Better Loving, by Laura Ellen

Links & Resources:
Work with Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/contact
About Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/about
Subscribe to Substack: https://substack.com/@bylauraellen?
Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw
Episode Summary:
Switching off at the end of a full day and moving into intimacy can feel harder than we admit. In this episode, I explore why sex is not inherently relaxing and how nervous system state, relationship context, and the pace of modern life all shape our capacity for arousal. We unpack the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, and how cultural messaging can quietly create pressure on bodies to respond in ways that are not authentic. I speak to the moments of contraction, resistance, or bracing that arise when initiation lands at the wrong time, and how meeting those moments honestly can build deeper confidence and connection. This conversation supports you to honour your arousal system, communicate from integrity, and allow pleasure to arrive at a pace that feels true to your body.
Key Topics Covered:
Why sex is not automatically relaxing and how nervous system state influences readiness
The impact of stress, unresolved tension, and daily demands on sexual connection
Spontaneous and responsive desire and how each functions in real bodies
Cultural expectations shaped by media and how they influence sexual pressure
Noticing contraction, bracing, or resistance during initiation and what that means
Building confidence through honest communication in moments of discomfort
Moving beyond chemistry and newness to cultivate authentic, sustainable intimacy
Supporting pleasure to unfold organically rather than rushing the experience
Disclaimer
This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].
© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe

Links & Resources:
Work with Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/contact
About Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/about
Subscribe to Substack: https://substack.com/@bylauraellen?
Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw
Episode Summary:
This episode explores the often unspoken reality of pain, numbness, and pressure in women’s sexual experiences. Drawing on clinical insight and research, including findings from OMGYes that one in four women experience pain during sex, I speak to the layers of shame, bracing, and self-judgement that many women carry behind closed doors. We unpack the psychodynamics and somatics of painful sex, including overwhelm, lack of safety, medical trauma, post-birth changes, heartbreak, and disembodiment. This conversation offers practical and compassionate tools for creating sexual contexts grounded in safety, attunement, and responsive desire. Designed with female bodies in mind, this episode will also support partners who want to better understand the pace and conditions that allow pleasure to unfold organically.
Key Topics Covered:
The prevalence of pain during sex and the impact on confidence and self-worth
Shame, bracing, freezing, and fawning in intimate moments
The nervous system responses that can shape sexual experiences
Medical trauma, post-birth changes, heartbreak, and disembodiment
Responsive desire and the importance of attuned, female-centered touch
Creating safety as the foundation for genuine pleasure
Practical tools for building a sexual context that supports your body
Supporting a partner with patience, attunement, and care
Disclaimer
This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].
© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe

Links & Resources:
Work with Laura
About Laura
Subscribe to Substack
Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here.
Episode Summary:
In this episode, I explore long term love beyond the pressure to perform wellness, growth, or relationship mastery. We look at how modern ideas of conscious partnership can quietly create shame when relationships become ordinary, familiar, or less charged than they once were. I reflect on the emotional and somatic realities of staying with the same person over time, including boredom, irritation, longing, and the softening of passion. Drawing on different relational perspectives, including Esther Perel’s work and more devotion oriented views of intimacy, this conversation invites a gentler, more humane understanding of love as something that deepens through repetition, shared reality, and presence inside everyday life.
Key Topics Covered:
The pressure to perform emotional and relational maturity
How wellness culture can impact intimacy and self perception
Normalising triggers, boredom, and repetition in long term relationships
The transition from novelty into familiarity and depth
Desire, security, and intimacy over time
Working with autopilot and presence in daily relating
Holding individuality and togetherness in partnership
Staying connected to erotic aliveness within yourself
Finding intimacy inside ordinary life
Disclaimer
This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].
© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit bylauraellen.substack.com

This episode is exclusive to monthly and annual subscribers. Join to access all Q&A episodes, monthly experiential workshops, and personal essays here.
Links & Resources:
Work with Laura
About Laura
Subscribe to Substack
Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here.
Episode Summary:
In this episode, I explore why we often find ourselves drawn to relationships that feel intense, exhausting, or familiar in ways that don’t serve us. Even when we know what we want, have done the work of self-awareness, and see the patterns clearly, our bodies can pull us toward dynamics that feel irresistible but stressful. I discuss how our nervous systems shape our attraction, why calm and safety can feel unfamiliar, and the ongoing practice it takes to reorient toward relationships that actually support ease, connection, and wellbeing. This is a reflection on the interplay between mind, body, and attachment, and an invitation to notice what your nervous system is truly drawn to.
Key Topics Covered:
How familiar patterns of intensity show up in relationships
Why cognitive awareness is not always enough to change choices
The role of the nervous system in attraction and relationship dynamics
Understanding why safety and ease can feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable
The practice of re-orienting toward calmer, more supportive connections
Learning to feel at ease within a secure baseline
Insights into choosing relationships that nurture rather than drain
Disclaimer
This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].
© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.

Links & Resources:
Work with Laura
About Laura
Subscribe to Substack
Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here.
Episode Summary:
Starting to date again can feel exciting and unsettling at the same time. In this episode, I explore the subtle tension your body might feel when stepping into the dating world, whether fresh out of a relationship, enjoying single life, or seeking something more meaningful. I discuss why self-trust is the foundation for choosing well, and how to cultivate the ability to say no, walk away from what doesn’t feel right, and enjoy connection without guilt or compromise. Drawing on clinical insights, personal experience, and what I’ve learned from working with clients, I offer practical tools to help you feel embodied safety, clarity, and confidence as you navigate relationships.
Key Topics Covered:
Recognising the body’s subtle signals of caution and readiness in dating
How cultural pressures, apps, and past disappointments shape nervous system responses
Why self-trust is essential for dating well
Strategies to build walk-away power and make choices that feel right in your body
Enjoying connection without guilt or compromise
Creating safety, clarity, and confidence as you navigate relationships
Disclaimer
This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected]
© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe