The Centre for Healing Podcast

Show Notes Summary

Podcast Title: What Children Really Need: Attachment, Daycare & Divorce with Erica Komisar

In this powerful episode of The Centre for Healing Podcast, Melissa Hiemann is joined by Erica Komisar, psychoanalyst, author, and thought leader in the fields of parenting, attachment theory, child development, and divorce.

Together, Melissa and Erica explore what children truly need from their parents in today’s increasingly dysregulated world. This conversation looks beyond surface-level parenting strategies and opens up a deeper discussion around attachment, emotional presence, nervous system regulation, daycare, divorce, and the impact of a parent’s unresolved trauma on their children.

Melissa also shares reflections from the trauma-aware parenting work she and Tara have created through The Centre for Healing, highlighting the importance of helping parents understand not only their child’s behaviour, but also their own nervous system, attachment wounds, and emotional patterns.

This episode is especially relevant for parents, therapists, practitioners, educators, and anyone wanting to understand how early relationships shape emotional wellbeing across a lifetime.

In this episode, we explore:

Erica’s number one piece of advice for parents today

Why attachment is foundational to healthy emotional development

How daycare can impact a child’s developing nervous system and attachment needs

How single mothers can navigate secure attachment while also needing childcare and support

What parents can do if childcare is necessary

The relationship between physiology, brain chemistry, emotional regulation, and attachment

How parents with developmental trauma can begin to regulate and connect with their children

The emotional impact of divorce on children

Why parent education before having children may be essential

The modern cultural pressures affecting parents and children

How trauma-aware parenting can help break intergenerational cycles

About Erica Komisar

Erica Komisar is a psychoanalyst, author, and parent guidance expert known for her work in attachment, child development, parenting, and divorce. Her work supports parents in understanding the emotional needs of children and the vital role of secure attachment in lifelong mental health.

Resources Mentioned

Erica Komisar: @ericakomisar https://www.instagram.com/ericakomisar/
Erica’s nonprofit: Attachment Circles - https://www.attachmentcircles.org/
Erica’s new book: The Parents Guide to Divorce https://www.ericakomisar.com/the-parents-guide-to-divorce

The Centre for Healing’s trauma-aware parenting course explores attachment, nervous system regulation, emotional safety, and how parents can begin healing intergenerational trauma while creating deeper connection with their children. Explore the course here - https://www.thecentreforhealing.com/trauma-aware-parenting

Shadow work isn’t about fixing yourself—it’s about meeting every part of yourself with curiosity and compassion.

In this conversation, we explore shadow work through the integrated lenses of Buddhist philosophy, Jungian psychology, Toltec teachings, and somatic therapy. The shadow is understood as the repressed, denied, or disowned aspects of the self—emotions, traits, fears, and survival patterns that often operate unconsciously.

Somatic therapy brings these insights into the body, emphasizing nervous system responses, felt sense awareness, and gradual capacity building for holding difficult experiences. Through allowing, curiosity, and embodied presence, shadow material can be integrated rather than suppressed.



Learn more about the Embodied Processing Practitioner Training here:
https://www.thecentreforhealing.com/embodied-processing

SHOWNOTES

In this deeply insightful episode, Ryan Hasson sits down with Rebecca Barnes from the UK to explore the profound transformation of motherhood through the lens of matrescence, trauma-informed care, and embodied healing.

Rebecca shares her personal and professional journey — from working in residential childcare supporting traumatised children to becoming a certified Trauma-Informed, Seasons of Matrescence™ Educator & Guide, and Embodied Processing Practitioner. Together, Ryan and Rebecca unpack the emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual shifts that occur in motherhood, and why so many mothers feel unsupported during this life-changing transition.

This conversation offers a compassionate and honest look at grief, identity loss, nervous system regulation, societal pressures, and the importance of creating spaces where mothers can truly be seen, supported, and understood.

About Rebecca Barnes

Rebecca is the founder of Becoming the Mother. She is a certified Trauma-Informed, Seasons of Matrescence™ Educator & Guide, and Embodied Processing Practitioner.

Above all, Rebecca considers her most sacred and important role to be being the mother to her four beautiful children.

Rebecca spent many years working in residential childcare supporting children with histories of trauma. Alongside her extensive study of matrescence, trauma, and nervous system regulation, she also brings lived experience through multiple matrescence transformations of her own.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

What matrescence is and why understanding it changes the way we view motherhood

Rebecca’s journey from hairdresser to embodied processing practitioner

The “Seasons of Matrescence” framework and how mothers move through emotional seasons

Why grief, rage, sadness, and fear are normal parts of motherhood

How unresolved trauma impacts parenting, relationships, and identity

The systemic gaps in support for mothers and families

Why compassion is more healing than judgment when working with parents and children

How embodied processing supports nervous system regulation and emotional healing

The importance of practitioners doing their own healing work

Key Takeaways

Motherhood is not just a role — it is a full developmental transformation.

Many emotions experienced in motherhood are normal responses, not signs that something is “wrong.”

Healing happens when emotions are safely processed instead of suppressed.

Nervous system regulation and embodied practices can support deeper emotional healing.

Supporting mothers early and compassionately has ripple effects for future generations.

Practitioners who do their own healing work are better equipped to support others.

Resources & Links

Website: https://becomingthemother.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/becomingthemother/

Book a call with Rebecca: https://calendly.com/rebecca-becomingthemother/30min

Why You Suffer

There are 2 forms of suffering in this existence of being human; Necessary & Un-necessary

We find the vast majority of people are stuck in unnecessary suffering.
So let's talk about it...

Presented by the creators of Embodied Processing, Ryan Hassan & Matt Kay.

Join us to discuss:

- What is Suffering
- Suffering and Trauma
- Dissatisfaction/Deficiency
- Craving and Aversion
- Stored Suffering
- NS states
- Inner conflicts
- Relationship to Suffering
- Suffering vs Pain
- Veils/Beliefs
- Inner Unification and Resolution

Whether you’re working with clients now or are on a personal journey of healing (or both), this class is sure to add value to your life.

When we understand the body, the nervous system & its adaptations we can remove shame and create true transformation in our lives.

We look forward to seeing you in the class.

More info on the Somatic Therapy EP here: https://www.thecentreforhealing.com/embodied-processing

In this wide ranging discussion Daniel Maté speaks with Ryan Hassan & Matt Kay (creators of Embodied Processing) about the interesting dynamics between adult children and their parents.

Daniel goes in depth around the challenges and healing he has had with his father Gabor Maté. Also the need to move away from the term 'boundaries' and more into an attitude of working out what environment we need to create in order for us to thrive as humans.

It's a relationship dynamic that isn't discussed very much in this context. We hope you enjoy the discussion and can take some value for your own life.

Here are recordings of 2 Hello Again workshops facilitated by Daniel & Gabor Maté:
Hello Again 2016
Hello Again 2022

Get in touch with Daniel:
Walk with Daniel - https://www.walkwithdaniel.com/
Daniel Maté website - https://www.danielmate.com/
Lyrics to Go on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyRD8upUhMmCsiQvkFYKQlQ
Daniel Maté instagram - https://www.instagram.com/danielbmate/
Daniel Maté twitter - https://twitter.com/danielbmate