Better Loving, by Laura Ellen

Links & Resources:
Work with Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/contact
About Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/about
Subscribe to Substack: https://substack.com/@bylauraellen?
Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw
Episode Summary:
This episode sits alongside a personal reflection on creativity, confidence, and the quiet ways we move away from our own voice within sexual and relational contexts. I speak into the fear of being too expressive, too intuitive, or too unconventional, and how that can soften confidence over time. This is a grounded reflection on returning to creative self-trust, allowing space for imperfection, and reconnecting with a more natural and self-led way of speaking, creating, and being seen.
Key Topics:
The impact of using AI on creative expression and self-trust
The difference between sounding confident and feeling connected to your voice
Fear of being perceived as too spiritual, emotional, or unconventional
The tension between academic validation and embodied knowing
Reconnecting with intuitive expression and creative autonomy
Letting go of perfection and allowing more honest, in-process work
Building confidence through self-acceptance and lived experience
Disclaimer
This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].
© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe

Links & Resources:
Work with Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/contact
About Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/about
Subscribe to Substack: https://substack.com/@bylauraellen?
Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw
Episode Summary:
This episode explores the impact of mismatched libido and sexual rejection on our sense of self and erotic vitality. I reflect on what happens when our desire isn’t met by a partner, how repeated experiences of being turned down can quietly erode confidence and the freedom to express sexuality, and how subtle self-silencing can affect our overall sense of aliveness. I focus on understanding what sexual rejection can mean psychologically, how it interacts with our own sense of enoughness, and how to stay connected to pleasure, desire, and sexual self-identity while honoring differences in arousal, history, and rhythm between partners. This episode is about holding space for our own vitality without trying to fix or change the other person.
Key Topics Covered:
How repeated sexual rejection can impact confidence and erotic vitality
The ways self-silencing develops when desire isn’t reciprocated
Understanding differences in sexual rhythm, history, and arousal between partners
Maintaining connection to your sexual self-identity despite mismatch
Reflecting on what sexual rejection means psychologically and emotionally
Practicing enoughness and presence with your own desire
Disclaimer
This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].
© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe

Links & Resources:
Work with Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/contact
About Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/about
Subscribe to Substack: https://substack.com/@bylauraellen?
Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw
Episode Summary:
Switching off at the end of a full day and moving into intimacy can feel harder than we admit. In this episode, I explore why sex is not inherently relaxing and how nervous system state, relationship context, and the pace of modern life all shape our capacity for arousal. We unpack the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, and how cultural messaging can quietly create pressure on bodies to respond in ways that are not authentic. I speak to the moments of contraction, resistance, or bracing that arise when initiation lands at the wrong time, and how meeting those moments honestly can build deeper confidence and connection. This conversation supports you to honour your arousal system, communicate from integrity, and allow pleasure to arrive at a pace that feels true to your body.
Key Topics Covered:
Why sex is not automatically relaxing and how nervous system state influences readiness
The impact of stress, unresolved tension, and daily demands on sexual connection
Spontaneous and responsive desire and how each functions in real bodies
Cultural expectations shaped by media and how they influence sexual pressure
Noticing contraction, bracing, or resistance during initiation and what that means
Building confidence through honest communication in moments of discomfort
Moving beyond chemistry and newness to cultivate authentic, sustainable intimacy
Supporting pleasure to unfold organically rather than rushing the experience
Disclaimer
This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].
© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe

Links & Resources:
Work with Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/contact
About Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/about
Subscribe to Substack: https://substack.com/@bylauraellen?
Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw
Episode Summary:
This episode explores the often unspoken reality of pain, numbness, and pressure in women’s sexual experiences. Drawing on clinical insight and research, including findings from OMGYes that one in four women experience pain during sex, I speak to the layers of shame, bracing, and self-judgement that many women carry behind closed doors. We unpack the psychodynamics and somatics of painful sex, including overwhelm, lack of safety, medical trauma, post-birth changes, heartbreak, and disembodiment. This conversation offers practical and compassionate tools for creating sexual contexts grounded in safety, attunement, and responsive desire. Designed with female bodies in mind, this episode will also support partners who want to better understand the pace and conditions that allow pleasure to unfold organically.
Key Topics Covered:
The prevalence of pain during sex and the impact on confidence and self-worth
Shame, bracing, freezing, and fawning in intimate moments
The nervous system responses that can shape sexual experiences
Medical trauma, post-birth changes, heartbreak, and disembodiment
Responsive desire and the importance of attuned, female-centered touch
Creating safety as the foundation for genuine pleasure
Practical tools for building a sexual context that supports your body
Supporting a partner with patience, attunement, and care
Disclaimer
This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].
© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe

Links & Resources:
Work with Laura
About Laura
Subscribe to Substack
Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here.
Episode Summary:
In this episode, I explore long term love beyond the pressure to perform wellness, growth, or relationship mastery. We look at how modern ideas of conscious partnership can quietly create shame when relationships become ordinary, familiar, or less charged than they once were. I reflect on the emotional and somatic realities of staying with the same person over time, including boredom, irritation, longing, and the softening of passion. Drawing on different relational perspectives, including Esther Perel’s work and more devotion oriented views of intimacy, this conversation invites a gentler, more humane understanding of love as something that deepens through repetition, shared reality, and presence inside everyday life.
Key Topics Covered:
The pressure to perform emotional and relational maturity
How wellness culture can impact intimacy and self perception
Normalising triggers, boredom, and repetition in long term relationships
The transition from novelty into familiarity and depth
Desire, security, and intimacy over time
Working with autopilot and presence in daily relating
Holding individuality and togetherness in partnership
Staying connected to erotic aliveness within yourself
Finding intimacy inside ordinary life
Disclaimer
This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].
© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe