Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss

This week, Ash sits down with sobriety advocate, author, and entrepreneur, Ian Fee, for a conversation that challenges everything you think you know about recovery.
After 34 years of heavy drinking, Ian reached a point where he was willing to try anything to get sober. What followed was one of the most confronting decisions of his life, undergoing 10 days of radical aversion therapy designed to make alcohol physically repulsive.

Ian shares what it was really like inside that experience, including daily alcohol-induced vomiting, sedatives and intense therapy. This was the doorway that led him to sobriety and the opportunity to rebuild his life. From losing almost everything to slowly repairing, Ian opens up about healing relationships, restoring self-respect, and learning how to live day by day without escaping himself.

Along with losing 85 pounds, Ian has formed a whole new identity and now lives a life that is full of gratitude, purpose and meaning.

Episode chapters:
00:00 Introduction to Ian Fee's Journey
06:11 The Impact of Sobriety on Daily Life
12:53 Reflections on Family and Presence
18:57 The Evolution of Drinking Habits
21:00 Turning Point: Aversion Therapy Experience
23:37 Exploring Aversion Therapy for Sobriety
26:00 The Turning Point: Realizing the Need for Change
28:31 The Shift in Relationships and Support Systems
32:02 Finding Purpose Through Storytelling
33:04 Building a Foundation for Recovery
38:12 Healing Relationships with Children
40:47 Non-Negotiables for a Happy Life

You can connect with Ian using the links below:
Website: makeitgreat.me
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ian-fee-6391b112/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/people/Make-It-Great/100034784122106/
Link to Book: https://www.amazon.com/Wild-Ride-Sobriety-Transformation-Oblivion/dp/B0DHYR1YST/

Follow and connect with Ash on:
⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com

Follow and connect with Ash on:
⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com

Join Ash on retreat in 2026!
The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026
Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026

Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, Ash sits down with Carly Schwartz, author of I’ll Try Anything Twice, to talk about what it really looks like to live through the darkest corners of your own mind and make it out the other side. Carly traces her journey from childhood anxiety to years of depression, substance use, and suicidal ideation, sharing the moments of denial, fear, and quiet desperation that shaped her path.

She opens up about the turning point of finally naming her addiction and the life-changing experience of going to rehab, not as a neat overnight fix, but as the beginning of a very human, very imperfect recovery. Ash and Carly explore the messy middle of healing: the shame that keeps us silent, the relief of being truly seen, and the deep importance of community and storytelling in breaking through isolation.

Throughout their conversation, Carly reflects on what it means to personalise recovery rather than squeeze it into a one-size-fits-all mold. She speaks to the need for flexibility, self-acceptance, and learning to listen to your own needs as they evolve over time. At its heart, this episode is a testament to resilience and connection, a reminder that while recovery is rarely linear, it is always possible, especially when we’re willing to tell the truth, reach out, and let others walk beside us.

Episode chapters:
00:00 Introduction to Carly Schwartz and Her Journey
11:03 The Struggles Behind the Smile
17:09 Childhood Anxiety and Early Signs of Depression
23:20 The Dark Side of Substance Use and Suicidal Ideation
28:26 The Struggle with Substance Use and Denial
32:03 The Turning Point: Seeking Help and Going to Rehab
37:00 Building a New Life in Recovery
45:27 Personalizing Recovery: Finding What Works
51:03 The Power of Community in Recovery

Support Services
If this conversation has brought anything up for you, please know you don’t have to go through it alone. Support is always available. You can reach out to Lifeline on 13 11 14 for 24/7 crisis support, Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 for mental health support and guidance, or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 for free counselling.

Connect with Carly using the links below:
Website - https://www.carly.ink/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/carlicita
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/carlicita/
Goodreads - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/236558341-i-ll-try-anything-twice
Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/Ill-Anything-Twice-Misadventures-Self-Medicated/dp/B0FD8RPH9L/
Bookshop - https://bookshop.org/p/books/i-ll-try-anything-twice-misadventures-of-a-self-medicated-life-carly-schwartz/591dca26d9b8c510

Follow and connect with Ash on:
⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com

Join Ash on retreat in 2026!
The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026
Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026

Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this inspiring episode, Ash sits down with TEDx speaker and award-winning author Melo Calarco—a man who has quite literally cycled to the edges of the world in search of meaning, resilience, and himself. Over 30,000 kilometres across five continents, Melo has learned that the most transformative journey is always the one within.

He shares how meditation and mindfulness became the quiet anchors behind his extraordinary adventures, and how facing grief, uncertainty, and physical limits on the road ultimately deepened his understanding of what it means to truly live. Together, Ash and Melo explore the tension between ambition and contentment, and what it looks like to pursue big goals without losing yourself in the chase.

Drawing on Eastern philosophies and real-life transformations he has witnessed through his coaching work, Melo offers grounded, practical tools for bringing more presence, flexibility, and fun into everyday life. The conversation is a reminder that growth doesn't always look like pushing harder—sometimes it looks like slowing down, checking in with your values, and choosing joy as a practice. Melo's story is equal parts adventure and wisdom, and a powerful invitation to live more fully, freely, and in alignment with what matters most.

Episode chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Melo Carlaco
01:41 A Day in the Life of Melo
05:54 The Importance of Fun and Play
06:55 Hiding Behind a Smile: Personal Stories
10:02 Navigating Grief and Adversity
13:04 The Journey of a Lifetime: Cycling Around the Globe
17:47 The Seeds of Meditation
20:25 Cultivating the Pause: Reaction vs. Response
24:31 Life After Adventure: What Now?
27:37 The Aftermath of Achievements: TEDx Experience
29:26 Setting Hard Goals for Personal Growth
32:06 The Balance of Flexibility and Discipline
34:08 Integrating Eastern Philosophies into Coaching
39:48 Real-Life Transformations through Mindfulness
44:01 The Importance of Presence in Daily Life
46:40 Practical Tools for Mindfulness and Presence
50:45 Living by Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling Life

Connect with Melo below:
BOOK: BEATING BURNOUT FINDING BALANCE FREE CHAPTER
MELO's TEDx TALK
FREE MEDITATIONS on INSIGHT TIMER
STAY CONNECTED on MELO's LINKED IN

Follow and connect with Ash on:
⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com

Join Ash on retreat in 2026!

The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026

Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026

Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week you’re invited to listen in as Ash sits down with her lifelong friend Edwina, to explore what it means to remake your life in the wake of loss, motherhood, and big internal change. Edwina opens up about the sudden death of her brother, how grief reshaped her sense of self, and the quiet, courageous decision to question her relationship with alcohol.

She shares what happened when she chose an alcohol-free life, not just on the surface, but in her identity, her friendships, and the way she shows up as a mother and a woman. Ash and Edwina dive into the role of therapy on this path, unpacking powerful modalities like EMDR, and how these practices helped her meet the younger parts of herself with compassion instead of criticism.

Together, they talk about the fears that come with sobriety and the unexpected gifts that arrive when the noise of drinking is stripped away. The conversation shines a light on how retreats, community, and intentional healing practices can open space for self-discovery, deeper connection, and true emotional safety.

Episode Chapters:
​​00:00 Introduction to Retreats and Self-Discovery
01:35 Meet Edwina: A Journey Through Life
03:34 Navigating Grief and Vulnerability
06:44 The Impact of Injury on Identity
09:11 Finding Purpose in Adversity
11:01 Hiding Behind a Smile: The Photo Story
21:17 The Unfairness of Life and Loss
23:00 Alcohol: A Coping Mechanism
35:13 Healing and Understanding Family Dynamics
35:48 Therapeutic Journeys: Exploring EMDR and Internal Family Systems
38:02 The Alcohol-Free Awakening: A Personal Journey
42:09 Facing Fears: The Terrifying Decision to Quit Drinking
46:14 Redefining Relationships: Alcohol and Authentic Connections
50:21 Building Deeper Friendships: The Shift in Social Dynamics
55:12 The Power of Vulnerability: Authenticity in Relationships
01:01:05 Embracing Change: The Journey of Self-Discovery
01:07:52 Investing in Self: The Importance of Personal Retreats
01:12:30 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling Life: Community, Nourishment, and Movement

Follow and connect with Ash on:
⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com

Upcoming Workshops:

Join Ash on retreat in 2026!

The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026

Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026

Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In another deeply honest solo episode, Ash reflects on the six biggest mistakes she’s made across six years of sobriety and how each one became a turning point for growth, self-trust, and real transformation. She takes you back to the day her life changed, then walks you through the lessons that followed, from expecting others to change, to trying to squeeze her new self into her old life, to giving her power away to people who didn’t have the best intentions.
She opens up about people pleasing, outgrowing relationships, chasing what’s next instead of appreciating what’s now, and the humbling realisation that healing has no finish line. These are the truths she learned the long way, the kind that only come through lived experience, deep reflection, and choosing honesty over comfort.
If you’re navigating change, questioning your path, or learning how to stand in your truth even when it costs you, this episode will feel like a conversation you didn’t know you needed.

Follow and connect with Ash on:
⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com

Upcoming Workshops:

Join Ash on retreat in 2026!

The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026

Reset and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026

Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.