I’m not doing it” toward “Okay, I’ll try for 10 minutes.”
If conversations with the kids in your life keep becoming arguments, this episode gives you language you can start practicing today.
Topics covered: motivational interviewing with children and teens, communication skills, homework battles, parent-child communication, student motivation, emotional regulation, validation, power struggles, change talk, teen motivation, school stress, and collaborative problem-solving.

Homework Ideas

The episode gives listeners a very usable assignment: practice the conversation map before adding more communication skills next week. Dr. Caroline specifically asks listeners to try connecting first and approaching the conversation with curiosity.
A useful homework box for the show notes would be:

This Week’s Practice: Try the Conversation Map

Pick one recurring conversation that tends to become a power struggle: homework, bedtime, chores, school attendance, sibling conflict, relationships, applications, or another issue.

Then practice:

1. Connect

Listen with curiosity. Reflect what you hear. Help the child feel understood before trying to solve anything.

Try:
“Wow, you really don’t want to do that tonight.”

2. Agree on what to talk about

Give the child some say in where the conversation goes.

Try:
“There are a few things we could talk about. Which feels most important to start with?”

3. Listen for their reasons for change

Pay attention to wishes, frustrations, values, hopes, concerns, and signs that they want something to be different.

Try:
“If tonight were even a little better, what would be different?”
Or use the scaling exercise from the episode:
“On a scale from 1–10, how awful is this right now?”

Then:

“What could make it half a point better?”
Caroline explains this exercise around the homework example.

4. Build one small plan from their ideas

Ask:

“What feels possible?”
“What might help?”
“What would be a small step just to get started?”
Those prompts are taken directly from Dr. Caroline’s recap.

Optional confidence check:

Ask how confident they feel about trying the plan from 0–10. Rather than focusing on why the number is low, ask what makes it as high as it already is. Dr. Caroline demonstrates this with a rating of six and asks why it is a six rather than a two.

You can download the M.I Conversation Map through this link:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1drTx5r_jYYtguUiegf0oewa7mCcKc2A1/view?usp=sharing

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko
IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/
LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/
Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/
Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/
Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/