That's Where I'm At

In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura speaks with Alyssa Scarano, LPC, NCC, therapist and Founder and Clinical Director of The Collective Therapy & Wellness. Known for her empathetic and compassionate approach, Alyssa views her work as a profound privilege—supporting clients through their most vulnerable experiences while helping them heal from childhood trauma, break generational patterns, and build meaningful, authentic relationships rooted in self-compassion.
Alyssa shares how personal loss in her twenties led her to pursue therapy and ultimately specialize in generational trauma and family dynamics. Together, she and Laura explore how childhood emotional suppression shapes adult behavior, the importance of inner child work, and how self-love becomes the foundation for healthy boundaries. Using a powerful "home" metaphor, Alyssa illustrates boundary-setting in a relatable way and encourages listeners to embrace discomfort as a necessary part of healing. She also offers a free 21-day email series designed to help build self-worth.
 
Key Topics & Timestamps
Episode Overview & Guest Introduction (00:01:29) Laura previews the conversation with Alyssa about generational patterns, boundaries, and self-love.
Alyssa's Healing Journey (00:02:58) Alyssa shares her personal background, family dynamics, and how therapy empowered her.
Family Silence and Childhood Trauma (00:03:26) Discussion about growing up in families that suppress emotions and the impact on children.
Internalizing Trauma as a Child (00:06:19) Exploring how children internalize family trauma and blame themselves.
Alyssa's Path to Therapy Work (00:07:16) Alyssa describes her transition from personal healing to becoming a family therapist.
Inner Child Work Explained (00:09:26) Alyssa explains inner child work, early social learning, and how childhood beliefs shape adulthood.
Boundaries and Self-Love Connection (00:11:46) Laura and Alyssa discuss how boundaries are rooted in self-love and healing childhood wounds.
Survival Mode Parenting & Boundaries (00:13:06) Exploring how generational survival mode affects parenting and boundary-setting.
External vs. Internal Boundaries (00:14:10) Alyssa explains the difference between visible boundaries and internal boundaries around self-worth.
Impact of Narcissistic Abuse and Healing (00:15:04) Laura shares her experience with narcissistic abuse and the process of unraveling negative self-beliefs.
How Trauma Gets Stuck (00:16:32) Alyssa explains trauma as a combination of vulnerability, acute events, and lack of support.
Importance of Emotional Support (00:17:51) Discussion on how lack of support after trauma makes healing harder and the need for safe spaces.
Therapy Process: Genogram & Family Mapping (00:18:58) Alyssa describes her intake process using genograms to map family patterns and roles.
Negative Side of Healing & Family Reactions (00:20:24) Laura discusses how healing can disrupt family dynamics and lead to uncomfortable reactions.
Discomfort and Growth in Healing (00:21:59) Alyssa explains why discomfort is part of growth and why families may resist change.
Embracing All Emotions (00:23:11) Alyssa emphasizes the importance of feeling all emotions, including anger, for empowerment and boundary-setting.
Therapy as a Safe Space (00:26:06) Laura and Alyssa discuss the value of therapy as a safe, validating environment for self-expression.
Therapist's Emotional Labor (00:28:30) Alyssa reflects on the emotional demands of being a therapist and the risk of vicarious trauma.
Healthy Relationships and Community (00:30:11) Laura shares how healing attracts healthier relationships and changes her social circle.
Tips for Listeners: Embracing Discomfort & Self-Compassion (00:30:53) Alyssa offers advice on tolerating discomfort, managing expectations, and giving oneself grace during healing.
Boundaries Metaphor: Home as Self (00:33:13) Alyssa introduces a metaphor comparing boundaries to managing your home and deciding who gets access.
Self-Love as the Foundation (00:37:34) Alyssa and Laura discuss how self-love is the foundation for breaking patterns and setting boundaries.
 
Powerful Quotes from the Episode
Alyssa, "I did my own healing, went to therapy, and found the words and the space to explore what I was feeling, and that was so empowering for me because it changed my life."
Alyssa, "You're always kind of working with that inner child that was not seen and not validated, and it's powerful to offer someone an experience they never had."
Alyssa, "We have the internal boundary of being able to separate someone else's responses from how you view yourself and your own self-worth—it's like putting up a veil and not letting someone else's behavior pierce it."
Alyssa, "We belong to ourselves long before we belong to anyone else."
Alyssa, "The reason why those patterns and behaviors formed in the first place was out of a desire for connection and love, so it begins with deciding you are worthy of love—you always were."
 
RESOURCES:
COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura
YOU'RE NOT CRAZY ebook: GET IT HERE
MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE
JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517
FOLLOW ALYSSA:
WEBSITE: www.collective-therapy.com
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/collective.therapy.wellness
INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/live.collective.wellness/
 
"Healing begins the moment you realize you are worthy of the love, safety, and voice you were once denied."
 
Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com
Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

In this episode of "That's Where I'm At," host Laura shares her personal journey of healing after divorcing a narcissist. She explains the psychological and chemical roots of trauma bonding, the confusing emotions survivors face, and the challenges of breaking free. Laura offers practical steps for recovery, including going no contact, journaling, rebuilding identity, seeking support, and trauma-informed therapy. She emphasizes self-compassion and patience, reassuring listeners that healing is possible and encouraging them to reclaim their lives. Laura closes by inviting listeners to join her supportive community and reminding them they are not alone in their recovery.
 
Key Topics & Timestamps
Purpose of the Podcast & Sharing Stories (00:00:31) Emphasizes the importance of sharing difficult stories for collective healing, especially for women.
Trigger Warning (00:01:13) Brief warning about potentially triggering content in the episode.
Understanding Trauma Bonding (00:01:21) Laura describes her conflicting feelings after leaving her marriage and introduces the concept of trauma bonding.
Personal Experience with Trauma Bond (00:02:31) Shares her emotional struggle post-divorce and the confusion of loving and hating her abuser.
Intermittent Reinforcement & Abuse Dynamics (00:03:30) Explains how abusers use intermittent reinforcement to keep victims attached and feeling small.
Shame and Staying Too Long (00:05:59) Discusses the shame survivors feel for staying and the psychological manipulation that keeps them in abusive relationships.
Chemical Basis of Trauma Bond (00:06:59) Explains the brain chemistry behind trauma bonds and the need to rebuild positive chemicals after leaving.
The Good Memory Trap (00:08:14) Warns against idealizing isolated good moments in abusive relationships and describes ongoing hypervigilance.
Addiction to Hope & Beginning Healing (00:09:23) Clarifies that survivors are addicted to hope, not the abuser, and introduces the first healing steps.
No Contact Rule (00:10:41) Stresses the importance of going no contact to break the trauma bond and protect oneself from manipulation.
Practical Steps for No Contact (00:11:41) Shares her personal approach to no contact, including blocking on social media and handling mutual friends.
No Contact in Co-Parenting & Boundaries (00:12:46) Advises on maintaining boundaries and low contact when full no contact isn't possible, especially with children.
No Contact is Survival, Not Cruelty (00:13:49) Explains why staying friends with a narcissist is dangerous and reinforces that no contact is about survival.
Journaling for Clarity (00:14:59) Recommends journaling to document abuse, validate experiences, and avoid romanticizing the past.
Reconnecting with Identity & Dreams (00:16:02) Encourages rediscovering passions and rebuilding identity lost during the abusive relationship.
Building a Support System (00:18:09) Highlights the importance of finding supportive communities and professionals for healing.
Trauma-Informed Therapy & Somatic Healing (00:19:19) Advocates for trauma-informed therapy and somatic practices to heal both mind and body.
Self-Compassion & Patience in Healing (00:20:44) Emphasizes self-kindness, patience, and the gradual nature of recovery from abuse.
Breaking the Inner Voice of the Narcissist (00:22:05) Describes the process of reclaiming one's own thoughts and voice after leaving abuse.
Encouragement & Final Thoughts (00:23:10) Offers reassurance about the healing journey, normalizes setbacks, and encourages persistence.
 
Powerful Quotes from the Episode
'I also didn't know until I started to understand some things that you can actually have two opposing thoughts. You can actually hate somebody and love somebody at the same time.'

'So remember that you weren't addicted to him. You were addicted to the hope of the person he pretended to be.'

'No contact is not cruelty. It is survival.'

'You hating him and missing him at the same time does not make you weak. It makes you human.'

'The confusion is not a sign that you made a mistake leaving. It's a sign of how deep the bond went.'
 
RESOURCES:
GRAB THE TRAUMA BOND ACTION GUIDE: https://laurarichpodcast.systeme.io/trauma-bond
COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura
YOU'RE NOT CRAZY ebook: GET IT HERE
MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE
JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517
 
"You weren't addicted to the person—you were holding on to the hope. Healing begins when you choose yourself over that illusion."
 
Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com
Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura sits down with Coach NiaRenee, a certified narcissistic abuse recovery coach, author, and advocate dedicated to helping survivors rebuild their lives after emotional and psychological abuse. As the founder of How to Love a Battered Woman LLC and creator of the Battered Hearts Rising methodology, NiaRenee combines professional expertise with lived experience to guide survivors through deep healing, self-reconnection, and the restoration of self-trust after toxic relationships.
Known as the Empathy Powerhouse, NiaRenee is passionate about amplifying the voices of survivors and creating spaces where healing, clarity, and empowerment are possible. Her work goes beyond leaving abusive dynamics—she helps individuals untangle trauma bonds, strengthen boundaries, and rebuild their identity so they can form relationships rooted in safety, respect, and emotional security.
In this powerful conversation, NiaRenee shares her journey of surviving both childhood and adult abuse, and how those experiences shaped her mission today. She and Laura explore the challenges of recognizing abuse, breaking trauma bonds, and unlearning harmful patterns influenced by societal and media narratives. Together, they emphasize the importance of self-awareness, community, and support in the healing process. This episode offers hope, practical tools, and encouragement for anyone on the path to reclaiming their voice, identity, and power.
 
Key Topics & Timestamps
Coach NiaRenee's Background & Advocacy (00:02:20) NiaRenee discusses her advocacy work, credentials, and motivation for helping survivors.
Personal Journey into Coaching (00:03:42) NiaRenee shares how her personal experiences with abuse led her to coaching and developing her methodology.
Rebuilding Self-Relationship After Abuse (00:05:44) Discussion on the importance of repairing the relationship with oneself after abusive relationships.
Leaving the Last Abusive Relationship (00:06:36) NiaRenee talks about leaving her last abusive relationship in 2019 and recognizing unhealthy patterns.
Childhood Abuse & Family Dynamics (00:07:02) NiaRenee reveals her childhood sexual abuse and growing up with a narcissistic mother, and how it shaped her.
Normalization & Glamourization of Abuse in Media (00:11:40) They discuss how media normalizes and glamorizes domestic violence, making it harder to recognize abuse.
Love Bombing & Societal Conditioning (00:13:15) Exploration of love bombing, societal messages about romance, and the impact on boundaries.
Learning Healthy Love & Setting Boundaries (00:15:01) NiaRenee describes learning what healthy love looks like through friendships and setting new standards.
Unlearning Patterns & Trauma Bonding (00:16:38) The process of unlearning old patterns, trauma bonding, and the importance of self-awareness.
Losing Friendships During Healing (00:19:32) NiaRenee and Laura discuss losing friendships that mirrored abusive patterns during their healing journeys.
Individual Healing Journeys & Coping Strategies (00:22:04) They share personal healing methods, emphasizing that everyone's journey is unique.
Finding and Using Your Voice (00:24:05) Both discuss how speaking out, crying, and sharing their stories helped reclaim their voices.
Starting Social Media Advocacy (00:25:03) NiaRenee explains how she began sharing her story on TikTok and the impact of her skits.
Balancing Content Creation with Heavy Topics (00:27:04) Challenges of creating content and supporting others during overwhelming world events.
Coping with Triggers from Current Events (00:28:25) NiaRenee shares how she manages triggers from the Epstein files and the importance of self-care.
Supporting Survivors & Using Your Platform (00:32:21) The importance of amplifying survivor voices and using platforms for advocacy.
Calling Out Societal & Political Narcissistic Abuse (00:34:44) Discussion on recognizing narcissistic abuse in political and societal contexts.
Recognizing Psychological Abuse (00:37:09) Highlighting the prevalence of psychological abuse and its portrayal in media.
Upcoming Movie "My Narcissist" (00:37:41) NiaRenee talks about her role in the upcoming movie that depicts psychological and emotional abuse.
Breaking the Cycle & Family Healing (00:43:03) Laura and NiaRenee discuss breaking generational cycles, family healing, and accountability.
 
Powerful Quotes from the Episode
NiaRenee, 'I just want to show other people that there is life after abuse.'
NiaRenee, 'Those relationships felt familiar, so I thought I was supposed to stay in them because that's just how relationships are.'
NiaRenee, 'I think it's deeper than us loving ourselves, because how do we love ourselves if we've never been shown how to be properly loved?'
NiaRenee, 'The more you're self-aware, the more you pay attention to what your body is telling you, the more you realize that you trust yourself to make decisions.'
NiaRenee, 'I cried for all the times that I couldn't cry, and I started talking for all the times that I couldn't talk back. I started to take my voice back.'
 
RESOURCES:
COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura
YOU'RE NOT CRAZY ebook: GET IT HERE
MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE
JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517
 
FOLLOW NIARENEE:
Your website link: www.coachNiaReneerenee.com
Instagram: instagram.com/coachNiaReneerenee
Movie Trailer "I Love You My Narcissist": https://ilymn.film/
 
"Healing isn't just about leaving the abuse—it's about learning to trust yourself again and choosing a different life."
 
Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com
Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura welcomes Trish Lynn, a life coach and identity recalibration mentor who helps women rebuild their internal operating system after trauma, toxic dynamics, and years of self-silencing. After leaving a 16-year narcissistic relationship, Trish rebuilt her voice, regulated her nervous system, and redefined her identity from the inside out. Today, she guides women in healing their self-concept, reclaiming their voices, and becoming the version of themselves who can be seen, heard, and fully expressed without collapsing.
In this powerful conversation, Laura and Trish discuss the journey from victimhood to empowerment, exploring the challenges of rebuilding self-esteem, setting boundaries, and rediscovering identity after leaving toxic relationships. As a single mom and survivor of narcissistic abuse, Trish shares personal insights about healing, parenting, and overcoming self-doubt, while offering practical guidance for women ready to reclaim their confidence and rebuild their lives. The episode highlights the importance of self-care, nervous system healing, community, and authenticity in the recovery process, offering hope and actionable insights for listeners on their own path to healing and empowerment.
 
Key Topics & Timestamps
Guest Introduction: Trish Lynn (00:01:23) Trish's background as a single mom, survivor, and content marketing strategist for women recovering from toxic relationships.
Why Trish Chose Her Niche (00:02:20) Trish explains how her own experience with abuse influenced her business focus.
Impact of Abuse on Business & Self-Esteem (00:02:58) Laura and Trish discuss how toxic relationships undermine confidence and business success.
Regaining Voice & Authenticity Online (00:03:42) The struggle to express oneself authentically after abuse and the importance of self-trust in content creation.
Dealing with Criticism & Perception (00:06:12) Handling negative feedback online and learning not to internalize others' perceptions.
Teaching Self-Worth & Boundaries (00:08:47) Helping women rebuild self-worth, set boundaries, and value their work after toxic relationships.
Overcoming Sabotage & Brain Fog (00:15:35) Trish shares how her ex sabotaged her business and the challenges of parenting and working during abuse.
Holistic Healing: Nutrition & Self-Care (00:18:43) Trish's holistic approach, including nutrition and self-care, to support healing and business growth.
Parenting & Breaking Generational Patterns (00:24:47) Teaching children healthy boundaries and breaking cycles of abuse for future generations.
Reactive Abuse & Healing with Children (00:28:16) Discussing reactive rage, apologizing to children, and mutual healing after leaving abuse.
Narcissists' Lack of Accountability (00:36:25) Red flags: abusers never take responsibility for problems in any area of life.
Public vs. Private Persona of Abusers (00:37:19) How covert narcissists appear charming in public but are abusive at home.
Rest, Self-Compassion, and Nervous System Healing (00:39:37) The importance of rest, self-compassion, and nervous system regulation after leaving abuse.
Rediscovering Joy & Self-Care Rituals (00:41:02) Finding happiness, daily rituals, and self-care as part of rebuilding life and business.
Overcoming Guilt & Building a Business Post-Abuse (00:42:14) Letting go of guilt, making bold moves, and growing a business as a single mom.
Money Mindset & Leaving Despite Financial Fears (00:43:46) Shifting money mindset, setting intentions, and leaving toxic relationships even with little or no money.
Knowing When You're Done & Taking the Leap (00:46:04) Recognizing the moment you're truly done and ready to leave, regardless of circumstances.
Helping Complete Beginners Start Businesses (00:47:15) Trish supports women at all stages, including those starting from scratch.
 
Powerful Quotes from the Episode
Trish, 'For so long, I wasn't allowed to have an opinion. If I had an opinion that was my own, it was the wrong opinion for sure.'
Trish, 'Energetically, I didn't have the capacity to be in that relationship and grow my business. I was walking on eggshells every day.'
Trish, 'I sat for a moment and I'm like, I failed. My biggest thought was I failed my kids, and now I'm like, no, I didn't, because they are seeing something so much better and I am their safe space.'
Trish, 'I am breaking these patterns so that my little girl does not grow up thinking this is how we are treated. And my boys, I do not want them to grow up thinking this is how we treat women.'
Trish, 'Having the compassion for yourself to take the rest when you need the rest, because coming out of it, your body needs that time to heal.'
 
RESOURCES:
COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura

YOU'RE NOT CRAZY ebook: GET IT HERE

MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE

JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517

FOLLOW TRISH:
WEBSITE: www.thetrishlynn.com/programs

INSTAGRAM:  www.instagram.com/thetrishlynn

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/trish.lynn.527777

Self-Mastery & Money Reset: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1euBmBbNx26S4ya5qLR26DNGid_LymZHcCreoo7lfxVQ/edit?usp=sharing

 
"Your past may explain your story, but it doesn't have to define your future—you have the power to rebuild, reclaim your voice, and create a life that feels like your own."
 
Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com
Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura sits down with Tiffany K—a school teacher, yoga instructor, hiking enthusiast, coffee lover, devoted mom to three adult children, proud grandmother, and narcissistic abuse survivor turned thriver. Tiffany brings both professional insight and deeply personal experience to this conversation, sharing her powerful journey from surviving toxic relationships to embracing healing, self-love, and authentic living. 
As the host of The Journey Within with Tiffany K., a show dedicated to helping women reconnect with themselves and cultivate personal growth, Tiffany is passionate about guiding others toward emotional freedom and empowerment. Together, Laura and Tiffany explore the realities of trauma, the courage it takes to leave abusive dynamics, and practical tools for recovery—including meditation, journaling, boundaries, and community support. Tiffany's story is a testament to resilience and serves as an inspiring reminder that healing is possible and thriving is within reach.
 
Key Topics & Timestamps
Tiffany's Background and Podcast Journey (00:02:10) Tiffany shares her diverse background and how she started her podcast focused on healing.
Discovering the Healing Journey (00:02:54) Tiffany explains how her healing journey led to podcasting and the importance of addressing trauma stored in the body.
Healing Modalities and Nervous System Regulation (00:03:55) Discussion about different healing methods, including journaling, meditation, and the impact of trauma on the nervous system.
Recognizing Narcissistic Traits and Trauma Bonds (00:09:42) Tiffany details the common traits of narcissists and the addictive cycle of trauma bonding.
Leaving Abusive Relationships and the Seven-Times Statistic (00:12:26) Discussion about why it takes multiple attempts to leave abusive relationships and the emotional manipulation involved.
Tools for Breaking Trauma Bonds (00:19:22) Strategies like making lists or videos to remember the bad times and resist returning to abusers.
Abusers Moving On Quickly and Self-Healing (00:20:08) Discussion about how abusers move on fast, while survivors focus on healing and self-growth.
Learning and Setting Boundaries (00:24:40) Laura and Tiffany discuss the importance of boundaries as an act of self-love and protection.
Boundaries in Practice and Societal Messages (00:25:09) Practical advice on setting boundaries and recognizing unhealthy relationship dynamics.
Does the Label Matter? (00:29:06) Emphasis that the label "narcissist" is less important than how someone treats you.
Conditional Gifts and Manipulation (00:29:49) Examples of manipulation through conditional gift-giving and emotional control.
Self-Love and Rebuilding Identity (00:31:07) The journey of learning self-love, accepting compliments, and rebuilding identity after abuse.
Journaling and Tracking Progress (00:37:22) The value of journaling to observe healing progress and rediscover personal interests.
Discovering Self and Enjoying Solitude (00:39:15) Tiffany describes finding joy in her own company and exploring new hobbies.
Trying New Things and Finding Peace (00:41:17) Encouragement to try new activities, focus on mental health, and find peace after leaving abuse.
Guided Meditation and Healing the Mind (00:42:24) The benefits of guided meditation and mindfulness for healing trauma and regulating the nervous system.
Rest, Fatigue, and the Body's Recovery (00:47:40) Discussion about post-abuse fatigue, the body's need for rest, and the transition to peace.
 
Powerful Quotes from the Episode
Tiffany, 'I remember moving out of my nice, fancy house into this little tiny apartment, and I thought, this is it. I'm free. I'm going to feel amazing now. But I had no clue about the healing journey I was about to begin.'
Tiffany', 'Whenever I would go back to him, it was always those good times that would come up first, which is why I got towards the end, where I would start recording myself with tears running down my face, leaving his house, so I could go back and watch it every time I craved him.'
Tiffany, 'I didn't love myself. I didn't respect myself, or I wouldn't have continued to put up with the shit for so long.'
Tiffany, 'It does not matter if there's a label. It does not matter if they have NPD and it's stamped on something. The point is, do they show you love? And if you don't really know what love is, let me tell you something: when you're constantly walking on eggshells or your boundaries are constantly crossed, that is not love.'
Tiffany, 'It really is so much better on the other side when you're living in peace, you know?'
 
RESOURCES:
COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura
YOU'RE NOT CRAZY ebook: GET IT HERE
MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE
JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517
FOLLOW TIFFANY:
Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-journey-within-with-tiffany-k/id1773645244
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tiffanyk1111/
 
"Leaving was the first step—but learning to love myself, rebuild my identity, and finally live in peace was the true healing."
 
Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com
Contact us for expert podcast production and support.