Dear Dr. Tracy

In this episode of Dear Dr. Tracy, Dr. Tracy D is joined by psychologist, professor, and sex researcher Dr. Nicole McNichols for a grounded, shame-reducing conversation about sex, desire, and what actually helps couples build a satisfying intimate life in the real world.Together, they unpack why so many people feel anxious, awkward, or “broken” when it comes to sex, and how much of that is shaped by cultural scripts, misinformation, and silence. Dr. Nicole shares how teaching a university-level sexuality course revealed just how hungry people are for accurate, compassionate education, not just about mechanics, but about autonomy, pleasure, and communication.A big focus of the conversation is what happens to desire in long-term relationships, especially in the parenting years. Dr. Tracy and Dr. Nicole talk about mental load, exhaustion, and the way many women lose access to autonomy and play after becoming moms, and how that directly impacts desire. They explore the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, why “just schedule sex” often backfires without the right setup, and how to think about pleasure as a cycle rather than a switch you’re supposed to flip on command.They also address common myths about female pleasure, including the reality of female ejaculation, and they challenge the pressure-heavy “how often should we be having sex?” conversation with a more nuanced, research-informed lens. The takeaway is clear: frequency is not a scoreboard, and pressure is a desire killer. Connection, novelty, communication, and a sense of entitlement to pleasure are where things actually shift.

What You’ll Learn

Why sex isn’t “dessert,” and why treating it like an add-on creates disconnection

How shame and cultural scripts keep couples silent, even when they want more intimacy

The difference between spontaneous vs. responsive desire (and why responsive desire is common in long-term relationships)

Why planning intimacy can work, but only when you support the pleasure cycle and remove pressure

How mental load and inequality at home can quietly erode desire

What research actually says about frequency (and why those viral “average couples” stats are misleading)

The role of novelty, communication, and pleasure in sustaining long-term sexual connection

LINKS FROM SHOW

Order Dr. McNichols new book. You Could Be Having Better Sex

RESOURCES

Get Relationship Support ⁠Inside ⁠⁠Be Connected⁠⁠⁠

Order my new book! ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Want your questions answered on the show?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Submit them here!⁠⁠⁠   ⁠⁠ 

Discover your relationship negative cycle with my free quiz:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Take it here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

FOLLOW DR. TRACY

Subscribe to the podcast⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@drtracyd⁠⁠⁠

Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd

⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/DrTracyD/⁠

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In this “From the Couch” episode, Dr. Tracy responds to a listener who’s been carrying the fallout of a painful postpartum season, where in-law boundary violations piled up and their partner didn’t protect them in the ways they needed. She normalizes how often having a baby is the moment extended-family dynamics shift, because your needs change, your limits change, and suddenly the old rules don’t fit anymore.

LINKS FROM EPISODE:

Order my new book! ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

RESOURCES:

Get Relationship Support ⁠⁠Inside Be Connected⁠⁠

Want your questions answered on the show?⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Submit them here!⁠⁠ ⁠⁠   

Discover your relationship negative cycle with my free quiz: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Take it here⁠⁠⁠⁠

Ready to deepen your connection? ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. Join the⁠⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠

FOLLOW DR. TRACY

Subscribe to the podcast⁠⁠ https://www.youtube.com/@drtracyd⁠⁠

Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd⁠⁠

Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/DrTracyD/⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Dr. Tracy shares five small, daily practices that can shift the emotional tone of your relationship, especially once the “new year” dust has actually settled. She names what many of us feel but don’t say out loud: January 1 is not exactly peak nervous-system readiness, and real change usually starts after the recovery period.

LINKS FROM EPISODE:

⁠⁠⁠Hello Fresh: a free ZWILLING knife (a $145 value on your third box).

Visit: ⁠⁠hellofresh.com/tracy10fm⁠⁠

Annual Relationship Check-In

Free on the Be Connected App - Apple 

Free on the Be Connected App - Google Play

Feel closer after the More Than Roommates Challenge

https://drtracyd.mykajabi.com/morethanroommates

Breaking the ‘New Year, New You’ Cycle with Dr. Meagan Gallagher

Listen on Apple

Listen on Spotify

Feeling Stuck? - Free Guide to challenge your assumptions

https://drtracyd.mykajabi.com/assumption

RESOURCES

Get Relationship Support ⁠Inside ⁠⁠Be Connected⁠⁠⁠

Order my new book! ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Want your questions answered on the show?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Submit them here!⁠⁠⁠   ⁠⁠ 

Discover your relationship negative cycle with my free quiz:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Take it here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

FOLLOW DR. TRACY

Subscribe to the podcast⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@drtracyd⁠⁠⁠

Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd

⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/DrTracyD/⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this short “From the Couch” episode, Dr. Tracy talks about a common relationship moment: you’re about to head out for the night, and your partner is clearly struggling. Bad mood, stressed, kids melting down, the whole thing. And suddenly you’re standing there in your jacket wondering if you’re allowed to still go.

Dr. Tracy explains why staying home can feel like the easier choice in the short term, but becomes a problem over time when it turns into a pattern of self-abandonment. She reframes guilt as values bumping into each other (supporting your partner vs. nurturing yourself), and reminds listeners that guilt isn’t proof you’re doing something wrong.

LINKS FROM EPISODE:

My book: I Didn't Sign Up For This

Mental Load: The Unpaid Invisible Work of Motherhood with Eve Rodsky

RESOURCES:

Get Relationship Support ⁠Inside Be Connected⁠

Order my new book! ⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠

Want your questions answered on the show?⁠ ⁠⁠Submit them here!⁠⁠ ⁠   

Discover your relationship negative cycle with my free quiz: ⁠⁠⁠Take it here⁠⁠⁠

Ready to deepen your connection? ⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠

FOLLOW DR. TRACY

Subscribe to the podcast⁠ https://www.youtube.com/@drtracyd⁠

Follow on Instagram ⁠https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd⁠

Follow on Facebook ⁠https://www.facebook.com/DrTracyD/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Dr. Tracy Dalgleish and Greg dig into something that quietly impacts a lot of couples: friendships and independence, especially male friendships in midlife and parenting seasons. They talk honestly about why it can feel so hard for men to maintain friendships, why guilt shows up when one partner tries to take time away, and how “defaulting to the kids” can become a relationship pattern that slowly drains both partners.They also unpack the tension many couples live inside of: the mental load is real, the resentment is real, and so is the cost when either partner loses their autonomy. Dr. Tracy shares real-life examples (hello, postpartum golf day) and offers a more nuanced lens: you can support your partner, prioritize your family, and still protect the parts of you that make you you.

LINKS FROM EPISODE

⁠Hello Fresh: a free ZWILLING knife (a $145 value on your third box).Visit: ⁠hellofresh.com/tracy10fm⁠

100 Questions to Deepen Your Connection

https://stan.store/drtracyd/p/get-my-templateebookcourse-now-v1ke3

RESOURCES

Get Relationship Support ⁠Inside ⁠Be Connected⁠⁠

Order my new book! ⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠

Want your questions answered on the show?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Submit them here!⁠⁠⁠   ⁠ 

Discover your relationship negative cycle with my free quiz:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Take it here⁠⁠⁠⁠

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠

FOLLOW DR. TRACY

Subscribe to the podcast⁠ ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@drtracyd⁠⁠Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/DrTracyD/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices