Overpowering Emotions: Tools for Child & Teen Anxiety and Resilience

Are adults accidentally making anxiety stronger?

In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline Buzanko explains why accommodation, reassurance, and avoidance — even when well-intentioned — keep kids stuck in fear. Drawing from clinical work and real-world examples, she shows why discomfort is where learning lives and why confidence grows only when kids stay in the situation.

This episode is for parents, teachers, school teams, and clinicians who want children to tolerate frustration, build resilience, and trust themselves.

You’ll hear:
Why avoidance fuels anxiety
How reassurance backfires
Why stopping accommodation matters more than teaching skills
What validation sounds like without reinforcing fear
How adults regulate themselves so kids can regulate too

🎧 Free training mentioned in this episode:
Avoiding Common Mistakes with Anxiety
https://koru-learning-institute.thinkific.com/courses/avoidingcommonmistakeswithanxiety

Listen, share, and support kids in becoming brave.

Homework Ideas for Adults

Start small. One change at a time is enough.

Practise emotional neutrality
When a child is distressed, your first job is managing your own response. Neutral tone. Neutral body language. Calm breathing. Kids borrow your nervous system before they can use their own.

Spot one accommodation to pause this week
Pick a single behaviour you’ll stop adjusting around anxiety. Not everything — just one.
Common places to look:
answering repeated “are you sure?” questions
changing routines to avoid discomfort
allowing avoidance of tests, presentations, or social situations
staying with a child longer than needed to reduce anxiety
offering constant reassurance instead of confidence

Validate feelings without discussing outcomes
Name the emotion and stop there. No fixing. No convincing. No explaining. Short responses work best.

Use one steady script
Choose a single line and repeat it calmly:
“I know this is hard.”
“I know you can handle this.”
“Let me know when you’re ready.”
Consistency matters more than wording.

👉 Free scripts you can use right away:
5 Phrases That Calm Anxious Kids (Without Reinforcing Anxiety)
https://korulearninginstitute.kit.com/5phrasesthatcalmanxiouskids

Model frustration out loud
Let kids hear you work through something difficult. Show effort, pauses, mistakes, and recovery. This teaches far more than advice ever will.

Hold the line kindly
When resistance shows up — crying, whining, stalling — stay calm and wait. Courage grows through staying, not escaping.

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko
IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/
LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/
Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/
Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/
Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

If kids melt down the second something feels hard, this episode is for you.

Dr. Caroline explains distress tolerance — a core emotion regulation skill that helps children and teens handle frustration, anxiety, disappointment, and discomfort without blowing up, shutting down, or escaping. She shares why the brain needs uncomfortable feelings for learning, how the nervous system reacts in milliseconds, and why quick fixes can backfire over time.

You’ll learn:
- Why discomfort is where the brain rewires and learns
- How “making it easier” can create long-term fragility
- A simple 1–10 scale to lower intensity without minimizing feelings
- “Ride the wave” + “storm” metaphors kids remember
- How to keep the prefrontal cortex online during big feelings
- A practical grounding/pendulation tool (often helpful for neurodivergent kids)
- The three minds (emotion mind, rational mind, wise mind) using Smart Hulk, - Spock, and Captain Kirk
- How to model this in real life so kids build confidence through doing hard things

This episode is for teachers, school counsellors, parents, therapists, psychologists, and mental health professionals supporting children.

⏱️ Try this today: Ask, “How big is this feeling 1–10?” then, “What would bring it to a 7 or 8?”

Chapters
00:00 Distress tolerance + why kids need it
01:40 Nervous system + stress response
04:21 “We keep robbing kids” of discomfort
07:06 Finding the 6–7 learning zone
08:03 The 1–10 scaling tool
10:16 Emotions pass (and what fuels them)
13:43 Ride the wave + storm metaphor
17:03 Grounding to keep the prefrontal cortex online
18:24 Pendulation (roots through the feet)
22:29 Emotion mind vs rational mind
28:36 Wise mind (Smart Hulk balance)
35:47 Pros/cons to slow impulsive choices
43:00 Stop making it easier (chips story)

Homework Ideas to Support Kids & Teens

A) The 1–10 “bring it to a 7” check-in (daily, 60 seconds)
Script: “How big is it 1–10?” → “What would bring it to a 7 or 8?”
Resource: feelings chart for younger kids; for teens, a Notes app tracking scale.
B) Weather Report Feelings (younger kids + classrooms)
Prompt: “If your feelings were weather right now, what would it be?”
Follow-up: “What might your weather map look like later today?”
Resource: paper + markers, or a whiteboard “weather wall”.
C) Ride-the-Wave timer (build proof feelings pass)
Do: set a timer and track how long the feeling stays intense.
Script: “How long do you think this will last?” → timer → “What happened?”
Resource: phone timer + simple log (date / feeling / intensity / time).
D) Grounding to keep the thinking brain online (not to “calm down”)
Prompts: “Where do you feel it?” “Left or right?” “Describe it.”
E) Pendulation (“roots through the feet”) for big body sensations
Practice: chest sensation → feet sensation → back to chest → back to feet.
Resource: optional cue card with steps.
F) Three Minds roleplay (Smart Hulk / Spock / Captain Kirk)
Ask: “What would Emotion Mind say?” “What would Rational Mind say?” “What would Wise Mind choose?”
Resource: character images (optional).
G) Pros/cons (for impulsive urges)
Do: “Pros now / costs later” list on a sticky note.
Resource: sticky notes or Notes app.

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko
IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/
LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/
Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/
Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/
Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

Impulse control is a foundational skill for emotion regulation—and many kids don’t have it yet.

In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline continues her series on impulse control and explains how impulsive reactions block learning, problem-solving, and emotional growth. You’ll learn how to help kids and teens slow down, map their emotional patterns, and practise new responses before big emotions take over.

Topics covered:
Why impulsivity makes emotion regulation harder
How to map thoughts, feelings, body sensations, urges, and behaviours
Using environment changes to make self-control easier
If-then planning that works in real life
Helping kids practise new behaviours without shame or power struggles
Why reinforcement and recovery time matter

This episode is designed for parents, educators, school staff, and mental health professionals working with kids who react fast and struggle to pause.

🎧 Listen, share, and subscribe for more practical tools to support emotional growth.

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko
IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/
LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/
Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/
Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/
Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

Impulsivity doesn’t come from nowhere. It shows up when emotions move faster than skills.

In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline moves into part 2 of impulse control, unpacking what kids actually need to slow impulsive reactions and make better choices when feelings surge. You’ll hear why impulse control cannot be taught in isolation, how emotional literacy lays the groundwork, and why kids need repeated, real-world practice, not lectures, to change behaviour.

We talk about recognizing emotional patterns, mapping triggers across the day, teaching opposite actions, building self-coaching language, and creating safe opportunities for kids to practice responding differently while emotions are active. This episode is packed with practical strategies for parents, educators, and clinicians who want to help kids build real pause, choice, and follow-through.

Homework Ideas
Track daily emotion triggers using simple ABC notes (Antecedent, Behaviour, Consequence)
Help kids identify body cues that signal rising emotion
Create a short list of opposite actions for common emotions
Practice self-coaching scripts out loud, then quietly
Set up safe, repeatable practice moments at home or school
Reinforce effort with specific feedback
Rotate practice across settings, people, and times of day

Helpful Tools
Coping cards
Choice boards
Emotion–action–outcome maps
Visual stop cues
Progress tracking charts

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko
IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/
LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/
Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/
Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/
Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/

Many kids struggle with impulse control, and adults are often left wondering why strategies don’t stick. This episode breaks down the foundations of impulsive behaviour and why so many kids react without thinking — especially when emotions are high.

Dr. Caroline explains the building blocks kids need long before self-control can happen: emotional safety, a developing prefrontal cortex, attention regulation, and the four types of impulsivity that influence behavior. You’ll learn how urgency, acting too fast, difficulty sticking with tasks, and sensation seeking show up in everyday life.

This episode helps parents, educators, and mental health professionals finally understand the why behind big reactions — and sets the groundwork for change.

Homework Ideas

Track patterns (simple, daily).
Write down:
When impulsivity happened
What emotion was present
What urge the child felt
What behaviour followed
This reveals triggers and themes.

Build “urge awareness.”
Ask your child:
“When you feel angry, what does your body want to do first?”
“When you're excited, what do you want to do right away?”
This grows self-observation before action.

Watch your own impulse moments.
Kids mirror adults.
Choose one moment this week to pause before reacting.

Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh

Follow Dr. Caroline
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko
IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/
LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/
Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/
Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/
Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/

Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/