For The Love With Jen Hatmaker Podcast

Description:

Why do we keep doing the same thing over and over in love? Same argument, same shutdown, same spiral, same reach toward somebody who cannot or will not reach back. We are grown. We have read the books. And still, something inside us takes the wheel and steers us right back into the ditch.
Dr. Galit Atlas says the one driving is probably not you. It is probably the child you used to be.
Galit is a psychoanalyst in New York who has spent more than twenty years in a room with people trying to talk about love. Her last book, Emotional Inheritance, was an international bestseller translated into twenty-nine languages. Her new book, Come Closer, names six wounded children most of us are hauling around inside: the frightened child, the melancholic child, the ashamed child, the invisible child, the guilty child, and the chosen child.
In this conversation, Galit walks us through all six, what each one actually looks like in an adult relationship, and why we keep reaching for the familiar even when the familiar is what hurt us. She unpacks the invisible child who learned to hide too well, the guilty child who is always bracing to be blamed, and the chosen child who cannot separate from the parent she was recruited to take care of. She also opens her own story: her father's childhood in Iran, the losses her family did not have the privilege to name, and what happened when he showed up for her at the hardest moment of her life.
This is not a book about bad parents, and the rummaging is not for its own sake. It is the only way to stop the repeating. The goal is not an apology. The goal is getting the wheel back.
Read it with a pen in hand. And you probably already know exactly who to send this one to.
Thought-provoking Quotes:
“The frightened child is afraid of closeness because they learned that the people they love and the people they depend on can hurt them.” – Dr. Galit Atlas
“The familiar is our home. For better and for worse, even if it's filled with demons, it's our home.” – Dr. Galit Atlas
“We repeat in order to repair.” – Dr. Galit Atlas
“The invisible child masters the art of disappearing.” – Dr. Galit Atlas
“As adults, we have the power to know ourselves, we have the power to evolve and to heal. It's on us.” – Dr. Galit Atlas
“The goal is to get the wheel back and be in charge of the adult versions of ourselves.” – Jen Hatmaker
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
Come Closer: Childhood Wounds, Adult Love, and the Secrets of Emotional Intimacy – https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Come-Closer/Galit-Atlas/9781668067147
Emotional Inheritance: A Therapist, Her Patients, and the Legacy of Trauma by Dr. Galit Atlas
D.W. Winnicott on hiding: it is a joy to be hidden, but a disaster not to be found

Guest’s Links:
Website - https://www.galitatlas.com/
Instagram - https://instagram.com/galit_atlas
Substack - https://wildanalysiswithgalitatlas.substack.com/
Connect with Jen!
Jen’s Website - https://jenhatmaker.com/
Jen’s Instagram -

Description:
Dr. Marisa G. Franco is back — and this time, she's turning the lens inward. Marisa is the New York Times bestselling author of Platonic and a psychologist at the University of Maryland, and her brand new book, Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, might just be the most important thing she's ever written. It is tender, personal, and research-backed in equal measure — and friend, it will find you.
In this conversation, Marisa and Jen dig into the central argument of the book: that trying to become a "secure" person — calm, confident, regulated, healed — is one of the most efficient ways to stay stuck. The goal, Marisa says, is not security. It's being secure-ish. That means making room for the anxious parts and the avoidant parts, the shame and the neediness and the grief, and offering those parts the care they never got instead of running from them one more time.
In this discussion, you’ll also hear:
Why the goal was never to be fully "secure" — and what it means to be secure-ish instead
Why your insecurities are messengers, not enemies — and how to stop whack-a-moleing them into silence
The memories that are keeping you stuck — and the science that proves you can actually change how they live in you
The messages installed in us by the wider world — faith, bodies, marriage, worth — and what it looks like to do this work when those messages came from somewhere we once considered holy
And Marisa shares her own story, the one that cracked her open: a hike, a relationship unraveling, and the moment she finally stopped performing calm long enough to say the true thing out loud.
This is a conversation for anyone who has been trying to be better than they are instead of being who they are. Which is to say — it's for all of us.
Thought-provoking Quotes:
“The struggle of not feeling worthy is that you're stuck in the same sense of reality. You're trapped and you don't know how to get out. People are loving you but you don't feel loved. The beauties of life slide off of you. I just want people to get free of that.” - Dr. Marisa G. Franco
“We have to start with allowing what is, with the truth. So many of us don’t think we can because we have to be something different than we are. But being where you are, that's where the healing happens.” - Dr. Marisa G. Franco
“I'm still learning for my first reaction to no longer be, what am I allowed to feel according to other people? What am I allowed to look like according to other people? And for my first question to be what expresses who I am and how I actually feel, even if that violates all of the rules as to how I should feel or how I should present myself? That's where I need to begin, in the truth.” - Dr. Marisa G. Franco
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment by Dr. Marisa Franco - https://amzn.to/42N2MyE
Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make--and Keep--Friends by Dr. Marisa Franco - https://amzn.to/4dph3rm
Friendship MeCourse - https://shop.jenhatmaker.com/products/friendship-for-the-rest-of-us