Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss

In this two-part episode, I sit down with my close friend Gabby Williamson to lift the lid on the reality of living life in recovery. In part one of this conversation we talk about how, in her mid thirties, Gabby had everything that was supposed to add up to a good life - an impressive marketing career, a busy social calendar, and a carefully curated image. Behind the scenes, though, she was unraveling, using substances to cope with unresolved pain, mounting pressure, and a growing sense of disconnection from herself.Gabby shares the story of what happened when her life finally collided with the truth. She talks about hitting rock bottom and entering rehab at 39, and how that experience became the doorway to resilience, gratitude, and a completely new way of living. Her journey stretches back to childhood challenges, early substance use, and the impact of boarding school on her sense of identity, tracing how those early wounds shaped the choices she made in adulthood.Ash and Gabby explore the realities of navigating concerts, parties, and dating in recovery, and what it means to show up to those spaces without the old crutches. Gabby reflects on past relationships, the societal expectations that kept her performing a role, and the ongoing work of embracing her authentic self. She also speaks about motherhood, the weight of her decisions, and the profound growth that comes with redefining love, intimacy, and connection through a sober lens.Episode Chapters:00:00 Introduction and Background02:55 Life in Recovery and Daily Routines05:53 Navigating Social Situations in Sobriety08:58 Experiences at Concerts and Events11:58 Reflections on Past Relationships and Self-Perception15:06 The Impact of Substance Abuse on Life18:12 The Role of Gratitude in Recovery20:51 Hiding Behind a Smile: Personal Struggles23:48 Childhood and Early Exposure to Substance Use37:31 Childhood Trauma and Early Coping Mechanisms40:31 The Impact of Boarding School on Identity46:32 Escalation of Substance Use in Adolescence51:29 Navigating Relationships and Emotional Connections01:00:06 Reflections on Motherhood and Personal Choices01:06:32 Dating in Recovery and Redefining RelationshipsConnect with Gabby: IG: @bellylaughsbrutalhonesty and @gabriellesiobhan Podcast: Belly Laughs and Brutal Honesty Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comUpcoming Workshops:A Return To You | One Day Retreat Sunday 22nd February, 2026Tickets available here. Join Ash on retreat in 2026!The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!Support ServicesIf this conversation has brought anything up for you, please know you don’t have to go through it alone. Support is always available. You can reach out to Lifeline on 13 11 14 for 24/7 crisis support, Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 for mental health support and guidance, or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 for free counselling.

Back by popular demand, this father daughter episode brings the conversation close to home, as Ash sits down with her dad, Rod, to explore what it truly means to grow, heal, and live with intention. Together, they reflect on how energy, consciousness, and the way we choose to see the world can shape the course of a life far more than circumstance ever could.Together, Ash and Rod dive into the practices that have supported their own journeys, including gratitude and meditation, and how these tools have helped them navigate relationships, soften old patterns, and find a deeper sense of peace beneath ambition and material success. They speak honestly about the complexities of family dynamics, the tension between chasing more and being enough, and the ongoing work of aligning how you live with what really matters.With the holiday season looming, their conversation turns to the emotional weight that Christmas can carry, especially for those in recovery or struggling behind the scenes. They share gentle, practical insights on protecting your energy, setting boundaries, and meeting yourself with compassion during a time that can feel anything but festive. At its heart, this episode is an invitation to slow down, look within, and choose kindness, to yourself and others, as a daily, deliberate practice.Episode Chapters:00:00 Introduction to the Holistic Retreat00:45 Exploring Personal Growth and Energy03:19 The Power of Ho'oponopono and Forgiveness06:17 Understanding Consciousness and Energy Frequencies08:53 Navigating Relationships and Personal Growth11:39 The Role of Gratitude in Healing14:29 Reflections on Materialism and Happiness18:03 Ambition vs. Inner Peace21:53 The Importance of Self-Awareness24:45 Christmas and Family Dynamics27:25 Coping with Holiday Stress and Expectations30:03 Navigating Sober Holidays34:06 Finding Peace in Family Gatherings36:42 The Shift from Materialism to Experiences39:42 The Importance of Kindness and Connection42:28 Final Thoughts and Non-Negotiables for HappinessFollow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comUpcoming Workshops:A Return To You | One Day Retreat Sunday 22nd February, 2026Tickets available here. Join Ash on retreat in 2026!The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

In the heart of New York City, Abby Calabrese was living the dream on paper but the reality was she was quietly unravelling behind the scenes. Long days, late nights, and a culture steeped in drinking turned alcohol into her go-to coping mechanism, even as the cost to her wellbeing grew harder to ignore.In this episode, Abby shares how walking away from alcohol became the catalyst for a complete identity shift and the creation of Alcohol Free Rebellion, a movement dedicated to helping others question the role alcohol plays in their lives. Ash and Abby dive into the awkwardness of social events without a drink in hand, the emotional honesty that sobriety demands, and how choosing not to numb out can radically transform relationships and self-worth.Abby offers practical guidance for facing triggers, especially during the holidays, while staying anchored in intention, community, and self-compassion. She speaks to the power of mindfulness in strengthening intuition and making choices that truly align with who you are. At the heart of her story are the non-negotiables she now lives by: authenticity, emotional awareness, and unwavering self-care as the foundation of a full, meaningful, alcohol-free life.Episode Chapters:00:00 Introduction to Abby Calabrese and Her Journey02:53 Navigating Life After Alcohol05:45 The Challenge of Socializing Sober08:29 Understanding Emotions and Feelings11:34 Shifting Perspectives on Life14:20 The Impact of Alcohol on Relationships17:25 Hiding Behind a Smile: Abby's Photo Story20:02 Recognizing Rock Bottoms and Justifications22:48 The Roots of Abby's Drinking History24:19 The Role of Alcohol in Socialization29:29 Recognizing the Problem32:21 The Turning Point37:24 The Challenge of Sobriety38:44 Shame and Stigma in Motherhood43:59 Transforming Relationships in Sobriety45:46 Embracing Authenticity in Relationships47:22 Navigating Sobriety During the Holidays49:16 Practical Tips for Alcohol-Free Celebrations53:40 Listening to Your Intuition56:50 Cultivating Mindfulness and Self-Awareness01:02:36 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling LifeFollow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comUpcoming Workshops:The Letting Go Ritual: Breathwork, Yin, and Intention Setting for 2026Tickets available here. A Return To You | One Day Retreat Sunday 22nd February, 2026Tickets available here. Join Ash on retreat in 2026!The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

Growing up on the streets of London, Damo H learned at an early age how to outrun pain, but it always caught up. In this candid and moving episode, Damo traces his journey through childhood trauma, the shadow of addiction, and the relentless pursuit of healing.He recounts how alcohol first became his refuge, how physical injury and prescription medication complicated his path, and how new beginnings in Australia brought a new set of challenges. The rock bottoms came again and again, each one forcing him to confront the reality of his disease.Through service, community, and the support of a 12-step program, Damo found answers that went deeper than sobriety. He shares how recovery reshaped his family, revived his passion for photography, and gave him a sense of purpose. With honesty and hope, Damo reveals what it means to rebuild life from the ground up, and how after years of struggle, he’s learning to embrace happiness, gratitude, and authentic connection.Episode Chapters:00:00 Introduction and Letting Go Ritual00:51 Meet Damo H: A Journey Begins02:57 Daily Life and Recovery Practices05:59 The Role of Service in Recovery08:47 Childhood and Family Dynamics12:01 The First Drink: A Turning Point14:55 Growing Up in London: The Streets and Gangs18:11 The Impact of Alcoholism on Relationships20:50 Moving to Australia: New Beginnings24:09 Career and Alcoholism: A Fragile Balance27:08 Rehab and the Road to Sobriety30:00 Family Tragedies and Resilience32:04 Reflections on Sobriety and Happiness36:24 The Slippery Slope of Addiction39:54 The Return to Alcohol46:11 Rock Bottoms and Revelations50:40 A New Approach to Sobriety01:01:30 Building a New Life in Sobriety01:07:20 Non-Negotiables for a Happy LifeFollow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comUpcoming Workshops:The Letting Go Ritual: Breathwork, Yin, and Intention Setting for 2026Tickets available here. A Return To You | One Day Retreat Sunday 22nd February, 2026Tickets available here. Join Ash on retreat in 2026!The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

In this milestone 150th episode of Behind The Smile, Ash dives into a deeply personal conversation about healing, self perception, and the ever evolving journey of coming home to yourself. She unpacks the relationship between the inner critic, body image, and the way we move through the world, both physically and emotionally.Through honest reflection and lived experience, Ash explores the quiet conditions we place on our own worth and the tender work of learning to accept ourselves as we are, not as we think we should be. This episode is an invitation to look beneath the surface, to recognise how far you have already come, and to remember that growth is not a finish line, it is a lifelong practice.If you have ever battled your inner critic, questioned your worth, or felt the pull to redefine your relationship with yourself, this one will meet you right where you are.Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comThe Letting Go Ritual: Breathwork, Yin, and Intention Setting for 2026Tuesday 30th December, 2025 Tickets available here. A Return To You | One Day Retreat Sunday 22nd February, 2026Tickets available here. The Embodied Woman Retreat - Gold Coast Hinterland May 14th - 17th, 2026 (3 nights, 4 days)All the details here. Join Ash on retreat in Bali in 2026! Rest & Renew Holistic Bali RetreatAugust 17th - 21st, 2026 (4 nights, 5 days)Click here for all the details!Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!